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The Girl Inside

By Arabella May

Motivated by an inner feeling of tension, our urge to the other gender role, our vanity, our longing for acceptance in the society, we do our best to look good. More than just passable. Hoping not be recognized as a cross dresser or transsexual. This is fundamental to our social acceptance and our integration in the environment. We spend a lot of time taking care of our external image. Many "How To" articles, "Tips and Tricks" books, and "Beauty and Makeup" videos try to teach us how to achieve the most passable look. How to speak female, and walk female, and how to become the most stunning woman.

One day you finally make it. You look perfect, speak with a female voice, and everyone tells you that you are one of the most attractive ladies that they have ever seen!. But is this all? Didn't we overlook something? What's about our inner personality? With every life each soul brings with her some special interests, talents and abilities. This is the potential everyone has recieved from God.

From the very first moment of their life, children follow their hearts and instincts. Whatever they do, they decide it on an emotional basis. Babies don't use logic to select their interests or what they are going to do next. But as you grow up, your parents, grandparents, friends and teachers start to tell you what you may or may not, should or should not do, and can or can not do. They teach you the rules and after years of this you listen more to those rules than to your emotions and feelings. But sometimes there is a inner voice from your heart, which has a different opinion.

You scrape your knee and it is painful and you want to cry. "Men don't cry." So you don't. Everyone is sad at the funeral, when you remember a funny story and start to smile. "You shouldn't smile at a funeral." So you force down the grin. You want to play football. "Girls don't play football." So you go to your room. You want to share your feelings with your buddies. "Boys don't show emotions." So you hide your emotions. You've been caught wearing your mothers clothes! "It is wrong for you to wear those kinds of clothes." So you suppress your urge.

With time, you start to believe in these rules. The brain has the control. You have developed a reality, which conforms to their rules. Your life seems to be comfortable. The God given potential has been reduced further and further until you have lost contact with it. You have forgotten that it exists. Your body reflects the condition of your soul. Whatever is going on inside of you, will be seen on the outside too. But there will always by people who can read you.

Western culture is full of dualism. Left or right. Warm or cold. Black or white. Man or woman. This means that everything, and everybody, belongs to one group or the other. Our culture tells us that there is nothing in between. Actually, there is far more in between than people think. From a mathematical point of view, minus five plus five is zero (-5 + 5 = 0). In fact, the sum is the full range between minus five and plus five. Between left and right is much more than only midway. If you are a genetic boy, you not only have male hormones, but you have female hormones as well. How much male or female you are, depends upon your emotions and how much you can accept them and let them guide you through your life.

You only can look really good, if you feel really good. And this feeling must come from the heart and not from the mirror. With an restless, unsatisfied and unbalanced emotional body you will not find the peace and harmony necessary to show others who you really are. Let your feelings come up. Don't suppress them. You are both, man and woman, and to live means to take advantage of every feeling inside of you. Your male and female part! To live, means to use the full range of your potential and to balance your emotions.

Now is the time to open that hidden door inside of you and let the light shine into your soul, let your potential start to blossom. Let the girl inside of you out. Follow your heart and not just your brain. This is your life, and you are the only one who can live it!

Love and Peace,
Arabella