After thinking long and hard about another confrontation with Tri-Ess, I nonetheless feel that there is something that needs to be said. Sometimes, I think that the three Sís stand for:
SPICE originated with the efforts of Cynthia Phillips. The conflicts between the Fairfaxs and the Phillips are near legendary. As a result, Cynthiaís efforts have been ignored. SPICE was founded on the idea that a need existed for spouses and partners of crossdressers to share and learn together. There is strength in these women sharing their experiences, concerns and ideas.
The first S.P.I.C.E. was held in Dallas in 1993. The second in Chicago, and the third in Memphis. There was a concerted effort on the part of the S.P.I.C.E. board to maintain an atmosphere of free exchange and no alliance with any national organization. It should be noted; however, that S.P.I.C.E. was considered to be under the umbrella of Tri-Ess, yet autonomous.
Now we come to the next S.P.I.C.E. to be held in New Jersey. With the exception of the location, all planning, organizing, speakers and seminars are under the direction of Tri-Ess, with considerable input by Jane Ellen Fairfax. The last thing that thes e women need, or want, is to be told by a crossdresser what they should think or feel. When one considers that first of all, the conference is to be for the SPOUSES AND PARTNERS of crossdressers, it seems incongruous that the conference be directed by a crossdresser. Secondly, Tri-Ess represents only a fraction of the crossdressing community.
Dr. Peggy Rudd, a very fine and caring person, is the Chair of the upcoming S.P.I.C.E. 96. She is also a member of the Tri-Ess Board of Directors as was Linda. I see nothing wrong with that; however, the other members of the S.P.I.C.E. board of directo rs had absolutely no input on the decision. It was the sole decision of Jane Ellen Fairfax in her self-assumed, defacto role as a S.P.I.C.E. board member, following Lindaís resignation.
Some may say, "Vanessa, you just have it in for Tri-Ess." That is incorrect. I am concerned that a once previously valuable conference is in jeopardy of being caramelized. By this I mean, Sugar-Coated as is done with all Tri-Ess activities. The truth is that there are real and serious issues to be dealt with in any relationship, notwithstanding, a transgendered relationship. You cannot sugar-coat the realities of the fears and pain that a re felt by spouses and partners of transgendered men. Honesty, freedom to explore and unbiased direction are vital. No individual beliefs or value standards should be imposed on such an important gathering.
There is great diversity amongst the TG community. Attendees to such a conference come from all walks of life, financial backgrounds, educational levels and spirituality. To refuse to explore the many alternate viewpoints of those attending is like sti cking your head in the sand. There must be openness and a "hands off" approach. Tri-Ess has done a great many good things. Yet, Tri-Essís inability to let a good idea grow freely without its own focused viewpoints is destructive and dooms the conference.
We hope that the conference will once again be a success. There is no denying the need for such a gathering and exchange. As unmet needs arise within our community, people come forward with ideas to meet them. It would be more gratifying that a nationa l organization, such as Tri-Ess, is willing to sponsor such a fine conference without trying to put its brand upon it. Hopefully, the leadership of this organization will evolve into a more servant than leader role. Tri-Ess could do better.
Our spouses and partners deserve better!
Hugs,
Vanessa Kaye
