Transition: The Pain & the Discovery

By Kelly Ann
(Note: this article first appeared in the Neutral Corner Newsletter and is used with permission)

My non-op status is now pre-op with a tentative date for SRS on my 41st birthday 1997. I learned a lot during these ten weeks of group therapy and I can't say how glad I am for participating and thankful for people like Drs. Beletsis and Eder. What I learned most of all was how much courage and skill it takes to change your sex and how much I have if coached by the right therapists and friends.

Without my friends I surely would have failed, gone back into the closet and perhaps wouldn't be here to write this newsletter, God forbid! My sisters in our group; Debbie, Dale, Barbara , Fran, Marti, & Marilyn, are my family and gave me their undying support as I did for them. The close sisterhood we developed over the weeks would be unlike any sorority known. Why? Because each one of us, together, is taking the ultimate journey along the hardest marathon. Only dying and coming back to tell of it would surpass what we are doing, and no matter how long it takes for each seven of us to accomplish that marathon, we will do it and we will be there for each sister, helping her along the way, and be there to greet her when she crosses the finish line. Is there another group of people as close, united, and sharing in a similar journey? Is there something more unknown and mysterious to be born with and live with and hide from all your life until the pain becomes so unbearable that suicide is often the only cure?

I've been accused of deception and lying. My wife has been hurt to the point of leaving. But she was not the only one hurt. I hid my feelings and suffered for over 25+ years. I tried 3 times unsuccessfully to cure my urges; military service, marriage, and body building. Suicide or coming out was all that was left. My friends understood.

We felt and shared our pain. Friendship among the transgendered is like no other. We are the most misunderstood and misrepresented of the alternate lifestyles. Why else are there only a handful of surgeons, psychiatrists, and endocrinologists willing to serve us in this country of abundant professionals. It is quite clear to me that without friends to support and be supported by, we would be nothing, not even real people. We all know what it's like to be transgendered, closeted, suicidal, and lonely. If you know of anyone fitting this image get to know them and be their friend. Bring them to a meeting and show them they are not alone or perverted and they are real. Love them and bring them out of the closet. Help them and you'll be helping yourself"

Peace and Love,
*Kelly Ann*