The KISS Principle

By Leslee Anthony
© 1996 Transgender Forum




"There is beauty is simplicity and confusion in complexity".

Artists, designers and other creative people have known for years that to follow that simple dictum is to be successful. And though that may not seem to be applicable to us in the TG community, it most certainly does apply to us for public acceptance, or passing if you prefer. And anybody who needs a definition of KISS, keep reading.

"The essence of style is simplicity." (I don't know where that came from but I have heard and read it all my life and that is a very long time.) Consider the classic simplicity of a sleeveless, sheath dress. Think black with pearl accessories. Single strand necklace, pearl button earrings and maybe a small bracelet. Personally I visualize a striking beauty in the manner of a Jackie Kennedy. Think sophistication, think chic and you get the idea. This type of attention is positive, as opposed to some other types.

But, that concept is not limited to a night at the theatre or a fine dinner date. It applies always in all ways.

The next time you are out shopping, notice the typical dress mode of the "average" woman in the mall. Nothing elaborate, seldom in heels, usually rather understated makeup, if any at all, and rarely any jewelry. That day style, if it can be called a style, is simple if nothing else. You might well say that it is not even attractive, but then we must consider why we are out to begin with. Still, a simple color coordinated outfit of stirrup pants, with a large floppy sweater and contrasting underblouse and stylish flats will be attractive and pass virtually every time. At least pass the appearance test.

Is attracting attention your goal or is it passing as a woman?? For now let's concentrate on those who want to be accepted, do their shopping, be treated as a woman and be allowed the pleasure of a casual, low stress afternoon, or evening or whenever. Attracting attention is easy, it is passing as an accepted female that isn't so easy.

Some Ground Rules

Perhaps a few ground rules are in order. As already implied, passing is NOT attracting attention. It is quite the opposite, it is going unnoticed, undetected and accepted. Just being another woman doing her thing, whatever that may be. Your ego, and mine, get fed by being accepted, not by being the center of attention but by being a female, albeit rather temporarily sometimes. Attracting attention brings up scrutiny which, except for a very few, will lead to detection. Personally I prefer anonymity.

So, for those who want to share some experiences and observations on passing, read on. We can address the overdressed another time. Basically the secret to passing lies in two areas, confidence and simplicity. That is a sort of catch 22 combination and not unlike the chicken or the egg comparison. Which really come first??

I feel that from a simple, comfortable style comes confidence. An everyday wardrobe full of slacks, stirrup pants, jeans, shorts, casual skirts, blouses and sweaters will generate a casual glance and acceptance as opposed to a searching examination. Most restaurants today are casual to sloppy in dress codes. In a restaurant or store, I invariably notice, and examine, a woman who is overdressed compared to the average customer. I glance at the others, if I notice them at all. To me that is a perfect situation, go about my business unnoticed. Accepted.

So, shopping becomes a case of casual wear even in the finest store shopping for an evening gown. Check it out!! You will see a few in business suits, dresses and other more "formal" attire, but even they will have a simple motif. Most will be stylishly simple.

Beyond shopping there is the evening out. Presumably to a support group meeting and then maybe to a club for a drink or snack. It is not a fashion show or contest unless you choose to make it that way. Often the support groups tend to become fashion shows, even competitive ones sometimes. But I will bet you my latest Lane Bryant catalog that the ones who get the most praise are those who dress in elegant, simple style. They do not necessarily get the most attention but they are the most admired and praised for their taste in clothes and their image.

Keep in mind that mini-skirts are not for everyone, even though the women who wear them do attract a lot of attention. Most of us are either too tall, too heavy or too old to carry off the mini-skirt look. And that includes the wearing of jewelry. Gypsies wear lots of it, American women don't. And that same thread applies to cosmetics, accessories and shoes. How many women have you seen that are well over 6 feet tall, are out in spiked heels, (which makes them 6'4" or higher) wear mini-skirts and heavy make-up?? Not many by my count.

Don't Wear Everything You Own

So, included in keeping your style simple is, don't wear everything you own all at once. Look for a role model that approaches your generation and size (and that my dears could be a giant ego problem). Pass or attract?? Choose. Never wear too much jewelry, too much makeup, too much lace or too much of anything because it will attract too much attention and reduce your chances of passing. And who decides what is too much? You do, by watching real women doing real things, not the TV (pun intended) idols, tabloid stars or fashions models. Watch and emulate real people and passing will become almost natural.

Often the counter argument is, "but I don't feel feminine unless I wear jewelry and makeup and ultra sexy clothes.". Besides, the argument continues, simple is frumpy.

I feel that that argument is based on insecurity and a lack of confidence in one's own femininity. So we arrive at the problem, what constitutes femininity? The elaborate dressing or the person inside? And the feminine definition I will not touch since there is no specified concept of what femininity really is. We each have our own. However, I do know that getting along in public requires a simple approach. Simple manner, style, image and dress.

Let's suppose that you are the archetypal stylish and chic image, classic simplicity, and ideally presented, but you feel you fail to pass. We arrive at confidence.

We all know many who look wonderful but as soon as they stand, move or speak, the image disappears. Usually because they exaggerate their feminine mannerism and are not relaxed. They have lost simplicity of movement and style. Unfortunately there seems to be no way to teach or demonstrate confidence. It comes from within and can be the result of one major passing experience. Not necessarily from being praised as the best dressed, but from going through an entire day, or social event without incident.

Back to the mall to watch women. Simple, easy and relaxed motion and manner is most common. Of course to them it is natural, we must develop it as a learned and practiced skill.

The next time you are dressed and ready to go out, try this. Go to your full length mirror (you do have such a mirror don't you?) Before peeking at yourself, face away from the mirror and imagine what you want to look like. Visualize that role model you found who personifies your ideal female. Fantasize that you are in a public place and how you would react to you if you saw you. Then, quickly turn around and register your first reaction to what you see. Don't analyze, don't rationalize, don't explain it, but instead have an intuitive reaction to the image.

Your first reaction, assuming you have cleared away all preconceived notions and are as objective as you can be with yourself, will be correct for you. If you get even a hint that the earrings are wrong, then they probably are. If anything nags or bothers you, fix it. But don't analyze it because then complexities creep in and simplicity is lost. The final step is to repeat step one and when you turn around and like what you see, grab your purse and head for the door. Do not fidget, fuss or get petty, stick to the simple, overall image reaction and go with what you feel. This has been called the "glance test" by some and too much trouble by others. But, it does simulate, sort of, the way the public will appraise you, with a glance and if they, whom ever they are, like what they see, that settles that. If they pause to examine or study you then everybody gets nervous and that's not good.

This is a sort of intuition test, and it works for most people. One thing for sure, you will get a confidence and ego boost when you are totally comfortable with your overall image. People glance at you and if they see a simple, well groomed female image, they go on about their business while you do yours. Above all, whatever else you do, keep it simple silly. (Or is that Sally?) KISS.


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