Throwing Scouts

Lest you misunderstand the purpose of this article, let's begin with the basic premise that it is not your desire to be throwing scouts when you are dressed as your femme self (what you do en drab is your business.) If that is your desire then you either already know how, can figure it out yourself, or subscribe to something else entirely differently than I do - so stop reading now!

The only way I could conceive of to throw scouts was by sitting (unless people start wearing mirrors on the tops of their shoes. which I suppose has been done by some low-life somewhere, which I'll cover when the practice is more commonplace.) Then I began by thinking about what one could sit on, in public, that could accidentally provide views of our privates. I came up with the following list. Surely there are variations of the list and probably even things I haven't thought of, but if you're thinking of asking me for advice on how to sit lady-like in a dentist's chair wearing a micro-mini skirt forget it - you're way beyond me. Here's my list:

* Chair or a bench. Typical seat height (meaning that your thighs would be mostly parallel to the floor if your feet were touching the ground).

* Stool, where your knees couldn't bend at a right angle without lifting your feet off of the floor.

* Ground, where your butt and your heels are on the same level.

Sitting on Chairs, Sofas, Benches and the like:

* Ankle over knee. Rating:
This is a normal guy position and is not recommended for a lady, therefore it earns a Although you might not be guilty of throwing scouts when wearing slacks or an extremely long skirt - it looks just too much like a guys way of sitting. Avoid it. Practice avoiding it.

* Knee over knee. Rating:
This is the best ladylike sitting position available (remember Sharon Stone) and it works well regardless of what you might be wearing. It takes practice to get into the habit of sitting like this so practice, practice, practice.
To make your legs a little more shapely try pointing the toes of the upper foot towards the floor. This will give your calf a leaner look and people won't be able to tell that you've not worn those heels outside much.

* Both feet on the floor This is the one method were scouts can be thrown - into the next county depending on your leg position and skirt length, so let me clarify the possibilities:

* Knees pressed tightly together. Rating:
Very ladylike as long as you make a conscious effort to hold your knees together. Should they ever drift apart while wearing a short skirt Judge Wapner will be after you. If you are wearing slacks or a long skirt (long meaning mid-calf) a little drift won't hurt.

* Ankles crossed. Rating:
Sitting with your ankles crossed tends to drive your knees apart and then the inevitable happens: Go To Jail, Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200! Short skirt: never, Mid-length skirt: never, Long skirt: probably okay, slacks: probably still okay. If you do sit like this try to hold your knees together while keeping your ankles crossed, after a short time you will be uncomfortable and you'll probably resort to the knee-over-knee method.

* Shoulder length apart. Rating:

I think you get the point! This is how a 350 pound gorilla sits and everyone knows that they don't pass! Now place your hand on the bible and repeat after me, "I will never sit this way when dressed." Louder I can't hear you!

* Sitting on one leg. Rating:

This can work but there are a lot of ifs involved. If you're in a place with a relaxed atmosphere, and your legs are slender enough and if you can manage to sit like this for more than 5 minutes without cutting the circulation off, it can work. Again, a lot of this depends on the length of your skirt. Naw, maybe you should leave this one for slacks, jeans and leggings.

* Double Leg Cross (a.k.a.: Knee over knee and ankle behind ankle). Rating:
I've only ever seen pantyhose models and Doris sit like this. It requires very slender legs (hence: the pantyhose models) and a fair amount of flexibility (hence: me and Doris). If you can do it then go for it girl, not many of us can.

Sitting on Stools

(not that kind!) There are going to be times when the surroundings dictate that you sit in (or on) a stool. The methods outlined above should all pretty much work the same on the stool with a minor body position adjustment. Don't sit in the middle of the stool, sit on the outer half of the stool; ensure the rear of your rear doesn't extend beyond the rear of the stool. It's going to be hard to judge how close one can get to sitting on the outer half without loosing your balance and the c hairs. But, if you walk into a pub that has stools that you have been practicing at and everyone cheers "Norm(a)!" you need to move forward a little. One last bit of advice when sitting on a stool. Don't hook both of your heels in the lower rung of the stool. One well-timed sneeze or a bump from a passing patron will send you sprawling. Rating: somewhere to

Sitting on the Floor

There will be times when sitting on the floor will be your only option. For example, a pow-wow, a yoga class, or a Lamaze class (and we all know that shouldn't happen with this audience). My only suggestion when the floor is the only place to sit, is to stand. (insert rim-shot here). The approved method is to curl your legs up under you and pretend you're sitting in front of a blazing fire (adopt that far-away look in your eyes). Less approved and certainly more casual is to sit lean ing back with your legs out in front of you and crossed. If you are going dressed to places that don't have chairs, sofas, stools or benches then you're going to the wrong places.

In summary, one must think about how one sits if the intention is to be ladylike. Like most things in life, they don't come easy, so practice until it becomes subconscious. There are certainly other points to ladylike posture and should I ever develop them in myself (or at least develop a strong opinion) I'll continue. But things to think about include: arm position, standing, walking, standing up, bending down and a host of others. Remember, if this stuff was easy everybody would be doing it!

Any questions, comments, praises, accolades, credit card numbers, or awards may be sent to Stef Matthews. Grouches, mean people, and whiners need not respond.

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