Desperate
Dear Desperate:
It sounds like you are frantically reaching out, but I am not to sure for what. Are you happy being a GWM . . . a TV . . . a TG . . . a TS? All call for a transformation of sorts, but TS is forever! You must move slowly even though your heart seems to scream out for action now. This very forum has listings for the support groups that you are looking for. Browse, hon, and continue to discover your new world. My seeming confidence can be eggshell thin at times, but such is life. I know this . . . you are not alone and you are walking down a path that others have walked. That you are reaching out is very healthy. Reach out just a little farther and see a counselor to help you negotiate this life path. You will not regret it.
Dear Rachael:
I am 19 and a student. This is a long story, so I should start at the beginning. I think I was about 6 or 7 when I first realised that girls had more fun. I loved their pretty clothes, especially their dresses and school uniforms. I have no sister, but I used to play with my female cousin quite often, and it wasn't long before I tried her clothes on. But during our 'game' we were caught, and I got the impression that it was the wrong thing to do.
So I tried not to think about it. But ever so often, when my cousin was around, I would surreptiously slip away and try her beautiful dresses on. At 12, I went away to boarding school. There, I was put up in a boarding house that also accommodated students from other schools, including a fair number of girls. I was fascinated by their school uniforms - so pretty and sweet. I used to slip out at 3am after laundry colection days to see if anyone had left their clothes behind, and once in a while I would hit the jackpot. And late at night (or early in the morning, for students never wake up earlier than was required) I would take out the clothes, and dress up just like a schoolgirl, down to the shorts and panties. And so it remained for six years, and I slowly progressed from theft to going out and buying them.
All the way I had been a straight A student, and it always worried me that someone would discover my secret. I enjoyed fancy-dress parties, until someone innocently asked me why I always went dressed as a girl. But I never told anyone - until the last year of school before university.
I told one of my close friends about it, as I thought that he woud be one of the most understanding of people. He asked me, "You're not joking, are you?" and after my reassurance, told me he was gay, although he did not have the same compulsion to dress up. What a relief. At the same time, I fell in love with a girl, and we went out a couple of times before she dumped me. That left me SO confused. You see, I had thought all along that I was gay, and now I fell deeply in love with a girl. I did feel some attraction to pretty boys, but I fell in love with girls. I still haven't decided what I am yet. Probably both.
Now, I am far from my parents, and have started ordering clothes from various mail-order companies. But I have to keep this spending secret, so I have had to give up clubbing and drinking to afford the clothes. I cannot, at present, pass anywhere near a girl, being 5'10", not overly muscular, but skinny enough to show good muscle definition.
I have asked local organisations for more information, but they haven't replied - it's been a month already. If you can, I would like to receive some information about local support groups. Finally, about the future. It's so uncertain, but I think the ideal outcome would be if I could find a girl whom I loved, and wouldn't dump me, who was supportive of my cross-dressing, and perhaps have a sex-change. I wish I had been a girl.
Jennifer
Dear British Lady:
Yours is a story that is unique only by a few ticks of a compass from many of us. Yes, we all enjoyed (in a manner of speaking) the joys of being feminine at a very young age and learning to become even more so as we matured. England is somewhat more tolerant of men who flit about as women, yes? Or . . . is that only on theatre(smile)? You are correct in looking for support groups . . . don't give up. It may take more than a mere month to locate one. Hey! You found one here and that's a good start. Keep looking here and other BBSs and forums; we're all over the place.
Finally, I must comment on your idea of an "ideal" outcome. From my best guess based upon what wee experience my life has afforded me, it is next to impossible that a woman will tolerate a sex change for her male partner. Yes, it has occurred, but it is very rare. Usually, the mere mention of the change sends them running. Really, one cannot fault a woman for not tolerating this. It is even difficult to find women who will tolerate their husband's cross dressing activity. So my point is that your road to the "ideal" may be very lonely, bumpy and dead ended. You may want to focus on determining who you are and where you want to go in life. That takes help in the form of counseling and I always recommend that. You are very young, have so much time and you will be far better off that most of us, your sisters, for having set your course so early in life . . . instead of hiding the real you from the world.
PS: this will appear in the Dear Rachael Column in January unless I hear differently from you . . . there will be no identifying information listed. Huggs, hon
Rachael
Dear Rachael: I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm looking for. If there is a local support group I certainly would be interested in getting in touch. I think I may be sort of testing the waters trying to find out just where I fit in and just trying to make contact with others with the same concerns.
I would be interested in anything you would care to share with me about yourself, from what I read you have led a somewhat masculine life in the past, is your personality completely different now? I would think the most difficult issue for most is having a source of income or job that allows you to be yourself. I would love to be able to dress the way I want to all the time.
Just wanting to make contact, thanks, Lassie from Tallahassee.
Dear Lassie:
Your confusion is confusing me too. What are your thoughts? Do you suspect that you MAY be a cross dresser, a transsexual or into sexual fantasies involving female clothing? Any of the above are okay and nothing to be ashamed of, but the contacts that you want to make should be tied to your likes and dislikes.
No, my personality is not a whole lot different as my female persona. I do find it easier to express the softer side of me now; I kept it buried for a long time. Really though, I am the same person. Often though, I just present myself physically as a female and feel wonderfully comfortable in doing so. Look here, in this forum, for more contacts. There are lots of us here in transgenderland.
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