Passing in the Real World

Passing Is Great,
But You Have To
Give Up Fear First

By Barbara Ellen Allen
©1996 Transgender Forum and Barbara Ellen Allen
I am a 40++ Crossdresser. I'm married to a VERY non supportive wife and have two children (one still living at home), two dogs and a cat to support. It creates a very hectic lifestyle and one which doesn't provide many opportunities to dress and go out. So when I do, I try to make the most of it.

I don't have a very feminine physique. I'm six feet tall and 200 lbs. (180 lbs is probably my ideal Male weight) so I have to make the most of what I have and try to use all the tricks that you and I read about. The one advantage that I do have is that I've finally decided to not be paralyzed by fear and to get out and experience life. Yes, I do go out. And I get "read" all the time.

NO BIG DEAL!

I would like to believe that I can pass but my experiences in being 'read' by others contradicts this belief. However, so far, none of those experiences have done any irreparable damage (except to my feelings). In fact, I've gained more confidence from those experiences. Confidence comes from the experience of dressing and adventuring out. It also gives you the opportunity to experiment and to see what works best. Most Shopping Malls are crowded, allowing you to blend in. Sales clerks want to sell their merchandize and they really don't care to who as long as no "problems" occur! There are some really nice sales clerks that will help you determine the best style for you. AND, you are probably not the only crossdresser or transvestite that they have seen or dealt with before. There are a lot of us and sales clerks see a lot of strange sights.

Cindy thought that writing about them may help others like myself who want to get out and may not yet have developed the confidence to do so. Let me tell you about a recent adventure:

Christmas time usually gives me some opportunity to go out. This past ,Christmas, embolden by my increased confidence and new breast forms, I planned a Christmas shopping spree. I wanted to by some dresses. Not just everyday, go to work dresses, but sophisticate and downright party dresses. I wanted something formal and something HOT. I got myself ready for a day at the shopping malls. I dressed in a red ribbed turtleneck and black slacks with black pantyhose and 3" heels. My silicone breast forms fit perfectly in my underwire bra which allowed my breasts to move naturally and looked great. My fanny padding and waist cincher increased my feminine shapeliness. I wore my "dumb blond" wig, styled with loose curls and wispy bangs. I kept my makeup light and tried to use pink and rose tones.

Sales clerks are usually very helpful and don't mind suggesting styles that they think would look good. I've only been turned away from women's dressing rooms twice and both times I was offered alternative private rooms to try on clothes. I have found that it is very smart to first ask the sales clerk if you can try on clothes. If they read you, it gives them more control over the conditions and eliminates the risk of them calling security after they find a crossdresser that they already told it was ok, is using the women's dressing rooms.

I'm an impulse buyer, but I really enjoy trying on clothes and finding out what style bring out the best of me. I have to hold myself back from buying the first thing that looks good. This time I did well.

I hit Macy's, Dillards, Maison Blanche, J.C.Pennys and Lord and Taylor's. This girl did them all. I ended up with a black, long sleeved dress that came to above the knees and had a round neck line. The kind of dress that you would wear to church, funerals and formal business dinners. It showed off my blond hair and would look good with gold jewelry accessories. My next dress brought out the other side of me. It was very, very red. Silk with a draped neckline, two inches above the knees and NO SLEEVES.

Now, I'm not muscled or "ripped" but I don't have feminine arms or hands. Most of us don't. We have to hide in long sleeves and high necks. This didn't afford any of that protection, but somehow the dress fit and my arms didn't look totally out of place. I had previously shaved my entire body at Thanksgiving and the arm hair had not completely grown back. That definitely helped. My manicured nails and diamonique rings added to the illusion. I wasn't sure when I would have the opportunity to wear it, but that red dress was now mine.

Enjoying the Experience

I was so proud, walking down the mall with my prize that I forgot to worry about who was looking at me. I found myself striding confidently from the hips, wiggling and jiggling very femininely. All of a sudden I notice that I was being noticed........by the men. I wasn't being read. I was being looked at! The men were looking at me the way they look at my daughters when I'm out shopping with them. They were taking secretive glances so that their wives would not catch them. What an adrenaline rush to feel so beautiful and admired. To feel free to just be myself.

I spent the rest of the afternoon savoring every bit of that feeling while shopping for just the right shoes and accessories to go with my new dresses. I walked past Santa, who gave me an admiring eye and a wink.

Barbara Allen
Hugs and Love
*Barbara*
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