Passing in the Real World

Going To A
Support Group

By Barbara Ellen Allen
©1996 Transgender Forum and Barbara Ellen Allen

I have previously described my support group interview meeting with Crystal, the president of the Gulf Gender Alliance. It had been late one afternoon at a food court in a local shopping center. I dressed for the occasion and was on a tight schedule to get back home and revert to my male persona before my wife returned home from work. I had never ordered food or beverage while out dressed, although I had walked through many malls and, tried on and purchased clothes before. Still, it was exciting to order a cup of cappachino and sit in the middle of the food court watching people walk by and acting as feminine as possible. Crystal had been late and I had almost left without meeting with her, but my interview had put me at ease and resulted in my feeling confident about the confidentiality of the support group and with a standing invitation to attend a monthly meeting.

A Plan Evolves

My wife is extremely antagonistic about "my perversion." I've come to the absolute conclusion that she will never come to accept my crossdressing and in fact will slap me with divorce papers at the first opportunity. She is only holding off because of economic reasons, but emotions could cut those restraints mighty quickly. I don't tempt those emotions and so I had very little belief that I could attend one of the support group meetings on a Saturday night. It was impossible to make up some excuse that could get me out, dressed, and attend without a violent reaction on her part. But, an opportunity had arisen. My wife was going out of town, over the weekend. I began planning my introduction to the support group. What I would wear and how I would prepare myself for the night. The planning was exciting and allowed me three weeks to make sure I had everything I needed: new pantyhose; wig brushed out and ready; clothes washed and ironed; some new cosmetics, including demi-lashes; and a new shade of lipstick.

I figured for my first introduction to the ladies I would wear a pantsuit and dress somewhat conservatively. But at the last minute, I decided I needed to wear a skirt to show off my legs. Saturday morning came! My wife left on Thursday, but my daughter was still home. She would leave for her volunteer work at the local hospital leaving me with approximately 5 hours to dress and leave the house before she returned home. I had already told her I was going up to Baton Rouge to play golf and would be home late, thus setting the stage for me to attend the GGA meeting.

I got out my clothes and began prepping as soon as she left. First, a shower and close shave followed by body lotion and then fingernails. I still can't paint my right nails with my left hand, but managed to get some satisfactory looking "Le nails." I had picked out a linen skirt and jacket set. I thought the linen would be more comfortable in the New Orleans humidity and the jacket would hide my arms and shoulders. The skirt finished above my knees, showing off my legs to their advantage. I picked out some beige shoes with 2" heels. I had both off white and teal Tee's which looked good with the outfit. I choose the teal shoes to add some color to the outfit.

I used light complexion makeup to go with my blond wig and cream linen outfit. However, I did use Ben Nye Beard cover to allow me to get through the whole day. I finished my dressing, inspected myself in the mirror and was ready to leave and meet the world by 11:30 AM. I had plenty of time to see how I could pass on a Saturday afternoon at the local malls. I did a lot of window shopping, ended up buying a new blouse, and realized that most women don't go shopping on Saturday in a skirt with makeup. Saturdays are for a more relaxed jeans, shorts, flats or sandals look. However, I didn't draw a lot of attention and felt comfortable most of the time.

In Search Of... GGA

Finally, the time came for the meeting. The business portion of the meeting took place at 5:00 PM. The GGA newsletter indicated that people were welcome to come crossdressed or not and could come early to use the facility to change. I figured I would go check out the place and see if anyone was there early. I pulled up to the Quality Inn and walked cautiously into the lobby. I had to wait for some customers ahead of me but finally asked the clerk a question in a soft hushed, nervous voice. "Could you please tell me what room the GGA meeting is in?", I asked. "What was that?," the clerk asked. "Which room is the GGA meeting in?," I whispered again. The clerk looked back at her computer. "I don't have that name registered," she responded after a few minutes, "What group is that again?" I could either cut and run, or brave it out.

"The Gulf Gender Alliance meeting," I answered. "No, I still don't see that name registered! Let me ask the manager" Oh, no! Was this a ploy to keep me waiting while Security was summoned to take me into custody? Two more customers walked into the office. The newsletter had said the motel was knowledgeable and sensitive to GGA who had had many meetings there in the past.

"No! We don't show anyone registered under that name," she stated returning from the manager's office. Being particularly brave (or foolish) I decided to ask her to check under Crystal's name. They didn't have that listing either. At that point with nothing else to check, I decided to get out while I still could. Once back in my car, I tried to remember if the Quality Inn was the motel where the GGA meeting was. I hadn't brought the newsletter with me. The only thing I had was Crystal's and another member's phone numbers. I spotted the pay phone outside the motel, found some quarters, exited the safety of my car and walked to the phone, all the way noticing who was paying attention to me.

All of a sudden the motel seemed to be popular. Guests arriving, maids moving from room to room, an individual at the office door appeared to be waiting for a ride and, of course, the airport courtesy van would pick that time to arrive. My call to Crystal was in vain. All I got was her answering machine to which I pleaded a message that if she got it before the meeting to return my call to my beeper number. She was probably already at the meeting, wherever that was! My next chance was to call another GGA member who I had been corresponding with via E-mail. Unfortunately, I found out she lived long distance and I hadn't brought enough quarters. MURPHY had struck again. At this point, sanity should have told me to call it quits, but I knew that it might be the only opportunity to get out and meet the girls. I became determined! I was going to find the GGA meeting if I had to go to every motel in the area, and there were quite a number.

Step By Step...

I started off! The next hour had me entering motel lobbies of the Days Inn, La Quinta Inn, Park Plaza Inn, Travelodge, and Roadway Inn. At each one, I asked for the GULF GENDER ALLIANCE meeting or for Crystal. I was completely unsuccessful! Or was I? I soon began to be unconcerned about entering the motel lobby or asking clerks and managers for the meeting. Sure, I got some strange looks, but other than that, NOTHING HURTFUL HAPPENED! At 5:00 PM I still hadn't located the meeting. I was now desperately determined. The newsletter was in a file drawer at work. If I could get it, Icould still find the meeting. Unfortunately, work was 30 minutes away and I was dressed! It didn't matter anymore; I was going to succeed.

The parking lot at work was empty on late Saturday afternoon. If I could evade security, I could slip in, grab the newsletter and make a quick departure. I knew it was a stupid thing to do, but you do many stupid things if you are transgendered. I was able to enter the building and make my way to my office unnoticed. I quickly grabbed the newsletter and tried to look natural as I walked back to my car. I made it! I quickly looked through the newsletter for the meeting location. My hands were shaking. But, OH NO! I had grabbed the wrong newsletter. This one was for the Christmas holiday when the meeting had been held at a "special" location. I had to go back!

I retraced my steps quickly, reentered the building, grabbed the newsletter (the correct one this time) and high tailed it back to my car. I had pressed my luck twice and was successful. The meeting. was at the Best Western Airport All Suites Hotel. I knew right where that was (at the airport) and would only be 45 minutes late. I resisted the urge to drive too fast. That was all I needed now, get pulled over for speeding. I pulled into the Best Western Hotel parking lot.

Now I was nervous because I would be meeting the girls for the first time. I inspected myself in the rear view mirror, tried to reestablish some decent hair, and freshened my make-up and lipstick. Oh well, I was lucky to have made it at all. I carefully exited my car and made my way into yet another lobby to ask for the room number of the GGA meeting. This time, though, the lobby was empty of all but the clerk. A young man who asked, "Can I help you ma'am?" "I'm looking for the GGA meeting. which is being held here at the Best Western Airport All Suites Hotel, I said in my best soft feminine voice. I was getting quite good at this by now. "I'm sorry," he said, "This is the "Best Western Inn Airport. The All Suites is on Veterans Ave." I must have looked crushed. I felt crushed. The clerk looked at me and without any indication of recognition of what I was, or of being uncomfortable with my presence, he began to give directions to the motel's location. I must have really looked confused, because he stopped and pulled out piece of paper and began drawing a map. He treated me like a lady in distress and God knows I was. Maybe he just thought all women needed maps to know how to get somewhere.

The Best Western Airport All Suites Hotel wasn't very far but it was hidden behind a shopping area and I hadn't noticed it during my sweep of the motels in the area. I entered what I hoped was my last motel lobby and again asked for the room number of the GGA meeting. This time a young woman smiled, looked at her reservation log and gave me the room number. Hugs and Love
*Barbara*



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