You can pass and get out quickly...with a little work

How I Fast Tracked
Into The Community

By Diane Kaye

Prior to coming out in public, I had done considerable research on the topic of crossdressing.

Most of my information came from the Internet and TG Forum was one of my first contacts. As I browsed the web for all the information I could find on crossdressing, I discovered a wealth of ìhow toísî and ìwhere to goísî. Naturally it was overwhelming at first. What information was good advice and what wasnít? Then there were JoAnn Robertís publications and videos. I had a ton of advice. But how to sort it out for myself?

Some of it I had already figured out for myself, like how to get that perfect ladies shape. But a bigger issue was decides which clothes would give me the most mileage Sure, I saw lots of dresses I liked, but who can afford a instant complete wardrobe? Same for shoes. On top of all this there was still the big issue of telling my very conservative wife of 29 years.

So back to the information sources for a view of other peoples stories and their mistakes. After digesting more of JoAnnís material and some TriEss material, I went to our family psychologist for advice on how to present this ìnew found hobbyî to my wife.

Naturally, he was not knowledgeable in transgendered issues, but with the literature I supplied him, he was able to give some good advice. He also found this a learning experience and was quite understanding and helpful. I must say I planned what to say and even made a ìcheat sheetî to guide me through the initial discussion with my wife.

While I was very awkward in the discussion, I followed two golden rules through out. 1. Be consistent in what you say, even months later--in other words tell the truth. 2. Let your wife bring up the subject and initiate discussion - never start the discussion yourself. As a result, she has been very tolerant of my ìhobbyî. Going slow and easy seems to be part of the secret. Also, being kind and understanding of her needs is the other half. If the marriage foundation is solid, then an occasional storm will not topple it.

Well after all my research, I felt I was ready to come out. My objective was to have all the tools of the trade so to speak. From clothes, to jewelry, to wallet, to eyeglasses, to purse, to shoes, coat, and socks/hose.

Listen, Learn and Practice

My first experience at a local meeting went well, and I learned that the final touches were necessary to complete the illusion. I made it a point to ask advice and seek critiques. Clothes are a part, the makeup is another part, mannerisms and voice are yet another part, and the little details are the final part. So, I set out on a mission to study the GGís in detail to resolve the little details. A walk through the mall carefully watching the women for these little items provided a wealth of information. Careful studying of eye makeup, as an example, showed me the normal limits for day and night wear.

In the process I also learned that some women do not know how to dress or put on makeup appropriately. As an example, Iíve seen really heavy eye liner and shadow during the day. Makes them look like a ëhoeî.

Most men do not notice these little nuances. In fact most men donít even notice how a woman dresses. So why go to all the bother girls? I decided that I would. Like hair on the arms, color and density? Nose hair? Ear hair? What do they wear at the mall? How do they hold their hands when sitting? When standing? When walking? When talking? How much makeup during the day and where? What size earrings? Necklaces? What kind of shoes? Socks? Belts? Eyeglasses? Nail polish or none? Color? Typical clothes worn and the colors most commonly used. Do they walk fast or slow? How many sway their hips when walking? What phrases do they use commonly? And the all important greeting smile.

Ready To Go After 3 Months

With these questions answered, I felt comfortable venturing out. If I looked the part, dressed the part, and acted the part then I should pass. Of course being a size 14 helps. After about three months, I felt that I had come close to a good look for casual day outings. As a result, I had self confidence which was reflected in the way I present myself to others. I found out that many of my natural mannerisms were in line with the GGís, so that helped. In other words, I had achieved a good blending in look. I also found that most people are not very observant and usually judge based on a casual glance. In other words, if a casual glance says ìwomanî then from then on all readings are registered woman, unless something really stands out to the contrary. I practiced my voice, in the car to and from work, as recommended by Melanieís Voice Article in TG Forum.

Looking in catalogs and buying combinations the stores put together helped in color and style coordination. I also prefer to buy en femme as I have more freedom to browse. The second hand stores were also a great place to get common accessories, skirts, blouses, dresses, winter coats, and spring coats. I always buy shoes and purses new for myself only. I found a costume seconds jewelry store that gave me a great set of rings, necklaces, earrings, and bracelets for a affordable price. I picked out wigs that fit me and fit my face shape well. I suppressed the urge to buy what I thought would look sexy and stay with conservative. After all I wanted to blend in not stand out. I chose conservative colors also.

Make up was the biggest challenge. Iím still putting the final touches on it , but found for myself that using my finger worked better that a sponge for applications. I cover only what needs covering keeping the upper face clean except for evenings when I want full make up. A really close shave gives me about six hours of ìworking timeî. I found that going to a Mary Kay sister was worth the extra cost as I got a perfect foundation color match. The eyes, cheeks, lips, and nails are where I experiment. After all experimentation is half the fun. A bad color choice goes into the can. A good one is a keeper. I avoid heavy make up coloration as subtle is best. Even for evenings, I try to keep it lite and easy. After all Iím not after the hooker of the month award. In other words, I base my dress and colors on how I would expect a GG to dress who was my age. Iím not a teenager, so I do not dress like one, even though at times I would like too. Again, I try to look my age.

After all this what am I still not satisfied with? Well believe it or not my main concern is the look on the backs of my hands. I shave them regularly, but there still is that hint of hair and the follicle indent. But that's what comes from trying to be a perfectionist. Oh yes, there is this adams apple. Although I have seen a few women with one also. Mine isnít large but it does stick out some. Canít do much about it except hide it in the winter. Turtle necks in the summer are murder. The next wig will have some gray in it. Other than that Iím reasonably satisfied.

My total evolvement from in the closet to going public and passing took about 3 months. My conclusion is to study the subject diligently before practicing it. The more one observes, the better prepared one will be. And after all practice makes perfect.

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