I live in a small South Eastern town work as an electrician and am “plugging away” at finishing up a college degree at South Eastern University for Women. Just one of my hindrances is that I am six feet and seven inches tall and weigh about 275 pounds.
I'm going to have to end this message. I am beginning to feel extremely depressed, or sorry for myself, or just plain sad.
I sure would appreciate any advice or assistance. A profusion of thanks, Lynn
Dear Lynn:
I know several fine ladies that are rather large; I'm no petit damsel, either.
One of the ladies is as tall as you and the other, while a tad shorter, outweighs you by a bunch. They are fine, lovely people and I always think of them as women. Sure, size will make you stand out. The way you conduct yourself can do far more harm if inappropriate. So dress conservatively, carry yourself with poise and be as gracious and refined as possible; it works. . . not bullet proof, but it works! Join a support group. Practice at home . . . no one says you have to be a Southern Belle immediately.
BUT, ..... Your real problem may have to do with your marriage. It is very tough for some women and consequently for their husbands who either want to come out or are already out. Broken record Rachael here, but I'll say it again, both of you both need counseling.
Your wife is not suddenly going to wake up one morning and say, "Wow, I think it's keen that you want to dress and act like a woman. In fact I want you to start right now" ( nice fantasy though, smile ). More than likely she is very frightened about where all this is going and if she has failed as a woman, what this will do to the family, kids, your reputation at work and in the community; are you going to want a sex change? If you care about her, go slow, be gentle and understanding. She needs to be assured of many things . . . as much, if not more than what you feel your personal imperative is driving you towards.
Dear Dee:
Many a cross dressers would love to have a wife who would say, "go for it!" Seems to me you are dragging your feet for what ever reason and that is healthy. You really don't know what is on the other side of that door. Is it something merely erotic . . .something that turns you on sexually? Are you a cross dresser, will you want to live full time as a woman, give up your manliness, will you want to have a sex change, have you sex organs reshaped into a vagina? Scary questions, huh? And I may not have even asked the right ones. Each of us have our own answers to those questions and they are as individualistic as are we. There are none that are right or wrong, except for the particular individual. So hon, get in touch with your feelings, read all that you can read, join a support group ( You have excellent ones in the Bay Area- RGA, ETVC, DVG.) There are two excellent MFCC counselors, who specialize in gender issues, there too; one in the SF area and one in the SJ area.
Done right, you will open that door and step into your own heaven (or leave it closed as you find that you are already there), done wrong and you might be catching the "down" elevator." Time is on your side and your horizon, so large. . . how exciting!
Dear Canadian: There is a place in Canada for transgenderists. I know several sweet ladies in your country. Running away may not be your solution and could be your agony.
I'm not even to sure from your letter if you want to go through sexual reassignment surgery or are just want to find a safe place to go out dressed. I think it is imperative that you seek help, professional help, and hopefully from someone who speaks your native tongue. Your English is not all that great (as you can see, I did some major work to your letter) and that's okay; shucks, I can't speak any French (smile).
I think you would be extremely vulnerable in the States. If there is any one thing a TV doesn't need is more vulnerability! Likewise your ability to find employment here may be hampered by your language handicap and most definitely by being an open TV, TG or TS. In short, hon, being a TV/TS/TG is a difficult lifestyle under the best of circumstances. Don't add more potential hurt and frustration to your situation.
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