Copyright 1990 Dallas Denny
(From FEMINET, Felton CA 408-335-4387 or 408-335-7888
Gender reassignment is one of the most radical and disruptive things that an individual can do. It strains andoften severs social relationships, imposes economic hardships,involves a good deal of physical pain and a great deal of psychicpain, and requires study and hard work in order to even begin tohope to pass in the gender of choice. Transition must be pursuedin the face of the general disapproval of society and thespecific disapproval of loved ones, the reluctance of the medicalcommunity to provide services, a scarcity of resources, and countless legal and social obstacles. The body of one sex must be somehow whipped into the semblance of that of the opposite sex, generally after puberty has wreaked irreversible somaticchanges. Old behavioral patterns must be unlearned and new ones added. A new life must replace the old.
The transsexual person runs a gamut of obstacles, with noguarantees of success. Indeed, probably fewer than ten percentof those who set out to change their gender succeed in doing so. And yet, tens of thousands of people are happily and successfullyworking and living in the gender of choice. Transition ispossible. It can be done. It just can't be done withoutdisruption and sacrifice and hard work. It can't be done withoutstubborn determination. It can't be done without money. Itcan't be done in the absence of support, and it can't be done without pain.
My crossdressing friends tell me that the transsexual people they know are no fun: "They whine all the time. They'repreoccupied with their problems and their bodies. They need tolighten up." To them I say, "Please appreciate the tremendouspressures that these people are experiencing. Please understandthat every aspect of their lives is affected by their decision tochange gender, and that they must become somewhat self-absorbedin order to prevail against odds which are nearlyinsurmountable." And to those who are in transition, I say,"Lighten up!"
I don't have the space in this article to point out all thepotential hazards in the mine field of transition. OUR SORORITYsimply isn't big enough. ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA isn't bigenough. You'll have to look elsewhere for that (you'll find a listing of such resources at the end of this article). I do havesome strategies and approaches that may be of help. Here they are.:
1. Keep Your Sense of Humor (and if you don't have one,cultivate one).
You will only be as unhappy as you allowyourself to be. You can plod miserably along, or you can enjoyyourself. You can find humor in the ludicrous situations youwill find yourself in and the things people will say which have awhole different meaning because of your genderal status. Those you meet along the route will prove amusing, if you allow them tobe. They will be your comrades in arms, and some of them willbecome your friends. If you approach transition with a sense ofwonder and awe, your experiences will be more pleasurable thanthey will be if you inject fear and guilt. Yes, it'll be damn difficult, but you can still have a good time. Being miserableand depressed does not make for a good prognosis.
2. Don't Allow Transsexuality to Become Your Entire Life.
You shouldn't go through transition as if you were Ahab in pursuit of the White Whale. Ahab needed to get a life, and so do you. Youmustn't defer your entire existence in anticipation of ahypothesized bliss once you jump genders. An empty life in thegender of original assignment will probably become an empty lifein the gender of choice. Reassignment will not solve yourproblems; you'll still have the same troubles, but in a differentgender. You would do well to have life goals other thantransition. You should cultivate friends and interests outsidethe gender community.
3. Keep Your Perspective. You must not allow yourtranssexualism to become a fantasy or a fetish. As my friendRachel has said, "You must weave reality back into the fabric." Don't place undue weight on reassignment surgery; it won'tmagically transform you into a man or a woman. You should at alltimes know where you are and where you are going, and this shouldbe firmly grounded in reality. You must come to terms with yourphysical and behavioral assets and liabilities and incorporatethem into an emerging identity. You must have realistic ideasabout the social roles of men and women, and what sort of man orwoman you want to be. Remember that transition is a process-- abecoming, if you will. You will be gradually changing. You won't just wake up one morning and find that you are magically different.
4. Don't Box Yourself In. You must somehow keep functioning. If you prematurely dismantle your old life, youwill be unable to replace it with a satisfactory life in thegender of choice. You will be left with a twilight existence, anidentification as a transsexual. And if this negatively impactsyour earning potential, you can get stuck, unable to complete theprocedures which will produce the bodily changes necessary tosuccessfully pass in the gender of choice (for instance,electrolysis for the male-to-female; reduction mammoplasty for the female-to-male). You must maintain as much support as possible. You should know that in some cases that may mean clinging onto your old identity a little bit longer.
5. Let Go of Your Crutches. As your body changes, it will become less difficult to pass. You should rely less on contrivance and incorporate your natural aspects into your presentation. This may mean using you own hair instead of a wig,doing away with padding, and using less makeup. Or it may mean using your birth name, if it has a chance of working, instead of an idealized feminine name. It may mean becoming comfortable with interests or aspects of your personality
that aren't a good"fit" in the gender of choice. But whatever your perceived shortcomings are, you will need to face and come to terms with them and let them go.
6. Sacrifice and Compromise. Being in transition will cause big changes in your life. You must be prepared to meet all challenges and to give your transsexualism a high priority. You'll be deluding yourself if you think you can maintain your previous standard of living in the face of bills from psychologists, endocrinologists, electrologists, and plastic surgeons. You must maintain your pace. If you delay procedures such as hormonal therapy because of lack of money or time, or for other reasons, your transition will eventually be delayed. And here I will insert a caveat for the male-to-female transsexual person: Don't put off electrolysis. You'll be sorry if you do. Once you are living in the gender of choice, it will nearly impossible to bring yourself to grow the hair long enough for the operator to grasp it with her tweezers. And passing will be at best a struggle, and quite likely impossible, until the hair on your face is gone or at least appreciably diminished.
7. Be A Good Consumer. You must at all times act withdiscretion and proper respect for your body. You should not actout of desperation. Although services can be difficult toobtain, they are available. You will minimize your chances offailure if you use competent service providers. Otherwise youwill risk delays in obtaining diagnosis (and hence hormones), aregimen of hormones inadequate to masculinize or feminize you,and even botched surgery. You have only one shot at transition,and it is decidedly in your best interest to proceed with reasonable precautions and care, making sure that your doctors know what they are doing.
8. Join a Support Group. It will be to your advantage to find your peers. Support groups can educate you, assist you withreferrals, and help you to perfect a masculine or feminineappearance. You will probably make friends with other groupmembers. But more importantly, you will see your peers inaction, making decisions both good and bad. By observing them,and by talking with them, you can learn strategies for coping and avoid pitfalls.
9. Follow the Benjamin Standards of Care. The Standards of Care of the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, Inc., are guidelines to safeguard transsexual people and those who provide services for them. Many transsexual people see them as obstacles to be overcome, and so they are. But by following the Standards of Care, you will minimize your chances of failing in your transition, and maximize your chances of survivingfailure, if it does
occur. The Standards will let you opt out anywhere short of reassignment surgery. The best of transitionswill be painful. The worst do not even bear thinking about. You should not expect a perfect experience, but by exercising commonsense and foresight, you will minimize disruption and conflict,and have a smoother ride.
Dallas Denny is the director of the American Educational
Gender Information Service (AEGIS) in Decatur, GA
A Brief Resource List
Denny, Dallas. (1990). Deciding What To Do About Your
GenderDysphoria: Some Considerations For Those Who Are Thinking
AboutSex Reassignment. ($6.00).
Denny, Dallas. (1991). Discovering Who You Are: A Guide toSelf-
assessment for Persons with Gender Dysphoria ($6.00).
Denny, Dallas. (1991). Dealing With Your Feelings: A Guide toComing
Out for Persons with Gender Dysphoria ($6.00).
Chrysalis Quarterly. ($30.00/4 issues; includes the threebooklets,
above).
The above are available from American Educational
Gender Information Service (AEGIS), P.O. Box 33724, Decatur, GA
30033-0724. 404-939-0244
Devor, Holly. Gender Blending: Confronting the Limits ofDuality.
($14.50)
Elizabeth, Sister Mary. Legal Aspects of Transsexualism--
1990Edition. ($10.00)
Laing, Alison. Speaking as a Woman. (8.00)
Stringer, JoAnne Altman. The Transsexual's Survival Guide.($20.00)
Stevens, Jennifer Ann. From Masculine to Feminine and All PointsIn
Between. ($22.45)
TV-TS Tapestry Journal. ($12.00/issue)
The above are available from International Foundation for
GenderEducation (IFGE), P.O. Box 367, Wayland, Massachusetts 01778.
SOURCE: AEGIS/Dallas Denney, M.A.
Copyright 1990 - All Rights Reserved