So Far So Good

By Ted J. Clement, M.A.

Not so long ago, about half way through my Masters work to be exact, a married crossdresser asked me about how, or whether he should stop crossdressing following the impending birth of his first child. The man, married for many years, was faced with a monumentous life-changing event and was asking me for advise about crossdressing. Now I had studied much about the phenomenon and I had a lifetime full of opinions but for the first time in my life, I did not spout my theories or opinions to him in response to his question. I mentally scratched my chin and pondered the question. My first response was to ask him what he thought (I was, afterall, schooling to become a clinical psychologist and was certain that was the thing to do when I was stu mped). He was at a loss just like I was, so we talked about the ramifications, how his wife felt, what he projected were alternatives and so on. The outcome of the conversation was much more than me giving him advise and suggestions (for there was precious little of that), it was the formation of the need and desire to learn more about the question; specifically to uncover why there was no answer.

After completion of my Master of Arts degree, I continued on to work on my Doctorate (I figured at my age, if I turned the key off, I might never get the car started again). Of course one of the criteria for graduation and attainment of a Ph.D. in Humanistic Psychology is a dissertation and the topic of that project is generally left to the student (to a greater or lesser degree depending on the institution within which the study is taking place). It was not by chance that my dissertation was to take on a very unorthodox appearance and that that treatise would be undertaken at an Institution where they welcomed, even embraced, the topic and method that was not mainstream.

Briefly, most graduate schools require both theses and doctoral dissertations to be highly quantitative and bound up with statistics complete with charts and mathematical equations. By contrast a school of humanistic study not only does not require the use of such cold and impersonal statistical methods, it frequently shuns them out right to the point of encouraging the antithesis--a qualitative study or descriptive analysis. And it was in this manner that I was able to begin the work on my dissertation. The topic as it has begun to jell is “What are the affects of disclosure of crossdressing behavior of the male parental figure on the maturational development of children in that family system?”

Now, that is academese for “Should I tell the kids or should I remain secretive or abstinate?”This search does not serve to answer the question from the perspective of the crossdresser or even his spouse or adult family. Rather, the goal is to talk with adult and adolescent children who have emerged from that paradigmatic family system to glean what they felt and thought the experience allowed and caused them. The attempt will be made in this manner to help determine what the effects on those participants who would have less if any say in the decision.

The topic brings up questions by three camps; the crossdresser (and his approving spouse), the child and the community. Each area may be concerned with the same issues but because of their unique perspective, each sees the picture in a much different li ght (much like three blind men examining an elephant would). This difference in perspective is not necessarily a problem and may in fact breed understanding; if there is agreement that the same elephant is being examined from three different angles, then the whole of the beast will have a more completely understood shape.

For the crossdresser the questions deal with a dichotomy of forces for self expression and parental responsibility. Does the suppression of crossdressing behavior somehow illicit or allow other, less benign behaviors to sprout? Is my responsibility to myself and my own well-being more or less or somehow tied in with my responsibility for my progeny? Is there a benefit or a deficit to telling or to not telling? These are all good and important questions, questions which beg for answers and for which, unfortunately, precious little answer is available. When the crossdresser seeks hard and fast answers to real questions and the answers are illusive or non-existent, the crossdresser is likely to fall into guilt's deep pit. This is not only unhealthful but may also lead to more extreme outcomes (such as suicide or anti-social behavior).

The decision made to tell, a monumentous step in itself, the decision of when and how to tell must be addressed. Is there a developmental stage during which the exposure to father (or father-figure) in feminine attire will be more acceptable than at some other time? Is the method of introduction important? Should this be taken lightly and sloughed off as an attempt to normalize the behavior? Should the child be warned about the possible responses of the society in which s/he lives? Should the behavior be secreted until such time as the child asks about Daddy's long fingernails, shaved legs and arched eyebrows? The crossdresser who opts for a continuation of crossdressing behavior is faced with these questions and so many more.

The child in the family where the father openly crossdresses is also laden with questions. Why does Daddy like to be a woman? Is he gay? What will my friends/neighbors say? Will I grow up to be like him?

The society and community of course also has a truck-load of questions. Some of them may seem ridiculous but without hard and fast answers backed by scientific inquiry, the arguments sound self-centered and narrow minded. How could you do this to a child? We don't want perverts raising kids in our community! Why don't you think of someone other than yourself? Some of these are predictable, some come from left field, all must be faced with aplomb, confidence and answers.

It may appear that the research on this issue has done little more than uncover the great need for further research and a plethora of negativities. While the first is true, the second is far from it. I believe that there are many, many happy and healthy crossdressers in the world today who can also be found on the list of good and caring parents. I doubt the two categories are mutually exclusive and hope to prove, or begin to prove, that with research on the very people whom we seek to protect and who society thinks is at the biggest risk--the kids.

There are a couple things I know for sure: 1) Sublimation and avoidance of a behavior that is neither self-destructive nor abusive may often lead to the birth of other behaviors that are far less benign., (much like putting a patch on an innertube only to find that there is another, larger hole for the air to escape through). 2) Parenting skills and crossdressing behavior do not necessarily have anything to do with each other. And 3) With a base of knowledge of how children within such family systems have matured, advise with some degree of professional completeness may begin to be sought (there are no answers about this phenomenon because no one has done any research on the subject).

There are a couple things that I hope for in doing this research: 1) The creation of a base of knowledge as to the affects felt by the children during maturation in this family system. 2) The springboarding of other refutable research on the same and similar topics that will serve to ferret out more and deeper information. And 3) The establishment of a network of crossdressing parents such that notes can be compared, ideas exchanged and solutions reached for the process of child rearing.

I will, of course, provide the community with updates as the research process moves along. I will also be addressing and soliciting the assistance of many support groups and individuals as we (I say we because I am not in this alone) move toward the completion of the dissertation, the publishing of the works and the creation of follow-up studies.

Author's Note:

It should be noted that this article has been written with the intent to inform the reader of progress ongoing in the field of transgender research. If reading this piece has created anxiety or surfaced issues that you feel must be dealt with, I urge you to contact a professional or a support group for assistance.

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