One to One

Copyright 1995 Transgender Forum

August 3, 1995

Word is that the infamous Dr. John Brown is drumming up SRS clients in California again. Brown, who no longer has a license to practice in the state, is believed to be working in Tijuana, Mexico, though the crude advertising being circulated for his services lists a San Diego phone number.

I'll have a lot more to say about this, but just a word to the wise: don't cut corners and make sure you know who you are dealing with. And stay out of Tijuana.

Hurrying to have SRS is always a mistake. One very good friend, who thought she knew what she was doing by skipping her real life test, rushed over to the Netherlands a few years ago to have her surgery at a price that was half of what any reputable U.S. or European doctor would charge. Sounded great. Fast service, no shrinks in the way and a discount on the price.

You know what happened: she nearly died from infections and was so badly scarred by the botched surgery that she now needs a lot of very dicey -- and extremely expensive -- additional surgery. Before this disaster she used to tell me that she had "lost so much time I can't afford to lose any more." Ever hear that one? Like in your own head..?

Let's get organized. Some of you may have noticed that TG Forum did not have many updates this week. That's because we're going to have an actual schedule now. I'll be producing updates now on Mondays and Thursdays instead of dribbling ou.

You should not notice any drop in overall content, indeed you should actually see even MORE material than before. Going to twice-a-week publication eliminates all kinds of housekeeping time that I was spending constantly updating things like libraries, What's New? and the Pointers Page. It's still worth checking in daily. The BBS will continue to be updated every day and all breakingnews, like the Brandon Teena murder trial, will be reported immediately. And of course, your messages are always a pleasure to receive.

One another note, writers and artists are always welcome to contribute to Transgender Forum. Just drop me a line by clicking on that mail link in the previous paragraph.

We are in all walks of life. I've met doctors, scientists, judges, truck drivers, carpenters, computer people (lotta those)and, well just about every kind of person, including cops.

It's tough being transgender, no matter what line you're in, but it is doubly so for a cop. That's why it was so great to see TOPS! (Transgendered Officers Protect and Serve!), a new international transgender group formed this week in the midst of all the transphobic media hype about Hoboken (NJ) police Lt. Janet Aiello.

The purpose of the group was to show our visibility among the ranks of firefighters and police officers and to lend Ms. Aiello support in a difficult time. Check out the story. Hopefully, because of the guts of Janet Aiello and others like her, being a transgender cop or writer or plumber or politician won't be a story much longer.

This just keeps coming up: There is still no short cut to eliminating facial hair. Remember the big flurry about laser "electrolysis" a few months back. Yes, the FDA has okayed one company's product but you won't find it in use anywhere yet. There remain a lot of questions about this technique and until they are answered there is still only sure way of removing hair permanently, and safely.

Gay, straight, bi?

I knew we'd get a lot of responses to this question on the BBS because it goes right to the core of a lot of issues for many of us. Credit for the question goes to Wendi, a thoughtful reader.

This was our first controversial topic and it brought out what I love best about our community: a genuine willingness to disagree in a civilized manner. We don't see that much these days and I was proud to see that OUR traditions are still strong.

Back to the issue. I think this one hit a nerve because so many of us have had to "prove" our sexuality to our loved ones. What is the first question asked by a wife who has just been told her hubby wears her clothes when she isn't around? Either "Are you gay?" or "Are you going to have a sex change?" A lot of us have answered "No." But we really aren't all that sure...Are we?

It is our own uncertainties that make this a hot button topic in this community. Deep down, we wonder if maybe being with a man wouldn't be so bad at all. But whether you actually do something about it has less to do with being transgender then it does with the kind of relationship you have with your partner.

If that relationship is strong and loving, you aren't going to stray. Simple as that.

Let me get more personal. I've been cruised in bars, had my ass pinched by strangers, and yes, I have my fantasies. But I don't have to go out and get cheap, sleazy sex.

I can get that right at home...

It's written well. Charles Busch, famed female impersonator and writer, does a nice job on the subject and the pictures of the city's top drag queens are very good.

But shades of the infamous "Allure" article I talked about in March, this story is spoiled for me by this remark:

"Drag is very much part of the gaycommunity today, but among many dragperformers, there is still a need toseparate themselves from the ranks ofnonperforming transvestites andtranssexuals. Most drag performers,while openly gay, make a big point ofsaying that they dress in drag onlyonstage and are resolutely male intheir private lives."

The statement reminded me of the transvestite who makes "a big point" of making sureeveryone knows "I'mnot gay!" Thesubtext in bothcases is that theperson doesn't wantothers to get the"wrong" impressionand confuse themwith a type ofperson they see asan inferior.

I'm not criticizing Mr. Busch's assessment of the attitudes of some retrograde--and dumb-- drag stars. Those attitudesdefinitely exist, unfortunately, among a small minority. What I truly don't understand is why he felt it necessary to put it into his otherwise excellent, and very long, article.

Interestingly, New York magazine carried a sidebar to Busch's story by a female writer named Kim France, who was not enamored of drag:

"Women may be forgiven for not joining drag queens as they gleefuly embrace--to the point of fetishization--corsets, girdles, insanely high heels, fake eyelashes, pancake makeup and other inventions most of us have happily discarded. 'Real women don't do this anymore,' the Lady Bunny once told a Washington Post reporter, 'So it's up to us.

"The underlying message is that drag queens not only make good women, but make better women than real women..."

France is also pissed off that Bloomingdales chose RuPaul's body as a figure on which to base it's mannequins two years ago. I don't blame her: RuPaul can sing but her body is too Barbie doll- like (has to be a corset). Of course, it only matters if you actually have enough money to SHOP at Bloomingdales.

She also had this comment to close the article: "Drag queens will insist that they don't really want to be women, they just want to honor us, darling. Which is exactly how Al Jolson felt about his ministrel shows."

Gee, ain't righteous indignation grand?

Carmen Marie Montoya, a much liked, beautiful transgender, was found murdered in a West Oakland supermarket parking lot on July 10, possibly the victim of a hate crime. She was killed by a blunt object hitting her in the face. There was no evidence of a robbery.

According to an account in the San Francisco "Bay Area Reporter" she was 23 and wasliving full-time as a woman, though she had not yet had a sex change.

A friend, Alvin Pickettay, said "She was a really outgoing person, really sensitive. She loved to dance and read and hang out and she was very supportive of other people regardless of their sexuality, but she was particularly helpful to up-andcoming transgenders"

Police have questioned at least one suspect, but there have been no arrests.

My good friend in the UK, Kaoru, told me recently that every queen in England wants to look like Patsy, a tall, leggy blonde with a bee-hive, squarish face, too short skirts and spikey heels.

The show has caught on big here too, I told her. During a break in a recent show the "Comedy Channel" showed a clip of a "Patsy" impersonator contest, which I think was in New York City. Dozens of queens turned out. Incredibly, an actual live woman also was in the crowd of over- dressed, over-madeup and over-excited drag queens.

Kaoru was shocked that a real woman would look like a drag queen. Guess she's never been to Dallas.

It's summer and that must mean it's time for more drag queen movies!

The big fuss right now is over Wigstock - The Movie which you can read about elsewhere on Transgender Forum.

But later this summer, or in the early fall, you'll be hearing plenty about "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" which is being produced by no less than Steven Spielberg and will star Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo as drag queens who steal an autographed photo of Newmar from a Chinese restaurant (thus the title) and have a series of wacky adventures.

Ah, Catwoman. The form fitting costume. The nipped waist. Those heels! No wonder Julie Newmar has developed a cult following among certain people in this community. She's one of those rare women who prove you don't have to be a guy to be a drag queen.

But what is really fun is that Julie understands WHY that our gang loves her look.

In a recent interview with Janet Weeks of the New York Times, Newmar discussed how she has become a drag queen fave along with people like Streisand and Judy Garland:

"I can't explain it," Newmar said of her DQ following. "Of course, I am larger than life."

Anticipating questions about `To Wong Foo,` Newmar heads for a note pad, where she has scribbled down some thoughts. "(Drag queens) know my secret," she said, reading. "We have three things in common. We like to play in the makeup box, wear four-inch heels -- actually mine are five -- and put on lots of sparkle."

Indeed, Newmar likes looking fabulous. Before a photographer shows up at her sunny Brentwood home, she obsesses over stray hairs and and makeup. Later, as the camera swings her way, she stretches on a pink chaise lounge in a sex- kitten pose worthy of a World War II pinup girl.

"Beauty," she said, "is what I feel my life is about -- the garden, the house, whatever. I see the world that way, yet it isn't. It's something else these days."