With Cindy Martin
© 1995 Transgender Forum
December 18, 1995
By now you know that JoAnn Roberts, one of the most respected people in the transgender community, has agreed to join with Jamie Fay and me to create the largest, and best, transgender site on the World Wide Web.
There will be a lot of changes over the next few months here, changes we hope you'll enjoy including more columnists and writers, many more shopping options and a greatly expanded community area that will feature expanded resources lists and guides as well as expanded space for local organizations to promote their groups and activities.
Stick with us friends, you're going to have a great time!
Sooner or later (I hoped later) I knew I'd hear from a religious nut, and I have. This one was a little slicker than others I've met, but it's just better packaging of the same old stuff.
Now this particular guy had a interesting spin on his story. He explained in his e-mail note that he had tried cross-dressing, but realized it was an abomination. He could relate to so much he'd read here, but he knew he had committed a sin. Okay, fine, I disagree with that, but there was more: he'd seen the light. And guess what? We could too! We could stop being inferior sinners (read: abominations) and be like him, just by believing in what he believes.
What really annoyed me was that this guy wrote the top of his letter as if he wanted advice on how to deal with his problem. It angered me that it was ploy. He wasn't looking for help or advice at all. He just wanted to preach.
You may have noticed that there are NO automatic postings at Transgender Forum. This kind of letter is one reason for that. If you want abuse, flame wars, and loonies you can always go read the Usenets. Or listen to talk radio. Better yet, watch Congress on C-Span.
One last thing: When it comes to religion I believe that the person whose birthday we celebrate at this time of year would be ashamed of anyone who would his name to express intolerance and ignorance. Those are the real sinners.
Respect has to be earned and it is disheartening for me to hear - again - about how people in this community continue to behave rudely to each other and to vendors by forgetting the simplest of courtesies.
Look, if you promise to be somewhere, if you've made an appointment, either honor it or call and let the person know you cannot make it. Simple as that. Your paranoia doesn't justify rudeness.
For some reason there are people in this community who forget all manners once they "dress up." If this is just a fantasy or fun for you, that's fine. But that does not give you license to turn into a stupid boor and treat the rest of us like we're just characters in your show.
Phyllis Frye, executive director of the International Conference On Transgender Law and Employment Policy, was honored last month at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) "Creating Change" Conference. In comments prior to the award, it was recognized that "the transgender community has stood the lesbian, gay and bisexual community on its head during the past year." Frye reports that there was much praise throughout the entire conference for all of the work done by the multitude of TG folks from around the country who had selflessly supported gay causes for decades.
A word to those who think all crossdressers ever want to talk about is their make-up and nylons: if YOU don't want to be stereotyped, don't stereotype others.
A word to crossdressers who only want to talk about makeup and nylons: stop behaving like a damn stereotype. It is so stinkin' boring!
"Parents, Schools and Values," is the innocuous-sounding title of Congressional hearings, set to begin Tuesday Dec. 5, but they may not be quite so innocent.
The hearings, which will be before Rep. Peter Hoekstra's (R-MI) House Economic and Employment Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations, were insigated by the Rev. Lou Sheldon, the extremist Christian fundamentalist who has made no secret of his hatred of gays, and by extension, us.
Sheldon and others who support his views, has called for the elimination of any school services or programs which address prevention of HIV, hate crimes and the high incidence of suicide among gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth should because they "recruit and promote homosexuality." Melinda Paras, Executive Director of the the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force said "The Radical Right will not rest until they have forced their narrow-minded ideas onto every facet of our society. By holding these hearings, Congress is playing into the plans of the Right to raise a generation of hateful, intolerant and mean-spirited young Americans. Now is the time for decent Americans to stand up and say 'no' by demanding that Congress step out of the back pocket of the Radical Right. We cannot allow our nation's young people to be pawns in the agenda of the far right."
"I wonder which parents, which young people, and which values the subcommittee's hearings will highlight?" said Paras "Right wing extremists hope to promote only their narrow definition of the 'acceptable' family. Will the hearings fairly and fully reflect the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender youth who face harassment, hostility and violence in their schools every day, with no one to defend them? Will the hearings fairly and fully reflect the aspirations of the many lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parents who are raising children? Will the hearings fairly and fully reflect values such as respect, tolerance, and compassion? Or will the hearings merely be a platform for the narrow-minded bigotry of extremists like Lou Sheldon, the Christian Coalition and others who share their views?" asked Paras.
You definitely can go home again.
In recent weeks I've been getting some interesting mail from post-op transexuals who are many years beyond their surgery. It's fascinating because of the strong desire for re-connection to the community that comes through some of these letters.
Traditionally, most transexuals "disappear into the woodwork" after surgery and sever their ties to the community, if they had them to begin with. Many go to great lengths to hide their past lives, which is understandable, given the kind of harassment that transgender people can get in this society. There are transexuals who have never tried to conceal what they are, or have been outted in some way, but that isn't this group. These folks don't want to be "out" as transexuals, rather they want re-connection with other TSs and the right to retain their privacy.
I like this trend, if it is one, and I hope that more long-term post-op TSs find each other. This is a group of people who have tremendous insights to offer the whole community, yet we have not been heard from much them. I hope that will change.
Once in a while I listen to talk radio and the other day I heard a conservative host (are there any other kind?) say that he received a phone call from a crossdresser on the night when San Francisco's transgender law was passed. This crossdresser, he said, told him that he had gone to one support group meeting but would never go back because "all they talked about were liberal politics."
I cannot imagine which "support group" this crossdresser visited, but the point of bring up this 10-month-old phone call was because the host wanted to use it as a way of painting us all as left-wingers. I found kind of hilarious, but it ticked me off too. You can say a lot about us, but one thing we are not is politically homogenous.
Take a look at the response to the "Do we need anti-discrimination laws?" question in this week's BBS. Sure, there are people who think we need some protection, which I happen to believe, but there are also those who not only do not think we need laws but who argue that more laws would be counter-productive. I respect that position because some of us really DON'T need a legal shield, because we either look perfect in our preferred gender or because our current life situation doesn't put us into any real danger of losing a job or a home. Plus, some people simply do not believe that laws really do anything to protect against discrimination.
There is truth in both points of view. I have known many people whose transgender status was known and who have done well without any real legal protection. But I also know people whose lives have dissolved once their status became obvious or known.
It is just plain stupid to assume we are all liberals. We've got plenty of conservatives in our community. I may not agree with some of their ideas, but I still think it is beneficial that we are all still talking and working with each other. For one thing, having a diversity of views has helped temper the behavior of our political leaders. If you get too crazy with this community you just don't have any support.
Add Politics: California State Sen. Milton Marks (D-SF) is about to introduced a bill to protect transexuals from being fired while transitioning on the job. The bill may be broadened to include all transgenders, but is given little chance of getting through the legislature. Marks has been a great friend of this community and is about to retire which will leave us without an identified champion in Sacramento. We still have a cross-dressing assemblyman, but he is so deep in the closet he may as well not be there.
William Bennett the former Bush Administration "drug czar" and now the self-appointed "values" guy for all of us has been teaming up with the Christian Right to clean up the deviants on TV talk shows. That includes us. Pressure from Benett and his friends have convinced Proctor & Gamble to pull ads from the worst of these (See Randi L.A. Dennis' story on this).
I'm of two minds about this. I don't like the idea of censoring the media because it conflicts where your views, but on the other hand many of these shows have exploited us and debased us.
It wasn't always like that. In the early 1980s when groups were just forming Phil Donahue and some of the other top notch programs gave us a fair hearing and a decent platform to tell people about ourselves. But we aren't "new and different" now. Today, punks like Jerry Springer bring on the most outrageous people they can find and make us into clowns, or worse. I know Springer from when he was politician in Ohio. Trust me, he hates us.
Does boycotting these shows hurt us? I doubt it. Sure, we'll lose some exposure, but given the type of exposure we're getting lately we can more than afford to lose it. These shows are interested in "entertaining" not informing so Sally Jesse isn't going to bring an "ordinary" cross-dresser on her show, too boring. She'll always be able to find some wacko to parade up there, you can be sure of that, but that doesn't mean we have to debase ourselves to give some sort of "balance". Besides, you've seen these shows with the nuts on one side of the stage and real people on the other. Whose story really gets the attention?
When I was president of ETVC I ended the practice of announcing calls for guests on TV shows, unless it was Donahue or Oprah, because of complaints from our people. Julie Freeman, a columnist here at TGF, recently turned down a gig on a show because of its "ambush" style. She just didn't trust them anymore. Neither do I.
The Nature vs. Nurture debate that was in the BBS recently was stimulated by a conversation I had Halloween night with the sister of a very good transgender friend of mine. He had just come out to her and like many people who are directly affected by us, she was deeply concerned.
We talked about all the usual stuff and things were going along okay until I told her I believed that this is something that we are born to, that it may run in families. Then I saw something else in her face.
I saw fear.
She mentioned that she had a young son. I told her I have a daughter and two boys. She never said it, but I could seen what she was thinking. What about him? If my brother is like this, what about him? From that point on it was clear that the questions she raised with me were not so much about her brother as about her son.
She really wanted to understand why her brother was as he is, but I suggested she would do better to focus on what kind of person he is. Does he take care of himself or is he a layabout? Has he been a moral person in his relationships? Has he been loyal to the family? These are the real questions, aren't they?
It can be very hard for people to look beyond their surprise, worry and fears when they find out a loved one is transgender, but the interesting thing was that her father, now in his 70s and a traditional kind of guy, had accepted his transgender son much better than anyone expected. From her comments I gathered he had asked himself a lot of questions about his boy. Apparently, he had come to the conclusion, that yes, he's a decent person and if this is how he is, the rest will all work out fine.
I don't know if any of this made her feel better, or worse, about her brother or her son. The heart of a parent can be so full and heavy. I was just looking at my two young boys faces as they sleep in their bunkbeds. It almost made me cry to see how beautiful they are. I'm up, writing, but also waiting for my daughter to roll in from a date. She'll be tired, but chatty. That'll be nice. Tomorrow is soccer day for them, football game for her and her boyfriend. The day after that they will all be gone, grown up, working, having children, worrying about bills, calling us long distance. I don't look forward to that.
I understand how that woman felt. We don't want our children to have a hard time. Transgender means different and different can mean trouble. But it doesn't have to be that way, and besides how many of us have lives without obstacles and problems?
Long ago my wife and I came to the conclusion that we can civilize our kids, educate them and give them values. From there it is up to them. Besides, in the end what really matters is whether they love us, treat other people with respect and honor themselves.
We can work everything else out.
Oh great. Another clown.
I'm a tolerant person, but I'm getting a little tired of joke drag candidates for public office. I haven't mentioned it up to now because I didn't want to give this person publicity, but now that the election is upon us it makes no difference. Someone named Kitty Cole is running for Mayor of Palm Springs, CA. This 26-year-old 6'5" guy, and that's how he prefers to be identified, wants to make the city "the playground for mobsters and movie stars it was intended to be." He also plans on painting no parking zones with glitter paint.
Naturally, he loves loves fabulous clothes and talking how gorgeous he is. Stop me if you've heard all this before... In the picture I've seen he's got that pouty look under a platinum blonde wig and a feather boa. Wow! How original! How innovative! Imagine a drag queen in wild clothes! Give me a f*ing break.
Fortunately, we do have some legitimate politicians too, people like Alice Barnes who is also running for office in California. I'll let you know how she did. I'm debating about reporting on the massive defeat that Cole is about to have handed him. Frankly, I'd just as soon see him fade into the obscurity he deserves.
P.S- Cole was obliterated in the election, getting a meager 276 votes. Alice Barnes, by contrast, made a serious run and while she was not elected, picked up 1000 votes in a community that is much smaller than Palm Springs. Good work!
The Thing That Won't Die: The Tri-Ess no-queers policy.
This week's mail includes a letter and a response on Tri-Ess' controversial policies excluding gays and transsexuals. Both are well-worth reading.
Marla Louise truly makes an excellent case against the policies. In reaction, Kym Richards, Tri-Ess board member, doesn't actually answer Louise, which is unfortunate, but somewhat understandable given the long flame war that this issue caused on the Usenet not long ago.
Richards does make the interesting comment that the flame war had stimulated interest in the group from people who only became aware of the group from the 'net argument. She states, with something of a smirk, "IMHO, this kind of flame war is better than a membership drive."
I don't doubt her. Let's face it, Tri-Ess is the only thing available to desperately isolated people in many, many places in the U.S. Just knowing there is something out there is going to stimulate interest. It's sort of like the fellow said of Louis Farrakhan and the Million Man March:"When you're drowning you don't care who throws you the life preserver."
Here's my take on Tri-Ess. I believe that you have the right to associate with whoever you wish whether I like it or not. I don't like their policies, but I do believe that people have the right to be in a private club if they so chose.
My problem with Tri-Ess is that, as I said, they are the only game in town for so many of us. It just seems unnecessarily cruel to keep out the handful of gays and transexuals who could use a little support in places like Jackson, Mississippi or Murray, Utah. I don't understand that at all.
One thing is certain. This controversy is not going to go away, and not because of me and others like me who are not Tri-Ess members. It is going to continue because of growing numbers of critics inside the organization.
Attention Tammy, my "Hill Rat'': I get your mail but I cannot answer dummy addresses and letters without return addresses. You've got very interesting views and I want to hear more from you but do us both a favor: go out and get yourself an internet account with a private company! Or (shudder) join AOL...
Temptress is a transgender band that has to be heard and seen! I've recently seen a video of theirs and this band can rock. They're cute too! Look for a very exciting drawing of the band from the cover of their comic book (yep they've got one) in Gallery
Here's the short list of upcoming venues at gender friendly clubs:
For advanced tickets and promotion specials please contact the clubs, ManRay is going to also feature a special drag night and Jaegermeister night. Jaegermeister is the latest Temptress sponsor, and the group is looking for other potential sponsors and endorsers.
As the Transgender High Holy Day approaches just remember: on Halloween every man can be a queen and get away with it. Happy Holiday!
Actually, one of my favorite parts of Halloween comes that afternoon. For a number of years now I've made it a point to go over to Macy's at lunch to observe the guys nervously buying cosmetics at the make-up counters. Funny how so many of them need to buy $150 worth of cosmetics on that particular day. ...
Halloween night is pretty hectic for me now because I have candy/escort duty with my youngest, but I usually have a little time left over for a drive to Transgender Mecca, otherwise known as San Francisco's Castro District. Thousands of revelers come to this gay neighborhood to party on that night, a night when boas, g-strings and false chests are de rigeur. It's also an event attracts a lot of people who have never been dressed in public before. But they're easily spotted. They're the ones actually trying to pass as a real women.
Funny thing about Halloween night in the city. I've gone to the Castro party many times and never been harassed. Once in a while a gay man will make a pass (usually the old, blind ones) but a simple no thanks is usually more than enough to send him packing. It's the "straight" guys who get sleazy and rude with you...funny how that is...
Quick tip: Invest a few dollars in wig conditioner and add many additional wearings to your favorite hair. After washing, and between washes, spritz your wig with conditioner. I like to do this before going out, but spritzing before putting it away on its stand is fine too. Doing this regularly will help the fibers in the wig retain their sheen and bounce much longer and helps to retard drying.
President Clinton has publicly announced his support for the Employment Non-Discrimination Act now before Congress. This law would give gays and Lesbians federal protection from job discrimination and termination, something not assured in 41 states. I'm glad Clinton is supporting the bill, but my pleasure is tempered by the fact that we're not included in it, partly because of the actions of a major gay organization (see item below).
Anyway, if this law were be passed by this Congress it would be one of the all-time surprises in US political history. Just not going to happen this year.
Now we're on radio.
Transgendered News Update (aka The Rachel Lee Show, TG Edition) is an approximately 8-minute radio feature show containing news about the transgendered community that is produced by TG folks and can be heard as part of the "This Way Out" gay and lesbian radio program. This Way Out is aired on over 85 community radio stations in eight countries, and on Costa Rica-based global shortwave station RFPI (RadioFor Peace International).
For information about a station in your area write AMFMRADIO@aol.com.
A truce has been reached between transgender community activists and The Human Rights Campaign Fund, a gay and lesbian political organization that was involved in excluding transgender people from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (see above).
After a meeting on September 17 between the HRCF and TG activists this statement was issued:
"HRCF has made a commitment to work with representatives of a spectrum ofthe transgendered community with a specific focus on hate crimes. HRCF has also committed to assist transgender representatives with anamendment strategy in the context of ENDA. The strategy does not include re-introduction of the current ENDA; the language of the current bill remains as is.
"Both groups will work in good faith to continue dialogue and to build coalition in the context of ending violence and discrimination against this community."
Present at the meeting from the transgender community were representatives of the American Boyz, the Transgender Law Conference, It's Time America, It's Time Texas, Transgender Nation and the Transexual Menace.
In light of the agreement of HRCF officials to work with the transgender community on ENDA, hate crimes and developing an on-going rapport, representatives of the NYC chapter of the Menace have indefinitely suspended alldemonstrations at HRCF fundraising events.
Said Menace member Riki Anne Wilchins after the meeting, "Although we realize we are not within their mandate proper, nonetheless we hope this marks a turn towards diversity and inclusion in HRCF's lobbying efforts. We believe the community as a whole has firmly embraced the concept of a larger queer community, and HRCF's statement is yet another crucial step down this road. We are looking forward with great anticipation to workingwith HRCF: their agreement to work cooperatively with us is both generous and welcome, and it could not have come at a better time."
