Bulletin Board Posts

Conversely, I have been to concerts and bars where the women's room line was so long that some women went to the mens room to relieve themselves. Nobody seemed to mind that a woman would go to a men's room. And the women themselves didn't seem to give a damn what we would think. Discrimination of a sort? What do you think.

Alazan

As for the legality, check the laws where you are before making the excursion. In California, where I live and practice law, there is nothing to prohibit using the ladies room. The only law on the subject in the state statutes prohibits loitering about public restrooms for lewd or lascivious purposes, or to annoy or offend others. In other words, you need to intend to do these things, and be doing something toward that end. Just using the restroom is perfectly legal. I understand San Diego has a local law prohibiting men from using city owned ladie's rooms, but I don't know that for sure. Still, that leaves privately owned restrooms, such as in restaurants, available.

The bottom line, is to be discreet and use the restroom for its intended purpose.

Carolyn

I also worry about pushing my wife over the edge about my cross-dressing.

Hugs to all,

Christy

I agree with Jennifer. I felt the same way several times. Threw away some nice things, only to regret it later. It comes down to this in the long run. Its not just about going out, and the excitement you used to feel when you did. It's the added dimension of freedom, to what is a very constrained, sterotyped male life. You can be 'Male' or 'Female', do what men or women do, be masculine or feminine.

I don't think you will be happy, for long, trying to stay within the bounds of one gender identity. It is acceptable for women to personify a man or women. They can put on a dress or a pair of pants, wear a tie or lacy blouse. Although it was not always this way, most women take that freedom for granted.

I also keep looking for a #crossdressers channel on IRC and never find one: it is apparent that one of us will have to start one. Maybe I will do just that

My worst fear: losing connection with my transgender self as I get older. Age should not be a stumbling block to self-expression. To hell with conformity!

My worst fear about being a transvestite is being outted, not to my wife (she already knows) but to the rest of my family, friends and above all, colleagues at work. I guess as with all fears it is the unknown that causes the problem - I just don't know how people will react.

My wife took several years to accept it (although I think she still secretly hopes 'it' will go away). I can't help thinking that if someone who loves me as much as she does had such a problem then how will anyone else understand. Then again, other people wouldn't feel so threatened by it - who knows. Anyway, nice talking to you all,

Debbie

Love to all.
Elaine Quinn.

My worst fear... Dealing with peoples reactions.... When you are just being yourself

Anni

Melissa2b1@aol.com

Marianne Rivers

We've been through some tough times, but she basically supports me. She has always been fascinated by it, but also has a lot of fears too. I guess they are the typical fears; am I gay or do I want a sex change. We've been trying to contact Tri-Ess here in Houston. I have left our phone number on the answering machine, but no one ever returns our calls. If someone can be of assistance, please respond to this BBS(sorry, I don't have EMail as of month-end).

Sincerely,
Amanda

Being outed? No! Already done that. Just about everyone who knows me, (except my family who live in another state) knows about my clothing preference. Losing a lover? No! I'm very open about it and will sometimes show up for a first or second date in a skirt. This way whoever is attracted to me knows what they are getting into.

Being fired? Yes! This is one way the power structure can retaliate for my non-conformance. It would be a very painful experience. I'd like to think that I could survive it. Nothing to wear? No! I've still got my hair, but it definitely would be depressing.

Becoming normal? YES!!!!!! That's it! My worst fear is that I will lose my femininity and the desire to cross-dress will go away and never return. Now that would be hard to live with.

With love,
Barbara

No really, I appreciate the concern. But being transgendered to me means playing the part to the fullest. Look your best, be your best, do your best. There should be no fear if you are following this philosophy.

Call me a dreamer, but Martin Luther King, Jr. also was a dreamer.

Love, Sisters.

*Kelly*

Jennifer
Email:
jennifer@raven.cybercomm.net

To find a web site like this is unbelieveable, especially when you have lived as a crossdresser in such a restricted society as this. To read all these messages about people who cross dress and take it( almost) for granted is incredible. Here in this wonderful emerald isle, being Tv/Cd is almost a crime. It is, according to our religious leaders, a 'grave sin'

Alas! Where are all the drag queens/female impersonators!? Have they all gone to IRC? Where kin I find some local ladies to go out with?

"Nah! This one looks better on you."
"OK."

It's wonderful to feel such a relief from hiding a secret from one you love. Secret feelings you had no one to let out to. Until I found this forum. My dear pen-pals were really my first contacts for my "outing". But I could not touch them or hear them or see them or cry on their shoulders. My wife was the first warm flesh and blood that supported my head when I told her and she's been there for me ever since. God Bless her!

Peace and Love to you my sisters,

*Kelly*

Dear Anyse,

Well, I would not voluntarily tell any child. I would not lie. But I feel there is a type of 'moral' issue here not to cause confusion in any child. A child is in the process of figuring out WHO they ARE and to add our own gender issues on top of it seems unfair to them. They'll have enough of their own gender issues to deal with.

That said, I have always believed that honesty is the best policy. I do NOT lie to my wife and children. (My wife has always known, from the very first time we met.) But I do not expose my children to this important facet of my life at this point. They are too young (8 and 4).

But if you are asked by a child, then you must be honest and truthful. To deny, lie or coverup will lead to further questions and issues. If you have a trusting relationship with your child, please LISTEN to him or her. Let your child lead you to the questions that are important to them... And you'll know how to answer them when the time comes... Children can be very wise... so please listen to your child... Forcing an answer to a question which hasn't been asked may only lead to further confusion and dilemmas for the child.... with your relationship and with the childs friendships...

div

One day he said "I see you're in drag again." :) I've never dressed fully around him, too afraid he'll run screaming from the house.

Of course my mother was the first to find out. She came home early once when I was about 11 and found me in front of the mirror in her clothes. She was quite upset and draged me outside and showed the neighbor. How terribly embarrassing. The neighbor was more understanding than my mother.

Those are the only people that know that I crossdress, except for my wonderful sisters here at the TG Forum. Others may know that I haven't told. They may know that the lady in the skirt walking the dog at night is me or maybe that the woman getting a bikini tan on the deck is me, I don't know. They haven't said anything.

Jennifer jennifer@raven.cybercom.com

Well, I guess she didn't know. Now, she's real accepting of it. We don't see much of each other, but she says she'll give me a hand with my makeup sometime.

It was such a relief to tell someone, to say it out loud!

Sally

Through this crazy medium, I recently met someone special. Luckily, we met in person (3000 miles and it was worth it!) and we have been getting to know each other since. She has important decisions to make in the next year concerning how she will live for the rest of her life. Personally,her beauty, sophistication, and personality knocked me off my feet! I see her style as a standard that other women might take notice. I encourage her only to live as she feels right.

As a regular reader, I appreciate the informative and entertaining values of this "cypherzine!" More important is the support that generates from this site, and because of it, I will pass this address on to this special lady. Thanks and appreciation....

Shine on...."Khris"

) she tolerates and tries to be supportive. As for non-wives - I've been VERY lucky - the few people I've told have been girlfriends who were really fine with the idea. wscott@nyx.cs.du.edu

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CHARACTER

"You're a girl
and you'd better not forget
that when you step over the threshold of your house
men will look askance at you.
When you keep on walking down the lane
men will follow you and whistle.
When you cross the lane and step onto the main road
men will revile you and call you a loose woman

If you've got no character
you'll turn back,
and if not
you'll keep on going,
as you're going now.

Translated from the Bengali by Carolyne Wright and Farida Sarkar.
I really think it is so very touching and appropriate for some of us.

Love, Missy (and thank you for your wonderful TG Forum)

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The first person I came out to was my girlfriend. It was funny really, here I was having to cope with this issue, and my girlfriend seemed to be the one who felt herself hard done by, and in need of comforting. I know it was a major stress to me that first time explaining my needs to someone, but I had to spend yet more energy on consoling my girlfriend.

Eventually she seemed to get over it, but flaws had arisen in the relationship, in particular I didn't like the way she tried to make me feel guilty, and tried to make me feel like she was doing me a big favour by accepting me for what I was.

Maybe it's the way that I handle things, but I have found this to be a general truth. The response is normally:

1)Shock
2) I can't handle this
3) It's all your fault
4) grudging acceptance(not in my presence!)
5) Goodbye, I can't take it anymore.
The result is that no-one has ever seen me in both my male and female personas, only one or the other. Maybe one of these days :/

Allicyn

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I agree with you Christy, We too often fall into the trap of being either/or but not both. The idea that we must sacrifice one part of ourselves in order to express the other seems simply to be conforming to a bi polar gender model. I mean no offense to post op people, if you feel completely female all the time then it makes perfect sense to me to match the body to the persona. In my ideal world, I would be able to express myself in male or female clothing or both as the mood takes me.

If a women chooses a butch or male look one day then appears in a feminine dress the next no one sees a conflict, obviously if a male were to behave the same way, the reactions would be somewhat different! I am happy with the way I was borne, what makes me unhappy is the external societal constraints which make it very hard for me to present myself to the world as I really am. I don't want what I wear to be a focus of my life other than to express my inner nature, which like a lot of natural things, has its moods and whims that change like the weather.

Any comments?

Ani
ani@netspace.net.au

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Greetings from Philadelphia!

It is encouraging to see that most of the responses haven't "bitten" on the logical hook of this fishy question about TVs and CDs being some kind of premature version of a post-op TS. Clearly to agree with this concept is to continue the harmful, polarizing ideals of a two- gendered paradigm. It is even tempting to suggest that it offers evidence for the failure of surgery and hormones to overcome a decidedly male insecurity complex. For me it's a question about the beauty of gray to paraphrase a song from a band called LIVE. I love the concept of the journey for identity which we each must take. Don't confuse your body with your soul my friends. Let the stockings, dresses and make-up reflect your person, not define it!

Christy Cage 102565.3664@compuserve.com

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No Stella / London, UK, I don't think you've "gone through it". I've felt like "why bother" sometimes to. When I was younger I too thought maybe I had "gone through it". I threw out some beautiful clothes (I really miss the high heels) thinking I wouldn't be needing them anymore. But it comes back. Maybe in a week, maybe several weeks, maybe even a month later. But it DOES come back. We all have many sides to us. Maybe now its just time for the male side. So go ahead and put on some pants. Just don't throw away those dresses. Stella will be back for them ;-)

Jennifer
jennifer@raven.cybercom.com

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With the realization that I like to do drag, my social horizons have expanded enourmously. Rare is the time when I go out in man drag! The event of the week for me is to make my appearance as Bren D'Luscious on the local scene.

And make an appearance I do: seven feet tall in heels, blond (yes, naturally), custom dresses made to fit... how I do love to show off! As for my sex life, well, since I am happily "married" to a latino man, my love life has always been good... And since we do female impersonation together, we have double the fun!

*Kisses!*
-B.

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How has it affected my social life? Well I stay out longer, dance harder, stopped drinking...

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Does anyone out there have experience of the 'what now' syndrome - ie, having done just about all of it for the last 30 years, hit the time when the whole idea seems to be getting a bit daft? Like why bother, Ive been everywhere, done everything I want to, why go on dressing up and going out? Have I really come right through the w hole thing?

Is there anyone who has passed this phase and gone on, or given it up? Don't get me wrong, I love the scene, but its getting a bit flat. I'd like to hear from any others with an opinion on all this..

Lotsa love,
Stella / London, UK
Email:100707,3175@compuserve.com

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I went to a "TV" meeting once many years ago and got a new idea expressed to me - that all TV's, CD's, whatever, are driven by some sexual component. This was the contention of a wife, who was then pounced upon by numerous individuals who protested vehemently (and myself included, silently). I have since become a bit wiser. Having been taught to do so I believed that I was purely heterosexual, whatever the hell that means. I am now 44, and quite good looking en femme based on my own s ubjective appraisal and based on appropriate attention I have received from males. While I haven't any interest in sexual attention from a male in male role, I am now ready to explore the possibility of an encounter with another beautiful, smooth, exquisi te TV/CD/TS.

Although I once thought it an interesting notion to "date" a man and get the royal feminine treatment (and so I put out an ad and got some responses), I was so revolted by the shear crap proposals that I gave up on the idea. Getting to know someone and wa rm up to them seemed to be out. Maybe women are right about men after all? That was my conclusion - although it is probably unfair since the sample was rather limited. If others have had similar realizations I'd like to hear about them.

Audrey Douglas in Portland
an166026@anon.penet.fi

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"Why do so many TGs dresss... like prom night"?

Actually, I think the answer is like one of those funny little math problems statisticians get so excited about. Most of us when we start want to have that prom night we never got. The only problem is that this always occurs when we start crossdressing, not when we have had many years experience. The result is that being the novices which we are at the beginning leads to ummm, imperfections is the nicest way to put it, making us easily readable. As we get more experienced, it becomes harder to read us , after all we become as good at putting on make-up as most women. I know that I often have stop myself groaning at the job my girlfriend does on her face. At the same time as perfecting our skills, we also get over this prom night urge thing, which mea ns that a lot of TVs walk around with their antennas tuned to.., umm walk around without ever being noticed at all, as the blend in to the background. What I am trying to say in short is that it seems like a lot of transvestites dress like it is prom ni ght because they are inexperienced, and hence the ones who get noticed a lot.

Just a few long-winded thoughts...

Allicyn

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Hi, I would like to comment on last week's question about tv versus ts feelings and actions. Is a tv really a ts who doesn't have the guts to go the ts route? First let me say that the question is couched in judgement -- the notion that one is better or easier or more or less fulfilling is absurd.

Second is the notion that there is conscious control over this is a bit far-fetched. And finally, there is the question of the changes in our desires over time and across situations.

There is no comparing the agony of a tv to a ts --it is the same and different, it is apples and oranges --or can be. A tv may hide clothes, dresses in secret, and worries about community judgement. The ts is confused and frustrated and out of synch with her body, but is 'suffering' from a medical illness and the medical profession now has the technology to 'cure.' Sorry...no comparison.

Ted

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