Bulletin Board Posts

Late December 1995

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Topics: In your transgender life what are your major goals for 1996?

My one resolution for 1996: Have courage to follow my heart and believe in my dreams, and compassion for others I meet who struggle against fear and despair. I resolve to nurture love for myself and others in the face of fear and the pressure to conform. Let your heart shine, too.

Lorin

I'm a 44 year old who is just now openly facing my ts nature and actively starting therapy and exploring options. I've found a wealth of info on the net but I have a question about HAIR that I need help on. Mine is thinning on top, not so bad yet that a hair transplant couldn't correct most of the problems. My question is, how will hormones effect my hair? Will the balding process stop, can I expect any regrowth, should I hold off on any transplant work until I've started hormones? Hormones may be up to a year off because I have alot to work through with my wife of 22 years. In the mean time, my hair is falling out! Does anyone have any advice out there? If this isn't the right place to ask this question, can you point me in the right direction? Thanks

paul@qsc.com

Hi! I am a castrated TS woman. My goals are to promote understanding in the TG community, we are all sisters and brothers! I hope that someday we will all learn that the differences are what we should enjoy about ourselves. Society judges us too harshly already so I think we just need to love ourselves so we can care about others. I am so planning on moving to the Anchorage area this June and would like to talk to others in that area. I have been really busy lately putting together a group that meets every Tuesday night in San Francisco at the Tom Waddell Clinic at 6:30 p.m. dring the Transgender clinic. It is a lot of fun and sometimes serious time. A safe place to come and talk about day to day situations and a way to get to know each other better. All Transgendered are welcome! Thanks much,

Donna

Hey girls! My name is Crystal, I am 35 and have been CD'ing for the last 15 years! I am happily married and my wife supports me 100 %! I am looking for a support group in NJ. Also, I want to start to explore the night life and am looking for some help. Fortunately, my wife also enjoys spending time with other women and also with Crystal! If anyone could help me I would appreciate it.

Crystal from Princeton

This year I plan to be an active member of our local support group. (BTW, to be more active generally wouldn't be a bad idea ...)%

My goals for 96 are to work on passing in public here in Minnesota, Actually go out in public, find a supportive mate, and find and meet other transgendered people in the state on Minnesota.

GildorMN@aol.com

I guess that this year will bring many things for Sabrina. '95 was full of new things for me. I held my first job as a women (waitress in a gay bar), and I dressed on a regular basis for the first time as well(before it was only when I felt brave). I had many long hard soul searching sessions with my friends and myself. All in all I have found that I am just as lost now as I was at the begining of the year.

And now '96 is apon us. What will this year bring? I know that I will have to make some kind of decision as to Sabrina's long term future. Will I continue to be a casual TV or will I begin to take the big steps down the road to womanhood. The hardest part of the equation is my 3 year old little girl. Is it fair to her to deny her daddy further than the situation already does (my ex has custody)?

Sabrina

I probably have two goals for 96 - join a support group and find acceptable boundries that my wife and I can live with. I've been CDing for 30 years and I love letting that feminine side of me come alive. I want to come out of my closet real bad, but I know I need to take it slow. I just recently bought a skirt and blouse and J.C. Penney's. I was treated very well and they couldn't have been nicer.

Ariel Marie :)

SSince we are a community of people who are people who are perhaps the most aware of the pain that the patriarchy causes. How can we contribute to the transformation of this society? any idea's? rslade@orednet.org

My major goal for my transgendered life in 96 is to go out at least once en femme with a group, and have a really good time. Who knows if I do it once I might find the courage to continue the coming out process.

All the best for 96 Rosalind

My goal for 96 is to find a balance between my needs & those of my family. I don't dress at home, mainly due to the kids, but my wife knows & encourages me to nurture "Donna".

I'm 39, lifelong tv, and for the first time in my life have found both freedom & support from a mate. My biggest issue to resolve this year is when & where to dress. - Happy New Year!

Donna

1) Become good with makeup;
2) Become good with deportment;
3) Become good with speaking;
4) Enhance my femme self image;
5) Go to TV socials; and
6) Who knows...spontaneity happens. Take care,

Dee Dee

In 1996, I want to bring Ashleah more to the forefront of my life. I am seeking other TG frinds in my area for relationships.

Ashleah

My major goals in 1996 are: To disclose my TS to my wife, I have plans to do this after the holidays. Began my transistion to a fully functional woman. Connie from Michigan

Since I have come out, again, this time as TS, I will use the new year to start formal therapy and "legal" HRT. SRS and formal transitionbing on the job still scares the Hell out of me and I could use all of my sisters help on this one. I into RLT almost full time now. On the job I look very feminine. I even wear masculine female clothing and very light make-up, ear rings, long hair and nails. So why am I frightenend? I don't know.

1995 went out like a lion with my wife and I coming within an inch of splitting up. I had to agree not to seek SRS to keep her. I love her and she has endured so much with me, because of me I can't hurt her by forcing her into lesbianism. So, what to do in 1996. Everything a new TS must do short of SRS, I guess. HRT, RLT, electrolysis, etc. Wish me luck, my sisters!

Love and Kisses, *Kelly*

Rosalind

In 1996 i realy want to go to the IFGE conference in Minneapolis/St. Paul. i would also like to try to form a support group for the northern part of minnesota. It would be super nice if this support group could buy, build or borrow a SAFE HOUSE where gender people could go and feel comfortable. I would also love to find a boyfriend who lives nearby. And i wouldn't mind at all if i was able to help someone who feels like i do be more at ease with themselves.

Charisa Joy Anderson

T To meet a nice girl who I can be open with, who will share my interests, and hopefully someone I can snuggle with!

Karen

For 1996 it is my goals to become more active in my local gender groups. To support others in our communittee that have a special need and to share my lifes experances with others in reguards to helping in teaching the communittee at large about the CD\TV\TS folks. Also share my experance in how I came out to my childern. That was a giant step towards stepping out of the closet all the way. dgene@wavenet.com

I'd like to discuss issues of hetrosexuality and cross-dressing. I identify as hetrosexual and a trans person. Hetrosexual in the sense that I am attracted to women dressed as a woman and as a man (unfortunately I have to dress as a man sometimes)

I identify as a trans person because I think that my CD is more than just dressing for sexual arousal. I would like to dress at work. Has anyone got any ideas on how I should start the process of dressing at work?

NSLATH@dslak.co.nz

Another plan I have for 1996 is to live out a lifelong dream and go out as Batgirl for Hallowe'en... I won't get into it, but watching Batgirl on TV is one of my earliest TG memories... *grin* Funny how our minds work... :)

Love, Aleisha Michelle

Sounds like New Year's resolution time. I resolve to settle things with my SO. She disapproves of my choice in dress. I resolve to lose weight so my choice in dress is greater. I also want to meet more people like me for real, rather than through the Net.

jaye

My hopes for the next year is to get in touch with other ts.and move beyond feeling guilty for not being as others would prefer and instead continue to grow as my own true self. and simply be FREE.

Renee

Whew! This is a tall order. To start with, I need to back off and give my spouse some space to accept and adjust. After 22 1/2 years with her, I could repress no longer in '95, however, I moved too far too fast. I need to slow down and let others catch up to me. The Net/Web (read y'all) have been a great source of inspiration/information/help/support/aspiration....

Regards, Holli (Columbia, SC)

My goals for 1996 are to communicate with another CD closer to home and try to come a little way out of the closet door. One item I have found is a FRIENDLY supplier of corsetry in Melbourne so they have leaped to the top of my things to do in 96 list.

Wishing you all the best for 96 don't be strangers my email is here to be used.

HUGS Rosalind!

To meet other crossdressers in my area whom I can socialize with, to connect with the local support group, to continue to try to share my crossdressing with my more open-minded uni-gendered friends and to find the ultimate beard shadow solution.

Yvonne

My goals for 1996 are to get off the fence and get on with my life as a woman. I have no outstanding encumbrances; the only obstacle to me is me!

Cherysse St. Claire

You will always find someone who puts down someone else. This is a reflection of their own insecurity. You will also find people who perceive (from a distance) others are looking down at them. There are also people who perceive (from a distance) they are being "dissed". The support groups I know welcome all levels of transgenderism, but some girls I have met avoid them because "that group is for TS's, not cross-dressers like me". At the other end of the spectrum, I have experience with the Chicago Drag Queen scene, and they look down at everyone; a reaction to how they perceive the "straight" community perceives them. As in all things, the best solution for misperception is communication. Yes, that requires sticking your neck out and inviting a "cold chop", but if you don't stretch, you can't reach.

Cherysse St. Claire

Well, I think 1996 will be a very busy year for my 'transgender' life... I have pushed away this essential part of myself for so long I think I can afford to nurture it a bit this year. My plans are to begin HRT, move to a new environment, and begin transition. I think 1995 has been, for me, a year of self-acceptance, and a beginning of the emotional healing process. 1996 will be, I believe, the beginning of the physical 'healing' process... I am at once both excited and terrified of this prospect, but I know now that it is something I have to do. In that respect I look forward very much to what 1996 will hopefully bring... :)

Love, Aleisha Michelle

After an extended period of not being able to work much due to health problems, I am now once again focussing on work and money. A few years ago, I worked as much as eighty hours a week and really burned out, so I am trying to be more moderate now. Although I am now self-employed in a rather unpredictable profession, I think the situation is *much* better than slaving away for other people.

Transsexualism is to best motivation I can imagine for working as hard as I do, considering the intimate link to money. I want to be more social in 1996, but the extreme cynicism that I have devoloped from past experiences makes this difficult. So mostly I'll be work- ing and hopefully will have the money for SRS by the end of the year.

--Vicky C.

To be more active socially and politically in the transgender community.

Paula.

In 1996 I will start therapy and "legal" HRT. I declared my transsexualism to my wife and support group, Neutral Corner, over the holiday. 1995 was a year for coming out. 1996 will be a year for putting a life back together. With a little love from my wife, with a little help from my friends, and with a little support from Neutral Corner I may succeed!

*Kelly*

1996 is going to be another year of big changes for me. In 1995, I finished a divorce, buried my stepmother, handled my father's estate and started RLT. 1996 will find me recovering from facial and body recountouring, having voice surgery, and the the big one - SRS. Also, I will be having to decide whether I want to go to law school or to enter into a doctoral clinical pyschology programme. Wew! Things just keep on going!

mwardlow@ucsd.edu

I hope to reach into 1996 with a new attitude towards my own reflection in the mirror. To be more feminine with myself. I am finishing a novel this year which will be published by a major publishing house and my most difficult moments,,if they can be called that, were entering into my main character with the demands of my own sexuality, needs, desires. And after writing it down realizing that I will be exposed in public.

Lilly

What are my major goals for 1996 in my transgendered life? To be more accepting of myself. To be more comfortable with myself To find the right shade of foundation *giggle*. To get a "business" portrait, everyday portrait and a glamour portrait done this year. Oh!, and it would be nice if I could find a voice like Melanie's.

apilgrim@eskimo.com

I think this question is much the same as "Do Christians look down upon Jews?" or vice versa, or add your "class distinction" comparison here. Judging from some of the responses already posted, it seems to re-affirm that individual TS's and TV's have different answers to this question. In my case, I know a few transgendered people with whom we get along wonderfully, and others with whom I try to avoid. None of it has to do with how well someone looks, how much money they have, or whatever. I just click with some people more than others--whether they happen to be TV, TS, gay, straight, black, white, etc. is irrelevant. I sincerely hope that people within the collective transgender community aren't actively engaged in the destructive pursuit of trying to stereotype one another. We have enough of that to concern ourselves with from people outside the community who pass judgment while they haven't a clue what the differences between a transsexual and a transvestite even are. So let's not fall into that trap. Thanks!

Michelle A. Wallace

I would imagine that transsexuals--very successful ones--wouldn't look down on tv's so much as feel a certain kind of sympahty, or at worst, pity for tv

kzpe87a@prodigy.com

Whether TG or TV there is a part of all of us that is feminine and longing to express our womanhood.In a complicated world full of intolereance, none of us can look down on another for being TG or TV. Our femininity makes us sisters and together whther we find it by giving love as a woman to a man or simply by feeling a special freedom in crossdressing. To all our sisters my love for a warm Christmas and a joyous New Year. And if Santa leaves a little lace and silk under the tree ummm.

Hugs, Marie.

I I know there are many on both sides of this issue who are guilty but it has been my experience that T.v. have the problem with Transexuals not vicesa/versa.
love always,

Dawn

Like any segment of society some choose to feel aloof, but they are in the minority.

I I have dressed in panties since i was a chiled, and that led to gay sex at 11 and i still dress for my man. I do'nt see what the problem is with TV'S TS'S or TG'S? we all feel like a women, and as for me I'm a man who loves lingerie when I am with my boy friend.

No, I do not believe TS look down on CD's. Or at least I hope they don't, we all are part of a unique community and should support each other. If we don't who will.

Connie from Michigan

I was never of the opinion that T*s or T*v's looked up or down to either one or the other, but after reading the personals in these pages a lot too much emphasis has been placed on looks. Why can't we accept each other for what we are not what we want others to be. I'm 44 6ft and very overweight but I still feel good when I'm crossdressed. All I see in the mirror is a fairly ugly woman when I look in the mirror from the inside of my dress, but I still feel great knowing that even though I'm ugly I still look feminine.

Hugs, Rosalind. (all girl in her heels)

I certainly "do" believe that TS/TGs look down on TVs. Just the other day I sent a Note to a TG, who's picture I downloaded to compliment her on her looks, and when she realised that I was a married bisexual crossdresser, she told me to stop living a "lie", and to get "counseiling. This from a "guy" who's been living as a "woman" for 3 years.

I can not help "who" I am, anymore than they can. We get enough of that kind of stuff from "Bi" bashing "gays", who don't consider "bisexuallity", a legitimate lifestyle. Why don't we all try to be more tollerant towards others!

Lisa

The existance of this question, I believe, is its own answer. Let me be just a little bit more clear: I see my mental dynamics played out to some extent in society; therefore, my explanation stands a chance of being a general one. As a person who wants (desperately) to be transsexual, there is a fear of being "only" a transvestite. There is, deep down, a certain uneasyness about the idea, quite like my feelings about homosexuality. But these feelings are really nothing but a product of the catagories themselves. People seem quite trepidatious about drastic, irreversible change. Those close to me would strongly prefer that I discover I am a repressed homosexual, or that I uncover that I feel guilty about being a transvestite, and so I seek to pass myself off as a transsexual because it connotes something more legitimate, less perverted. While I cannot determine the truth of these things, and perhaps I am not one, but all of them, it is clear that the others are speaking from personal, selfish/selfless concerns. They either want me to be like them, or they are afraid of losing me.

With this unintentional pressure, and the fact that my feelings have always been rather murky and elusive, is it no wonder that I react defensively by trying to separate myself from "them".

It is important to remember, that, were SRS as easy to obtain as a penis enlargement, and were crossdressing not frowned upon, we would possibly have an entirely different set of catagories for such as me. Frankly, I am not at all sure if anyone can give a meaningful answer to "Do you identify as a male or female?" I mean, how do you REALLY know? Suppose you're conception were inverted, but it was of such a subtle nature that you never resolved your discrepency with the public language. All we are left with, then, is "How are you identified?" and "How do you wish to be identified?" All that we have of gender is external trapping, the surface details of which may not at all be a reasonable basis for mapping out the inner dynamics of our minds.

I do not think that TS look down on TV. Myself has friends I have made through the net and they help me in my feelings and getting ready to go out.Well I will love to read from other too. I am a 26 year old CD and love to communicate with you all.

thuli@sri.lanka.net (Sri Lanka)

Hi, As a relative newcomer to the net, I have been chatting extensively on the cross dress channel.I made it clear that I was a hetero xdresser and have received nothing but kindness and friendship from the TS. In my experience, no, TS do not look down on TV

JaneyT.

Other Comments & Questions?- Email to:cindy@tgforum.com
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