Bulletin Board Posts

Early November 1995

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Topics : How old were you when you knew you were transgender?

To take a bit of a liberty with this analogy, we were all born with our own tastebuds (nature). In front of us is a smorgasbord filled with many different items for us to choose (nurture). We don't choose what life sets in front of us, but our choices are governed by our own personal tastes.

Applied to the transgender community, we learned about society's definitions of gender identity and gender roles from family, friends, teachers, preachers, and so on--Our culture. We adapted to what suited our own bodies, minds, and souls could and would accept, the rest is considered to be invalid to us personally. So no one made you transgendered, but what you relate about yourself as being masculine or feminine is most likely influenced upon by your upbringing and environment. I'm a transsexual, but while I prefer needlepoint over football, I also prefer jeans over dresses.

That's who I am as a person. Western culture might dictate that men watch football and wear the pants, while women make crafts and wear skirts. But being true to myself I have my own preferences. Just as I take an extra helping of the potato salad at the buffet, and continue to overlook the sweet potato pie.

MiAnne@xconn.com

I was born transgender, earliest recollection at age 2. Being abused by step-father from age 4 to 7 didn't help, nor having the nick name Sissy. Need to learn now how to accept wifes suicide because of my gender confusion and learn to be true to myself before I'm too old. ferreri1@aol.com

For me, it was more of a combination of both. Nature provided a body that can fit into _small_ Misses sizes. I think my TG tendencies were generally stifled by societal expectations until I started dressing for the part. On the other hand, it was society's expectations that highlighted my differences from a "normal" male, and similarities to a "normal" female. I just didn't admit to it for a long time.

Comment1 Well, I'm still trying to sort it all out. I've gone from just daydreaming about what it would be like to be a woman...to a full-scale TV/TG in less than a year. So much so fast.

Love,
Cheryl Marie

Hmmn... nature or nurture? I think, for myself, I'd have to lean towards the 'nature' side, if only for the fact that I've known about myself as long as I can remember.

My earliest memories deal with being a girl, and realizing something was wrong, as opposed to feeling like a boy who wanted to be a girl, if that makes sense? (g) There may have been 'nurture' involved as well, seeing as I grew up in a household that consisted primarily of women. Any re-inforcement of my feelings was done in a passive way, though, as no one knew. As I have grown older my 'desires' or 'feelings' have not grown stronger, but my acceptance and understanding of them has.

Love,

Aleisha Michelle (still trying to get my email working!)

Ibelieve that transgender is born with for the most while for some it may be the people around that effect to be such. For me I believe that I was born and it is in my system. I would like to hear your view about this and talk more about what I am saying.

Thuli (Sri Lanka)

Hi Girls!

>From my earliest memories, I've always felt that something wasn't right and I started cross dressing from an early age. Although I tried to ignore the fact (I'm sure you know the feeling) it became increasingly clear that I felt that I was born a member of the wrong gender.

Comment1 So I don't think it was anything to do with my upbringing, It's just the way I am. I imagine it is possible to become a TV after birth but definatly not a TS. Oh, does anybody know where I can find out some info on good private psychiatrists in London (UK)? (Time to take that big step...)

Jenni.

My brother first showed me Mom's underwear drawer. Things took off from there. I've always gotten thrilled from being near women's things. I've also smoked a lot of pot over the years, and wonder if other CDers have.... Nature or nurture? God only knows, and she ain't talking! -sally

I have been dressing since about the age of 12. I am amazed at how much energy over the years has gone into hiding and secrecy. I recently hold my SO and she was thrilled! She has been *very* supportive and I have dressed for her several times now. At last the fear of discovery is over!

Yvonne

As long as I can remember I have felt TG... when I was about 4 or 5 I told my mother that I wished I was a girl. There has never been any doubt in my mind about who I was, really, but for many years I've pushed any thought of transition away. Since I've come to terms with myself, and have decided to find out my options re: transition I am feeling much happier! :)

Love, Aleisha Michelle

I first remember cd-ing when I was 10 or 11, and have been cross dressing secretly ever since. I am now 18 and I am finally starting to come out slowly going out late at night.

When did I know? Age 4. Since I wasn't totally clear on the limits of reality, I thought perhaps I could change by force of will - if I just wanted it enough. I very quickly found that this would not work, so I set the matter aside(mostly) until the age of 15, when, after considering various explanations for my feelings, I made my final decision. I began hormones and changed my name at the age of 19.

I am now in my mid-twenties and working on getting money for surgery. Am I breaking any(social) rules? Of course. But I didn't make those rules and they do NOT exist for my benefit anyway. Remember that the transgender "community" has many rules of its own, especially regarding things like clothing and sexual orientation. I don't feel obligated to follow those either.

VICKY C.

Age seven, I dressed for a halloween party in a rainbow colored dress with a blonde wig. I felt better about myself at that time then I had ever felt before.

I was 10 years old, and wanted to wear my sisters dress, I tried to trade her her my jeans for her dress. Mama caught us, I didn't get the dress. I put on an old shear curtain, wrapping it around my body.

My name is Dawn Wilson. I first realized I wasa transgendered person when I was about nine year old. By the time I was 13 I knew that I had been born into the wrong gender.

Dawn

Well, I think I started having this general feeling that I was a little backwards when I was about 6... I was totally unaware that I could be TS -- I was raised by my area of society to believe these people were gay, and I wasn't. However, when I was about 16 things got wierd, mentally, and by 19 it was impossible. So now I'm 20 and I'm transitioning. Maybe I can live now?

Melody

I used to wear nightgowns to bed and other silky items such as slips and panty hose. I also wore a onepiece swimsuit in the shower a couple of times but I grew up and was to big to fit in the clothes laying around the house so now that I am older I want to start getting more into crossdressing and possibly going full out has a women. i need support from other cd so I don't feel as guilty as I do. Thank you

Carrie

Dearest girls, My name is Lana, and I have just recently accepted that I am a cross dresser. I am trying to become proud of the fact and become more comfortable with it. I have known that I like wearing women's clothing since I was about 12 years old, and have experimented off and on, now I am 24 and wishing I could go out in public as my femme self.

Thank you all, Lana

It was my third memory exactly! I was just under/over three years old, and I'd just asked Mom to make me into a girl the way you might ask her for lunch! She got oh-so-concerned and had a "Long Talk" with me. Made me realize for the first time that the world was hostile and dangerous. I started concealing from that day on. Well I'm 38 now, been crossdressing in the closet all my life, with the exception of my wife of 17 years, who knew even before we got married.

I blew the door off the closet 6 weeks ago... I'm now on hormones, attending sessions at a gender dysphoria program, cross-dressing (very conservative at first) in public, and as soon as that pesky short hair of mine grows out, I'll be living publicly and privately as a woman for the rest of my life. EveryBody but EveryBody who matters in my life now knows about it. Almost everyone has been accepting, or very supportive.

MadeToFit@aol.com

At 5 years old in kindergarten a girl came to school wearing a very pretty red velvet dress. I remember wanting to touch it and began fantasizing about wearing one like it. At age 9 I tried one of my mother's dresses and by age 11 I was dressing at every opportunity.

Brenda B.

When I was about 12 or 13 I started to become very interested in exploring my feminine side. I didn't get a chance to explore this fully until I was 19 and found a friend with simialar interests. Still, that first day when I was home alone and dressed up as my sister...I'll never forget it. I am now 20. While I rarely dress up now I am still interested in people that do.

Molly

I was 18 and living in Nurnberg, West Germany at the time. My upbringing was not unlike Gerald/Geraldine in "Just Like a Woman". So I guess it started as a child. But not until I was brought out of the closet in Germany did I know I was TG. At times now I think I'm TS and Bi rather than TV and hetro. However my marraige to a supporting wife prevents me from "going all the way". I'm not sorry and I have no regrets for being TG. At 39 & outted, life is just beginning.

*Kelly Ann*

I remember the first time that I knew I was trapped in the wrong body was when I was about 10 or 11 when the girls started blossoming and I stayed the same, Oh how I wanted to wear my first bra, panties and sexy under things. This of course was kind of difficult being in a hous with three brothers and my mothers things were much to big for me. That was over 20 years ago.

My first time dressing was when I tried on my aunts teddy while I was babby sitting my cousin, it felt so great I took it home with me.

Over the next few years I would take a little money each month and save it for outfits to wear. I got caught sleeping in a babby doll nightie and all of my clothes were taken away from me. That did not stop me I still felt like a girl trapped in a boys body. my parents over the course of the next few years caught me in various stages of clothing from a Skirt and blouse to a prom gown.

After being caught and my clothing being confiscated on several ocasion my parents bought me some mens disney bikini underwear but they were not the same and I went out and started my wardrobe again. This time my parents asked me if I wanted to be a girl or what. I told them that I was not sure, they even would change my clothes, bedroom and let me be who I wanted as long as I would be happy. They sent me to a psych. We talked a little while and as much as I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be a girl, I could not bring myself to tell him.

Now I'm 30, had I known then what I have learned in the last few months I would have jumped at the chance, You see I was afraid that I would be a bearded type lady, or not fit in. Had I Known at then that at the age that my parents would have let me start to transistion, I could have finished High School College, and built up my job experiance as Tena.

Tena

I guess I have always known, from the first consious memories I have at about age 3 anyway. I knew i should have been born a girl, but I Didn't KNOW about TRANSGENDERED people untill I saw a TV show on the Subject of a doctor getting a sex change on some bad medical drama show in the 1970's. I guess I was 8 or 10 years old then. Amanda

I have known since I was four years old when I discovered the difference between boys and girls. I knew, deep in my heart, that I may have looked like a boy but I wasn`t. Since then I have been more comfortable with women and that my femininity is me. I began cross dressing in my mothers clothes. It was hell when she found out. But I still feel in touch with my real being when I wear a skirt, lingerie and makeup. The little girl within me grew up to be a woman while outside I play the man. Maybe one day..

Love to all my sisters.

Marie

I was 10 or 11 when I first started exploring my mothers closet and dresser, my family is very religious and would never be able to deal with my dressing, so I try to be careful not to let them find out.

I first wore womens clothes when I was 8 or 9 years old. Since I didn't have any sisters I wore my mothers clothes. I wore them secretly until I moved in with my future wife. She suggested putting makeup on me and I've been dressing around her ever since then. After talking with the girls in chat I've started wearing my earrings, braclets and ladies watch all the time, am growing my hair and have long nails that I keep polished. I'm now 38 and dress every day. Jennifer

Iwas three years old. I am told this is not uncommon for one type of gender dysphoria. Some people find it hard to believe that a child that young can have a sense of gender, but if you watch young children, the social mores -- especially gender-related ones -- are instilled very early. I guess the sad thing is that it took me then another 42 years to find the courage to take from society the gender I had a right to. All those missed years; all that frustration.

Kristin Rachael Hayward ..a trip to Maine

For years I've been trying to remember when I first tried cross-dressing. As best as I can recall, I was about 7 years old, and I'd borrow my sister's clothes out of the laundry, or sneak into my parent's bedroom and rummage my mother's bureau drawers. That was almost 40 years ago!

Ash

I first started cding when I was about 10. I don't know why, or for what reason, I just got up one morn and put on a pair of my sister's nylons and it just grew. Within 6 mos. I had, secretly of course, started wearing all of her clothes. On the first day I almost got caught! I guess luck was on my side as I didn't get found out until I was about 14. MOther was *not* happy. To this date my cding has not been accepted by those who know. When will it ever end.

I would love to go and visit family and dress the way I prefer to, but that'll never happen, unfortunately.

Allison

Hi, My name is Bobbi Ann. I use that name in all my communication and associations now. And as of Nov 3, I will legally be Bobbi Ann (I hope) I consider myself to be a woman. A woman with a surgically correctible birth defect. I have just about always considered myself female.

The first time I was aware that I was "Different" was when I knew there were such things as boys and girls. Whe I was about 1 1/2 or 2 or sometime in there I annoucned to my parents that "I am a girl." Of course this met with instant success. If you believe that I have a bridge I would like to sell you. As I am sure have many others I have suffered as a result of being TS. From losing friends to actually having a "friend" threaten to come over and shoot me. I will have surgery if I can ever afford it. My shrink has agreed to write a medical necessity letter to Medicare in the hopes that they will approve and pay for SRS. I hope that if Medicare approves it for me it will make it easier for others to get their insurance to pay for their SRS. Why not, insurance pays for surgical correction of other birth defects. I do live full time as a woman. My friends (what few friends I have) know about me being TS. and they are supportive. Although my family (except for one aunt) have not been informed, but they know, I do not try to hide who I am.

Bobbi Ann

Hi Girls! I was only about 3 when I asked my mom to make me into a girl the way you might ask her to make you some lunch. Fear and concealment from a hostile world began that day. 35 years of secret (except from my wife of 17 years)cross dressing later,I'm a husband,a dad,and a newly-launched pre-op transexual.6weeks of hormones behind me,the rest of my life as a woman ahead of me, support and acceptance from those around me.Why'd I wait soo long? Happiness Ahead!

Wendy

Hi I'm Eleanor from Kent [in the UK] and I'm 25. I can first remember dressing when I was around four or five, but I'm fairly sure I was doing it even before then. It wasn't a big issue for me though until I was 11 and went off to an all boys grammer school - the kind of place where you must be gay if you don't like rugby (which I didn't). It took me 12 years and a couple of failed relationships to come to get my act together, and now I sometimes regret all the time wasted...

- Eleanor

Although there are pictures in the family album showing me dressed up at about 5 (almost 60 years ago), I first realized that I had a strong desire to be a girl when I was about 12 years old. We lived in a large house with an old fashioned attic full of stored clothes where my cousin, my younger sister and her friend, and I would play ≥house≤. I always wanted to be the mother. Later, if I was alone in the house, I would get dressed and go for short walks in the neighborhood. I was always afraid that I would be recognized, but I was compelled to do it anyway. I finally went to a neighborhood Halloween party completely en femme when I was about 13. No one recognized me until I told them who I was.

Marianne Rivers

Hi, everyone... this is Aleisha Michelle from chat... here's my new email, that should be up in the first week of November: ad591@freenet.hamilton.on.ca Hopefully I'll hear from some of ya... Doreen, Cori, Emme, Jen, Beth, Krystle, Susan, Bobbi Ann, Brenda, EVERYONE, you all mean so much to me! I'll try to drop you some mail soon. And Melody, please send me your email, I need you, girl! {HUG}

Aleisha Michelle

Istarted crossdressing when I was 14 yrs. old (40 now) and have a full wardrobe of sexy womans clothing. I finally told my wife in a playful way and she inquired deeper until I finally told her my secret. She is very supportive and we dress togather. She wants to know more but I am afraid to tell her. I have written some stories and about my desires and fantasty. I am looking for other friendly crossdressers or tv to share with.

love Joy

Hi Girls, Believe it or not, one of my earliest memories is rummaging through my mothers bureau drawers and dressing in her clothes. I must have been no more than four years old! I popped into the living room of our small apartment and showed off to my mother and grandmother! I remember them saying how quite I was but that I was a boy and should dress in dads clothes instead. I even remember trying that but it wasn't the same!

As I grew older and into puberty, I spent as much time as I could (when I couldn't be discovered) making up and dressing up. As a boy/girl, I was 5'7 and 110lbs, so I could make myself look very nice. Well... the boy has grown up. My TV tendencies are still very strong at 43. I have managed to keep my weight down to 150lbs at 5'9. I am still very much in the closet as I have a wife and three wonderful children. Maybe someday..

XXX
Paula

I am 40 years old now, I realized that I was transgendered when I was 9 years old, I can remember the day as if it was yesterday, it was probably the most significant day in my life. It hit me like a ton of bricks, when at one precise moment I knew that I should have been a female, and I couldn't understand why at the time. I had never heard of transgendered people in any sense, I just suddenly realized that there had been a terible mistake and I have known since that day that I was transgendered.

Cheryl

I made the tough decision not to crossdress while the kids were growing up and not to tell my kids about this. Of course also understand that I din't understand it myself then. My girls are 31 and 28 and still do not know. At this stage in my life I seriously doubt that I will tell them. When I look back at raising kids I'm not sorry that I did not tell them-there are enough complications in growing up anyway.

Re: the later question-looking back, I knew something about 5 or 6 but only that I was different, no clue as to why or what it was(late 40s,early 50s).

hugs, Suzi

I don't know that you can call me transgendered. I am a TV and have been for as long as I can remember. . I first put on a skirt when I was about ten years old. It was an instant change in my life. I have been in skirts (and more ever since (nearly fifty years).

Janet

When i was six or seven, i asked my brother to call me Janet, and asked him to kiss me, we slept in the same bed, and shortly thereafter received twin beds. Darn! My brother and i have always been close.

Lisa

I first discovered the joy of c.d. when I was about 5 and put on a pair of my 6year old sister's panties while lying in bed. Now over 50 years later that feeling is still in my memory. I have been cross dressing ever since and know now that I will never stop till the day I die.

Jane

Hello I am Susan from Clarksville, Tennessee. I am currently in transition. I am 24 years old and have known that I was born in the wrong body, since oh as far back as I can remember. I have since seeing the Christine Jorgensen story on tv planned on oneday getting my sex changed. Many of us have wanted this for many years, A lot of girls including myself have believed that srs was financially out of our reach! I have found that it is not!

Susan

I was around 5 or 6 when I knew and realized I was different. I dreamed that I was female. It was at that age that I started crossdressing. Danielle

Hi ya'll, this is Michelle and I first knew that I was TS when I was about 5 or 6. I kept putting on my mothers clothing and they kept telling me that that was wrong, up to that point i dont remember thinking it was anything unusual to feel like i did. I wanted to know why I had short hair and could'nt dress like my friends and I was told that was because I was a boy and not a girl, and that when I knew that I really was a girl but only looked like a boy...from then on it's been a living hell.

Michelle

For me it was about 9 or 10 that I first had the stirring that I enjoyed dressing in women's clothing. But it wasn't until many years later that I understood what these desires meant. Until then I was consumed by guilt and thought I was the most vile thing on the face of the earth. Not until I finally made contact with others like myself did I come to grips with what I felt and knowledge of what transgender meant!

Regina

I was 10 year,s old when I knew I was definitely different than most folks.I had a definite passion for the clothing that belonged to the opposite sex.I have,nt looked back since and know that I am transgender and love it.

Amanda

Only if they ask.

This weekend my 15 yr. old daughter emptied the dryer and held up a pair of my panties and asked " Are these yours? "

I took them and said "thank you. " No other discussion . Better to be honest than lie.

Other Comments & Questions?- Email to: cindy@tgforum.com

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