Topics: Do you consider that you break any rules or laws or conventions of gender?
If so, which ones? How do you do that?
Should Crossdressers Use The Ladies Room?
2/.I was raised Roman Catholic, I still feel a great deal of fear when going out, or even just going into a store to buy clothing.
3/.To be honest I feel like I have been living without gender since I have come out to myself with my transexuality and have taken and continue to take measures to become who and what I feel I am. I feel that until the day I have the SRS, that I have no gender!
I do not feel like a woman trapped in a male's body, but like a woman who has been denied her femininity, and raised as a boy child, and on the odd time when I would do things of a feminine nature, I would quickly be reprimanded for so doing! I feel that my sexual identity has nothing to do with what is between my legs and everthing to do with what is between my ears,and in my heart.
I am much more afraid of being read using public transportation than using the powder room for some reason. And what I've discovered is that people can read fear better than they can read gender. Therefore, confront fear and avoid being afraid. I am not afraid of the ladies' room and I am successful in passing within its confines. Walk the walk, but watch your step.
Love, Christy
Women's clothes tends to be a great icebreaker (it takes them 3-5 minutes before they realize I am wearing girl things). If you have not tried it do so, it's a lot of fun!
Brenda
Email:
dixon1@ix.netcom.com
Even as a male I have long nails and hair. I sometimes get comments refering to the fact that men shouldn't have long nails and hair. When people are bold enough to ask WHY I wear my nails and hair like a woman I simply say either "I like it" or "Fot the same reason she does." (pointing to any passing woman) "Because I think it looks nice." Most of my male clothes were actually purchased in the womens department too so I guess thats another convention I break.
Fear ?!? I'm always afraid. I fear lose of job and lose of my friends and family. I fear some uncivilized people will feel the need to impose his or her values on me with brute force. But I find that people are becoming at least a little more tolerant of TG people. Especially if they aren't quite sure if you are TG or, as a freind of mine that doesn't know said "Just a little odd".
Do I live without gender? No. It seems I am often very concious of my gender, either the gender the world sees or the one I was born with.
Email: Jennifer
What am I getting at? Basically, what I am trying to say is that most of my life isn't about gender issues, it's about having fun and being happy, just like any other person. So in a sense, I could be said to be living without gender most of my life. Having said all of the above, I suspect the question was actually asking for info about living in the middle ground. For me, no I don't do that.
Fortunately for me my wife is completely understanding and helps buy my things, as I am embarrassed. I have just learned my 17 year old son, straight with girl friend has the same problem, and has for years; as have I. I found out one day while putting some of his clothes away. So I came clean with him, and he with me. I have gone out in public once during the day, and yes used the ladies room. This was with a previous wife. She also was some what understanding. I just turned 40 and though my faith does not allow me to become a TS, I will be a CD and attempt to become a TV. I would appreciate any E-MAILS in regards to shops, my hair is long enough on it's own, it's the voice, beard, face, hands and weight as I am sure you all know.
I am quite Naive to this and how to go about the change. I lost my oldest son to cancer, do I tell my younger son 14 so I can be myself at home? I do not wish to hurt anyone, I just want to be me!!!! I have heard some of you say it is not black and white but gray. I guess this is true, I love to ride my Harley and still at times feel Macho, but 90% of the time I am a female.
I have only 2 male friends as I usually get along with females much better as I am sure you all know from experience. I am faithful to my wife and have no desire for sex, just friendship with girls like me. A show, ice tea and a book, shopping and talking about how and why we are where we are and what can be done. So thanks for listening and I hope each of you ladies find happiness.
Love
Susan
My greatest hope is that by reading the experiences of those sisters who have leaped accross the gender line in the sand, I can also. accross the gender line in the sand, I can also.
Profession: under-paid computer programmer/analyst, living in North Dakota (have lived in Mpls/St Paul). No support group other than therapist and a couple very select friends. With artistic/subtle use of makeup, I seem to pass (unless someone makes a close inspection)--I don't seem to cause much of a stir or receive harsh stares. When shopping, I've had a couple gals flatter me by saying they were jealous (I think of my fake figure--no HRT at this point). I tell them not to be.
In addition to my desire to find a roommate to defray costs, I would also enjoy some company Sunday/Monday morning after SC. If you know of anyone also planning to make a little longer vacation, I'd really appreciate you putting them in touch with me.
Aloha,
Alazan
I am still trying to contact Tri-Ess in Houston. If anyone can help me, please send me a message (this is not a personal ad)! I will only have my EMail for a little while longer.
Email:
Amanda
Diane
We as a community not only need to get out of the closet, we need to get out of the bathroom! Our society makes too much of an issue out of a basic human function. Just because our society is still in the third grade regarding their thinking on this issue doesnít mean we have to be.
I'm an openly TS woman who still gets these questions occasionally. I have quit answering them, stating it is my policy not to answer such a personal question that they wouldnít dare ask any "normal" person. These questions, even though they may be sincere, demean transgendered people. I encourage all transgendered people, including spokespersons appearing in panels and on talk shows, to answer similar questions the same way. Letís show society how mature we are.
Sincerely,
Tammy Coleman
Of course we should use the ladies room. The problem I see is how do you
tell if someone is a crossdresser or a "dirty old man" wearing a wig to
get a cheap thrill? You can't go by how they look. And if you go by how
they act it may be to late.
I'm reminded of the story of the two female body builders that got arrested and examined by a doctor when they tried to use the ladies room. I'm to terrified to use the ladies room myself. I make sure I "go" before I leave and get back before I have to use the facilities ;-) And shame on whoever would use the ladies room and actually stand up in the stall. I sit down at home even if I'm not dressed. Just a force of habit now.
I wish to thank you for your forum it has been a big hep to me . I have read the posting on your forum and what a help it has been to me . My life of crossdressing has so much in common with what I read . I thought I was one of only a very few . Its good to know I have so many sister out there . My spouse no longer supports my crossdressing so I don't have many chances and I do miss not be able to crossdress as much as I would like. I am 61 so for some of young sisters enjoy, it part of your life .We are very lucky to be able to enjoy our female side .
Love paula
One more thing. I urge you all to avoid Michael Salem's Boutique. I Have been ripped off before but this takes first prize. They have very poor quality merchandise at very high prices. Oh well, live and learn.
Michelle
I have a 5 year old son in my full custody, and can't primp up while he's home. That's a drag, but I can deal with that because he is THE LIGHT of my life! Now, for my problem. I would dress more when he wasn't home, if I weren't afraid of her finding out and trying to take him from me. She knew I dressed while we were married, and in fact, she bought many of my clothes for me. She thought it was neat.
The judge asked her if it were in the best interest of the child for him to stay with me and she said yes, and at that time she knew I still dressed, so either she didn't think of it, or it didn't bother her. Should I ask her if it would bother her now? Or should I just tell her I still do? Any ideas, girls? Here are my email addresses for those of you who are honest and sincere, and we all are in here, aren't we, girls?
Simpsond@dmec1.dmsc.k12.ar.us
74647.1142@compuserve.com
I just recently found the TGF and am very glad I did!
Courtney
I always check out the feet of the stall next to me for shoes styles. Most women do! So remember that the next time someone gets upset when your are in the powder room. Do your business and noone will be the wiser and all will be right with the world of femmine hygiene!
Joan
In my case, Ive been living in a man's world for 55 years. Help me and others just like me.
Hugs,
Suzi
To some or maybe most of "us" this makes sense. To me, this is appalling!!! Should we risk 100% probability of embarrassament by using the restroom assigned to our birth gender while dressed or something much less in a restroom befitting our image. Would you ask management in advance restroom policy if you come back en femme??!! If I look the part I play the part 100% or not at all, no questions asked.
Thank you, Kelly (rebel en femme)
I also know, and have known, that it's my time!
Cindy Lacy
Janine
Conversely, I have been to concerts and bars where the women's room line was so long that some women went to the mens room to relieve themselves. Nobody seemed to mind that a woman would go to a men's room. And the women themselves didn't seem to give a damn what we would think. Discrimination of a sort? What do you think.
Alazan
As for the legality, check the laws where you are before making the excursion. In California, where I live and practice law, there is nothing to prohibit using the ladies room. The only law on the subject in the state statutes prohibits loitering about public restrooms for lewd or lascivious purposes, or to annoy or offend others. In other words, you need to intend to do these things, and be doing something toward that end. Just using the restroom is perfectly legal. I understand San Diego has a local law prohibiting men from using city owned ladie's rooms, but I don't know that for sure. Still, that leaves privately owned restrooms, such as in restaurants, available.
The bottom line, is to be discreet and use the restroom for its intended purpose.
Carolyn
I also worry about pushing my wife over the edge about my cross-dressing.
Hugs to all,
Christy
I agree with Jennifer. I felt the same way several times. Threw away some nice things, only to regret it later. It comes down to this in the long run. Its not just about going out, and the excitement you used to feel when you did. It's the added dimension of freedom, to what is a very constrained, sterotyped male life. You can be 'Male' or 'Female', do what men or women do, be masculine or feminine.
I don't think you will be happy, for long, trying to stay within the bounds of one gender identity. It is acceptable for women to personify a man or women. They can put on a dress or a pair of pants, wear a tie or lacy blouse. Although it was not always this way, most women take that freedom for granted.
I also keep looking for a #crossdressers channel on IRC and never find one: it is apparent that one of us will have to start one. Maybe I will do just that
My worst fear: losing connection with my transgender self as I get older. Age should not be a stumbling block to self-expression. To hell with conformity!
My worst fear about being a transvestite is being outted, not to my wife (she already knows) but to the rest of my family, friends and above all, colleagues at work. I guess as with all fears it is the unknown that causes the problem - I just don't know how people will react.
My wife took several years to accept it (although I think she still secretly hopes 'it' will go away). I can't help thinking that if someone who loves me as much as she does had such a problem then how will anyone else understand. Then again, other people wouldn't feel so threatened by it - who knows. Anyway, nice talking to you all,
Debbie
Love to all.
Elaine Quinn.
My worst fear... Dealing with peoples reactions.... When you are just being yourself
Anni
Marianne Rivers
We've been through some tough times, but she basically supports me. She has always been fascinated by it, but also has a lot of fears too. I guess they are the typical fears; am I gay or do I want a sex change. We've been trying to contact Tri-Ess here in Houston. I have left our phone number on the answering machine, but no one ever returns our calls. If someone can be of assistance, please respond to this BBS(sorry, I don't have EMail as of month-end).
Sincerely,
Amanda
Being outed? No! Already done that. Just about everyone who knows me, (except my family who live in another state) knows about my clothing preference. Losing a lover? No! I'm very open about it and will sometimes show up for a first or second date in a skirt. This way whoever is attracted to me knows what they are getting into.
Being fired? Yes! This is one way the power structure can retaliate for my non-conformance. It would be a very painful experience. I'd like to think that I could survive it. Nothing to wear? No! I've still got my hair, but it definitely would be depressing.
Becoming normal? YES!!!!!! That's it! My worst fear is that I will lose my femininity and the desire to cross-dress will go away and never return. Now that would be hard to live with.
With love,
Barbara
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