How I found a partner,
by finding myself

© 1995 Aurora DeLeonne & Transgender Forum

So you've learned to accessorize, your undergarments are carefully chosen for their sexiness and figure enhancing qualities, and you've finally stopped wobbling in those size 12 heels you bought at Nordstrom. You dress is divine and your makeup flawless. You look in the mirror, and you know you look GOOD! You want someone else to spend time with your sexy self.

It's the same quandary time and time again: "How do I meet somebody?"

Well the answer is not an easy one or this question wouldn't get asked again and again (especially on the ever-chatty internet). There are lots of folks out there who want to find fans of their hobby, their lifestyle, and their sexual preference (let's be honest, girls!) but just can't seem to get far enough out of the closet to make it happen.

Now bear in mind that this article is purely subjective. I am not an expert on dating by any means, but I do know a thing or two. I also know that the top of this story is as much about me as any of you, only I managed to change my luck.

How did it happen? Well, first of all, I can really pass, so I have an advantage. The second was to do the hardest thing a TV can do: Admit to myself that I liked the lifestyle and would probably always be a transvestite. I was single and I wanted to meet some people who were into it too, so I decided to take out an ad.

We all have at least a few of those glossy TV Personals magazines lying around the house... You know the ones: TV Confidential, Boys in Frocks, etc.,etc. And I don't know about you, but is seems like the girls in those ads end up in every single magazine. It's just scary to think your 2-year old ad might start generating mail at any time. Or that an especially sexy shot sent in for your ad becomes part of a photo montage. Besides, you may not be single by the time that magazine makes it to someone's hands (the distribution channels are not especially time sensitive). It makes you really vulnerable to exploitation. I would say that is not the route to go!

What I needed, girls, was a medium and a message! Most major metropolitan areas have a paper famous for its personal ads. In Seattle, it's the Stranger. So, armed with honesty and a nice blouse, I decided I'd find out just who in my area might want to get together with a nice TV. My ad was simple and direct. It was the classic "Let's be girl friends" kind of ad. I said I wanted to meet girls only (I'm not into boys, personally) and that it wasn't just a sex ad. And it worked! Well, I met some people, at least.

All of the girls who left me messages in my Personals Mailbox were sexy and curious about crossdressing and thought going out with a willing partner to safe bars and clubs is a lot of fun. We would go to Neighbors (a local friendly dance club) and go out to eat later at Denny's. It really boosted my confidence and helped me accept that being a transvestite is a liberating and thrilling gift.

There are, of course, some real issues when a single TV wants to get involved in the dating scene. I am very lucky, my male self looks completely unlike Aurora. I often fool people with a picture on my wall of me in drag. I tell them it's my sister or girlfriend and they will often believe me. Not everyone can completely transform their looks, I know, but often in the clubs there would be a small group of TV's that were more protective of their identity. They would wear sunglasses and wigs to protect themselves, and even with "manly" chins some of them would look really hot. So you might get caught, but by who? A co-worker cruising the club him/herself? If you are natural no one will care. It's about inner honesty, remember? I got caught leaving the house with a girlfriend one night by my downstairs neighbor. He thought I was really cool and gutsy to leave the house with teased hair and a tight skirt.

So, to continue, I mentioned that picture hanging on the wall. Well, it was a Halloween shot of me in a really nice dress my Mom lent me! So it looks good and classy (it was an expensive dress) and quite chic. Since I normally wear glasses, people don't see the resemblance right away, so I left it hanging up for my friends, family and visitors to see. I became honest about my transgenderedness in a non-confrontational way and let all my friends adjust slowly. Later on, after they were kind of used to the idea, I would drop by my friends' house with a girl while in full drag on the way to a club just for laughs and we would take pictures and have fun. I took some risks, and some people have, regrettably, drifted away as a result. But, the photo and the visits sent a message to not only my social circle, but to potential partners as well.

The woman I'm seeing now came to visit my apartment one night, and when she saw the picture she thought it was really cool. She was really into the subversiveness of it. Seven months later, we are still totally in love.

When you learn to accept yourself and be confident about who you are, you will meet the right person. I sent a message to my potential girlfriend that says: "I am unflinchingly honest. I like to wear dresses." that she found irresistible. When you stop hiding from yourself, you will attract the kind of partner you want.

By letting women screen themselves out, I didn't have to have that akward moment a few weeks into the relationship where I talked about my "habits" and hoped they wouldn't freak out.

Not everyone is in the same circumstances I am, but there are probably a few of you who can take advantage of the messages in this article. I certainly hope that you can find the tools to make your dreams reality. It comes down to a few tricks and a lot of guts, but you can find the right people. It just depends on how serious and willing you are.