I have my tedious 9 to 5 job which bursts my head but I turn all the negative energy from that into positive drag energy. Everyone who meets Amber is amazed at the attitude. I guess most people are confused by transvestism and have strange media images of our community. Me I like to turn that impression on its head, celebrate my expression and pass that positive energy onto anyone who wants to experience it.
Whether in a bar where I will release my rapier-like tongue and wit, to the dance floor where I truly shake my booty, or doing lunch where I'll discuss fashion and make up. The thing I love about it is being up to the minute, seeing things before they really happen but all that will become apparent as you read about me, first lets go back a couple of years.
Then one day I was lying in bed and said to myself "What are you gonna do about it?" This was the first big decision of my life at 29! All decisions I had made up to then had more or less been done in conjunction with someone else. This decision to come 'out' was a big one. Potentially I stood to lose my family and friends...I was very frightened but knew it had to be done. I told all my girlfriends first, the fairer sex is most definitely fairer. They were all shocked but supportive.
Shocked because I am the stereotypical Hugh-Grant-English male. Smart, charming, considerate, quiet and considerate. Suddenly I had another side, one that was extrovert, outrageous and very much ALIVE! I learnt something very important and always say this to friends and acquaintances if they are considering coming 'out'. You will feel very free but think of the other person, they have a lot of emotional baggage on you and they most definitely need time. Don't bombard them...it won't happen over night, remember it is a two way thing because it is very easy to be selfish when you can express yourself how you really want to.
Fortunately I had already done some photowork which helped bridge the gap of understanding that my friends were trying to cross. It is very important to help people across, let them see the joy it gives you, show them that you want to share that joy. The photos helped as I had had them done by a semi-professional female photographer and beautician. I had rang her up and she seemed intrigued by it all, although at first a bit nervous which I guess was only natural. I no longer wanted to hide and I made a conscious decision that if I was going to do it I was going to do it well. No more polaroids and time exposures for me. It meant me forking out 30 but in comparison to the numerous TV rip off stores this was a good investment. Jackie was superb at make up, and really made me feel like I had something really special inside me. We would spend hours reading VOGUE, HARPERS etc. to get ideas about looks and poses. To me I wasn't a transvestite but a boy who wanted to turn gender totally upside down then show anyone who was interested what could be done with a little courage, imagination and creativity.
She knew about light and how to use it something I had never thought of and she was excellent with make up, examples of which are shown on Photo Opportunity. The photos made it a lot easier for people to understand what I was and where I was going. They were all amazed not that I could go from A to B, but that I could go from A to Z! I guess they realised that I wasn't playing or thrill seeking but trying to develop something, something that was very much mine. Whatever I choose to do I do, it is as simple as that.
I guess my girlfriends loved it. Now they knew a boy who loved to shop, could spend hours at a make up counter and who would whine when he had to go. We all adore going shopping trying out new clothes. Girlfriend would tell girlfriend and they would come around for a glass of wine and try on my wigs and pose around my flat. Now I adore women so this was great fun for me too. We would while away the hours discussing best features, have you tried this, have you tried that.
Telling my parents wasn't quite so easy. My Mum knew I was doing some photo work in Newcastle but when I told her it was for a mainstream high street store modelling rubber thigh boots she was, to say the least, quite taken aback. I love my parents more deeply than I can ever explain in words. They are my guiding light, my lowest commom denominator. I guess I was ignorant and thought my Mum would understand. The shock, in hindsight, was understandable. There was simply a generation gap but also the fact was she had known me longer than even I had. I went through a very painful weekend with secret phone calls between the two of us to avoid my Father who we expected to freak out. Mum was worried about Dad because he was ill at the time and the two of them had enough worries. I told my Mum for one reason and one reason alone, I could not live a lie. I knew Amber was exploding and the last thing I wanted was them finding out from someone else. They had caught some photos of me from a few years earlier but I guess they thought I would grow out of it.
That Sunday I went to a football match with my Dad and was very tense. Our family has always been honest and open, now there was something my Mum knew and not my Dad. In the evening I was in tears and went to see my best friend Karen for some emotional support. She was the best as usual. The next day my Dad rang me at work and told me that my Mum had told him. There was an awkward pregnant pause, my life was on a knife edge, was my world about to cave in? "Are you happy?" he said. "Yes." I replied. "Well thats all that matters." Here was the most conservative, cautious man I have ever known not necessarily accepting it but certainly not rejecting me. I could have cried. In fairness they don't want to know what I get up to, they don't understand it but then I am not asking them to but I get tremendous strength knowing that I am their son and they love me.
Well that is my first story to all my sisters. Please feel free to E-mail me. I have many adventures to tell and I want to share them with you and hopefully inspire you. Next time I'll introduce you to my latest invention 'TOONBOY' and eventually my style logo 'NUDQ', eat your heart out Donna Karan, drag queens are on the move!
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