En Femme Interview

The Birth Of Kay

by Kay Metsker

Kay was born in Provincetown on Cape CoD, Massachusetts at the 1986 Fantasia Fair. That was when I first accepted who I was. My life to that point was just a long gestation period, nibbling at the edges, but too afraid of what family and friends would say if they knew. I decided to live my life the way I wanted and not how others wanted me to live it.

I knew as early as five years old that I felt "different" from my male friends. It was not until I read an article about Christine Jorgensen when I was eleven that I learned of the term "transsexual," however, I did learn at an early age to hide mu difference or risk ridicule. My childhood was quite normal in spite of the occasional cross-dressing. Fortunately, my sisters and parents never discovered me.

I read and researched as much as I could about transsexualism. I simp!y could not accept this. I felt that I would outgrow it or that eventually it would disappear if I ignored it. My image from the media was that transsexuals were unstable people, likely to be entertainers or prostitutes. I had doubts about myself since I felt normal. My life was normal except for a nagging feeling that I didn't fit in, that my life was a pretense, I tried to avoid thinking about it. I did things like grow a moustache and join a college fraternity, but I couldn't escape it.

I began a gradual program of change as I tried to sort out my feelings. I started electrolysis on my face and chest seven years ago. I had a tracheal shave five years ago. I began to study fashion and makeup. These were all "safe" actions because no one noticed the changes. My secret was still hidden.

My feelings of discomfort were growing stronger, so I decided to go to Fantasia Fair in 1986. I felt that talking with others would crystalize my thoughts. It was the beginning of my self-acceptance. I finally made a commitment and began to pursue my goal. Gradually,during the last two years, I began hormone therapy and joined a support group. I told my family and friends. Everybody at work knows about me now and I have begun living full-time as a woman. My name has been legally changed along with all of my ID's.

I have been extremely fortunate. Everyone has been shocked, but no one has rejected me outright. I believe that a lot of it is based on one's previous relationship with an individual. As my dad put it, it is the difference between conditional and unconditional love. If you had a solid relationship based on trust and respect, and you break the news gently, giving the person time to adjust without pushing, you won't be rejected. However, if someone can't accept it after you have given them time and answered their questions, then don't worry about it. It is their problem, not yours. You have no control over the experiences that shaped their opinions.

Fortunately, there is no Texas state law against cross-dressing. Some local ordinances do exist, but the large metropolitan areas are okay. The question of restroom is touchy, though. I have been kicked out of bars for using the women's restroom even though no one complained. The same situation occurs in fitting rooms of department stores. I haven't had any problems, but some of my friends have. The management is just a little sensitive about possible problems. The key is to remain calm and not to get argumentative. The fastest way to close a mind is to get a person to be on the defensive. When I first accepted my transsexualism, I was eager to go out, spread the word, and educate the world. I felt that I had a debt to pay for all of the help that I had received in the past. Since I started Real Life Test, my goals have changed a little. I still want the reassignment surgery to make me complete (even though, as someone put it, "The change occurs between the ears, not between the legs.") However, I do not want to become a professional transsexual. I will help to quietly educate the people around me, but eventually, I want to be able to fade into society. A book that I just finished, The Search for Eve: The Rites of Transsexual Passage brings up this very point. We tend to progress through a series of labels: TV, pre-op TS, TS, TG or post-op TS, and finally get beyond labels. That is what my goal is. Just to be Kay.

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