The Saint

As a kid growing up in the seventies, I only ever knew Simon Templer, aka The Saint, as played by Ian Ogilvy. Imagine my surprise when I discovered Roger Moore had played the definitive Saint, before I was even born - pretty confusing and yet ironic, considering my youth had also bypassed Connery as the Bond of choice. Of course I was only in single figures then and now accept the true masters as the only option.

Hollywood has been trawling the popular TV shows of my childhood, resulting in blockbuster adaptations of The Fugitive and Mission Impossible to name but two; one wonders when we can look forward to a film of Hart to Hart - ôhe was a self made millionaire, she was goiiigeous - when they met it was moiiider!ö.

In the meantime we have The Saint to contend with, brought to the big screen by Ozzie director Philip Noyce (Patriot Games, Dead Calm), and starring dreamboat, but somewhat spikey haired Val Kilmer. Remember Val? Cool Iceman in Top Gun, sword-wielding hero in fantasy adventure Willow (where he co-starred with his soon to be wife Joanne Whalley), and perhaps most famously in the lead role of the third Batman movie. Depending on who you believe, Kilmer was either persuaded to leave the forthcoming Batman 4 due to his supreme suitability for the role of the Saint, or moodily sloped off the project due to Arnold Schwarzenegger grabbing all the money and attention for playing the bad guy, ironically known as Mr Ice. Still, at least we get to see George ER Clooney bob his pretty head through the pointy-eared role.

So back to the big-screen Saint, hyped as one of this yearÆs big summer action movies. It starts predictably enough with a brief explanation of how the boy Simon Templer got his name and became the Saint - you know the sort of thing: feisty independent parentless kid having a rough time in a strict religious school, discovers his true role in life. Poignant moment with close up of kids face fading into Kilmer reminiscing, brings us bang up to date with the Saint of today - a sophisticated high-tech gentleman thief; fans of the Internet or product placement will be interested in the SaintÆs copious web and email use of a Nokia 9000 Communicator.

We see KilmerÆs Saint as the master of disguise, but not quite in the Tom Cruise tear-off-the-rubber-masks of Mission Impossible vein - oh no, Val washes the gel out of his spikey hair, pops on a long wig and puts on a German accent too fool the authorities. There are several such masterpieces to look forward to, but to be fair, while theyÆre all clearly the same man, they are quite entertaining none-the-less.

During what he claims to be his last big job, The Saint falls for lovely Elizabeth Shue (co starred with Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas), who plays a brilliant research scientist staying at Oxford University. Unfortunately the SaintÆs in disguise and is trying to do her over - er, in the thieving sense of the term too. She of course finds out, and broken hearted catches up with him - in Moscow of all places! Yes, she may be a brilliant scientist on the verge of a world-changing discovery, but sheÆs no covert operator, and yet jaunts out of Oxford and finds the Saint without an ounce of difficulty, whoÆs supposedly deep undercover in Russia.

Pretty unbelievable, but at least it brings them together where they can be chased around by various Russian bad guys in a country on the verge of political overthrow, let them grow closer together, but more importantly allow Val to utter words along the lines of ôif you want to live, stay with meö and so on.

I am however a big fan of suspending disbelief and enjoying a good mindless action romp. However despite a few decent moments, The Saint simply does not deliver the goods. You hope for a truly international set of locations, but only have portions of England and Russia to look at, and in line with most US movies, the Russians are truly politically messed up and the Brits are complete idiots.

The action quota is less than youÆd think, and the smiles are down to whether you fall for KilmerÆs disguises fooling the hapless british police - actually some of that is quite amusing however.

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of The Saint, for this writer anyway, is the range of respectable modern British dance music, used incidentally in the background. The Russian bad guys race around Moscow in souped up four wheel drives with the stereo curiously blaring out hits from The Chemical Brothers, Moby and Underworld. My favourite track is by The Saint by Orbital, used as part of the score near the end of the film, and in a tragic missed opportunity, one of the few times when you hear the familiar Saint theme. Respect may have been paid by using Roger Moore for a brief cameo voice-over, but missed opportunity sums up the big screen Saint overall, and itÆs a sin the hero isnÆt a Brit.

Reviewed by Gordon Laing

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