I went in search of paradise but even paradise has its darker side. Two weeks in the Dominican Republic isnÆt everyoneÆs idea of fun. Its nine hours flight away for a start and the locals donÆt take too kindly to the fact that one of our beloved ancestors - Francis Drake - came, saw and nicked all the booty.

If like me you are going to the Dominican Republic for your annual two weeks R&R thereÆs a strong chance youÆll arrive at the southern airport of Santa Domingo and be transported along the coast 30 miles or so to the tourist enclaves of Juan Dolio or Boca Chica. Our hotel complex in Juan Dolio had all the usual amenities: casino, free food, free sports (if you can find the energy), and enough free drink to give you alcohol poisoning for life. Not surprisingly, I spent most of the time on the small private beach on which the 200 odd 'guests' took their daily skin burning exercises surrounded by the local fully armed security guards and beach peddlers.

I should have stayed on the beach. Foolishly, I started to take an interest in the local gossip and realised what a colourful place the Dominican Republic really is.. The first story to catch my interest was that of the friendly chimpanzee called Toby belonging to the National Zoo which escaped into a nearby housing complex where he was shot and wounded by by one of the residents. It gives an example of the importance of keeping shooter handy when travelling abroad.

This event was shortly followed by the announcement by the new Police Chief JosΘ Anφbal Sanz Jiminißn, has ordered that those seen carrying weapons, be they licensed or not, in public places such as car washes, large barrio grocery shops, bars, and night entertainment spots, would have them confiscated. His spokesman said: "Where there are decent people with their families, a person wearing a big chain, an earring and exhibiting a pistol is offensive and intimidatory." I packed up my chains and earrings but I was darned if I was going to let go of my armaments that easily.