The Room Internet Lifestyle Report was conducted by combining the strengths of two distinct methods of research:
1) Postal surveys
2) Consumer profile analysis (spying on people)
The first stage involved sending out detailed questionnaires by post to a random set of addresses made up by one of our hand-picked team of idiots. The survey asked a series of questions relating to several pertinent topics: the number of fish as pets per household, the size of dungeon in the average family home and during what hours the husband or wife is away. Some 3,000,000,000,000 questionnaires were completed and returned to us to be shredded by our team.
The second stage consisted of checking up on people's private lives by looking in our Lifestyle Selector Database, including checking to see whether you've ever sent off for a Freeman's catalogue (we know who you are). Data is collected and added to the database on a daily basis, and a copy of your subscription to Asian Babes has been sent to your wife, your mum and that girl you fancy from the office across the corridor. This combined information is then analysed and matched with a sample from your doctor.
The Lifestyle Selector takes a given sample and matches it against the names in our database. It scores each result from the sample against the same result from the Lifestyle Selector database and compares the two using Quont Indices of Indecision, a T-Test and three separate Chi-squared tests. Z-scores are also correlated and mapped to the thwong of the scrubble in the seventh quadrant of Kwung the Merciful. A high velocity unc-zuner was gindered in the kargo-volent and znib-znig surbwel fi donut su kwi.
The Lifestyle Selector uses highly reliable data drawn from a database which contains up-to-date consumer information on more than nine million households. The Lifestyle Selector can reveal much more about the characteristics of a population than simple survey questionnaire techniques alone can ever achieve. Ever. Ever.
The sample group was comprised entirely of people in the office because we couldn't be bothered to send any forms out. But we did try to fill them in with you in mind. Though funnily enough, we received an unusually high proportion of responses from psychotic serial killers with buttock fixations.
 Introduction |
 Results |
 Conclusion |