Frankly, the kindergarten that is your life could use an adult to sponge off the walls and mop up the jelly. Some of those 'amusing' japes haven't endeared you to peers as you'd have wished.

Imagine; cling-film over the women's toilet bowls, an array of hoax phone calls and the crotch cut out of your boss's squash shorts and STILL a few sour old sticks fail to see you as the party's lovable life and soul.

Gardeners, check roses for aphids; motorists, re-stitch those driving gloves before it's too late.