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My girlfriend's no joke |
| No, not all girls are impossible, Paul. But most need a bit of work putting in. What was your girlfriend wearing yesterday? Which ear-rings are her favourites? You probably don't know, loads of men don't, but it helps if you try to remember some of that stuff. Tell her that dress or whatever suits her. Doesn't matter if it doesn't really, just be ready with a reason. If she asks why it suits her and you say you don't know, it just does, it'll sound rubbish and she'll be on to you. Telling her it makes her look thin is good, but be careful, she could think you mean everything else makes her look fat. | As for taking her seriously, you're not very specific. Try watching the news or something with her, then ask her opinions about stuff. Be careful to make it look like you're listening hard. In fact, better if you actually do listen. When she talks to you, nod a lot and say things like 'right' or 'I see' or repeat things back to her. If you really can't take her seriously, you might need a new girlfriend who doesn't care if you can't, or one you respect enough to want to try harder. But if you're a bit of a moose and won't get another for aeons, do what I've said and try to keep this one. Flowers are ok if you've just started up or you're dead old, but otherwise she'll think you're a bit of a sap. |
| Sad case | |
Can't go on, I want to lie down and sleep forever.
Please help me.
Emma, Droitwich.
| I don't know, this is a tricky one. Incredibly sad people sometimes get pets because stroking an animal makes them feel better. So that's one thing. Or you could pick up some leaflets from your local library, because evening classes (or day classes, you sound like you might be unemployed) can help keep you busy and get your mind off things. | Also, these days no one (or hardly anyone) thinks that being depressed is the same as being mad, it's more like just being ill, and the doctor can give you tablets to make you better. Or that business with the shocks, that can work too. I know what you mean about sleeping though, Emma. My tip would be to get a really early night now and then, then you won't feel so sleepy when it's time to get up. |
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Scaredy pouf |
| For one thing, Steve, if I were you (and it's hard for me to imagine because I've never looked at a man twice in that way) I'd want to be more than 'pretty sure'. I'd want to be damn certain, because once you've told people, you'd have a hell of a job on to go round them all again and say you'd changed your mind. Apart from that, I don't know, it's hard. You sound like a big strapping popular lad, so you shouldn't have too much trouble. I remember when I was at school there was a frail little lad with a high voice. He wasn't one for sports and he used to stay indoors a lot talking to the girls and sometimes he'd even sew things. I'm not saying I'm proud or anything, and I know it's wrong, it's just how it was then, but we gave him a terrible time, called him a pouf and a cissy and loads of worse things and it was that easy to make him cry people were horrible to him. Turned out he wasn't gay at all, he had a heart murmur and had to be dead careful. I hate thinking about it now, makes me a bit ashamed to tell you the truth. | Still, the main thing is, if your mates are good mates they should understand. But what with you sounding quite big and fit, if anyone gives you a hard time you should be able to give them a bit of a slapping. That way everyone'll respect you and know that gays aren't girly or pouffy at all, but actually quite tough. (In fact I've seen some pictures of gay men - they weren't mine, I just saw them - where they all looked really hard like weight- lifters with big muscles and stuff.) I think if you get dropped from the football team you could write to the EU Court or something, because it's discrimination. But do keep your eyes to yourself in the shower, people can be funny about that. And another word of warning: if you do 'come out', be prepared for loads of girls hanging round thinking you're great and 'sensitive' and good to talk to about boys and clothes. I don't know why, they just do. |
| Furry fetish | |
| I can't see your problem really. Without women like you, hairy blokes would never get any sex. Then where would we be? They'd get dead frustrated and twisted and roam the streets all desperate for sex. And they'd probably end up getting their backs waxed and their chests plucked just to get women who aren't like you into bed. Which would be bad because they'd be denying their true selves. Which is emotionally dishonest and stuffs you up long-term. | Maybe you should put a very specific small-ad in that dodgy bit of your local paper where 'Chantelle, Private Masseuse' and 'Playbirds Parlour' advertise; I should think loads of hairy men read that bit already. Or you could go swimming a lot; that way you'll know if a bloke's hairy or not before you get him home. Probably the most important thing to remember, though, is to have fun but not to lose your self-respect. And I wouldn't worry what your friends think, they're probably just jealous that you're getting some. |