A Doric column, for example, mimics the beam end that would have been used in more primitive timber constructions. In the same way, Amtico is a make of vinyl and is always designed to look like older materials such as marble, terracotta tiles or parquet - does anyone even know what real vinyl looks like? And those NHS specs were, of course, plastic just pretending to be tortoiseshell.

The image chosen to adorn the opening screen of Microsoft Word is that of an expensive fountain pen, apparently laid down to rest a moment while its owner paces the book-lined study mentally formulating another finely honed sentence. In a true skeuomorph, the essence of the object is the same, and only the material has been changed: a marble-effect floor is obviously not the real thing, but if you screw up your eyes you can almost convince yourself that it might be. you'd have to be seriously short sighted to mistake a computer screen for a pen, so Microsoft's fountain pen is not strictly speaking a skeuomorph.Nevertheless, there is something skeuomorphic about it. In its creepy, pretentious sort of way, the pen image is trying to cover up the embarrassing modernity of the product is is representing. It wants to reassure and soothe the shy technophobe with its suggestions of familiarity and solid, old-fashioned craftsmanship.

Jelly sandals adorned with stitching marks, plastic flower pots the colour of earthenware, cutlery with redundant rivets on the handles, electric lights like Georgian carriage lamps, wall lamps with fake drops of candle grease dripping from the flame-shaped bulbs all these are doing the same thing. They are trying like mad to look as if they have years of tradition behind them.