<**><**>› PRESIDENTS MESSAGE› by ALEX PIGNATO›› I know that CHRISTMAS has passed, but› having come across this poem after› CHRISTMAS, I felt you would get a› chuckle from it, more than my› prattling on. So here it is:›› POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA›› Twas the night before Xmas and Santa's› a wreck,› How to live in a world that's› politically correct!› His workers no longer would answer to› "Elves," › Vertically challenged they were› calling themselves;› And labor conditions at the North Pole› were alleged by the Union to stifle› the soul.› Four reindeer had vanished, without› much propriety,› Released to the wilds by the› Humane Society.› And Equal Employment had made it quite› clear,› That Santa had better not use› just reindeer.› So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid› were replaced with four pigs,› And you know that looked stupid!› The runners had been removed from his› sleigh› The ruts were termed dangerous by› the EPA.› And people had started to call for the› cops,› When they heard sled noises on› their rooftops.› Secondhand smoke from his pipe had his› workers quite frightened;› His furtrimed red suit was called› "unenlightened!"› And to show you the strangeness of› life's ebbs and flows,› Rudolph was suing over› unauthorized use of his nose!› And had gone on Giraldo in front of› the nation› Demanding millions in overdue› compensation.› So, half of the reindeer were gone;› and his wife, who suddenly said enough› of this life, joined a self help› group, packed and left in a whiz› Demanding, from now on, her title› was Ms.!› And as for the gifts why he'd ne'er› had a notion, › That making a choice could cause› such a commotion!› Nothing of leather, nothing of fur --› Which meant nothing for him! and› nothing for her!› Nothing that might be construed to› pollute; nothing to aim and nothing to› shoot;› Nothing that clammered or made lots of› noise; › Nothing for just girls or for› just boys.› Nothing that claimed to be gender› specific; nothing that's warlike or› nonpacific.› No candy or sweets, they were bad for› the tooth,› Nothing that seemed to embellish› a truth.› And fairytales, while not yet› forbidden were like Ken and Barbie,› better left hidden› For they raised the hackles of› those psychological who claimed the› only GOOD gift was one, ecological.› No baseball, no football -- someone› could get hurt.› Besides, playing sports exposed› kids to dirt!› Dolls were said to be sexist and› should be passe› And Nintendo would rot your› entire brain away.› So Santa just stood there,› dishevelled, perplexed› He just could not figure what to› do next.› He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,› But you've got to be careful with› that word today!› His sack was quite empty, limp to the› ground› Nothing fully acceptable was to› be found.› Something special was needed -- a gift› that he might.....› Give to all without angering the› Left or the Right.› A gift that would satisfy with no› indecision› Each group of people, of every› religion,› Every ethnicity, every hue, everyone,› everywhere -- even you!› So here is that gift, it's price› beyond words› › "May you and your loved ones enjoy› Peace on Earth."› *** › (NOTE: This poem is copyrighted by› Harvey Ehrlich, 1992. It is free to› distribute, without changes, as long› as this notice remains intact. (Ed. it› was copied from the late December› issue of NUACE. A.P.)› <<**>>