The biggest cheese quiz in the history of the world, ever

Mouldy old che ese quiZ

Come in, take a seat. Wipe your brow with some of this soft Dairy Lea. Do you want to win YOUR OWN WEIGHT IN CHEESE, or alternatively a Lexmark Color Jetprinter 1020? If so then don't delay, complete our SUPER free-to-enter Cheese Quiz TM questionnaire. It's the biggest Cheese Quiz in the history of the world, ever. Just click on the appropriate space to answer true or false to each question, then answer the tiebreaker at the end.

True/False

In the fourteenth century Bavarian peasants put a small piece of smoked cheese in their handkerchiefs to ward off the plague.

Popular US president JF Kennedy's first name was really Leicester but his friends called him Jack.

When he developed back problems, Winston Churchill slept on a bed made entirely of stilton.

Diminutive lead singer of the Cranberries, Dolores O'Riordan, puts Kraft cheese slices in her shoes to increase her height.

Cheese is an anagram of Honda Civic.

Gypsies in the Spanish Pyrenees pack hedgehogs in cheese to make their spines easier to remove when they bake them.

Ambrosia literally means "Cheese of the gods".

Tyrolean yodellers improve their technique by gargling with fondue.

Survivors of a plane crash in the Andes were grateful to find that a number of their fellow passengers were made of manchego.

In the First World War, soldiers placed pieces of Double Gloucester between their toes to prevent trenchfoot.

In the late 1970s Dr Heinz Spengler invented a cheese injection device for his Chrysler station wagon, but General Motors bought the patent to prevent the device going into mass production.

In a desperate attempt to conquer Malta, the German airforce dropped whole Parmesans on the British sea defences.

Robert Burns died after choking on a piece of cheese rind.

Dutch cheese Leerdammer is named after the Nordic god of Cheese.

Outraged Kent housewives lobbied parliament in 1989 to express their fear that the proposed channel tunnel would leave their county awash with runny Camembert.

To this day villagers in parts of Cheshire still practice 'chungling', a grotesque spring time fertility ritual which involves pelting the naked bodies of young men and women of marriagable age with a mixture of Red Leicester and Lymeswold.

Historians have misrepresented the Bay of Pigs fiasco as an event, in fact it was a type of cheese.

The first ever game of Scrabble was played by Hampshire ploughmen during rest breaks using small squares of cheddar with letters carved on them.

The Beatles song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds does not refer to LySergic acid Diethalamide but to Lancashire, Stilton and Dunlop - John Lennon's favourite cheeses.

In 1965 lawyers acting for millionaire recluse Howard Hughes prevented publication of a book claiming that Hughes sought sexual gratification with specially sterilised American hard cheese.

Before every performance, opera star Luciano Pavarotti consumes six times his own weight in gorgonzola.

Cheese is spelt 'c - h - e - e - s - e'.

In his seminal work, The Republic, Plato propounds the thesis that young boys being groomed for high office should be fed only on feta. He also believed their political capabilities would be much improved by twice daily rub downs with olive oil, administered by a trustworthy philosopher, such as Plato himself.

Communist revolutionary and freedom fighter Che Guevara's first name is short for 'Cheddar'.

Acrorennophobia is a morbid fear of being struck by cheeses falling from a great height, or of falling off a very tall cheese.

The German pocket battleship Graf Spee eluded British pursuit for so long because of its unique construction, which meant that it did not show up on conventional radar. It was composed entirely of mozzarella.

The swearword "Jesus!" is a bastardisation of the 14th century phrase "Cheese us," a request by peasants to the Lord of the manor to dispense the cheeses as was traditional on All Cheeses Day.

A cheese named 'bra' is not available in 46DD.

The Marquis de Sade had no strong views on Jarlsberg. But he had quite a lot to say about Jarlsberggery.

In Homer's epic, The Iliad, Argive warriors storm the gates of Troy by hiding inside a giant Red Leicester.

What's your name, then?

And your weight (for the cheese)?

And I suppose you've got an address too...

And a phone number

And an e-bleedin' mail address too!

Tiebreaker: In fewer than 20 words, complete the following sentence. "The cheese..."

Closing date for entries 15/6/96. Winners will be notified within one calendar month of the closing date. The prizes may change without notice. We reserve the right to mark your questions incorrectly. The judges' decision is final and no correspondance will be entered into. Unless you send money. Or something.

		True/False
	In the fourteenth century Bavarian peasants put a small piece of smoked cheese in their handkerchiefs to ward off the plague.
	Popular US president JF Kennedy's first name was really Leicester but his friends called him Jack.
	When he developed back problems, Winston Churchill slept on a bed made entirely of stilton.
	Diminutive lead singer of the Cranberries, Dolores O'Riordan, puts Kraft cheese slices in her shoes to increase her height.
	Cheese is an anagram of Honda Civic.
	Gypsies in the Spanish Pyrenees pack hedgehogs in cheese to make their spines easier to remove when they bake them.
	Ambrosia literally means "Cheese of the gods".
	Tyrolean yodellers improve their technique by gargling with fondue.
	Survivors of a plane crash in the Andes were grateful to find that a number of their fellow passengers were made of manchego.
	In the First World War, soldiers placed pieces of Double Gloucester between their toes to prevent trenchfoot.
	In the late 1970s Dr Heinz Spengler invented a cheese injection device for his Chrysler station wagon, but General Motors bought the patent to prevent the device going into mass production.
	In a desperate attempt to conquer Malta, the German airforce dropped whole Parmesans on the British sea defences.
	Robert Burns died after choking on a piece of cheese rind.
	Dutch cheese Leerdammer is named after the Nordic god of Cheese.
	Outraged Kent housewives lobbied parliament in 1989 to express their fear that the proposed channel tunnel would leave their county awash with runny Camembert.
	To this day villagers in parts of Cheshire still practice 'chungling', a grotesque spring time fertility ritual which involves pelting the naked bodies of young men and women of marriagable age with a mixture of Red Leicester and Lymeswold.
	Historians have misrepresented the Bay of Pigs fiasco as an event, in fact it was a type of cheese.
	The first ever game of Scrabble was played by Hampshire ploughmen during rest breaks using small squares of cheddar with letters carved on them.
	*The Beatles song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds* does not refer to LySergic acid Diethalamide but to Lancashire, Stilton and Dunlop - John Lennon's favourite cheeses.**
	In 1965 lawyers acting for millionaire recluse Howard Hughes prevented publication of a book claiming that Hughes sought sexual gratification with specially sterilised American hard cheese.
	Before every performance, opera star Luciano Pavarotti consumes six times his own weight in gorgonzola.
	Cheese is spelt 'c - h - e - e - s - e'.
	In his seminal work, The Republic, Plato propounds the thesis that young boys being groomed for high office should be fed only on feta. He also believed their political capabilities would be much improved by twice daily rub downs with olive oil, administered by a trustworthy philosopher, such as Plato himself.
	Communist revolutionary and freedom fighter Che Guevara's first name is short for 'Cheddar'.
	Acrorennophobia is a morbid fear of being struck by cheeses falling from a great height, or of falling off a very tall cheese.
	The German pocket battleship Graf Spee eluded British pursuit for so long because of its unique construction, which meant that it did not show up on conventional radar. It was composed entirely of mozzarella.
	The swearword "Jesus!" is a bastardisation of the 14th century phrase "Cheese us," a request by peasants to the Lord of the manor to dispense the cheeses as was traditional on All Cheeses Day.
	A cheese named 'bra' is not available in 46DD.
	The Marquis de Sade had no strong views on Jarlsberg. But he had quite a lot to say about Jarlsberggery.
	*In Homer's epic, The Iliad, Argive warriors storm the gates of Troy by hiding inside a giant Red Leicester.*

What's your name, then?
And your weight (for the cheese)?
And I suppose you've got an address too...
And a phone number
And an e-bleedin' mail address too!
Tiebreaker: In fewer than 20 words, complete the following sentence. "The cheese..."