It was wonderful for me to have something to offer which she really wanted.
I think this idea could be valuable for other people. I did in fact go by invitation to a hospice where I demonstrated head massage to staff. They all loved it and decided firstly, to do it for one another; secondly, to help visitors to do it where they and the patients liked the idea; and thirdly, to help patients who wanted to do it for one another.
Some of the merits of the idea, in addition to those I have mentioned, are that patients do not have to undress, which would be a barrier for some. At the hospice I showed them head, neck, face and shoulder massage. Different people like all or some of these. Only a very few do not like any. This massage offers an easy way to have loving physical contact. It gives the patient a relaxing time and I suspect that many will find it a good time to talk: relaxed, loved, but not always looked at. (Some people, as a parallel example, will talk on a car journey where they have company but are not looked at.) It is easy to do once they have had it explained or (better) shown to them.
I have seen so many people sitting next to a dying person having run out of things to do, say or offer, and I feel that this idea might mean a lot to many people.
Margaret Ryder, c/o the Natural Death Centre, 20 Heber Road, London NW2 6AA (tel 081 208 2853; fax 081 452 6434).