The Parent Network
The Parent Network is an ambitious organisation which aims to involve 20,000 parents within ten years in a national network of parent support groups called 'Parent-Link.' Parents pay between L10 and L70 to meet once a week over a 12 week period and are facilitated by a specially trained parent to learn 'how to communicate more effectively and to improve their relationships with each other and with their children.' In a jargon-free way they are introduced to communications, relationship and assertion skills to use at home with their families.
Parents who have been through the programme are then encouraged to continue to meet in support groups and to become part of a local network. They can go on to train as Coordinators offering Parent-Link to other local parents. In Coordinator trainings which currently cost from L130 they learn how to recruit members for these groups, how group dynamics work, and they get additional practice in listening skills and in facilitating Parent-Link.
The project has been primarily funded by Richard Evans, who made his money in the computer industry, but left this work, deciding to form a charitable trust, the Artemis Trust, to 'support specific projects in the personal and emotional growth fields.'
'Network-based, locally available, cheap, non-threatening, showing quick and immediate results and spread by word of mouth by people sharing the same socio-economic and cultural backgrounds'
Evans began by asking himself why the humanistic psychology and personal growth movements have not spread widely in this country. He illustrated the main findings of his research in a slide lecture show which summarised over 3,000 studies of how innovations are best diffused in society. He realised that his most effective strategy would be to work through 'change agents' and 'opinion leaders' to develop a service that would be network-based, locally available, cheap, non-threatening, showing quick and immediate results and spread by word of mouth by people sharing the same socio-economic and cultural backgrounds.
Market research confirmed that workshops aimed at parents would be popular, as long as the focus was on self-help and experiential learning rather than education or therapy. The very week his market research results came through, Evans was approached by Ivan Sokolov, an ex-community development worker and trainer in health and social services, with a plan for parent support groups. 'It was sheer synchronicity,' says Sokolov. 'How it came about was that I had spent a year as a single parent looking after my two sons, aged three and a half and six, and I had tried to establish a more democratic relationship with them. I met more and more families who wanted to relate to their children without being either authoritarian or permissive, in a way that would encourage them to become self-disciplined, with a sense of self-worth, whilst taking their parents' needs into account.'
'To provide parents with a real and practical way to choose to relate as they want with their children, rather than be driven by unconscious patterns of behaviour set up during their childhood'
Sokolov studied various models including Parent Effectiveness Training, and began running groups where parents could learn from each other. The continuing demand led him to decide to set up a voluntary organisation to train 'ordinary people' to run the groups. 'People prefer to learn from others like them,' says Sokolov, 'rather than from experts up on a pedestal. For me, the goal of Parent Network is to provide parents with a real and practical way to choose to relate as they want with their children, rather than be driven by unconscious patterns of behaviour set up during their childhood.'
Parent Network now has a staff of seven in its national office with some 150 Coordinators around the country. One of their main objectives is to recruit Coordinators in order to spread Parent-Link more widely.
Sokolov's book, 'The Parents Book - Getting On Well With Our Children' (published by Thorsons, 1988, L5-99) describes many of the skills and exercises. Here, for instance, is a sample item from the book:
The Soft No
The next time you find yourself in a situation where your child is demanding something, try the soft no. Stay calm inside, keeping your needs clearly in the forefront of your mind, believing that your child will accept what you say. Be completely straight, do not offer explanations or try to justify your 'no'; instead, if your child gets loud and angry, try getting softer and quieter, even to the point of whispering.
'If your child gets loud and angry, try getting softer and quieter, even to the point of whispering'
Jacquie Pearson (director), The Parent Network, 44 Caversham Road, London NW5 (tel 071 485 8535; fax 071 267 4426). This scheme was highly commended in the 1987 Social Inventions Awards.
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