Net nuts roasting on an open flame,
Wizards longing for the past,
Clueless newbies with their brains all abuzz,
Begging you to help MAKE.MONEY.FAST!!!!
One of the special joys of running a Web site like this is the E-mail you get. Unlike regular publishing, where the author is shielded by a print publisher, and a potential correspondent must actually put pen (or crayon, if not allowed anything sharp) to paper, address an envelope, lick a stamp, etc., on the Internet you're only one mailto: link away from any yo-yo who sees something on your site (or simply has it pop out of a Web search) and thinks you might possibly "be of help". As the Web has continued to grow exponentially, its demographics have changed apace. In other words, there are a lot more clueless boneheads out there, and I seem to hear from between fifty and a hundred of them every day--as recently as June of 1995, only about one or two clinkers like those that follow landed in my in-box on a given day.
In keeping with the contemporary popular culture notion that outstanding achievement in anything, even stupidity, is worthy of recognition, the Titanium Cranium Awardstm were created to recognise E-mails that transcend the merely dumb and reveal truly breathtaking and unexplored depths of cluelessness, wrongheadedness, and intellectual laziness. Identities of the senders have been obscured, as have non-public originating sites. The frequent appearance of certain Internet Service Providers in what follows offers strong evidence that the prevailing image of their clientele is not entirely unfounded.
So, enjoy folks! It's a lot more fun to read this tiny selection from the great masses of messages meriting inclusion here than it is to open one's mailbox every day knowing another five or six dozen are waiting in the queue. I've deliberately not sorted these into categories or themes, so as to give a flavour for what one sees arrive in the real mailbox.
The misspellings, weird formatting, and odd capitalisation have been faithfully preserved as they were received. The occasional acerbic comment in italics like this was added by me solely for this document; I've found that the best response by far to mail like this is no reply at all--you do not want to invite a dialogue with these people.
Buckle your brain belt--here we go!
From clueless@college.edu Fri Aug 25 04:50:23 1995 Subject: Commenting from file To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch X-Vms-To: in%"kelvin@fourmilab.ch" From: Subject: hello where am i.
I replied, "Looks like you're at the University of College." This was in the early days, when I still replied.
From clueless@connix.com Thu Aug 24 05:44:14 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Virus I was just wondering, is it possible to write a virus in qbasic? Thanks
From clueless@aol.com Fri Oct 13 03:53:00 1995 Date: Thu, 12 Oct 1995 22:52:45 -0400 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: pictures Can someone please explain my screen does not dispay planet images and such? I have a Zenith notebook 486 with color screen. Am I missing some special software or something? Would appreciate some help.
From clueless@netaxis.com Mon Sep 25 06:43:21 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: help on french
X-Attachments: C:\CRAP\FRENCH.TXT;
Hello, I am a high school senior with only three years of high
school french and not much of a grasp of french. I have been searching for
hours on the internet looking for some one to help me on a very short french
story (about 200 words). I have had no success as of yet. I understand
that you are a very busy man and I will understand entirely if you refuse
but could you please look at the attached file and give me any suggestions
or comments. Any help at all will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time,
From clueless@somesite.dk Sun Oct 15 13:53:24 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) TYGMFGJMHG,JF,MJJ
Ahhhh, typing with our elbows again, are we?
From clueless@somewhere.co.jp Sun Oct 22 07:48:58 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) X-Url: file:///ôKÉ│ïZÅpîñïåë∩WWWW/ALTEC_WWW/ALTEC_Home.html BN}=,J
Note that the URL this individual is writing about is not on this site.
From clueless@college.edu Mon Oct 23 19:10:04 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch I want to find my way around the heavens.
First, concentrate on not walking into the bathroom door every time you get up at night. Next...
From clueless@compuserve.com Sun Oct 22 04:42:47 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: the engine Although I'm a bit busy with a few architecture projects, I might dig around in my files and come up with a suitable design, My research work led me from nuclear physics to astrophysics, I have a pretty good idea of what can be done in that arena. P.S. I'm not recognized by any science group, however, NORAD, does listen as is very thankful, the rest of the science communities think I'm nuts, and probably hate me for popping their overinflated theories. I'm kind of new to the INET,
From clueless@somesite.com Fri Oct 20 19:49:44 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Review of Tipler's "Physics of Immortality" ... In any event, I'm interested in knowing your credentials and if you have any opinions on science and religion. ...
From clueless@somesite.net Mon Oct 23 21:14:00 1995 To: "'kelvin@fourmilab.ch'" Subject: FW: Speak Freely We were looking for a Voice Chat program we could use in our Windows 95 network when we found yours. The only problem is: we don't know anything about setting up our network as TCP/IP. Could you briefly describe where we need to make changes and what we need to do? ...
From clueless@college.co Wed Oct 25 18:53:09 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Help !! I am ... trying to complete a MBA through an American university, and have hit a really big problem with two assignemnts I need to complete for my degree. I have been unable to obtain info here on the true understanding of the following questions. 1.discuss the effects of fiscal and monetary policy on financial markets and firms. 2. illustrate typical financial problems involved in financing growth and diversification. Do you know anyone who can help me, what I need is basically a few paras on each to help me. Ever our local university cannot come up with a concenus answe. If you cannot help can you put me in touvh with anyone who cam ? many thanks for listening
From clueless@aol.com Thu Oct 26 00:58:50 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: PICTURES?
Hi, I need some pictures Science, and you guys have the article but do you
have the pictures to go with it! Please write me back today, if not even now
to confirm this! This information is needed to me today, so please could
write me back today, or RIGHT NOW-right now would help me a lot, if you guys
could!
Sincerely,
From clueless@aol.com Thu Oct 26 03:17:45 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: hi yes, hello i'm a long macintosh user and they have this program at my school and i think it's the neatest thing since slice bread. My teacher says there a way to get it for mac[ I go to school at college www.college.edu thats where i got my idea] he says that it would work i have all requirments the microphone the speakers and frankly i've been on america online for quite some time to find it. And as soon as i find it, it won't work for mac. Please e-mail me back at this addressed prefablbe or clueless@college.edu. please e-mail i really enjoy this program.... Sincerly, p.s. please e-mail me as soon as you read this.
From clueless@college.EDU Fri Oct 27 04:58:54 1995
From: *Spirit Of Truth* WWW Page
Subject: Grand Supercycle Crash At Hand? (fwd)
To: ... kelvin@fourmilab.ch, ...
GRAND SUPERCYCLE CRASH AT HAND?
Are we facing a Mexican default, bogus Zhirinovsky coup
and global war in the days and weeks ahead?
In the wake of Tuesday's total solar eclipse, there are signs the
*Grand Supercycle* crash is getting underway. First off, a financial
panic appears to have started in Mexico. This panic might soon spread
to the U.S. and throughout the world and involve an international
financial collapse. Meanwhile, Russian President Boris Yeltsin
reportedly suffered a heart attack today. This might be leading up to
the bogus right-wing coup in Russia I have been warning about for years.
... ... ... ... ... ...
From clueless@college.it Mon Oct 30 08:42:29 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: Calcomp with Autocad.
X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/autofile/www/chapter2_21.html
Hi,
I have some difficulties letting work my calcomp 84 plotter with
Autocad. Can you give me some hints? I`m looking for the driver but
I cannot find it.
Thank you for your time
From clueless@Riddler.COM Tue Oct 31 06:21:02 1995 Subject: Riddler is looking for home pages... To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch On Friday 8/18/95, Interactive Imaginations launched a completely new version of Riddler. The game, now called Quibbler, is a free contest that gives people on the Web the opportunity to win cash prizes by solving a variety of riddles and puzzles. The game is accessible via www.riddler.com. We are looking for home pages to hide some of the clues that are needed to solve the riddles, and believe your page would be ideal. Your site will be seamlessly integrated into a specific game. For example, if we were to hide a clue on the Stephen King home page, contestants would get a hint leading them to that page. To facilitate the player's search, Infoseek and Yahoo will be incorporated locally on our site. Upon figuring out that the page in question was the Stephen King page, contestants would locate that page on the Web and find one of four clues needed to solve the main riddle. Since your participation is also free, the benefits of your participation are tremendous. Since a link to our game can be maintained for a duration, you will have the opportunity to promote the subject of your page to all participants of our game. In addition, you will have an opportunity to participate in the up and coming Riddler Network events such as the much-anticipated Riddler's Choice 10K race around the web. Remember, there is absolutely no cost to you or the players.
From clueless@ix.netcom.com Wed Aug 9 06:34:48 1995 Subject: Help To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch I am a third yr finance major who is looking for some assistance in locating some sights on the net. I have seen your name on some of the references for tases and I was wondering if you might know the location of: Outstnding Investor Digest, Portfolio Reports, 13-D Research Inc., Vickers Stock Research, The Value Line Investment Survey. Any information that you may be able to provide will be helpful. If you have any reading suggestions I would love to hear them.
From clueless@college.edu Tue Aug 15 23:00:12 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch (John Walker)
Subject: AUTODESK Scholarhip
Dear Mr. Walker,
It was nice to have met you by chance. Since you are
the founder of AutoDesk perhaps you could assist me.
I am a second year engineering student at College
University. I am an independent student struggling to
finance my college education. I survive on outside and
Federal grants.
I was wondering if there was anyway through a grant or
scholarship for me to obtain a licensed copy of AutoCad
so that I may begin a business venture. I believe I
have the talent to design. I want to market this
ability. Three years ago I was introduced to AutoCad
when I took a course in it at the Southern Clueless
Regional Occupational Center. Currently I am a
certified CAD Designer.
I have accumulated many awards through my academic and
athletic prowess making me a good candidate for any such
scholarship. I was also a recipient of the Presidential
Academic Fitness Award. Last year I designed a Jungle
Gym for our group for the final project in Engineering
101. While not a marvel of genius, for a first year
student on short notice it was sufficiently impressive.
If you need anymore information from me please don't
hesitate to contact me. I would greatly appreciate any
guidance, recommendation or directions towards proper
channels that you could offer me. Thank you for your
time.
Sincerely
From clueless@dumbness.com Wed Nov 1 05:39:46 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch I greatly appreciate your work to put the I.R.C. online. I have confronted one major difficulty you might be able to help me with. When I print a page, the blue links text does not always print. How may I overcome this? Thank you.
From clueless@somesite.com Wed Nov 1 15:53:25 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Programing in Qbasic Hi, My supervisor has asked me to make a backup program in qbasic and and I want it to backup every Friday and only write over file that have changed. This is going from a local hard Drive to a Network drive. HOW DO I DO THIS?? or is there a program on the net for shareware that I can doenload. This is his e-mail address. Please Mail me at my address. thank you
From clueless@aol.com Wed Nov 1 23:16:25 1995 To: kelvint@netcom.com Subject: your screensaver John, Hello. My name is Bob Clueless, and I have looked over your screensaver. I very much like its simplicity, as this is probably more approachable for the average person using a computer. I am wondering if you have developed or would consider developing a screensaver that is compatible with both Windows 3.1 and Windows '95. Essentially I need to display images and give the user a few choices regarding transitions, password and duration of the images. Any thoughts?...
From clueless@europe.net Tue Oct 31 23:33:33 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Section of composite map Hi John, I am interested in a section of the composite map, the European section. Is that somewhere on the Web, or can I in some way create my own section from some of your map? Thanx for helping!
From clueless@msn.com Tue Oct 31 08:39:51 1995 To: "'KELVIN@FOURMILAB.CH'" Subject: World Map w/Time display Kelvin, I am a consultant. While on-site the other day, I noticed a color printout of a world map with the daylight/nightfall displayed by time zone. It had your address at the bottom. Is this available in Win95? Other places? Please advise. Thanks for your information.
From clueless@somesite.com Sun Oct 29 21:46:27 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/homeplanet/homeplanet.html John, I have urld to your page from mine at http://www.somesite.com/~clueless/index.html I use a macintosh and it seems that I cannot use your page functions. Any reason why? Thz Clueless
Dunno. Perhaps it's because the program you're referring to is for Windows.
From clueless@aol.com Sat Oct 28 18:39:25 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Do you have any sky maps for Macs
From clueless@college.edu Fri Oct 27 00:52:19 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: ftp of craters.zip Why cannot I ftp craters.zip. I got the name from this url, and tried to get it using ftp (after leaving fourmilab.) I found your www in the Local Paper, business section last Sunday. Why can't I e-mail you at this address? Cheers, Clueless.
From clueless@ix.netcom.com Mon Oct 23 07:55:11 1995
Subject: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Dear Mr. Walker,
CONGRATULATIONS! Your Earth Viewer website has been chosen to
receive "THE FAMILY JEWEL AWARD!" This coveted award is only
presented to those websites with excellence in design, layout,
content, presentation, uniqueness, and originality.
If you wish to accept this award, please display the award logo
that you will find attached to this message on your opening page,
with the following URL referenced as...
From your-userid@UCLA.EDU Thu Nov 2 02:37:41 1995 Organization: The Anderson School, UCLA To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) X-Unauthenticated: The sender's identity cannot be confirmed hi kevin, i am a researcher at ucla and i just ran across your file "autodesk" in a search dealing with dividends. did you write this work? what exactly is it? business book on net? case study? company history? who funded this effort? where did the work on dividends come from?
From clueless@somesite.com Thu Nov 2 14:33:53 1995 Date: Thu, 02 Nov 95 08:33:23 To: <kelvin@fourmilab.ch> Subject: Versions Are there plans for an OS/2 version? How much of the code that is Windows specific? How modular is it, meaning how hard would it be for someone to port? Thanks.
Forgetting, you'll notice, to name which program he was asking about.
From clueless@aol.com Fri Nov 3 04:58:06 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: Satellite Images
Dear Kelvin,
My name is Maj Bob Clueless. I am an officer in the USAF. I was hoping
you could give me some information on satellite imagery. I need to have some
pictures made of a deer camp in Alabama so that the hunters can make a map of
the roads and topo of the landscape. Do you know of any government or
private organizations that can make these pictures? Thank you very much for
your time.
Sleep soundly tonight: the Air Force...is deer hunting, by satellite!
From CLUELESS@SOMESITE.GOV.BC.CA Fri Nov 3 01:13:04 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: IKEA furtniture outlets in France Dear John: My wife and I own a small condo unit in southern France, which is currently rented out. In five years time, we plan to retire and live six months in France, six months in Canada. With your Swedish connections, would you know of any IKEA outlets in southern France, or indeed in France in general? Any help in this area would be appreciated, as we would like to get an IKEA catalogue from France and start planning our furniture purchases. If there are no outlets in France, then the closest outlet would be appreciated. Jag talar svenska. Var fodd i Kanada av svensk foraldrar. (My MS Mail program can't generate the Swedish characters for the three extra letters). Thanks for any help you can provide. Sincerely,
From clueless@college.edu Fri Nov 3 21:42:27 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: http://www.fourmilab.ch/autofile/www/section2_39_2.html
ENGLISH MAJOR--SENIOR YEAR
I ENJOY THE FEEL OF MONEY IN MY HAND, IN MY POCKET, READY TO BE PUT TO
USE. I HAVE A TOKEN $2000 ON MY PERSON, NOTHING MORE. I WANT TO DOUBLE
IT QUICKLY BY MAKING AN INCREDIBLY WISE INVESTMENT (HOW I DON'T KNOW).
AM I DREAMING. . . ?
MY FRIENDS SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. I'M HOPING THEY'RE WRONG. EVEN IF IT
WERE POSSIBLE I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. ANY SUGGESTIONS?
Certainly. Make a copy of the attached document and add your name at the top of the list. Post copies to the five or ten thousand leading newsgroups. In keeping with tradition, you should probably do this from an AOL account....
From clueless@somesite.com Fri Nov 3 23:02:50 1995 Subject: (no subject) X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/ I would like for you to e-mail Clueless Systems, LLC your articles on the Turnkey Systems industry. Please visit our site at www.clueless.com.
From clueless@delphi.com Wed Nov 8 07:28:22 1995 Organization: Delphi Internet Services To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Hello Oh Shit
Please--not on my computer! It's bad enough with all the pigeons roosting in the computer room.
From netscape@college.edu Wed Nov 8 22:54:50 1995 From: Unauthenticated User <netscape@vertex.college.edu> Organization: University of College Laboratory Schools To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/cship/cship.html If you could send me this game that woul be nice at America online Clueless but if you dont have aol dont send it =================================================== NOTICE: There is no way to guarantee the validity of this message. Please contact the person listed as the sender to authenticate. ===================================================
From clueless@germany.COM Fri Oct 27 16:25:35 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Regression Testing Tools X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/autofile/www/section2_16_6.html#SECTION00166000000000000000 Hello Kelvin, I found your page in the WEB while searching for a Regression Testing ToolKit for HPUX User interfaces. Do you know about such a tool kit? Is there any PD or shareware? Looking forward to your response,
From clueless@college.edu Thu Nov 2 07:27:24 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: story I really liked your story.
From clueless@somesite.com Sat Nov 11 04:38:00 1995 Subject: Are you looking for funding? Mr. Walker, I found your page while looking for people wanting venture = capital. I'm having trouble telling if you are looking for capital or = partners. Please let me know what you have in mind. Thanks
From clueless@somesite.com Thu Nov 9 03:53:56 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: C-1 VISA X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/uscode/8usc/www/t8-12.html ..I have been reading your enormous database on immigration laws, and i could say it is pretty impressive!..although, I am looking for a very specific law regarding Alien In-Transit( C-1 visa ). I would really appreciate if you can send me a literature on this aspects. thank you,
From clueless@aol.com Mon Nov 13 06:32:27 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Cc: clueless@college.edu Subject: Adoption Adoption Referral Associates publishes directories that contain the actual materials submitted by adoption agencies nationwide. They are an excellent resource for those wanting to adopt. They also offer pre-adoption counseling services. Phone is 800-CLU-LESS.
From clueless@college.edu Tue Nov 14 18:01:22 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: DAK info
Dear Sir,
Could you please forward to me the up-to-date phone number and
address of DAK industries mentioned in your WWW link? I would be
most grateful.
I am clueless@college.edu
Regards,
Clueless, Ph.D.
From clueless@college.edu Thu Nov 16 02:03:13 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Unicard I'm a student and I just read your message on the unicard. Could you tell me what is your profession and your purpose in writing the letter? Thanks.
From clueless@bozo.org Thu Nov 16 06:27:00 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Your Web Page X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/autofile/www/section2_10_12.html While searching for Wordstar, I came across your web page. What _is_ it? An history of Autodesk/CAD?
You could say that, assuming you could utter a coherent sentence at all.
From clueless@college.ac.jp Thu Nov 16 12:38:39 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Cross country dividend - retained earnings comparitive survey Dear Kevin: I need data on dividend payments and retained earnings relative net income for about 100- 500 corporations listed on each of the major stock markets; London, New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Paris, ect. Do you know if or where this kind of data might be found on the web? Thanks,
I am deeply moved by your need, as well as your unwillingness to do your own research.
From clueless@somesite.com Thu Nov 16 22:45:41 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) check out www.somesite.com/clueless/techno.html or call CL Tech at 710-555-7300, ask for Bob Clueless. They have developed CL Medbase for device tracking and the Outcome Assessment/Decision Support System for hip & knee replacement orthopaedic surgeons. I am trying to track other outcome data collection systems. If you have any info, please pass it along. Thanks! My phone number at the CLUELESSS is 408-555-1693.
Uhhhh, I'm still running showroom stock knees and hips, but if I decide to hot rod the old meatster, I'll be sure to check this out.
From clueless@primenet.com Fri Nov 17 00:09:30 1995 Organization: Primenet To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Programing Could you send me some info for programing games using Qbasic.
From clueless@somesite.au Sat Nov 18 04:17:43 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) Good argument. All we need now is someone with imagination and money! Regards,
That's what's always needed to accomplish (no subject).
From clueless@somenet.ca Sat Nov 18 21:13:39 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: auto cadd (drafthig programs) Is there any way I can get a free auto drafthing cadd program for my mom please reply to Sally Clueless our addres is
From clueless@alpinet.net Tue Nov 21 04:50:35 1995 To: "'kelvin@fourmilab.ch'" Subject: craters screen saver I have saved the cratrscr.zip to disk but I don't know how to get it = "unzipped" to get it working. Could someone help me get this screen = saver running? Thank you,
From clueless@smtplink.duh.ORG Tue Nov 21 21:46:22 1995
To: KELVIN@FOURMILAB.CH
Subject: U. S. Tax Code On-LIne
Can you give me info on the cost of U. S. Tax Code On-line.
Also, any other information that might be of help.
Any other information...? Sure. The cost of free things you access on the Web is zero, other than your connect charges. Water is wet. You are an idiot.
From clueless@somesite.com Wed Nov 22 15:50:28 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Primetime critique Dear Mr. Walker: While crusing the Internet I landed on your wicked critiqe of some PR text. I am intrigued by your commentary. However that is not why I am contacting you. I am a writer and a translator, proficient in Spanish, French and English. I know you probably don't want to hear another word about how wonderful PR consultants are and how they can help you. Just in case, however, I am forwarding a resume should you happen to need my services. Thank you very much.
It is somehow reassuring to discover that, ten years later, "communications professionals" can't spell any better than they did in our distressing First Contact.
From mail.id@college.edu Mon Nov 20 01:01:02 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) Should New Hampshire Savings Bank Corporation issue dividends. See Case Studies in Financial Decision Making Third Edition by Diana Harrington and Kenneth M Eades pg 315.
From clueless@somesite.com Sat Nov 25 10:58:33 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/index.html#speakfree I have two questions about Speak Free, what compression format are yo using and how do I uncompress the program? Thanks you
From clueless@mindlink.bc.ca Sat Nov 25 02:02:48 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Parametric Dear John: Can you give us a layman term for "Parametric". What does it mean? Any way of describing this to your Grandmother. Thanks.
This is a genuine challenge. Both of my grandmothers (did you only have one?...how odd...any extra fingers or toes?) are dead. So I don't have any idea at all how I could explain "parametric" to either of them. But I'm sure that had my mum's mum encountered the word at age 96, she would have looked it up in the dictionary before bothering a total stranger with the question. Regards,
From clueless@college.edu Sat Nov 25 07:46:46 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Win95 and Floppies Kelvin: Do you know if it is possible to store a 5Mb (or anything larger that 1.44Mb) program across multiple floppy diskettes in WINDOWS95?
Have you tried a sledgehammer?
From clueless@sunbelt.net Sun Nov 26 05:27:25 1995 Subject: (no subject) To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch For some reason I am not able to print the article about a subchapter s corporation from my computer. If it is no trouble could you email this article back to me as soon as possible. Thank you so much!
From clueless@aol.com Sun Nov 26 19:26:21 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: how to see the demonstration Hi! I've just looked at your interesting site: http://www.fourmilab.ch/solar/solar.html but I can't figure out how to see anything!! What/where is the command to begin the viewing? Thanks,
Are you sure your eyes are open?
From clueless@bozos.org Tue Nov 28 20:35:53 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch X-Url: X-Personal_Name: From: Subject: social security taxes q tax rates on socioal security payments
a
I am not a server.
From clueless@eunet.co.uk Wed Nov 29 14:57:47 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Industrial Revolution X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/autofile/www/section2_84_19.html do you know anything about the sociology of the indutrial revolution?
Yes, quite a bit. Thank you for asking.
From clueless@somesite.au Thu Nov 30 20:59:50 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) Ho there. I am not a technical person but I want to say how interesting I find this site. I try to call in regularly at different times just to check on what views I can get. Can you give me any other URLS where something like this is possible? Congratulations and best wishes
Thank you. You'll find extensive information on (no subject) at the vast majority of Web sites.
From clueless@college.CA Sat Dec 2 00:30:08 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Hi Kevin, I just started using the net, I don't understand how to steup the software (i.e. creating directories & source code???) If you can hwlp it would be much appreciated. Thanx.
I doubt I can hwlp, since I don't know what "hwlp" means, and I don't know which program you want me to hwlp you steup.
From clueless@somesite.net Fri Dec 1 04:45:58 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: help Hillo! Ah... I am trying to use your program... but I can't seem to find any other users listed on the system.?! HOW or WHEN do I try to connect... once I am on line?!??! anywhere!??! and also.. how do I find a person to talk to.. for now.. just to test...??!? is there a test place.. I am toiooo excited... I can't wait.. HELP!!!!
Sit down. Relax. Make sure your brain is switched on. Next...
From clueless@college.EDU Sun Dec 3 21:51:07 1995 Subject: Moontoolw To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Hello. I am not sure how to unzip moontoolw. I downloaded the file in my C:\Windows directory, but I cannot get it to work because I cannot unzip it. If you could send me some instruction I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!
From clueless@college.edu Mon Dec 4 19:06:40 1995 Subject: mailto:kelvin@fourmilab.ch To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch X-Url: mailto:kelvin@fourmilab.ch My wife is starting up her own tax service and is curious to know if the "CCH" books are available on-line. Any info you could provide would be helpful.
From clueless@college.EDU Wed Dec 6 00:19:17 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: VIEWING OZONE DATA
Is it possible to view ozone readings superimposed on the planet's
map? Your help is greatly appreciated...
Bud Clueless
Assistant Professor
Always glad to help, Prof. Starting next Monday, our constellation of 600 ozone-monitoring satellites will be launched into orbit on Russian Zenit boosters out of Pletesk. By Wednesday afternoon, we will be able to downlink custom superimposed imagery direct to your desktop. Could we come by to install the dish sometime after lunch? The cost for this will be 8 billion U.S. dollars--please have cash or a cashier's check available when our installer arrives. Thank you for choosing Fourmilab as your space data provider!
From clueless@somesite.net Wed Dec 6 01:08:47 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) Dear Kelvin: How do I find out what the alignment of the planets will be in 4 years (the year 2000). I hope you will find time to answer. Thank you.
From clueless@college.uk Thu Dec 7 14:14:45 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: Computer-aided design
Hi. I am studying for a HND in Software Engineering and am doing a talk soon
on "How computers are used in the production of films". I am hopeing to talk
mainly about computer animation, but need some information on it. Can you
help? I don't know if "computer-aided design" covers computer animation or
not, but I'm confident that you can help me. Please write soon. I am a
damsel in distress!!!!
Thank you
BYE BYE.
__/\___________
/ \
/ * |-------------
\________________/
|| ||
..........................
. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX .
. ****** Clueless ****** .
. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX .
..........................
I agree; you are, indeed.
From clueless@somesite.somewhere Thu Dec 7 20:57:59 1995 To: "'kelvin@fourmilab.ch'" Subject: how can I green card Dear Mr. Kelvin, Last year my friend of mine won the visa lotary and he is in US now. I want to study in US and I want to get green cerd because two months ago my family died in trafic accident I have some money its about 20000$ but I couldnt manage to get immigration visa would you explain me what should I do? I am waiting your reply Sincerely
Have you considered bribery? Just mail all your money to my mail-drop and I'll see what I can do....
From clueless@somesite.com Mon Nov 27 01:16:16 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) X-Url: http://site.college.edu/~user/speakfree/speak_freely.html#req I am at http://site.college.edc/~~~~~ I have read the entire pages and for the life of me can not find the software. What is going on? Is this shareware or do I have to do something else to get it? Thanks,
Well, you could start by getting a clue, or else by pressing the big fat "Download" button which was staring you in the face as you composed this missive.
From clueless@netcom.com Mon Nov 27 19:33:31 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: earth image in high resolution format? The images are great!! Can you recommend a place where I can get high resolution images of the earth and of the sky? Thanks for your help
Certainly. Make a huge pile of the highest explosives you can obtain. Sit on top, with your camera. Detonate the pile, snapping away as fast as you can manage. These will be extremely high resolution images which your survivors can sell to the highest bidder.
From clueless@somesite.com Mon Nov 27 19:40:54 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Are you John Walker? aloha
Yes, I believe so, although I haven't checked in the last half hour.
From clueless@somesite.it Fri Dec 8 21:12:52 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Research on Money crash 1987 I am Luigi Clueless, I am attending at College University of Somewhere Italy. I am looking for some information about "The Money Crash 1987" for taking my degree. I hope to hear from you soon Your faithfully
From clueless@somesite.net Mon Dec 11 22:15:28 1995 To: "'kelvin@fourmilab.ch'" Subject: respite care payment Encoding: 11 TEXT Hello, I am new to using internet and happened upon the page describing foster care payments. Is it possible for you to provide me with similar information regarding the tax laws governing respite care payments made to foster parents. Thanks
From clueless@college.edu Wed Dec 13 07:31:07 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: netphone
Dear kelvin,
I have download the speakfree file from my netscape, I use a
telephone line to dial in a local server and I think the connection is
called ppp. I was testing the chat site. can I hear someone's talking even
I don't have a phone yet?
thanks!
Yes, you'll find your ears will provide this capability, as long as the other person isn't too far away.
From sanspiste@endroit.net Fri Dec 15 06:20:41 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: votre aide pour apprendre francais J'ai lu que vous pouvez m'aider avec une spreadsheet d'Excel?
Bien s√r. Veuillez m'envoyer les honoraires de 5'000 francs suisses pour le minimum d'une heure. Je vous rappelerai aussit⌠t que l'argent arrive. Argent liquide seulement, s.v.p.
From clueless@ix.netcom.com Sat Dec 16 06:02:40 1995
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: (no subject)
December 15,1995
TO: John Walker
RE: COMBINED PERSONAL AND BUSINESS TRAVEL EXPENSE
As a stockholder in Bogus Environmental, Inc., Goofy, TX, I
have been authorized by a Director to contact a California indepen=
dent oil producer for possible trial of microbial oil enhancement with
low gravity wells in Daft, CA, this during a personal visit=
from North Clueless during the Christmas season. The following
question arises: What portion of the cost of the visit may be =
treated as tax-deductible business expense?
From clueless@bconnex.net Sat Dec 23 02:36:12 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: dietary fat Hello there, I wanted to bring to your attention a new product that has been released in the United States. It has only one ingredient, "absorbitol" and it is derived from the shells of shellfish. It has the ability to bind with up to 3 grams of dietary fat after a meal, and carry it straight through the body, resisting absorption. If you would like further detailed information, I can fax it to you, as I would also be interested in hearing your opinion on it. Thank you!
Pass the butter!
From clueless@somewhere.net Sun Dec 24 05:01:30 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch what is this anyway part fiction and or fiction . is it something which is purposeful or is it varied .
It's purposeful! It's varied! It's purposeful! It's varied! Stop--you're both right!
From clueless@aol.com Wed Dec 27 05:51:42 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: first impressions This appears to be interesting. Do you want comments / suggestions later? Is this a "project" for your personal business, education or entertainment?
Absolutely!
From clueless@pipeline.com Fri Dec 29 07:08:43 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: speakfre.exe???? Labtop??? Dear Sir, I have a laptop computer (sorry I don't have a regular desktop), it has a built in sound card with software (an internal speaker & mic), however it doesn't have the DOS file - speakfre.exe, so I cannot install the "Speak Freely" program. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?
Many.
From clueless@unauthorised.use.gov Fri Dec 29 17:05:00 1995 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: PEMEX Founder -- Adolfo Preston John Clueless Where can I get a copy of the story of the founding of PEMEX and information about it's founder Adolfo Preston John Clueless? Melvin E. Clueless, Founder Clueless Family Association
From clueless@ix.netcom.com Tue Jan 2 00:44:21 1996 Subject: Visa Lottery To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Hi, Can you tell me when one can file for a visa lottery on behalf of a someone living in overseas? Where can such visa lottery be sent to and what are the necessary requirements, etc. etc. Thanks.
As a matter of fact, I can help you right out. Go to your bank and draw out all the money you have in cash. Mail it to me at the following address--there's no need to put a return address on the envelope....
From clueless@teleport.com Thu Jan 4 05:06:51 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: diets Do you have any particular low fat diets that one can follow? Thank you.....
From clueless@college.md.us Mon Jan 8 00:04:01 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: age how old are you
Old enough not to have time for impertinent questions from total strangers.
From clueless@somesite.japan.com Tue Jan 9 16:43:56 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/evilempire/ Would like to see samples Please send E-mail or fax ??-???-??-????
Sorry, I don't know how to send an evil empire through E-mail or to your FAX. All in all, this is probably a good thing.
From clueless@aol.com Thu Jan 11 18:50:06 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: LAND SAT. Where can i find information on land satelites. Am doing some reserch project. Thanks in advance for your help.
From clueless@aol.com Sat Jan 13 21:23:25 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: exempt from penalty Is there a form I can fill out to apply for exemption from penalty at the end of the year? My income varies from quarter to quarter substantially and I just file one return at the end of the yearand Ialways have to pay a penalty because I didn't send inany payments of estimated taxes. Your help would be appreciated.
From clueless@somesite.net Mon Jan 15 04:46:05 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Your Program!!!!!!! How do you use the program(SpeakFree), I have tried to figure it out but I just cant. I havent read the help. I guess I could do that, But I would apreciate some hints or something.
From daemon Tue Jan 16 07:44:24 1996
Return-Path: <CLUELESS@mailout2>
From: CLUELESS@prodigy.com (MR CLUELESS)
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
DEAR : kelvin
my name is clueless i need your help i like to know if i can download the
software for netfone for windows i have tried
many times with no luck getting a message no viewer
please let me know what to do
thanks
From clueless@somesite.net Thu Jan 25 02:50:16 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch I have been trying to use your Speak Freely program but i cant. Can you please tell me how. Thanks a lot.
From clueless@nabus8 Wed Jan 31 18:15:08 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Running XD X-Url: http://www.fourmilab.ch/ Please excuse my ignorance, but I downdloaded the xd conversion program and i would like to execute it but I can't figure out what to do with the Makefile and the c script. I'm running SUNOS V5.4. Any help would be appreciated.
Note that this user of a Sun workstation not only doesn't know how to compile a C program, the return address in his message is a local machine name, without the domain identification one would need to reply (were one crazy enough to do so).
From CLUELESS@msn.com Fri Feb 2 12:51:45 1996
Date: Fri, 2 Feb 96 03:42:04 UT
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: NEW USER
DEAR SIR:
I HAVE DOWNLOADED YOUR "SPEAK FREELY SOFTWARE TO MY COMPUTOR. I AM NEW WITH
COMPUTORS, IN FACT YOU MIGHT CALL ME THE BIGINERS BIGENER. I DONT KNOW HOW TO
RUN YOUR PROGRAM. INFACT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I DOWNLOADED YOUR PROGRAM
CORRECTLY. IF POSSIBLE, PLEASE SEND ME ANY INSTRUCTIONS YOU CAN GIVE THAT CAN
HELP ME USE YOUR SPEAK PROGRAM. THANK YOU
SINCERELY
CLUELESS
Sir, over more than twenty-five years in the computer industry, I have had the occasion to help hundreds, if not thousands of beginners. It is rewarding to help folks take that first difficult step into a rewarding but often intimidating new domain. You are not, however, in my estimation a "BIGINERS BIGENER"; you are an idiot's idiot.
From clueless@compuserve.com Mon Feb 5 05:19:33 1996 To: lots of Lycos bite victims Subject: Tender for driving licence card Sir, We have obtained the name of your company through the Internet. We currently have a tender for the supply of a driving licence production system for the government of Mauritius which includes a complete computer system aswell as card production. We would like to know if you would be interested to bid with us for this tender. Should you agree to the proposal, kindly fax us on (230) XXX XX XX. We will then send you by DHL the complete tender document. We wish to inform you that the tender closes on 28th Feb 1996. Any suggestions would be most welcomed.
From clueless@aol.com Sat Feb 10 08:12:14 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: encounter's from age 3 i have down loaded your article,keep on the track, it's way past time the issue has been addressed. having my own personal encounter i know this reality exist, the problem is that it has been kept so secret that no one understand's unless you have seen on up close. it's time the peope were informed.the cold war is over and the deception keeps mounting,soon the information will become obvious and the people will become very angry that the secret has been kept for so long.
What's this lump in my earlobe? Not again...bloody greys....
From clueless@college.edu Tue Feb 13 23:37:35 1996 Subject: ? To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Hi, my location is XX 30' 01" N, XX 33' 09" W. What planets are rising in the southwest at about 7:30 Xst.
From clueless@studio.movie.com Wed Feb 14 00:54:03 1996
To: XXX@YYYY.COM, kelvin@fourmilab.ch, xxxxx@college.edu
Subject: Does anyone...
Does anyone know the proper procedure to take the IRS
to court to have a legal determination made wether or
not a person is a "Tax-Payer" or not.
From <@COLLEGEVM.COLLEGE.EDU:clueless@college.edu> Mon Feb 19 07:23:48 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: q? hi, how are you ? I do not now if can help me , but I am looking for some Questions about the moon phases and software to determine it also I have a 2Nd questions when the new moon is born when can it be seen bye the human eyes and does the geographical area infulences it apperence can it be seen in NY but not CA or even TX I refer to the new moon off course thanks in advance
From clueless@aol.com Mon Mar 4 05:11:00 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: autocad Is it possible to download a shareware version of AutoCad from the net? If so, would you by any chance have a URL address for such an area? Sincerely,
From clueless@compuserve.com Mon Mar 4 05:17:02 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: home planet ftp ftp.foumilab.ch Name:anonymous Password: clueless@compuserve.com ftp> cd /pub/Kelvin/homeplanet ftp> binary ftp> prompt ftp> mget hp2-?.zip ftp> bye
This idiot, having read a description of how to obtain
Home Planet via command-line
FTP, promptly E-mailed me the commands, including the "FTP>"
prompts in the sample session I show in the document.
From clueless@cyberramp.net Sun Mar 24 17:51:09 1996 Date: Sun, 24 Mar 1996 10:49:39 -0600 From: "Sam Clueless" <clueless@cyberramp.net> To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Pepperidge Farm reporting Glass in their Cookie X-URL: http://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/www/subsubsection1_4_3_0_0_4.html Found your address while browsing for Pep Farm. Got an address for reporting a sizeable piece of glass to them?
What's the problem? Didn't the package say "No fat, low-calorie, high-fibre"?
From clueless@msn.com Sat Mar 30 08:35:53 1996 Date: Sat, 30 Mar 96 10:32:12 UT To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: broadcast of cricket by intelstat CBU do you have any infor on what band/channel i may be able to pick up the CBU broadcast satellite of cricket matches currently scheduled between west indies and new zealand???? thanks for any leads or infor
From clueless@aol.com Wed Apr 17 14:38:40 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Project for school Dear sir, I am working on a project for my trigonometry class that involves the orbit of the earth and the orbit of Haley's Comet. The problem is to show whether Haley's Comet will crash into the earth using trig functions to prove my position. Can you send me information on these orbits? I also need information about Haley's Comet for a research paper that is part of the project. Would you be able to help me with this? The project was assigned just this week and is due on Friday, April 19. Thank you very much
You're welcome.
From clueless@college.edu Wed Apr 17 20:38:54 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: use of earthviewer John, Can you please provde me more information on how to access earthviewer. For instance, where can I find a map showing latitutes, longitudes, etc. say for the state of Clueless? How close can I zoom in on an area. I am doing a research project on waterfowl migratory patterns in South Clueless, and need to be able to count ducks on a pond. Can I do it using earthviewer. If not can you advise me on alternative means of accessing this informatin? Thanks.
Have you considered visiting the pond and shouting, "Yo, ducks! How many you guys out there"? Hope this helps.
From clueless@somesite.edu Thu Apr 25 17:18:39 1996
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: "Question about of CASE"
Can you send me information about of tools Upper CASE and Lower
CASE,in fact, I need the diferences between the Upper and Lower Case,
because I'm doing a profesional work, in this, I need include information
about this topic, is very important.
In other hand, Ican obtain information about the Front End and the Back
End tools for the ingeneering information systems.
If more for the moment, y thanks your atention for this e-mail, hoop your
pront answer.
From clueless@msn.com Wed May 1 09:44:57 1996 Date: Wed, 1 May 96 04:37:39 UT To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: autosketch Do you know of any online or bbs, even clubs to get into. Need help importing images into autosketch, thanks
From clueless@aol.com Thu May 9 22:58:16 1996 Date: Thu, 9 May 1996 16:57:15 -0400 To: Kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: INFO"""@ HI" MY NAME IS BUDDY L. CLUELESS I LIVE IN HELLHOLE IN. CAN YOU SEND ME SOME INFO.?? YOU CAN SEND IT BY E-MAIL OR BY U.S MAIL : BUDDY L. CLUELESS P.O BOX 821 HELLHOLE IN. 44444 PHONE : 369-555-2797
CERTAINLY BUDDY!! YOUR INFO WILL BE ARRIVING IN YOUR MAILBOX ANY DAY NOW!! KEEP WATCHING IT!!
From clueless@dumbsite.com Thu May 16 02:10:35 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: earth I was observing your site and was wondering why earth was not listed in the list of planets that included the moon in your solar system live section where you can tell where all the planets are at any moment. thank you
From clueless@irgendwo.at Sat May 18 11:56:44 1996
Date: Sat, 18 May 96 10:59:54 -0700
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: HELP!!!
It would be very nice of you if you could send us some information about
CYBERSPACE!
Thanks,
From clueless@interramp.com Sun May 26 04:28:03 1996
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
Subject: Are You A Displaced AT&T or MCI Professional?
Are You a Displaced AT&T or MCI Communications Professional?
Do You Know One?
Please Call 1-800-555-8612 For Important Information.
(Not Long Distance or MLM)
Must Be Able to Sign a Non Disclosure Agreement
From clueless@ix.netcom.com Mon May 27 08:29:18 1996 Date: Mon, 27 May 1996 00:57:35 -0700 To: kelvint@netcom.com Subject: Sky screensaver help... I recently downloaded you Sky screensaver and find it very interesting. But, how can I find out my exact latitude and longitude? I'm at 156 Bonehead Boulevard (between 14 and 15th) in New York City, New York. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'd be very interested to know exactly what the sky above me looks like. Thanks!
From clueless@worldnet.att.net Mon May 27 05:54:11 1996
Date: Mon, 27 May 1996 03:53:15 GMT
To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch
Subject: Software request
Dear Sir:
I am looking forward to receiving a speak freely software
package from your company. I have Pentium 100, window 95 computer to
access the internet. Please send the proper software to my following
address:
Sincerely,
From clueless@aol.com Mon May 27 17:17:02 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Interest in Masonic Membership Hi Kevin . My name is Billy-Bob Clueless and I am interested in membership in a masonic order. Can you give me some direction as the links on the web lead nowhere or in very limited directions. Thanks
From clueless@aol.com Sun Jun 2 20:27:01 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Planatary alignment, Uranus I there anything unusual about the subject on the morning of June 6, 1996?
From clueless@research.edu Tue Jun 11 16:16:54 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Sectionn127 Has the full house voted on Section 127 If so what is the outcome? 5250 exemption for 1995? 1996? Where do graduate level job related fall? 1995? 1996? Where do graduate level NON job related fall 1995? 1996?
From clueless@irgendwo.de Sun Jun 16 09:49:50 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Winword 6.0 X-URL: http://www.fourmilab.ch/craters/ Hallo.... I'm search for a programm, to encode Winword-Dokuments, that save with a password (I have lost my password). Can you help me ? Thank You.... -- ...bis zum naechsten Mal
Sorry, your papers are not in order.
From clueless@aol.com Sun Jun 23 22:17:23 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: question any info on piona company
From clueless@mail.college.edu Fri Jun 28 20:53:43 1996 Organization: Facilities Planning (room reservations) To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Your use of the name "Autodesk" Autodesk is a copywrited name of the corporation selling and servicing AutoCad products. If you don't already know this, you better check it.
Golly! Thank you for bringing this to my attention! Having founded the company in question and coined the name myself, I was unaware of this! I sure wouldn't want to violate what's-their-name's "copywrite"!
From clueless@somesite.com Thu Jul 4 21:13:04 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: (no subject) I'm searching for a recipe for champagne cake. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Glad you asked; I'm always happy to share information I have at my fingertips.
Get a cake pan and liberally grease with animal fat. Add 500 grams of white flour, 250 grams of white sugar, 50 grams of butter, and 50 grams of baking powder. Break a couple of eggs and pour onto the top; don't throw in the shells unless you want the "extra-crunchy recipe." There's no need to mix it all up--that will take care of itself.
Put the pan in a cold oven, then place two bottles of champagne, unopened, on top of the pan. Cover the bottles and pan with extra-heavy-duty aluminium foil and/or (if available) a manhole cover. Close the oven, set the temperature to 250 C. There's no need to set a timer--you'll know when it's finished.
Happy Fourth of July!
From clueless@aol.com Fri Jul 26 07:16 MET 1996 To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Subject: Speak Freely Could you send me the softwar for your FREE telephone thing???
At Fourmilab, we take pride in rapid and accurate delivery. You want "softwar"? We're happy to comply! Please provide precise latitude and longitude co-ordinates and desired yield. Delivery time is about a half an hour; circular error probable is about 10 metres.
From: clueless@somesite.net To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Sat, 10 Aug 1996 17:34:05 -0400 Subject: HTS what satillight is that is that hubble where can i get a list of all the satilights full names not abrviations HTS ???
From: clueless@somewhere.sg To: kelvin@fourmilab.ch Sat, 10 Aug 1996 19:54:31 +0800 Subject: Enquiring How do convert 2 bytes hex number (eg.0126H) to its corresponding decimal number using 8086 assembly language? Thanks!
Well, that's it, at least until the next gem arrives that "makes the list". Catch you later, somewhere in cyberspace.
So I offer you this heartfelt plea,
For IQ's twelve to eighty-two,
Before you get flamed many times, many ways,
Don't send E-mail; get a clue!