TeleJoke RT
Category 2,  Topic 10
Message 71        Mon Mar 26, 1990
B.TEMPLETON [Funny Guy]      at 20:21 EST
 
             Subject: An alternate view of the universe
          From: stuart@wotan.hq.ileaf.com (Stuart Freedman)
                      Keywords: computer, smirk

 {ed There are a zillion of these computer glossaries floating around, but
 this one was actually amusing.}

 Relayed-From: Bob Starkey

     beta test, v.
          To voluntarily entrust one's data, one's livelihood and one's
          sanity to hardware or software intended to destroy all
          three.  In earlier days, virgins were often selected to beta
          test volcanos.

     bit, n.
          A unit of measure applied to color.  Twenty-four-bit color
          refers to expensive $3 color as opposed to the cheaper 25
          cent, or two-bit, color that use to be available a few years
          ago.

     buzzword, n.
          The fly in the ointment of computer literacy.

     clone, n.
          1. An exact duplicate, as in "our product is a clone of their
          product." 2. A shoddy, spurious copy, as in "their product is
          a clone of our product."

     enhance, v.
          To tamper with an image, usually to its detriment.

     genlock, n.
          Why he stays in the bottle.

     guru, n.
          A computer owner who can read the manual.

     handshaking protocol, n.
          A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initate a
          terse but civil dialogue, which, in turn, is characterized by
          occasional misunderstanding, sulking, and name-calling.

     italic, adj.
          Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases. Unique to
          Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases are
          often slanted to the left.

     Japan, n.
          A fictional place where elves, gnomes and economic
          imperialists create electronic equipment and computers using
          black magic.  It is said that in the capital city of
          Akihabara, the streets are paved with gold and semiconductor
          chips grow on low bushes from which they are harvested by the
          happy natives.

     kern, v.
          1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
          of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
          metal object used as part of the monetary system.

     modem, adj.
          Up-to-date, new-fangled, as in "Thoroughly Modem Millie."  An
          unfortunate byproduct of kerning.

     pixel, n.
          A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen
          displays.  The computer industry has frequently borrowed from
          mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the
          demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the
          marketing department.

     prototype, n.
          First stage in the life cycle of a computer product, folowed
          by pre-alpha, alpha, beta, release version, corrected release
          version, upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc.  Unlike its
          successors, the prototype is not expected to work.

     revolutionary, adj.
          Repackaged.

     Unix, N.
          A computer operating system, once thought to be flabby and
          impotent, that now shows a surprising interest in making off
          with the workstation harem.    


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