JEOPARDY ANSWER

JEOPARDY ANSWER: OBSESSIVE HOBBYIST

QUESTION: WHAT IS "A FISH NUT."

by Reet Thomas, Jr.

Typed and Edited by Rosetta

You might be a fish nut if you. . . . . . .

have more than three broken aquariums in a corner in the basement.

have thirteen nets in a box that just needs a little sewing to fix them. (Typist note: Of course, you've been saving them for over 5 years.)

have several thermometers that work perfectly...except the lead tip's gone and they float on their side.

have more than three permanent water stains in your carpet and have worn out three wet vacs.

have been late to gatherings because you just had to clean those last two filters.

have a box of partially used cans of food that your fish won't eat but you can't throw them away because someday you'll get fish that will eat it.

have mold growing on the living room wall.

have a stack of old, water spotted, scratched, odd-sized glass because you might need it for a patch someday.

have a number of bottles of medicine around, each with just a few drops left in them.

have boxes of empty quart jars saved because you might want to raise bettas someday.

have a box of heaters that need new tubes or their points cleaned. (Of course, they are so old that if you do fix them they cause static on your TV.)

have more than one old incandescent strip light with a rusted switch.

have more than four vibrators that need new bellows.

have a number of large electric motors that you can hook up to your smog pump if your current motor burns up.

have a large box of peat pellets in case you decide to breed killies someday.

have seven or more wide mouth gallon pickle jars to use as emergency nurseries.

have eighteen back issues of aquarium magazines that you plan on reading soon.

have fish carcasses in your freezer to show somebody, someday how big they were.

have more than three different fish club T-shirts.

have a box of corner filters that you haven't used since you bought your first power filter.

have a number of fish trophies that are so rusted you can't even read what you won them for.

have a file box full of recipes for making your own fish food.

have a styro box full of worm bedding from over four years ago when you thought you might try raising red worms.

have a large piece of cork bark from when you kept newts in your tank.

have four different kinds of water test kits.

have a very expensive microscope to use in your hobby. (Typist note: In an unopened box).

have an old TV made into an aquarium.

remember the plastic picture frame aquarium that hung on the wall. It actually held a QUART of water!

can name over ten pet shops that are no longer in business.

can remember your first aquarium and the first fish you spawned but you can't remember your wife's birth date.

remember when Famous Barr had a fish department.

remember when Pier One stores had a huge fish department.

remember when fish were imported from the orient and more times than not arrived dead.

remember when plastic aquarium plants were simply horrible.

remember when a 55 aquarium was considered huge.

never have to worry about static electricity because of dry air.

have owned a house for a number of years and have worn out four dehumidifiers.

have more than eight watches that don't work due to water damage.

have a gas powered generator to run your aquarium pump in case of power failure.

have more than five pairs of pants with bleach damage.

have a number of long sleeved shirts with the cuffs rotted from being constantly wet.

have to install an exhaust fan in the basement.

your electric bill doubles in the winter because of all the heaters.

have more than one broken bone from slipping on wet concrete.

have a mailman who knows your hobby is tropical fish.

the water company has had to replace your water meter several times because you wore it out.

can sex over 100 kinds of fish and tell someone how to breed them (but you can't sex your kittens).

your idea of art are color photos in the old Tetra calendars.

have a 1" net that has never touched water

save your empty one-pound shrimp egg cans.

have a cutting board and knife that has numerous unidentifiable dried stuff on them.

have performed numerous autopsies on fish and still have no idea what you're looking for.

still have several jars full of preserved fish because for some reason you thought it would be interesting to keep them. (You never had any idea how many fish you kill. You had to stop keeping them after one month but you couldn't bring yourself to throw away the jars.)

have lost count of how many times you've been shocked in your fish room.

have broken aquariums by over six different ways.

have boiled a tank of fish at least once.

have killed a tank of fish by forgetting to de-chlorinate the water after keeping fish for years.

have walked away from a tank you're filling with a hose, until you hear that unforgettable splashing sound.

have walked away from siphoning a tank full of fish, returning to discover 1/2" of water. You then do some creative refilling.

have wiped out a tank of fish in a way so stupid you've never told anyone.

you're doing an "aged in the hose" water change, don't notice when the hot water runs out, and ick out four tanks.

were working in the tank that holds prize fish and you leave without replacing the cover. Yep, you've guessed it.

have paid a small fortune for a dozen young rare fish to raise and breed, and they end up being all the same sex.

have actually given your spouse an aquarium for a gift. (Typist note: I let him keep it anyway.)

have bought a box of fish junk because it's so cheap, although you have no need for it what-so-ever.

have an apartment-sized fridge in your fish room and it's not for beverages.

have bought a 55 set-up for your infant's room because he enjoys watching tropical fish.