Posted by peepla (port-1-10.cinternet.net - 206.112.217.69) on May 31, 1997 at 06:24:54:
In Reply to: Re: Does anyone want to help me take over the world? posted by Momtobe on May 28, 1997 at 23:41:27:
hahahaha that reminds me of an email i got, here it is:
Subject: A letter from Brain
From: The brain
To Whichever Small-Brained Monkey Children It May Concern:
It has somehow become known to a good many of you that I intend to take
over the world. While this may disconcert a good many of you, I hope it
will not prevent you from lending me your complete support at some later
date.
I now wish to pass along to you my proposed actions should I become a
world-dominating overlord to show to you all that I am the best lab mouse
for the job.
If I ever become an Evil Overlord,
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass
visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not
kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is _not_ too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on
the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the
Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicatment before killing
them.
7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and
asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My
reply will be, "No, just sensible."
8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you
kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll
say, "No." and shoot him.
9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married
immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in
three weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be
carried out.
10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely
necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button
labelled "Danger: Do Not Push".
11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a
small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no
need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving
my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an
accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies
wouldn't believe it.
15. I will make it clear that I _do_ know the meaning of the word
"mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any
flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before
implementation.
17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the
bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as
any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the
aforementioned disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as
members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear
military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or
any other form of last request.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I
find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to
active when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his
plan into operation.
21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently
twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage
he's caused.
22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's
just one thing I want to know."
23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
their advice.
Now, after all of that, how can you argue that I am the best prepared
tyrant on Earth.
I would like to thank you for your support.
--Brain
: : : :
: : : : : Does anyone want to help me take over the world?
: : : : Gee, I don't know brain!
: : : : Pinky
: : : narf!
: : You folks have kids to I see
: This series of messages is way to weird for me!