Mon, 3 Oct 94 1930:03 EDT
mec@shell.portal.com (Michael Edward Chastain)
Transcripts from the General Motors help line
Transcripts from the General Motors help line
- Newsgroups
-
- rec.humor.funny
[This is original. I made it up myself.]
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how
to drive. Imagine if they did ...
- HelpLine
- "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
- Customer
- "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
- HelpLine
- "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
- Customer
- "What's an ignition?"
- HelpLine
- "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
and turns over the engine."
- Customer
- "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to
know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
- HelpLine
- "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
- Customer
- "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
- HelpLine
- "Is the gas tank empty?"
- Customer
- "Huh? How do I know?"
- HelpLine
- "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
- Customer
- "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
- HelpLine
- "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the
vendor to install it for you."
- Customer
- "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!"
- HelpLine
- "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
- Customer
- "Your cars suck!"
- HelpLine
- "What's wrong?"
- Customer
- "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
- HelpLine
- "What were you doing?"
- Customer
- "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and
it won't start now!
- HelpLine
- "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?"
- Customer
- "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't
crash any more!"
- HelpLine
- "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
- Customer
- "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
power brakes, and power door locks."
- HelpLine
- "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
- Customer
- "How do I work it?"
- HelpLine
- "Do you know how to drive?"
- Customer
- "Do I know how to what?"
- HelpLine
- "Do you know how to drive?"
- Customer
- "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"
Michael Chastain
mec@shell.portal.com
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