===>        NEABBS TELLS...       <===

===> HOW TO SOLVE E.T. COMES BACK <===

INTRODUCTION:
=============

E.T. IS THE WORST GRAPHICS ADVENTURE
I HAVE EVER SEEN.  IT IS:

1] INCOMPLETE
2] FULL OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS
3] FULL OF SPELLING ERRORS
4] WRITTEN IN APPLESOFT
5] WRITTEN BY A HOMOSEXUAL
6] WITHOUT A "SAVE GAME" FEATURE

IF THOSE DON'T TURN YOU OFF, CONSIDER T
HIS : EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE, THERE IS A 20
% RANDOM CHANCE OF BEING CONFRONTED BY "
GERTIE", WHO LOOKS LIKE LUCY FROM "PEANU
TS".  IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CANDY, OF WH
ICH THERE IS ONLY ONE OF, SHE PULLS THE 
PLUG ON YOUR COMPUTER.  GAME OVER.  IF Y
OU STILL WANT TO PLAY THIS ADVENTURE, YO
U MUST BE STRANGE.  BUT DON'T WORRY.  I'
M STRANGER.  I FIXED IT, SOLVED IT, AND 
WROTE A FILE.
IN FACT, I CHANGED THE GAME SO THAT YOU
 CAN KICK GERTIE'S ASS.  YOU COULD, IF Y
OU WERE REALLY WEIRD, CHANGE IT SO THAT 
YOU CAN RAPE HER OR SOMETHING, BUT ANYWA
YS, THAT'S FOR YOU TO DO.

HERE'S HOW TO SOLVE THE OLD VERSION:

BREAK DOOR
NORTH
DOWN
WEST
SOUTH TWICE
GET CANDY
NORTH
TALK MICHAEL
LOOK HOMEWORK
MONDAY
GET MICHAEL
EAST TWICE
SOUTH
EAST
GET MACHINE
WEST
NORTH
EAST
GET UMBRALLA (UMBRELLA)
WEST
OPEN DOOR
UP
WEST
LOOK MOTHER
GO DESK
GET KEY
SOUTH
WEST
GET GERANIUM
EAST TWICE
DOWN
NORTH
EAST
NORTH
DROP GERANIUM
SOUTH
GET E.T.
WEST
NORTH
WEST TWICE
UNLOCK GARAGE
OPEN GARAGE
GO CAR
NORTH THREE

CONGRATULATIONS!  YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THE 
END OF PART 1!  WHERE'S PART 2?  DON'T A
SK ME, ASK THOSE ASSHOLES WHO PUT THEIR 
FUCKING NAMES ON THE TITLEPAGE
(AND ADDED MASSIVE BLEEDING, WHICH I
FIXED).  ANYWAYS, TRY BLOADING "ET4.
PIC" TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN
YOU ACTUALLY WIN.  FRANKLY, I THINK THE
 WINNERS ARE THE PIRATES WHO STAYED
AWAY FROM THIS SHIT ADVENTURE.