The great two week world tour of Thailand
Buy lonely planet guide to Thailand
Rip out the disclaimer in the front section we don't need
that
Set up a hotmail email address
Buy the largest back pack you can find then fill it up with
things you wont be able to get in Thailand soap, toothpaste,
film, razors etc
Get the cheapest flight to Thailand (moan about the price to
anybody that will listen)
Day 1
Arrive Bangkok wander around the airport finally dig out the
L-P guide and head for khao San Road
Find the cheapest guest house you can find crash out
Wander up and down KSR wonder of wonders here in the third
world you can buy all those goods sitting in your backpack
and its cheaper
So you sit by the road rant and rave about saving $10 on
buying all those goodies here
Find other backpackers and start pumping them for
information on going up north
Spend all day long wandering up and down KSR looking for
that bargain travel to Chang Mai but everybody is quoting
around the same price
Remember I am a budget traveller must keep the costs down
Discover the night bus to Chang Mai with free guesthouse
room at the other end
Great saves money staying in a guesthouse
There isn't a catch is there?
Day 2
Walk to the grand palace wander round haven't bothered to
check the guide about standards of dress I mean all us
backpackers wear shorts and t-shirts that's ok
Get caught out you have to wear long trousers oh shit
A nice man out side offers a Tuk Tuk ride tour of the city
special price to you 20 Baht
4 hours latter been to tailors / gem shops/ gold shops etc
etc all part of the tour
Hungry now must have some good Thai food Mc Donald's that's
foreign food isn't it ?
You are sitting in Mc Donald's a man wearing a business
suit comes up to you and asks
Can I practice my English with you
Lets be polite I am now in his country ok lets talk
Turns out the man is a dealer in precious stones and hey its
a special buddist holiday do you want to come and see me at
work?
Why not it will kill some time
So we go to a gem shop he explains at length this is a
government licensed shop and the government is very strict
about gem dealers some are bad and the government is
stamping on them
So after about 30 minutes lots of explanations on cut
clarity etc of various stones you are told stones are very
cheap here in Thailand and you can double your money
After a long think about it you buy $100 worth of stones
that's the emergency funds gone but what the heck $200 easy
money back home
Go to Patpong see naked ladies dance all very exciting
wander along Patpong
a man says "want to see sex a show"
You say "you bet" so you go upstairs to some dingy club see
a sordid sex show and are presented with a bill for over
$100 for a beer
Some big heavies come out off hiding and it slowly dawns on
you that you are being scammed
So you Pay up Go to the tourist police at the end of Patpong
road and explain what happens they just smile and take you
back to the club and get some of your money back
Day3
You have hooked up with some other backpackers
After some looking around you find a tailor and arrange a
suite to be made and pick it up just before you leave
Thailand great price
Its now the weekend so we go to the weekend market must be
by bus it's the cheapest way
Shit shit shit all that stuff I bought in KSR is cheaper
here
Travel overnight to Chang Mai
Day 4
Arrive at a guest house get greeted by the family who run it
There's a man here he's a tour guide do you want to go
trekking?
Here's my recommendation book look loads of happy customers
Sorry I need to wash up and have a little sleep still a bit
jet lagged
Okay talk to you latter says the tour guide
so all day long various members of the guesthouse try to
sell you a trek
Do I buy lets go cheek the L-P book try Tha Phae gate
looking for treks everybody selling treks tours all
different prices which one shall I go for
Now I remember we go for the cheapest I am on a budget
I find the cheap trek tell tour guide in the guest house
Suddenly you must check out of the guesthouse by 8 am
tomorrow
Why I thought check out was midday
No the smiling owner says this is Thailand must you check
out by 8am
Discover the night bazaar lets go shopping look there is a
nice hilltribe bag that all the backpackers have its just
about the right size so I can put my L-P guide in instead of
wandering around with it in my daypack or in my hand.
Funny here all the Tuk Tuk drivers want to take me to some
place called San Kamphaeng it's a craft village very nice
stuff they make silver / gold/ wood carvings and furniture
plenty of nice things very cheap right ????
You can watch the craftsmen working on there products
Day 5
Go trekking wander up and down some hills really nice here
spend a night in a village
Look at all those kids lets give them sweets or money
Let's get the camera out lets take lots of Photos doesn't
need to ask anybody do I?
Day 6
Spend next day on an elephant safari all very exciting
Travel to another village spend the night there
By now you get up the courage to ask about opium shit wrong
time of year not much about and it's very expensive
Day 7
Next day go rafting all very exciting and not expensive this
is great
So you go back to Chang Mai the tour guide knows someone
with a good guest house it's a good place hot shower very
cheap okay lets go there then
We go the nice guest house got to go south soon not many
days left
Time is running out must scrap the trip to Doi Suthep its
only one of those temple things what's special about that
one
Day 8
Get a cheap bus to Bangkok then cheap bus to Surat Thani
funny thing about these cheap buses they are all full of
foreigners no Thais on them at all!
A man at the bus station says he can get ferry a ticket for
you
So you go with him get a ticket and get dumped at the jetty
start talking to other people
Day 9
Shit been stiffed again could have bought the ticket across
the road for much less money
Funds are drying up must be more careful with my money
Must find a cheap bungalow somewhere near Chaweng beach
So you wander up and down you really wanted to go diving but
its expensive and they don't give discount
Find a Thai restaurant and go for the cheapest food on the
menu sleep of all that bus travel
Day 10
Been rushing around to much its now time for some serious
work on my tan
Spend all day on the beach gets to the night time must go
out just for just 1 beer
so you find a bar and have a beer
A pretty Thai girl starts to talk to you she says lets play
a game we play connect four or dominoes but not for free if
I win you buy me one drink OK?
5 drinks later you finally figure out you've been had
So lets wander down Chaweng beach its getting late now
what's that its the Green Mango hey it's a free night club
lets have a dance its getting late its past midnight
Suddenly there is lot of Thai woman all tall long hair big
breasts real sexy woman
okay lets move in one
No problem end up taking one back to the bungalow
She takes off her clothes what's that it's a penis oh shit
it's a man anyway a holes a hole
You wake up next morning wallets gone been through your
stuff taken what they can sell
That's funny he/she did not take the rubies
Down to the tourist police excuse me mister policeman I have
been robbed they give you the look (stupid farang you can
afford it)
But I am a budget traveller I cant afford all this
Down to the post office make a collect call home help send
money out now!
Day 11
Spend all day hanging around waiting for some money to be
sent out great I can afford to fly to Bangkok check out
Bangkok airways book a ticket to Bangkok
Money turns up pay off all my bills
Wait a minute I been so busy I forgot the email thing I set
up lets check out see if it worked?
So you find an internet cafΘ check your e-mails send some
e-mail to friends saying what a great time you are having
etc etc
Now lets get out of town
Day 12
Arrive Bangkok into town
You go to the embassy get a new passport
Then you go to the airline get a new ticket issued
Then back to KSR
Do some sorting out got to cancel those credit cards and
those travellers cheques
Pick up that suite that I had made
End up feeling sorry for yourself spend the evening in a
cheap bar in KSR
Day 13
Fly home
Some days latter
That suite you had made starts to fall apart its poor
quality trash
You try to sell those rubies and find out they're worthless
Yes they are real rubies but they are of poor quality
You start to have pain when passing water and you find out
you have a sexually transmitted disease
You cant lose face so you go around telling your friends had
a great time what a great place Thailand is and I am quite
an expert on all things Thai now
But next year you go a normal holiday with your parents
In the mean time you lie in bed at night worrying about the
AIDS your are going to have to take
[There are 48 posts - the latest was added on Fri 23 April, 12:55]
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this topic was created by worldtour
i'm planning on going back to thailand next january and now
that i know a few of the problems and the HIV test was
negative i think i should have a good time...............
DONE THAT!!! (Good post-keep up the good work)
How about a Kuta backpacking adventure trip next?
i thought this was what a journal was for-please spare us the pain next time
you are obviousely a sales man's dream and author of the great "Gullibles travels".
Stay home with your mom and get a video next time.
One learns. But the AIDS-shit, I really don't want to have THAT again.........
--------------------------
If WTs did that, Thai tourism would decrease 50 per cent.
There in an economic slump, have a heart.
Get a life.
If you really got caught up and suckered into all those
traps there you are a bloody idiot! You sound like the type
of person I wouldn't even go with for a weekend trip to
Melbourne, you are prone to get into a mess no matter what,
see ya.
you sussed it bill
you should have kept quite and see how many idiots belived
it
lulu mike and dumstick fell for it
the others obviously sussed it out
little bit of background i spent 2 years in thailand
1990-92 and spend at least a month a year there ever since
some of the people i know have been there for 20years+
their are much better scams but most people that read the
above would not figure them out
the other day i was thinking about how many fuck ups could
you work into a two week trip to thailand so i had a chat
with some mates and this is what we came up with
we only used cons that we could verfiy
to my knowlege the gems scam has been running for 20 years
now
and there seems to be no end of victims
the amount of foreigners waking up to
find they have been robbed is astronimical apparently the
current scam is the girls smear a jelly on their nipples
which contains a strong tranqilizer one quick suck and you
wake up 24hrs later minus eveything
as for the trekking guides long ago i used to charge a
bottle of singha for each fake recomendation i wrote in a
book good drinking at the time
but the best one i heard about was 2 english lads working
out of the rose hotel near patpong they were making more
money then some of the larger bars
charging 100 baht to write love letters for hookers some
had 6 or more farangs on the hook most never found out
but seriously i also thought about doing a nice little
travelogue on places to go and things to see which are much
better than the ksr road backpaker hoards will ever see
i know this nice little hotel in bangkok about 3-4 star
swimming pool nice big rooms ac satelite tv all for 500b a
night but its nowhere near ksr
i also know a great indian resturant when i have the need
for curry
there are some nice resturants around banglanpoo but not on
ksr most prople could not find them
as long as joe cummings keeps recomending ksr it keeps all
the idiots in one place and leaves the rest to us
next trip diving from kho tao already been in touch with
some guys worked out some good discount but i wont spoil it
by telling how its done
its quite simple then you should have sussed it out
write what you want to say in word or note pad
higlight it
press control c
change application
press control v
next lesson
suck my rancid knob
world traveller, you rock, you're soooooo cool man,
why do even bother hanging out here with such
loooooosers....
We are so impressed by your knowledge oh great one. Should
we all bow down in the presence of someone who knows the
country like we never will? Or should we instead laugh
about how pathetic the 90's expats have become? Post again
when you have got your little knob sucked over at the
shopping mall of sex in Thonburi big boy. Fucking git.
A real nice post, then the author appears and wham -
just a little daggy. Remember besides WT deadheads on Khao
San you also have the oh so arrogant Expat ducks. One should
avoid both, or suffer serous mental health problems.
Before I read the follow on posts that 'World Traveller' had
posted, I thought this was a fantastic post. Now, however,
hmm.
I wonder why someone who seems so secure in Thailand
feels the need to impress the rest of us with his knowledge
of Bangkok. Do I detect just a hint of frustration? All that
knowledge and no one to share it with? It must be terrible,
being so insecure.
Perhaps If you learned the language and made some
friends who weren't expat arseholes or whores you might
feel somewhat better about yourself.
Can I also take this opportunity to remind everyone that
not all expats in Bangkok are insecure wankers. It seems to
be mainly people with few friends who hang out in Patpong
who get this way, don't worry, we're not all like that.
I did my expat stuff in Africa
learnt about HIV and AIDS from some doctors I was working
with
so when I went to SE Asia I had a shit load of money and
was very aware of what could happen going with bar girls
tried the $10 a day backpacker KSR crap didnÆt like it
wised up to the shit in the L-P guides
wandered of on my own to the far northeast
where the road side signs donÆt have English printed on
them
became an alcoholic
sobered up
met and interacted with real Thai people
taught English for fun not money
worked on a farm
couldn't learn Thai I am tone deaf to much heavy metal in
my younger days
got a realy good job which allows me travel at least 2-3
months a year
took a look at this website with the intention of looking
for some useful information
had a good laugh
started winding people up
got bored
wrote the world traveller story
sat back and watched
only real mistake was responding to Bill Petersen could
have suckered many more
It just goes to show - you can travel extensively ;
allegedly ; have a " really good job " with " shit loads of
money " and still be a friendless loser getting his kicks
out of duping bored internet followers. What a life you
have " world traveller " , how I aspire to be like you !
Looks like the heavy metal killed off more than the hearing
!!
GET A LIFE YOU TALENTLESS NO-HOPER MORON
========================================
repeat after me
I belive in lonely planet joe cummings is omnipotent
I belive in lonely planet joe cummings is omnipotent
I belive in lonely planet joe cummings is omnipotent
I belive in lonely planet joe cummings is omnipotent
I belive in lonely planet joe cummings is omnipotent
I belive in lonely planet joe cummings is omnipotent
I belive in lonely planet joe cummings is omnipotent
or
bah i am a sheep must go to ksr
bah i am a sheep must go to ksr
bah i am a sheep must go to ksr
bah i am a sheep must go to ksr
bah i am a sheep must go to ksr
or
I never been to se asia but i saw a program on tv
I never been to se asia but i saw a program on tv
I never been to se asia but i saw a program on tv
I never been to se asia but i saw a program on tv
choice is yours
OK WT, so you've done a lot of stuff that most backpackers
in Thailand havn't.. Spooning round the North-East is the
way to see another side of Thailand, one that most people
don't. Sure, the LP guides are sometimes wrong, and KSR is
pretty shite. That's all true, but not everyone has the balls
when leaving home for the first time to wander off in an
area like the North-East. That doesn't mean that they're
sheep or that they should be patronised, it just means that
some people are more cautious than others. After all,
wandering round Thailand on your own, with no knowledge
of Thai, would be pretty intimidating if it was the first time
you'ld left home. I know the first time I left home for any
length of time ( to Turkey ), I was scared stiff. So just try to
have some tolerance for people who are less well-travelled
and less self-confident than you.
Traveling in SEA is like europe was 20-30 years ago. I'm
supposed to be impressed cause WT travels around Isaan!
Shit, we have KSR clones and then WT who is oh so impressed
with himself. Christ, I have a friend who 10 years ago just
decided to backpack and bag travel - as in real backpacking
- he claimed that it just wasn't fun any more - WE
DESTROYED IT. I think we are looking at a couple of his
reasons right here.
Missed the point somewhat didn't we "World Traveller" ??
Can't really see the attraction in visiting 1 country over
and over so I can spout my "words of wisdom" in a
patronising tone to those who haven't been yet. Still at
least you get to shag a lot of little boys on the same
emotional wave-length as yourself - albeit with greater
intellectual abilities ( not really saying much though is
it "W.T" ) It's also hard to see the flesh pits of Bangkok
rivalling Carnaval in Rio , Mardis Gras in New Orleans ,
Running of the bulls in Pamplona , Hogmanay in Edinburgh
e.t.c e.t.c ( I could go on - but I really don't see the
point in being a smug WANKER - some people actually travel
for their own self fulfilment and to meet interesting
people ................ novel concept isn't it ??!! ). So
you enjoy your 3 millionth visit to whatever under-age
exploitative bars you frequent , and keep posting your
superfluous crap on this otherwise excellent page - even
mental defectives have a right to their own primitive fun ?
Of course this could be a wind-up ............... but a
man with your obvious lack of humility and cerebral
material would seem to lack the necessary pre-requisites to
think such a scheme up ................... and I repeat :-
GET A LIFE YOU MORONIC IMBECILE !
=================================
P.S "I.Q" - Intelligence Quotient and you'll get no
other help with the poly-syllabic words
P.P.S Who says it's not fun to mock the afflicted !!??
Dear World Tour,
Guess I'll just have to be unpopular again, but thanks for
the laugh - I'm not going to pretend I was above it!
...cometh the man. I'm with WT. The rest of you are
tossers
Sorry Judge, I believe I am the greatest living backpacker.
Certainly far superior to you or WT. Shall we post
countries visited ? or amazing travel feats on the TT ? Or
should we take a cue from the animal kingdom. Don't dogs
sniff each others asses? Why don't you just get back to
your floater and fuck off. Cheers
I spent a year in South Korea and was totally involved and
soaked up alot of the culture. Afterwards, I went to
Thailand seeking a somewhat similar cultural experience
(as I did in Korea - being totally immersed). Much like
WorldTour's post, I couldn't get away from hordes of
travelers and the people trying to rip them off. My
open-ended Thai travels turned into a shortened 3-week
experience that was very very similar to his! I thought it
was a great posting, and anyone else who has been there,
certainly must have similar experiences. To all of you who
miss the truth of the Thai experiences in his post,
probably haven't experienced Thailand to see the great
humor in it!! It certainly rings true to anyone who has
been there.
Everyone loved his post, it's when he opened his mouth that
people thought him pond scum.
Missed going round and round with a tuk-tuk driver,
stepping in elephant shit and a full case of the trots but
otherwise quite complete.
Cool!
I smell a rat maybe god hasn't been out Far East
Or is he just one of the wind up wankers who frequent posts
like this just slagging people off ?
Your pretty good at slaggin people off
But I donÆt see any clues to being a traveller
What is it getting bored with going on holiday with mommy
and daddy
Do you dream of far of places ?
Must have taken a long time to work out that little tirade ?
Hey WT (also stands for White Trash??,shoulda called
yourseldf International Traveller,IT sounds better) Don't
knock KSR you stupid motherfucker.KSR rocks man.Keep all
the fucking tightass backpackers in one place.If they all
stay in KSR etc,I won't have to put up with the miserable
pricks when I am out and about (at least they won't annoy
me in soi Cowboy,the beer is to expensive there,and they
wouldn't be welcome sitting there sharing one bottle of
water for an hour.You know why on TT these fuckers knock
all the people that are screwing bar girls in Thailand??
Because 1 bar fine is their weeks budget.They are just
jealous of guys that can fuck like maniacs for months on
end.see you in Isaan sometime (And don't carry a fucking
LP,don't the BP's look fucking stupid with the BP glued on
their back and LP in hand whilst window shopping in
Patpong???)
Number 30, spot on mate.
Thank you for that great literature!
But I feel ashamed for your readers
having no sense of irony!
That's what it it is - sheer poetry :
I've never see, read or heard, such a brilliant
send up, with such shafting length, of the
bull-shitting back-packer scene.
Can we have translations - soon - in Indonesian,
Thai, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Russian, German,
French, Portuguese, Spanish, German, etc.
You should get a Nobel Prize.
Didn't take long for the so called "tirade" at all W.T (
that's an abbreviation for World Traveller by the way ) -
and unlike you I had the burden of spelling things
correctly ! You "didn't see any clues......" to me being
a traveller !!!!! Hardly surprising for someone with the
investigative skills of a deaf , mute , Stevie Wonder
disciple is it ? I didn't mind travelling with "Mommy &
Daddy" - but I see you took the alternative option where
you left mommy and daddy at home but fucked ( butt fucked
??? ) the kiddies. As I said before - each to their own.
Keep up the good work , or as you might say gud wurk ,
and good luck with the remedial grammar course for
compulsive delusional self-abusers ................ with
your natural attributes you're bound to finish Dux ( ducks
?? ).
Long may your achievements live on in your mind ( space
permitting ).
i see they fixed the school computer
with your command of english you must doing doing pretty
good
this obsession with anal sex wories me
go on an abercombie and kent tour of thailand 14 days see
everthing
you might believe its cheap at $5000
buy a hooker have sex (dont forget the condom 50% hiv
positive last who report)
loose your virginity and then you might have more insights
into how to have sex
but then again you will have to wait 5 years before you can
go on a club 18-30 holiday
ps dont forget to do your homework
Same day reply W.T ??? What a full and interesting life
you lead ( look up " irony " in the dictionary ). And now
you're the resident expert on sex ?!! Is there no
beginning to your talents ?
Could once again get into a protracted dialogue on your
mental shortcomings - but what's the point of casting
pearls before swine ...... sorry - but someone else will
have to explain that analogy to you.
Would be more than happy to stack up my travelling c.v
against yours , but you're a lying sack of shit so once
again I'll defer to your cerebral deficiencies -
" never argue with an idiot , he'll drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience ".
If you feel obliged to retort - at least leave it a
couple of days so it appears that you live in the real world
See you on my school holidays !!
a bit like Marmite really.
it should of been, where did my parents go wrong ???
Not using a condom springs to mind, any other suggestions
??
I can't believe how many stupid, naive narrowminded people there are out there...
....
I enjoyed your story - many good points were made!
We travel yes?
This makes us better than other people?
This makes us better than people who have traveled for
less time? Over less distance? To less popular locations?
Did we learn the language?
Did we make new friends?
Did this bring us closer to god/ moksha/ enlightenment/
understanding/ the pizza place down the road/ those lil
bitty multi coloured things you put on cakes what are yummy
and whose name I forgot?
Opinion, W.T.'s post was usefull. I'm headed for Thailand
soon and a list of all the pitfalls, in an entertaining
format, gets a big ol thumbs up from me.
P.S. Is there a dominos pizza in Bankok?
one at least near sukhumvit soi 26.
WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.
that I've had since I've become a TT addict. Thank you, WT.
To newbies, there are many lessons in there that will save
you a lot of grief - this is really clever writing; it
reminds me of the hidden purpose behind the book 'Clockwork
Orange' where the author, Anthony Burgess, who was also a
linguist, interspersed the dialogue with Russian, and those
who read it would subconsciously end up with a vocabulary of
200 words of Russian. Using humour to teach a lesson is not
a crime, unless of course, your name is Voltaire.
To the unimaginative slaggers who don't have the wit to
write such a piece and choose to dump on WT's spelling, I'd
rather have a drink with him than you.
Can't we all just get along?
-Rodney King, L.A. 1991
N0 30
I'm gutted that this guy got more replies than I ever do -
I shall have to be more crass next time. In the meantime, I
thought this was darn good - Thailand is a fucking shit-
hole full of cunts (ie Thais). Oh yes, and backpackers.
Probably more people would get out of it if it was easier to
move around Bangkok. Personally, when I'm in BKK it's only
to get visas, shots etc before leaving it again, so it's
attractive to be somewhere where you can pay for someone
else to take on the sodding traffic while you catch up on
sleep and books and then get the bus straight out to the
airport again.
I'd love for there to be a decent underground system so I
can stay somewhere nice and zip round getting the business
done, but that ain't gonna happen in the near future.
Sadly I caught this message late, I hope you'r still
checking the responses. Highly amusing and slightly alarming
that some people believed it!! I'm still Quietly chuckling
to myself after reading it. Well done old man!
Now........what I want to know is the location of
the 500Bt. hotel please, I only know the MIAMI, the GOLDEN
PALACE and the ATLANTA that fit that description and I'd
LOVE to know any others.
Thanx....JIM.