The Great Equaliser
For at least half the year, most Australian TVs, radios and social calendars are organised around football. Everywhere the background noise of commentators fills the air, battered transistor radios are pressed against cauliflower ears, office walls are plastered with tattered tipping competitions and any hope of intelligent conversation is lost, at least until the cricket season starts.Aussie-rules football combines elements of soccer and rugby, and Gaelic football is its closest relative. The game is fast, highly skilled, high scoring and visually exciting with virtually unrestricted tackling allowed. Two teams of 18 players, wearing incredibly skimpy hot pants and tank tops, tear through elaborate streamers to kick an oval ball around an oval field. The ball can be kicked, caught (marked), punched or bounced. Kick it through the two white central posts and the crowd screams (a goal - worth six points); kick it between the side posts and the crowd is nonplussed (a point). All this mayhem lasts for about 100 minutes of actual playing time, divided into four quarters of approximately 20 minutes each.
The game originated in Melbourne, and the majority of the team names are those of Melbourne suburbs. The Sydney Swans, Adelaide Crows, Port Power, Brisbane Lions, and the West Coast Eagles and Fremantle Dockers now give the game a national flavour. Crowd sizes can be huge, with big games attracting between 70,000 and 95,000 supporters.
Teams are supported with fierce loyalty and tears, though unlike soccer, hooliganism is not a problem - the fans let the players on the field do their fighting for them. Listening to the insults hurled by old-timers and younger generationals alike is a particular treat: 'trip over a blade of grass, didja?', 'put a fence around him and shoot him' (if a player is injured), 'carn the...' (come on the...). Umpires are respectfully referred to as white maggots. Goal umpires wear long white coats and funny hats, and wave flags at each other for no apparent reason. Field umpires run around and entertain the crowd by making silly decisions. Vital accompaniments to a day at the footy are hat and scarf (but be careful what colour), several meat pies with sauce and as many beers as you can carry at once (deemed to be four, and if you want a tray, you're charged extra).
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