ItÆs the crashing. ItÆs the cruising along at 35,000 feet, hearing the engines splutter and stop and hurtling uncontrollably to a particularly nasty end that worries me. Yes, itÆs death IÆm afraid of. I love my life, there are things I want to do and places I want to visit, although preferably not by aeroplane. With over 15,000 air miles looming ahead of me in the next few months IÆm starting to feel worried. IÆm even thinking of attending one of those courses to deal with my fear of dying while flying, you know the sort, they take you out in a stationary plane and let you know what all the noises are and what all the bits and pieces do.
The way I handle my phobia at present isnÆt at all satisfactory as IÆm usually left with a huge hangover. Yes, I drink. I get drunk on the plane, well, hey! ItÆs free! ItÆs not working though. I once spent 2 hours in an airplane toilet en route to LA being very unwell through too many free brandies with the air stewardess knocking on the door asking me if I was ok every 5 minutes. I got to LA and tried bravely to sober up before going through the immigration channels, passport in hand, grinning like an idiot at the immigration officer.
Luckily, they thought anyone who grinned so much couldnÆt be that harmful and they let me in.
IÆve tried herbal remedies, meditation and yoga. They donÆt work. IÆve taken tranquilisers from the doctor, one for the journey there and for the journey home. They work, but God help me when the plane was delayed after IÆd taken the tablet one time. I was floating around the airport for 4 hours and then by the time the plane took off the effects had completely worn off and I was back to square one. My problem is that I panic ôWhatÆs that noise?ö ôWhy has the engine gone quiet?ö My flying companion will usually try to calm me down when I shout "ôStop the turbulence or the wing will fall off the plane"ö by reminding me that we havenÆt actually taken off yet, weÆre still on the ground...
Like most people with phobias, I don'Æt believe 'IÆm behaving unreasonay at all. Being afraid of flying is simply feeling completely out of control, as soon as you get on that aeroplane youÆre putting your life into someone elseÆs hands. What if the pilot chokes on his lunch and the auto pilot doesnÆt work? What if the wheels donÆt come down when we land? What if we land in the sea? So, the next time you are on a flight and you find yourself sitting next to a neurotic woman gripping your arm, trying our deep breathing techniques and yoga, donÆt worry, itÆll be me, just get me a drink and be quick with it!
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