A former film critic has chucked it in and now reviews movies before either of you have seen them.
On the upside, In The Bleak Midwinter does not feature Branagh stalwart, Brian Blessed, the obese shouting fool, or Branagh himself. His on-screen alter-ego in this instance is played by the fine Brit thespian Michael Maloney, star of the preposterous 1990 blub-a-thon Truly, Madly, Dairy Lea. On the downside...well, there are just too many downsides to mention. Suffice it to say, I can see smarmy clever-dick John Sessions and Julia Sawalha (that low-rent Helena Bonham-Carter) mugging furiously on the poster, which has the words "Kenneth Branagh's new comedy" inscribed in bold type. This of course should read "Kenneth Branagh's latest comedy". As the Bard would have said, "nay, nay and thrice NAY!". 9 out of 10
The thing is, after James Cameron's True Lies which was to all intents and purposes a Bond film - except that everything was pumped up, including its plywood protagonist, Arnold Schwarzenegger (German for "Black'n'Decker") - the new Bond Film with its new Bond has a lot to prove. Timothy Dalton, the previous incumbent, was utterly hopeless - though nowhere near as bad as charmless lump George Lazenby who was sacked after On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Which goes to show that you only live twice - unless you are a crappy Australian has-been. Au contraire, Pierce Brosnan, who bears a striking resemblance to The Milk Tray Man, would seem to be the ideal choice. Wait a minute! Bond is English and Brosnan is...Irish. Nevermind, Sean Connery is a Scot and he was the ultimate James Bond, in Brosnan's favourite Bond movie, Goldfinger. If you recall, Connery went on to win an Oscar for his performance in The Untouchables, playing a hard-boiled Irish cop. Er...with a Rab C. Nesbitt accent.
(Incidentally, film bores, Fleming liked Connery so much he created a Scottish ancestry for his fictional fornicator. So there.)
Verdict: Golden balls. 23 carat.