I don't mind being 51, especially given that the alternative is unattractive. But I am NOT, repeat, NOT middle-aged, nor do I ever intend to become middle-aged. I plan to go directly from mature to cranky old lady. (Hope I die before I get middle-aged.)
Being middle aged is waking up to find you've turned into George Will. (You thought Gregor Samsa had problems.)
Being middle-aged is not giggling when you find out about a band called The Middle Finger of God.
Being middle-aged is Andy Rooney, explaining that Nirvana's Kurt Cobain had no excuse for committing suicide, because he didn't go through WWII and he didn't understand what REAL problems were.
Being middle aged means missing some very important things that are going on in the world because, like Stephen King says, the life of kids is below the radar screen for most grown-ups. That's why journalists missed a couple of the big stories of the campaign in 1992. MTV was not on their radar, so these middle-aged guys missed the whole Rock the Vote campaign, which did a bang-up job of explaining the candidates and the issues to its audience of young people. The middle-aged journalists missed Bill Clinton and Al Gore talking to young people on MTV and winning their vote. And the M.A.J. were surprised at the huge turnout of 18-26 year old voters, who helped elect Al and Bill.
Another thing the M.A.J. are missing the boat on is us, the internet crowd. What are they telling the folks back home about the internet? The bomb stuff, right? The child molesters lurking in the chat rooms. What have they not noticed? Well, how about some of the stuff that could make them better journalists, help them get their facts straight? I don't think they've found Statistical Abstract of the United States on the web. Or the complete texts of bills in Congress and Supreme Court Decisions. Or the maps and the dictionaries and the FAQ's on virtually any subject you can think of.
And I'm willing to bet they're not hotwired.
You don't suppose these guys are afraid of computers or anything, do you?
Middle-aged is noticing everything bad about your kid's popular culture, and not noticing any of the good stuff. Yeah, there's a lot of junk on MTV. But then again, as Nelson Algren said, 90% of everything is crap. Which is to say, 90% of what we grew up with wasn't so hot either. I gag a bit over some Nine Inch Nails stuff, but my son looks at old Perry Como shows and asks me how in God's name I ever could have liked THAT?
Middle aged is missing out on the good stuff in our kids' music, and the good stuff is very good indeed. Kurt Cobain, summarizing the tragedy of the human condition: "All alone is all we are." Suzanne Vega, telling us what we need to be for our kids: "I would shelter you, keep you in light/But I can only teach you night vision." Jesus Jones, on the fall of the Berlin Wall: "Right here, right now, there is no other place I'd rather be...watching the world wake up from history." Bruce Springsteen, "Don't you feel like you're a rider on a downbound train."
But mostly, middle-aged is having an acute case of hardening of the categories. You've already found your truth, or as much of it as you are comfortable with, and so you stop paying attention. To your own experiences that don't fit into your truth. To the people whose truths are different. To your mouthy kids who challenge your truths with their inconvenient knowledge.
Being middle-aged is turning off your brain and starting to die inside while you wait for your body to catch up with your head.
So call me old. Call me middle-aged and you've got a fight on your hands. I haven't found the truth yet. I'm still looking, still listening, still figuring things out. Come exploring with me, why don't you?
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