As you can see, the Anarchist knows something that this asshole doesn't...
[Operation Fuckup] Geta wheel barrel or two. Fill with gasoline. Get 16 rolls of toilet paper, unroll & drench in the gasoline. Rip to shreds in gasoline. Get asbestos gloves. Light a flare (to be punk), grab glob of saturated toilet paper (you can ignite the glob or not). Throw either flaming or dripping glob into:
any window (picture is the best)
front doors
rough grain siding
and best of all, brick walls.
First of all, this bitch is near impossible to get off once dried, and is a terror to people inside when lit! After this... during the night, get a pickup truck, a few wheel-barrels, and a dozen friends with shovels. The pickup can be used only for transporting people and equipment, or doing that, and carting all the dirt. When it gets around 12:00 (after the loser goes beddie - bye), dig a gargantuan hole in his front yard until about 3:00. You can either assign three or four of your friends to cart the dirt ten miles away in the pickup-bed, or bury his front door in 15' of dirt! After that is done, get three or four buckets of tar, and coat his windows. You can make an added twist by igniting the tar when you are all done and ready to run! That is if the loser has a house. If he lives inside an apartment building, you must direct the attack more toward his car, and front door.
I usually start out when he goes to work...I find out what his cheap car looks like, and memorize it for future abuse...It is always fun to paint his front door (apt.) hot pink with purple polka-dots, and off-neon colors in diagonal stripes. You can also pound a few hundred or so four inch nails into his front door (this looks like somebody really doesn't like you from the inside). Another great is to fill his keyhole with liquid steel so that after the bastard closes his door - the only way to get back in is to break it down. If you can spare it, leave him an axe - that is, implanted three inches into, and through the door!
Now, this next one is difficult, but one of the best! Get a piece of wood siding that will more than cover his front door completely. Nail two by fours on the edges of the siding (all except the bottom) so you have a barge - like contraption. Make a hole at the top that will be large enough for a cement slide. Mix about six or seven LARGE bags of QUICK drying cement. Use the cement slide to fill the antichamber created by the 'barge' that is around his door. Use more two by fours to brace your little cement-filled barge, and let the little gem dry. When it is, remove the 'barge' so only a stone monolith remains that covers his door.
Use any remaining cement to make a base around this so he can't just push it over. When I did this, he called the fire department, and they thought he meant wood, so they brought axes. I watched with a few dozen or so other tenants, and laughed my damn ass off! This is only his door! After he parks his car for the night, the fun really begins...I start out by opening up the car by jamming a very thin, but loack - inside and out!
Then proceed to put orange-juice syrup all over the seats, so after he gets through all the other shit that you do, he will have the stickiest seats in the world. You can then get a few Sunday papers, and crack one of the windows about four inches. Lightly crumple the papers, and continue to completely fill the inside of his car with the newspapers. A copy of the Sunday New York Times will nicely fill a Volkeswagon! What is also quite amusing is to put his car on cinder blocks, slash his tires at the top, and fill them with cement! Leave the cinder blocks there so that, after he knocks the car off of them, he will get about 3 miles to the gallon with those tires, and do 0 to 60 in about two minutes! It is even more hilarious when he doesn't know why the hell why! Another is to open his hood, and then run a few wires from the sparkplugs to the METAL body. The sure is one HOT car when it is running! Now, I like to pour two pounds of sugar down his gas tank. If this doesn't blow every gasket in his engine it will do something called 'carmelizing his engine'. This is when the extreme heat turns the sugar to carmel, and you literally must completely take the engine out and apart, and clean each and every individual part!
Well, if this asshole does not get the message, you had better start to get serious. If this guide was used properly & as it was intended (no, not as kindling for the fire), this asshole will either move far away, seek professional psychological help, commit suicide, or all of the above!
--------------Jolly Roger
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