A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an elderly lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look!  What's your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week and eat only junk food.  On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing!  How old are you?"
"Thirty-four."