$Unique_ID{BRK02367}
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$Title{How Should I Handle Elderly Parents?}
$Subject{paranoid symptoms old age elderly paranoia symptom aged aging
geriatric geriatrics sense senses hearing hear mental condition conditions
senile senility forget forgetful forgetfulness}
$Volume{T-23,E-23}
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Copyright (c) 1992,1993   Tribune Media Services, Inc.


How Should I Handle Elderly Parents?


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QUESTION:  I come from a very close knit family.  Though our Dad is dead, the
three children are doing everything to make Mom's remaining days good ones,
filled with comfort and contentment.  Yet nothing I do is enough.  It is a
constant battle of words, with my mother accusing me of trying to destroy her.
Is this common at her age (84)?  What can I do, she is really getting to me.

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ANSWER:  Your mother quite possibly is suffering from the frequently seen
paranoid symptoms often associated with old age.  Be that as it may, she still
needs to see a physician and receive careful assessment and diagnosis.
Treatment will be based on her specific disorder, and there are many
approaches which can help.
     There are, of course, drugs which may be used.  These are prescribed for
paranoid elderly patients only after extremely careful diagnostic evaluation.
Some psychological testing will be of help to assess her current mental state.
     Your mother's anger and accusations doubtlessly are very difficult for
you to deal with.  It can affect you almost as strongly as it does her.  Your
frustrations will mount, your anger will rise and your own emotions may take
control of what must remain a subjective approach to her care.
     Try to remember that she probably feels a great loss of control.  She is
possibly dependent upon others for transportation, financial assistance and
perhaps personal hygiene.  Those things can make her feel controlled by others
and she may blame you for all that goes wrong.  She may lose things and blame
you or someone for stealing them.  She may not be able to hear all that you
say and thinks she hears you plotting against her.
     Your caring and empathy for her is important, so hang in there.
Remember, if you are the one entrusted with the care of your mother, you must
keep your own attitudes healthy for both your sakes.  Include your siblings in
as many decisions as possible, seek support from the many agencies that are
organized for just such purposes, and than take satisfaction in knowing you
are doing the best job you can.

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The material contained here is "FOR INFORMATION ONLY" and should not replace
the counsel and advice of your personal physician.  Promptly consulting your
doctor is the best path to a quick and successful resolution of any medical
problem.