In this age of atheism, individual spirituality and even apathy, it
doesn't make sense for a lot of couples to have a traditional
religious wedding. Why should the bride wear white if she's
obviously not pure and virginal? Why should bridesmaids spend
hundreds of dollars on frou-frou dresses and tacky dyed satin
shoes that they will never wear again?
After I became engaged this year, I briefly considered getting
married by Elvis in Vegas. My groom would wear a red jumpsuit
and But that's been done.
Then I heard about the woman who had a Halloween wedding in
an old theater. She and her husband-to-be dressed in black, as
did all of their guests. But that seemed a little morbid to me - and a
bad omen to start off their marriage. I mean, shouldn't a wedding
be a festive occasion? Then again, maybe if you begin with
something dark and
The turning point in my conversion to alternative marriage
devotee came last Christmas, at the wedding of one of my best
friends. The ceremony and reception were held in an art studio.
The bride and groom, both recent art school grads, dressed as
the White Queen and Mad Hatter from
To top it all off, the bride had convinced me - a mere wedding
guest - to also dress as a bride. She wanted to confuse her
in-laws, some of whom hadn't met her before and had no idea
what she looked like. So I wore my mom's wedding dress to my
friend's wedding: lacy sleeves, white veil, the works. Let me tell
you, I got lots of raised eyebrows and sneers from the wedding
party's families.
But it was also deliciously fun to be a
bride at someone else's wedding. It
removed the heavy sanctimony that
some religious weddings have, and
made the whole thing more
light-spirited and celebratory - really
much more of a reflection of the
bride's and groom's personalities.
Their wedding helped to convince me
that there's often not a compelling reason to be married the
old-fashioned way. Some might say that a religion-based wedding
heightens the union that God, or whatever spirit you believe in,
makes between husband and wife. I say that an individual wedding
makes the experience more personal and meaningful - and can
actually deepen the bond between spouses.
Of course, a non-traditional wedding is also more open to
disaster, since there's no planned structure, and no precedent to
follow. Anything goes. But, in that way, it's a big adventure - just
like the marriage itself. I figure you might as well start the rest of
your lives with a ceremony that reflects who both of you are, how
you see yourselves, and what you believe about the world.
That's why my fiance and I are now thinking about having a theater
wedding - a wedding within a play, with the guests as "actors" -
sort of a real-life version of the Tony and Tina play long-running in
Chicago and New York. The guests would have parts to develop
and lines to read, modeled after their own personalities. Maybe it
will even be a musical: A comedy, with a few misunderstandings
along the way, but clarity and happiness in the end.
Of course, my fiance and I will play the leads. |