It's a warm summer's evening. You've just gotten the kids to sleep. Now, you're ready to settle in your easy chair, enjoy an ice-cold Zima and watch the rerun of Baywatch you taped earlier this evening. Life is good.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings. "That's odd," you say to yourself, glancing at your watch. "It's after ten o'clock. Who could that be at the door?" You open the door to find a man you don't recognize. He seems a little out of breath, looks a little disheveled and worse for wear.
"May I help you?" you ask, somewhat warily. "Yes, please," the man replies. "I'm having car trouble down the road a bit and was wondering if I could come in and call a tow truck, maybe wash my hands." A look at his hands reveals that they are indeed greasy but what else is on them? Is that blood.
The man, noticing the alarm on your face, hurriedly explains, "I cut myself reaching down into the engine, I couldn't really see what I was doing." By now, he's in the front hallway. You point him towards the bathroom, he locks the door behind him and as you hear the water running, you ask yourself, "What am I doing? This guy could be an ax murderer or something!.
And you're right, he could be an ax murderer. But it's too late now, he's in your home. You can't just confront him..."You're not...heh heh, I know this'll sound silly...but you're not, by any chance, an ax murderer, are you?" Let's face it, if he is, he's not likely to tell you so and you wouldn't be able to hear him over the water running in the bathroom anyway. So what is left you to do.
If you lived in
or near Tulsa, Oklahoma, you could connect to the Tulsa County Sheriff's
Department's gopher and quickly download a picture file of the ten men or
women most wanted by that agency. If none of the guys in the picture files
resembled the man freshening up in your bathroom, you could then breathe a little
easier. I mean, the guy might still be an ax murderer but at least he's not in
the top ten of area violent criminals and that's gotta bring some comfort.
I love this stop along the infobahn. It strikes me as the 90's version of the F.B.I Reports I used to watch as a lad. They came on after whatever monster movie had kept me up on a Friday night and they scared the pants off me...chilling descriptions of heinous deeds, delivered in ominous tones, as a rogues' gallery of mug-shots depicting thugs and killers was seen, one after the other, onscreen. I was always utterly convinced that one of those guys was watching through the window of our home and, knowing that I would now recognize him, preparing to crash through said window and off me in brutal fashion.
Those were the good old days. Why, these spoiled kids today don't even have to stay up late to get a good scare. They can gopher to galaxy.galstar.com and download frightening mug shots any time, day or night. And so can you.
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