The Column Without a Name!
October 20, 1998

"It haunts your dreams, the bastard son of a thousand journalists.  With long knives for fingers, it stalks co-eds at random and takes them to its boiler room home.  No matter how times the column is killed, it will always be back in the sequel..."

Shot of boiler room--POV shot--you turn a corner only to face--a natty sweater, a rumpled hat and THE COLUMN WITH NO NAME!!!!

The reward for naming this column could be a whole herd of unsold Bram Stoker's Dracula key chains, perfect for making ridiculous chain mail armor for Halloween.  Seriously folks, we are looking for a new name for this column. Please submit your suggestions to Deadpool directly. If we pick your title, you'll be rewarded. With what?!? Well... we're not quite sure yet...

Trailers of the Fall/Winter Part One(The November Release)

Studio Marketing execs, your time has come for your report card. Listen carefully: these reviews are from common people. Sharp those pencils, open your notebooks, this is what they thought of your work:

The Siege

"First off, this trailer shows the following:
a)  Why no one's heard from Denzel Washington in the past year, and why that's good.
b)  Bruce Willis cannot act.
Starts off with a terrorist attack on New York City, and with the army taking over.  Given, most NYCer's shouldn't act like it's out of the ordinary.  But just the lack of an apparent plot or chemistry makes this movie a must-flee flick.".[Review provided by 'GreggHL']

"The look on Denzel's face when the building blew up was priceless.  Other than that, I just didn't buy it.  The idea was sound, taking the idea of the Japanese Internment Camps from the '40's and putting using it today, but I didn't buy it.  It's a scary concept, because IT COULD HAPPEN, but it wouldn't happen like that.  I could write a thesis."[Review provided by 'Hollyfeld']

"Although I'm going to see the film, it's really because of the ideas the film seems to explore, not the trailer. That was another by the numbers action drama teaser. Nothing new, nothing all that interesting."[Review provided by 'Chuck']

Very bad reviews for this trailer. People seem to embrace the concept of the movie, which iI think is what will sell this movie. If Fox does attach a trailer to SW1 to this movie, it will make a nice amount of money at the box-office.

Meet Joe Black

"I'm a complete romantic, so that may account for some of my reaction, but the trailer totally caught my interest. Looks interesting and the female lead, Claire Forlani is splendicious. Going to see it opening night, despite hearing bad things."[Review provided by 'Chuck']

"Now this is a cool trailer.  It starts with Anthony Hopkins introducing himself to Joe Black and then introducing himself as Death, etc, etc, etc.... ANYWAYZ then Death meets Hopkins's daughter, and then they show all these cute lil' scenes with Death meeting people, going to meetings, saying weird stuff, trying peanut butter 'i enjoy this peanut butter.'  For some reason this just looks really cool... it introduces the director as the director of Scent of a Woman(WE WANT AWARD!) and then it gets a little CREEEEPY... you hear voices ask about WHO this Joe Black is then Hopkins yells 'STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!' blah blah blah blah 'ARE YOU THREATENING ME???' 'I GUESS SO!' things like that THEN it says MEET JOE BLACK and then you see a pic of Pitt dancing with the girl and then the screen goes black and you hear 'What's happening? I feel like were lifting.' I dunno why but everyone in the theatre(moi included) really wanted to see this movie BECAUSE of this wonderful trailer so im gonna have to give it 3.5 out of 4 stars." [Review provided by 'FinnScot']

"Joe Black, meet the recieving end of my fist.  I've got an idea!  Let's make a remake of a funny and dramatic classic with an actor who's only done three good movies (none of which were his fault), one of the best actors in the world in a nothing role, a script that's neither funny NOR dramatic, and show (please God) some of the worst scenes in the trailer!  They'll FLOCK to the theaters.  Guys!  For the love of God! Let me write this film.  I'll work for Blockbuster gift certificates!" [Review provided by 'Hollyfeld']

Anti-Brad Pitt fans hate this trailer, while his female audience goes wacko over this one. I have to admit the trailer has intrigued me, to the point of even considering seeing this movie. Universal Pictures really know how to make trailers. Take a look at the Psycho trailer and this one and you'll know why.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

"I'm sorry, this still bugs me... shouldn't it be 'I Still Know What You Did Two Summers Ago?'  Just change the title to a much creepier 'I Still Know...' and be done with it.  As a guy who was surprisingly entertained by the original, I enjoyed this trailer.  It made you think 'This looks kinda cool' without giving anything away.  Actually, this is the only trailer I wish would give something away... just ONE good shot of Brandy getting the hook. Just ONE.  Then I'd know I was going."[Review provided by 'Hollyfeld']
 

"Try saying THAT title 3 times fast.   I've seen several trailers for this movie, but I'd wish to comment on my FAVORITE... it shows Jennifer Love Hewitt at a psychaiatrist she is trying to explain to her that since the Fisherman is dead... well he can't kill her, can he? So they get up go in front of the mirror (dispersed with cuts of the fisherman walking down a hall) and start saying "There is no man with a hook" blah blah blah "Do you feel better now?"  "::giggles:: yes(now can I go back to Party of Five?)" then the "MAN WITH A HOOK" burst through the mirror and TECHNO MUSIC! i dunno but this trailer was really cool i am totally seeing this movie... who knows???? it MIGHT be good!(who am i kidding, eh?)  This awesome trailer made me want to see a SEQUEL to a crappy movie so i guess it must have been pretty good!  3.5 out of 4 stars."[Review provided by 'FinnScot']

The early teaser trailers were exciting and funny. The long trailer which was attached to the dismal Urban Legend wasn't that incredible. The opening scene when Jennifer is singing in a karaoke bar and the words "I Still Know" appears was hilarious. But the real killer is those shots of Jennifer in a pool wearing a bikini. That's enough for me to wanna see this movie.

Enemy of The State

"Ghyaa!  This trailer gave me a fricken' seizure!  Lay of the flashing lights, willya?!  I liked Gene Hackman better in Antz, anyways."[Review provided by 'GreggHL']

"If you've never seen one of Will Smith's blockbuster action/comedy films, you must be either hiding out under a bucket, or just be a really resilient character.  Anyways, this is another of the same style, where Mr Smiths character, Robert Clayton Dean, is accused of knowing too much. In the trailer, you see a lot of "high-tech" equipment being used to track his movements all over the globe.  He is aided in this by Gene Hackman's character, who appears to be a "former conspirer".  Throughout the trailer you see a number of people shooting at Dean, chasing him, exploding things around him, and all-around causing a ruckus.  From what I've seen, this film should be something along the lines of Bad Boys, from an appearance point-of-view, lots of action and several comedic bits thrown in for good measure.  The first scene shows Mr Smith making a fool out of himself in a lingerie store."  [Review provided by 'PunkRock Al']

"Enemy of Sane Moviegoers Everywhere. Despite Tony Scott's visual flare, this film looks like it's gonna suck.  How many times has this been done before?  With Gene Hackman? (The Firm, The Conversation, Absolute Power...)  Yes, Will Smith is cool, but it had better turn out to have a REAL original twist but I'm going.[Review provided by 'Hollyfeld']

"Starts out with Will Smith in a lingerie shop... funny... cheesy... then all of a sudden tidbits of speech involving things like 'he has it?' 'what do they want from him?' things to that nature then it gets crazy... empty houses, black choppers, guns, Will Smith, disks, Gene Hackman lookin geeky, some more cheesy lines like 'You're the only woman I'd want with me right now... you and Janet Jackson' things to that nature, it looks cool but from what I hear.... nah.  Oh well only time will tell.  This trailer gets 2.5 out of 4 stars."[Review provided by 'FinnScot']

"Even if his last movie was almost as incomprehensible as Mission: Impossible, Jerry Bruckheimer certainly knows how to put together a trailer.  Hopefully, Enemy of the State won't be as dissapointing as Armageddon, even with the beautiful trailers THAT film had.  Anyway, this trailer sets up the film well, introducing the characters and slapping events together which make our adrenaline rise from watching the hodge-podge of scenes alone.  He also makes good use of the supporting cast, putting in blips of Jon Voight and Seth Green without explaining their roles too much.  This appears to be a more serious role for Will Smith, although some of his trademark nervous-guy humor is apparent at the beginning of the trailer.  Overall, this one gets an A in my book."[Review provided by Roland Cooper]

The second trailer was released two weeks ago is far better I think than the original one that most scoopers reviewed. There's more explanation of Jason Lee's character and why the hell Smith is running away. But in the end it's just a typical Bruckheimer trailer.

A Bug's Life

"Sigh.  You know I... nah.  Look.  I'm sick of Disney, all right?  I just... I... so cold, so cold..." [Review provided by 'Hollyfeld']

"I liked Antz a lot, but for my money this is THE CG talking insect flick to see this fall. Great cast, great animation, and the characters are already classic in my mind. As for the trailer, it was a good idea to air clips of Toy Story before the ABL footage--keeps things clear for people who are confused by Antz. THIS is the PIXAR flick."


CHARACTER WHO STANDS OUT MOST IN THE TRAILER: "Surprisingly, it's not Denis Leary's pissed-off ladybug (who's already looking to be this movie's Buzz Lightyear) but rather David Hyde Pierce's pretentious stick insect."[Review provided by 'The Prankster']

"It does absolute nothing for me.  It is neither funny nor eye-popping since I have since the incredible Antz.'"  [Review provided by 'Chuck']

No hype whatsoever aside from some funny one liners like "Turn you butt off", or "Insects kick grass." Disney now looks it could get his ass whooped by DreamWorks. Toy Story fans still expect this one to rock. Will it?

Music Fans...
You've just won a copy Alanis Morisette's Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie. Your friend in the biz just sent you Pras' Ghetto Supastar album. You've just got an bootleg copy of Jewel's Upcoming album Spirit. We would like to hear from you. Feel free to send us your reviews, comments or info concerning upcoming albums.

Good Morning Mr Reader,

Your mission should you choose to accept it is to review still more trailers! Send your comments to me (that DeadPool fellow) and I'll include them in a future 'Trailers of the Winter' column. Which trailers? How about Psycho, Prince of Egypt, You've Got Mail, Stepmom, Patch Adams andStar Trek: Insurrection for starters?
 

Stay Tuned...

That's All Folks...

Jean-François Allaire (aka Deadpool)
deadpool@colba.net
Contributing Content Writer
Coming Attractions


Jean-François Allaire is a 19 year-old writer. Whether he's penning his latest work by night, or stalking the streets of Montreal in search for info on local film productions by day, J-F is one of our major contributors to Coming Attractions. Always pushing to do more, he wants everyone to know that if you work behind the scenes on a film production and you're just another name in the credits (or no credit given), and you feel that nobody cares, well guess again... Feel
free to send him your funny, strange, and heart-warming set stories. Hell... he may even interview you!


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