The Vampire's Lair
Review of The Miss Northern States 1998
The Miss Northern States USofA Female Impersonator Pageant was held on
the evening of April 11, 1998 at the Mandell Theatre of Drexel University,
Philadelphia, PA. The turnout this year was quite respectable and the largest
in the pageant's four year history.
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The first thing I noticed when I entered the theatre was
the awesome-looking
queen named Shae Shae La Reese on the cover of the event's program
book. Shae Shae is one of those female impersonators who actually looks
like a woman so long as you stand at least 15 feet away from her. Any closer
and she looks like a heavily made-up drag queen. This is not a knock on
her looks, intelligence, personality, or talent. Quite the contrary, Shae
Shae has it all. She's got a great name that evokes delicious fantasies.
She's of Latin origin and I don't have to tell you twice about how hot and
sexy women of Latin origin can be.
Shae Shae's an extraordinary dancer, too. Her freestyle dance routines
are frenetic and precisely executed. Her hair styles are big, plentiful,
and perfect. Shae Shae's a "big-boned" girl, but I haven't seen
any big-boned girls in recent memory who can pull it off as well as she
can. In fact, she even won the Miss Pennsylvania USofA this year. However,
the Miss Pennsylvania was not formally announced this year, which makes
me wonder about its authenticity. Even so, it would still take a great queen
to accept the Miss Northern States crown from Ms. La Reese. |
The event's judges were Lou Haskel, CEO of Mr. Gay USofA; Johnny
Thomas, gospel music writer; Sandie Beach, hostess of the 12th
Air Command; Elliot Einhorn, film/stage producer; Duane Fisher,
pageant promoter; Nieshia Dupree, Miss National at Large; and Lisa
Thompson, affiliate of the School for the Performing Arts. To add a
spark of authenticity to the pageant, an auditor from Coopers & Lybrand
was present. (Hey, I work for a Big Six competitor... anyone wanna' hire
me as an auditor for a pageant?)
The six contestants were announced by Mistress of Ceremonies Kierra,
a former Miss Northern States winner: Nicki Danielle, CC Carter,
Marissa Devine, Maxine Blue, Morgan Wells, and Victoria
C Snow. Two of the contestants were from outside the Philadelphia area.
The other four were famous local drag queens who have their own drag shows
in the clubs or have competed for crowns in the past.
The program was heavily laden with entertainment. For sheer quantity
of entertainment, those of you seeking drag performances will not be
disappointed.
It was a crap shoot, though, because half of the performances were pretty
bad while the other half were quite good.
Jacquelyn DeVaroe, Miss Gay USofA 1998, was the first entertainer,
strutting onstage in shiny red patent leather boots and lipsynching to a
popular song. Her performance was abysmal. What she did was more like a
"boot show" for fetish enthusiasts. She also proved her inability
to walk in high heels. Jacquelyn soon gave up after wobbling about the first
few minutes and losing a part of her heel on one boot. She just sat herself
down on the edge of the stage and continued her weak performance from there,
collecting a couple of dollar bills from the sympathetic audience. C'mon,
queen! If you wanna' be worthy of your crown, you gotta' learn how to strut
in high heels!!!
Monte St. James, a short bald muscular man and the newly crowned
Mr. Northern States 1998, wore a bright purple suit with an orange cow spot
robe and orange cow spot accessories. I thought his outfit looked pretty
ridiculous, but the other women and trans-women in the audience were eating
up his "smooth and sexy male model" performance. He collected
quite a few tips.
Kierra, Miss Northern States 1996, gave an unmemorable performance.
Mercedes
S. Seville, Miss Northern States 1995, danced in a sheer bodysuit with
leopard skin imprints. That's all I that I remember about her.
Shae Shae La Reese gave a really energetic performance and looked really
hot as a quasi-Wonder Woman whore. She wore a shiny jacket and short skirted
dancer's outfit of red, white, and blue with stars all over. Shae Shae had
really nice, meaty yet feminine legs. She looked like an erotic version
of Cathy Lee Crosby as Wonder Woman. She collected quite a few tips for
that performance.
After the entertainment segment, the contestants emerged in their evening
gowns and everyone was awestruck. Every gown was beautiful save for perhaps
Morgan Wells' plain yellow taffeta thing. My personal faves were Marissa
Devine's exquisite gold beaded gown, which happened to spark a positive
comment from the hostess to the audience, "You get what you put into
it, everyone," and Maxine Blue's bluish-green beaded number. In my
opinion, Maxine Blue had the best pose (see photo) while CC Carter came
in a close second with her open arms technique that I've used in the past.
CC Carter won a lot of raves for her beautiful fuschia mermaid gown. CC
is a big girl (a very big girl), but she knew how to work her gown!
Clockwise from upper left: Nicki
Danielle, CC Carter, Marissa
Devine, Victoria C Snow, Morgan Wells, Maxine Blue
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Another entertainment segment followed with Les Harrison, Kierra,
and Shae Shae La Reese providing unsparkling performances (Shae Shae was
in a nude bodysuit that looked terrible). Nieshia Dupree did a very good
Martha Wash imitation, complete with an exaggerated black-and-white feather
headdress, a fuschia top, and a long black skirt patterned with white moons
and stars. An excellent performance overall.
The talent portion for the contestants followed. Nicki Danielle gave
a very good dance performance in a blue dress to a tune from A Chorus Line.
CC Carter gave an outrageous performance with first-rate lip synching to
One Night Only. Maxine Blue lip synched to various movie sound clips, including
Mommy Dearest and Barbra Streisand. Good, but not as good as the first two.
Marissa Devine performed to Come Break My Heart in red glitter boots,
a red fringe skirt, and a silver beaded bra with red fringe. She looked
quite hot. Morgan Wells lip synched a tune from Bette Midler's The Rose.
Victoria C Snow stole the show with her performance of Patti Labelle. Her
entourage included three backup singers. At times, you would swear she was
Patti. My personal faves in this category were Victoria and Marissa.
A third entertainment segment followed with Josh Tucker, Mr. Gay
USofA 1998, performing an operatic showtune, first alternate Mr. Northern
States USofA 1998 Michael Koran doing a little strut walk and lip
synching to a slow R&B song sung by a male vocalist (why do drag queens
have to do all of this crazy shit while guys just walk around in a lethargic
way?). Michael is another short bald muscle man, similar to Monte St. James.
He, too, raked in a good amount of tips.
Kierra, Lisa Thompson, and Jacquelyn DeVaroe performed as well. A
humanitarian
award for lifetime achievement was given to a Tyrone Smith of the
UNITY organization. Congratulations, Tyrone.
Shae Shae La Reese walked onstage in a final walk of her reign as last
year's queen. She looked stunning in her deep violet velvet mermaid gown
with a heart-shaped neckline. Its design was similar to CC Carter's fuschia
evening gown.
And the winners are...
Marissa Devine won individual awards for the interview and evening gown
segments. Victoria C Snow won an award for her rendition of Patti Labelle
in the talent competition. The winners, from fourth to first runner-up are
Nicki Danielle, CC Carter, Maxine Blue, and Victoria C Snow. The new Miss
Northern States USofA 1998 is Marissa Devine. Morgan Wells, a local favorite
with the Bob & Barbara's Lounge crowd, did not come away with any prizes.
After the prizes were awarded, Morgan looked like she was slapped in the
face.
Perhaps she was. C'mon, pageant producers! If there are six contestants
and you hand out some ridiculous number of "alternate" prizes,
you're going to offend the people who didn't win anything. You should pray
that Morgan doesn't diss you guys in her shows. You'll just lose ticket
sales for next year. I'm not a pro-Morgan Wells fan. Just a gal telling
it like it is.
The entire ceremony lasted a touch over three hours. At $25 per ticket,
the show contained a lot of entertainment value and served as a chance to
see some great Midatlantic female impersonation talent. I'm already looking
forward to next year's show! |

Marissa Devine, the most beautiful female impersonator of the pack, wins
it all. |
Did You Know?
- A then-unknown Brian McKnight performed two songs at the first
Miss Northern States USofA 1995.
- Joey Venuti, whose irritating personality graced the screen
of The Queen, was the pageant promoter for the Miss Northern States USofA
1996.
- Misty Knight, an ex-Miss Northern States contestant, has a most
memorable dance partner: a twenty foot long snake. Don't get on her bad
side.
- Miss Northern States USofA permits entry to contestants who have breast
implants. Some of the other female impersonator pageants do not.
Well, hope you had fun reading my column this month. If you would like
to find out more about me, check out my Web
site!
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