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Holiday Shopping
For Your Favorite Evil Doer

By Brittany Rose


Note: Click the thumbnails to see the art in full size. Some files are up to 250K

Don’t know what to ask Santa for this year? Here are some suggestions from the comics. If it’s a holographic bodysuit you’re looking for, we have a couple of different models, or perhaps something a little less cumbersome?

What the Fashionable Assassin is Wearing This Season

Our first potential gift item comes from Dreadstar #4 (May 1983). The heroes are informed that an assassin, sent by a religious faction, is on the loose hunting King Gregor. Meanwhile, a guard is on duty "on the far side of the palace." The guard is distracted by someone who turns out to be his lover, Alicia. She’s an attractive black-haired young women wearing a brief blue top with clear sleeves, covering an ample chest, and skin tight low hipped pants.

Their exchange:

Alicia: Pssst!
Guard: Who goes there?
Alicia: Just me, lover.
Guard: Alicia!
Guard: You shouldn’t be here.
Alicia: I had to see you, darling.
Guard: Alicia, I’m on guard duty!
Alicia: I’ve something important to tell you.
Guard: Ugh!
Alicia: You’re dead.

As she leans forward to tell him "something important" she runs a knife into his chest. Then she transforms into a man wearing a skin-tight suit which he describes as having a "computerized holographic projector and a voice modulator". He goes on to use the suit to impersonate other people as well, but this is his only female disguise.

What the Fashionable Supervillain is Wearing this Season

A different model cybersuit that some might find attractive shows up on Cipher, a villain who appears in three issues of Adventures in the DC Universe #1 (April 1997), #8 (November 1997), and #12 (March 1998). In issue #1, Cipher is just a shadowy figure in the background, manipulating other villains to challenge the Justice League of America. Issue #8 features former JLA members, Blue Beetle and Booster Gold, as well as the Question, all encountering Cipher. Beetle and Booster continue their goofy ways as they soar over Hub City in Beetle’s Flying Bug. Upon seeing an attractive blonde, wearing slacks and a blouse, running away from monster robots, they swoop in to help. Beetle brings her up to the Flying Bug for safety while our two heroes then go down to fight the robots. Suddenly, the innocent-looking blonde transforms into a devious-looking black-haired villainess wearing a metallic glove. Interfacing the glove with the flight console, she takes over control of the Bug and sends it crashing onto the heroes while she leaps out and is saved by her robots.

Beetle and Booster wake to find themselves trapped, with the robots and the villainess looking on. She’s the same black-haired villainess, but she’s changed into a low-cut slinky dress with fishnets and heels. She vows revenge on all the JLA and has her robots attack. Beetle and Booster destroy the robots by dropping the Bug on them, but the mystery woman escapes.

What the Fashionable Supervillain should Not be Wearing this Season

In the second follow-up story in the same issue, the hero, the Question, is in the area where the previous battle took place and sees a suspicious maintenance man – slender, balding – enter a dead end alley. But as he gets closer to the alley, it’s empty except for a very large, totally bald man in a suit walking out. The Question overhears his rendezvous at a chemical plant for that night.

When the Question arrives, he sees the black-haired villainess talking to a gate guard. She then knocks the guard out and lets in her henchmen. Then as the Question puts it, "She’s wearing some sort of cybernetic exo-skeleton – She’s changing!" And in her place stands the large bald man. "Cheez, Boss – I’ll never get used to seeing you do that." A battle ensues, and the Question triumphs, but Cipher slips away into the crowd.

In #12, Cipher’s final appearance, he is captured, (no gender-changes, sorry) and is revealed to be a small nebbish fellow. He really should hang on to the cybersuit for his image if nothing else.

What the Fashionable Slightly Kinky Teenage Superhero is Wearing this Season

I know what you’re thinking. "Brittany, I’d love some sort of electronic holographic illusion-casting device, but a body suit or an exoskeleton would just be too restrictive!" I know what you mean. Which brings us to the last item on our shopping list, courtesy of Tales of the Teen Titans #54 (June 1985).

One of the members of the Teen Titans in those days was Gar Logan, the green-skinned Changeling. A couple of important facts. First, he has the hots for Starfire, a gorgeous orange-skinned alien babe who wants nothing to do with him. Second, his foster father used to be Mento, a minor superhero and multi-millionaire, who used a helmet that gave him mental powers. On the last page of this comic we see Starfire talking to herself in the mirror. "Gar, I have to admit it at long last – I love you. I always have…It’s you I want…You I care about…Your children I want to bear. Come to me, Gar – come and love me like I’ve never been loved before." Suddenly, someone shouts, "Logan!" and Starfire’s image dissolves to reveal Changeling wearing the Mento Helmet. It’s a short scene, but seeing him disguised as a beautiful woman trying to seduce himself is one of my favorites. (Not that any of us would ever pose in the mirror like that! Not very often, anyway)

Christmas Checklist:

Body Suit with a computerized holographic projector and a voice modulator restrictive but easily programmable and very convincing.

Cybernetic exo-skeleton – a bit bulky, but ideal for those last minute quick transformations!

Mento Helmet small, easy to wear, and presents an excellent illusion. A perfect stocking stuffer!

But Wait, There’s More!

And here’s a bonus item for the holidays. In the current issue of Mad Magazine #376 (December 1998) there is a parody entitled, "Hallmock 1998 Holiday Catalog". One of the Cheapskate Ornaments offered commemorates "My First Christmas as a Woman". As you can tell by the image, this reference is about as positive about TG’s as a Jerry Springer special, but it’s there.

On a better note, there is a real stocking stuffer available this year. For those who agreed with Garth in Wayne’s World, that Bugs Bunny is attractive when he dresses up as a girl bunny, the real Hallmark stores are offering a "Bugs Bunny as Carmen Miranda" Christmas ornament. Since Hallmark doesn’t do drag queen ornaments very often, this may be your only chance.

Wishing you all the best in the holiday season and hopes that your dreams come true.

Till next time, remember, all copyrights belong to the original publishers, but any comments or requests, please send to me at BrittTV@aol.com.

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