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Meannesss

By Julie Freeman


Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box 272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885

My daughter came back recently from a backpacking trip with about eight other women and she remarked that among their many discussions, they talked about how mean women could be. Have you ever noticed, for example in movies, this meanness? The female characters seem to thrive on backbiting, sarcasm, negative gossip, and duplicity. The workplace, as we all know, has always been a center of such activity. Movies like WORKING GIRL and THE TEMP are only a few examples. This behavior is not just evident in movies or talk shows. Growing up for all of us was not a bed or roses; most women can probably relate experiences they had where they were either ridiculed, ignored, or humiliated in some manner.

As mothers, we have seen our daughters go through similar experiences. My older daughter was subject to harassing phone calls and hostile treatment by a peer whose motivation we could never understand. Thankfully, she seemed to ride out the storm well, but as her mother I was not so forgiving. My younger daughter took her share of teasing as well.

Although we know boys go through such experiences, it seems that the level of mean-spiritedness differs widely. Adult women frequently refer to men as "little boys," usually an endearing and loving expression, referring to a level of innocence admired and loved. When have you ever heard a man refer to women as "little girls"?

Which brings me to the world of crossdressing. Many of us women find it hard to understand why men want to join our world. Is it that they do not see these behaviors? Or do they have some of these behaviors as part of their feminine side. Just like us women do not really understand male macho behavior, such as watching football games 12 hrs. a day, perhaps men do not understand ours.

We do know that certain behaviors seem to be genetic. Women seem to have a need to be with other women to talk and gossip without looking for any answers. Men are looking for answers and don't seem particularly interested in just chatting. This was particularly evident at a party we were recently. The women stood around in small circles, talking and talking about everyone, everything. The men tired, sat down, and just sort of drifted off into their own worlds, wondering what in the heck we women were talking about. Women like crossdressers because, although they look like women, they do not act like women. That is they do not gossip; they are not backbiters; they are not trying to outdo anyone. When they compliment each other, they truly mean it. They are not jealous of one another.

They are friendly and seem genuinely interested in our concerns and problems. They are still innocent; and we hope they remain that way. We find it refreshing. I truly believe that is what helps us to accept crossdressing in our lives.

(This article recently appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)

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