Your Femme Self As You See Her
by Vanessa Kaye
Sometime ago, my wife, Linda, decided that she wished to take a
vacation with Vanessa. As kind of a “test” for me, she felt it only
natural to spend a couple of weekends with Vanessa. This meant that
Vanessa’s alternate gender person was to be absent for a few days at a
time. It also meant that whatever errands or activities would normally
have occurred still needed to be complied with. I will tell you right
now, that Vanessa is (was) not used to going out during the day time.
She has been more of an “evening” girl.
As a result, Vanessa appeared on Friday evening after work, and stayed
until Monday morning. Whew! What a lot of shaving! I should also study
up on the “paint-roller” technique of applying foundation. This article
is really based on what I (we) discovered about ourselves. Perhaps it
will be of value to some of you.
Years ago, we used to hear such things as, “Do the cages at the zoo
keep the animals in, or the people out?” A similar question should be
posed about crossdressers, as well as other transgendered persons.
However, I would alter it somewhat to, “Are we the prisoners or the
guards?”
We often say that we, as transgendered persons, are quite normal and
that we lead everyday lives. Yet, perhaps we are not so well adjusted
as we pretend to be. We live in a quasi- schizophrenic world. We are
both prisoners and guards. The prisons that we live in were constructed
by us, and continue to be maintained by us. Each time a small crack
appears in the great stone walls, we rush to repair it, lest we escape.
My recent experience was thus. Linda and Matt (Vanessa’s other self)
had planned a picnic for the weekend. Since Matt wasn’t available,
Linda decided that she and Vanessa should go. We had purchased wine,
cheese, crackers and even matching outfits for the occasion. Thus we
set off to find the “perfect picnic spot.” We settled on a lakeside
location, very isolated, or so we thought.
No sooner had we laid out our picnic lunch than 47,000 people showed up
(well, maybe a few less than that.) Seriously, it seemed that our
picnic spot had also been targeted by several other people ranging in
age from 16 to 80.
I was a bit uncomfortable at first. I suggested to Linda that perhaps
this was not such a grand idea after all. Her response was, “You look
beautiful and we’re not doing anything illegal. We have just as much
right to be here as anyone else.”
That’s it! That’s exactly the point. We aren’t doing anything wrong and
we do have just as much right to be here as anyone else. I realize
there will continue to be those “bubbas” and “bubbettes” who are
uncomfortable with who we are. They will always be here. Yet, those are
the same people who harass and chide others for the way they dress,
speak, and their race. Are we to be denied our rights? No!
Our security is important. We have an obligation to protect our
families and loved ones from undue ridicule and embarrassment. It has
become commonly accepted to feel sorry for a friend or family member
who has some drug dependency problem, which is an illegal and self-
destructive activity. Families no longer feel “ashamed” of having such
members in their midst. Why then, should it be such a badge of dishonor
to have a transgendered person numbered among us? The truth is, it
should not be so.
You, I and our partners have a right to explore ourselves. We have
nothing to be ashamed of. Our transgenderism, whatever its source or
cause, is as natural as our every breath. No sooner could we stop being
what we are, than we could stop breathing. Our multi-gendered nature is
a gift, and we should recognize it as such. I enjoy Vanessa. I like
what she gives to me and I love experiencing the world through her. She
sees and experiences things in a far different manner than her male
self. I am proud that she is a part of me.
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