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Remembering

By Julie Freeman


Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box 272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885

Do you remember what it was like when you first crossdressed? When you made that first call to a hot line? Went to your first meeting? Met another first crossdresser?

Or perhaps you are a significant other. Do you remember when you first found out about your partner's crossdressing? When you made that first call to a hot line? Or perhaps when you called a therapist. What about your first meeting? What about when you first met other significant others or other crossdressers?

Do you remember all your fears, your questions, your concerns?

When we significant others have been members of the community for awhile we tend to forget how difficult it is for first-timers. Sometimes we cannot even remember when crossdressing was not a part of our lives. We have grown accustomed to the ways crossdressing affects our relationships and have made compromises, some more than others. Some of us have become active in gender events, even going on to leadership positions. Others of us have settled into a routine where crossdressing is not major in their lives. Some of us, unfortunately, have found crossdressing too much to bear and have left the community.

For those of us within the community it becomes important to remember what it was like when we were first-timers. There are calls to hotlines almost daily from crossdressers or their partners who are experiencing the fears and concerns we have experienced. These newcomers need to be helped, educated, and reassured. They need to learn they are not alone and that there are others out there who have been where they are and understand what they are going through.

For those of us who have become complacent and think everything that can be said and done has been said and done, it becomes a jolt to find that our work is far from done, that no matter how many talk shows there are, no matter how many articles have been written, books published, there still is a huge segment of society that knows little about us and only a few are lucky enough to stumble upon a magazine publishing information about our community.

Even then only a few have the courage to make that phone call and find out there really is help for them. That's why it's up to us all to give newcomers the help and information so many of them need.

(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)

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