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Diva Rules For Travelers
From the Ethernet
Contributed by Dale Carlson
Since some of you will be traveling this holiday season, I wanted to
refresh you ladies on proper Diva airline and airport rules:
* Remember that the concourses at the airport are NATURAL runways. WORK IT.
You have to be ON. That's 5, and 6, and turn, and walk. BE Christy
Turlington. Go with sunglasses and a scarf - very Hollywood.
* Don't let those trashy flight attendants tell you what to do. If they knew
anything at all about getting a man, they simply would NOT be serving Cokes
in a polyester pant-suit nor would they be able to fit all of their clothing
for a trip into a single bag. Put your foot DOWN honey - right from the very
beginning.
* When they make the announcement about seat-backs and tray tables, they do
NOT mean you. Take all the room you need for those cosmetics. That
thing about turning off all portable electronics does NOT apply to lighted
vanity mirrors, curling irons, or blow-dryers.
* When the captain makes the announcement about descending, do NOT let him
rush you. If you are not done putting your look together, hit your "call"
button and have him circle for a while. You paid for that ticket - now get
your MONEY'S worth.
* That rule about 2 pieces of carry-on is simply UNACCEPTABLE. In the
event of an emergency landing, you simply MUST have access to a sporty
outfit and a shoe with a modest heel. For a water landing, a one-piece
swimsuit with a matching swim cap is a must. You can't be expected to fit
all of that into 2 carry-ons. Ridiculous. Oh, and ignore that thing about
leaving carry-on luggage behind in an emergency. No one MOVES until that
luggage is accounted for.
* When they have determined what gate you will be arriving at, have the
captain call ahead to the gate for soft lighting. You do NOT want to be
looking like a deer in headlights when you get off the plane.
* Do NOT be the first one off the plane. Make him WAIT. Get yourself
together and take your TIME. When you walk through the gate, he should be
standing there with long-stemmed roses, imported chocolates, and most
importantly - a luggage cart.
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