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by Andee W
How many of us have wished that on Halloween we could abandon all our fears and just be how we feel. This year I had the chance and decided that life is indeed too short to let another "free pass" go by without experiencing as much as possible. As a little background, our office has celebrated the 'holiday' with afternoon costume parties and refreshments for the past six years. Over that time I'd seen a wide variety of folks dressed in the most outrageous outfits, with more than a few CD'd. This year I decided that there was no good reason that I couldn't be one of them.

Over the past two weeks I carefully shopped for a dress and figured what else I could use from my existing wardrobe to create a prize winning outfit. As the day approached I was anxious... this would really be the first time that the folks in my new office would see anything other than the conservative, staid accountant they were used to. More than once I seriously thought of abandoning my plan. In the end I was glad I didn't because I had one of the most interesting times I've ever experienced.

The party was planned for a 2:00 p.m. start, but some people arrived for work already costumed. This being "casual Friday" I was dressed in my usual casual uniform, a button-down collar shirt and khakis. I had work I needed to get done before the festivities started, and met with a group early in the day who would later be drop jawed in surprise at my transformation.

I was able to do a quick shave at lunch time and came back to the office with about an hour to get ready. Oh the joys of a private office! I had brought all my stuff to work earlier that day and had just undressed and began to do my makeup when who but my boss knocks on the door and wants to come in. I had placed a chair in front of the door, and my heart about stopped when I heard the door begin to open and hit the chair. Through the open gap I could see my boss's face. Luckily the door quickly closed and I heard the comment that "Oh, you're getting dressed. This can wait. I'll talk to you later." I leisurely finished getting made up and dressed and anticipated what I might expect when I opened the door.

Office lights are not the best for seeing what you're doing when you put makeup on. I put on my bra and breast forms, hose and waist cincher, and dress and heels. Without a full length mirror I just checked everything again in what was available and cautiously opened the door. The overhead fluorescent lights were now dimmed — night setting I suppose it's called — and the desk lamps reflecting around the room provided most of the illumination, kind of like a dimly lit restaurant. I walked up the hallway toward a small group of my co-workers and one started to speak: "Welcome to our party. The food's up this way and the drinks are over there." It was clear that she did not recognize me at first, and then her reaction was priceless, and one that would be repeated many times that day: a wide eyed stare; a dropped jaw; and the exclamation "ohhh mmmyyyy Godddd!!!!" She and the others could not believe the new Andee. The reaction and remarks from one of my male coworkers were memorable too. He said "I saw this babe walking up and thought 'wow, she's hot' and then Marsha said your name and I couldn't believe it... there's a lot worse looking women than you."

As I started to mingle I have to say I fell into a comfortable mode, much like when I'm out with my TG friends. I was careful with my walk and mannerisms and spoke more softly, maybe to draw the unsuspecting into my snare. I attracted a group of about six women who after being surprised settled into a small talk conversation I had never had with them before. One of them noticed and remarked "...well it's as if you're one of the girls now," at which the others laughed and agreed. As time progressed and more folks arrived I was drafted to be the unofficial welcomer at the door, which only provided more opportunities for double takes. One co-worker from another office remarked "honey, you got a lot of jealous women here who wouldn't look as good in that dress as you do." This was another comment I heard more than once - that my proportions and appearance made me look better than the typical 40s-ish woman. One of our young secretaries said "you look so much younger like this."

As I was walking from group to group I would get unsolicited pointers from the ladies on how I should walk with more swing in my hips. I was having a blast. The costume contest was set to begin and all those who had dressed up were called to the front of the room. An "impartial" group of judges had been preselected, and they announced their results, starting with the third prize winner and gradually working up to the grand prize. I was milking this to the extreme with one of the other contestants, a secretary. We reacted like beauty-pageant contestants together as each award was announced and had the crowd in stitches. My name had not been called and the thought raced through my mind that maybe this wasn't a good idea... the judges wouldn't pick a CDer as the winner... and then I heard my name called as the grand prize winner and the remark, "...the best we've seen." No tiara, but applause and some horror videos were the rewards for all my preparation. I started to mingle again and had one of my male co-workers remark that I "looked too good" to only do this once a year. I kiddingly said to him "the only time I crossdress is when I come to work in my suit and tie." I did get a lot of questions on how "a man" could do his own makeup — I had previously acted and learning to do your own makeup was part of the job — and on what undergarments were used to create the female illusion. To this I responded by gesturing to my chest "what do you mean? This is all me, the WonderBra really works!"

Later in the day I overheard someone authoritatively repeating this "urban legend;" "I heard there isn't any padding up there, it's all real." The other big questions concerned shoes; how did I get them? How did I walk in them? Where did I get them? How much did they cost? How about my dress? I was walking up the hall with one of my co-workers and she told me how much she liked my dress and how well it fit. She then floored me when she asked if I'd be willing to lend it to her for a special date. I said a noncommittal "we'll see," and imagined her explaining to her husband who she borrowed the new dress from.

One of the other offices in the building also had a big party going on, with music and everything, and a group of costumed revelers from our party headed out that way. There were many people there from my old office who had seen Andee earlier at previous Halloween parties, and so there were not as many surprised gape-jawed looks, but still, a few. Here I got drafted into another contest, won another prize, and was pulled into doing a lip-synch to a Dianna Ross song with two of the secretaries as my backup. To have an audience following your every move and then having a round of applause was well worth feeling more than a little embarrassed.

One of my peers began to engage me in a conversation about a work related topic when she said, "Whoa, stop. I'm not having this conversation.. I can not connect the answers with the body speaking them.. We need to talk when things are back to normal." We both laughed, and as the party started to wind down one of the guys agreed to escort me out (to a round of applause) and I headed back to my office.

I had one more adventure ahead of me that was even more challenging than climbing four flights of stairs in heels. When I entered our office my boss grabbed my arm and said "we just have to show you to the CEO." Then we were off around the corner to "mahogany row." I have known this man for 13 years, and have worked for him for the last 5, and to say I was more than a little anxious was not an exaggeration. As we talked with his secretary I'm imagining "well there goes the ol' career," and then we were buzzed in. He rose and came toward me extending his hand with a look I'd seen many times as he had previously welcomed a lady into his office. As my boss began to talk about the costume contest the recognition factor, connected with our functional area, made him realize he had met this person before, and then it dawned on him. "Andy? Is that you?" He laughed harder than I've heard him laugh in a while, and said that seeing me was "just what he needed to cheer him up" after a bad day.

We left, hopefully with my career not in shambles, and headed back to the office where things were winding down and folks starting to clean up. I went to my office, closed the door, and started to take my makeup off when another of my co-workers knocked and asked if Andee couldn't come out just once more. At this point there was no way to get repaired, so I said no, and gradually transformed back into the staid accountant. As I opened the door and came out of the office the reaction on people's faces was that things were back "right in the world" again. The young secretary who remarked favorably on how I looked earlier said kiddingly "I like you better as a girl."

As I drove home I thought, had I — in a larger sense — made any openings into acceptance and tolerance for the transgendered in this small slice of corporate America. I hoped I had been a good representative of who we are. If nothing else, I knew I had one of my best times with only confidence and a positive attitude as my companions on what was truly a dreamlike experience.

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