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Beginner's Guide to MTF Crossdressing

Trying to Turn Hate into Understanding

By Diane Hutchinson


I have to admit that I have been pretty lucky when it comes to how everyone has reacted to my crossdressing both in my private life and in public. Never once in all my travels have I had a to deal with a real bad situation or confrontation. Nor have I been the target of hate email or online negativity. People in general have been very accepting or just not interested enough to bother to care one way or the other. This past weekend that changed for me when I began to receive very nasty and negative hate email from of all people one of my girlfriend's brothers. This took me quite by surprise as I have never had any problem with her family and they all have been aware of my crossdressing from day one. This series of notes was as nasty as they get and attacked me on many levels. I tried to handle the situation with tolerance and to get to the heart of what sparked this sudden hatred. What I ultimately found out shocked me. It was not my lifestyle he took issue with, it was the fact that I willing expose my crossdressing to the world in the form of my website. What follows is a pertinent exert from his mail note and my response. I have shortened his note considerably editing out the hateful derogatory remarks.


...what am I asking is why do you have to tell the world about your crossdressing and put that nasty picture of Mary on to the www.....I think it s a nasty idea....as long as u guys love each other then why bother to be on www? Are you forgetting about your own kids or her kids and what they may suffer in their future because of your stupid website? Of course they may have to understand and support you guys because you are their parents. The kids will tend to hold back their feelings until their friends find out about the website then they're in deep s*** while you aren't! Do you think that it is fair to do to them? Actually, I do know what love is all about! BUT WHY ON WWW!!!!!!! Got it???..........

-mj


MJ,

I don't owe you or anyone else an explanation about why I have a website dedicated to my crossdressing, but for your sister's sake I will try to help you understand.

There are tens of thousands of people with all sort of gender related issues that really do need support and information. People who think they are all alone or think they are the only person in the world who has transgendered feelings. For my little niche in life I provide the support and information that I wish was available when I was first dealing with these issues myself. I get letters, email and people come up to me in person when I attend support group meetings thanking me for the website or telling me how encouraging it was to them just to see a positive example of a transgendered person. So the site is providing something useful to people.

Secondly, the site is there to raise awareness. It should not be hard for you to understand that Transgendered people are a minority group that are unfortunately still discriminated against. We have a right to exist in this country and live our lives just like everyone else does. People don't have to love us, but they do have to accept us. Until the day that the transgendered are not discriminated against I will try to raise awareness to the public by showing that we are good, decent people and my website is one way of doing that.

As far as Mary's kids and my kids seeing the website goes, has it occurred to you that the only way they would come across it was if they themselves were looking for information about gender issues? The only other way would be if some destructive person tells them to look at it. I guess that is a risk, but then again there will always be people trying to put you down and hurt you no matter what you do or who you are....it's a sad fact of life. If they, no, when the children find out we will deal with it. I have taught my children to accept people in all their forms and respect people's right to be who they are and live the life they choose. I have also taught them and in many ways they have taught me the value of unconditional love. Really that is what is important, not what the person wears or what gender they are, but their capacity to love and how well they treat their fellow beings. When I do decide it is time for the children to know about my transgendered side, I am confident that despite whatever initial confusion follows they will ultimately accept that I am the same decent loving father I have always been.

Now that I have taken the time to explain my reasoning for publicly embracing my transgendered side I hope you will find it in yourself to reexamine your views. Life is too short to waste your time hating someone just because you don't understand them. If you can't accept me please at least let us be happy. Your sister deserves that much, doesn't she?

Diane



After my letter the hate email stopped. I don't know it for sure, but hope that the reason is that I was able to make him stop, think and examine his own motivations. For the most part the rest of my girlfriend's family still fully supports us, now maybe even more than before (all her brothers and sisters were copied on all of the notes).

Sharing your transgendered side with anyone has both potential risks and rewards. The thing to remember if you are presented with negative reactions is that you have two general ways in how you could react. First, you could react negatively back towards the other person. Before you do though ask yourself what that would accomplish and what that reaction would say not just about you as a person, but about transgendered people in general. On the other hand, if you present yourself and your views in a rational, intelligent, well thought out way most reasonable people will be able to understand and maybe even accept you no matter what your situation. See you all next month.

Diane


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