TransMed
Stress Diluted With Joy
By Sheila Kirk, M.D.
Stress is a part of our lives. Small amounts or gigantic pieces come to trouble
us all in our lifetimes. Our doctors tell us of the danger and the harm that
stress can bring to our health, both physical and psychologic. Existing heart
conditions and blood pressure elevations can be made worse by stress. Stress
can prompt depression and extend it to the depths, requiring intensive
therapy, medication and even hospitalization. It can lead to substance abuse.
Stress can find it's way into our lives in a gradual or abrupt manner. It can
be a way of life for some in their jobs, their marriages, and relationships.
It can be overwhelming. The houses we live in, the salary we earn or don't
earn, a difficult relative. Plans that go awry-every phase of our existence
can be effected by it. It's how we cope with it, adjust to it, make ourselves
impervious to it that is certainly the key to our comfort level in everyday
living. How we find or create ways to soften its impact or even make it go
away can be very important.
So often we hear our transgendered friends start, that just to exhibit our
transgender spirit for an hour or an evening can be a way of lessening the
duress, the heavy push, and demand, made of them earlier in the day. They
feel comforted by coming back to their transgender spirit simply by that
behavior. That open, positive expression of self by being in the contragender
role through appearance and ornamentation is enough to get past the misery of
stress for some.
But think of those in our community who are weighted down so heavily by a
particular kind of stress and who see no relief in sight. Let's look at
those who have no easy way of dealing with their transgendered spirit.
Address the frustration and pain of the Transsexual. Often, their lives are
filled with very real hardship and stress. I'm thoughtful, as well, of the
anguish, of the closeted crossdresser, the
person who can tell no one, who can share with no one, who will admit to no
one this very deep secret and wants very much to do so but doesn't dare. Then too, there is the crossdresser who carries the great burden of the guilt of
crossdressing and who struggles with the why of crossdressing. That person
may want separation from this "compulsion" and wrestle with the "temptation"
periodically. Not finding ways to stop the guilt and the self-recrimination
intensifies the stress of it, and it becomes oppressive. That individual can
develop not only emotional illness-personality disorders of varying kinds, but
depression on a serious level. Depression stems from our abilities to
function comfortably and efficiently in our work, in our social exchanges, and
in our own home with family, both native and acquired. The unhappiness
increases and life may not worth living. Self-destruction can result for a
few.
If a tendency for physical illness is already in place or has potential to
begin, the stress of wanting to resolve one's transgendered feelings can bring
that illness to a peak. Hypertension can be worsened. Gastrointestinal
ailments can be crippling. Heart symptoms can be overwhelming. It can impact
our libido and sexual performance. It's
certain that some transgendered individuals may have other cause for stress in
their lives and gender concerns are only apart of their stressful picture.
Where perhaps they could find relief and comfort in their transgendered
hearts, they find only despair and dead ends. Their stress levels are added
to by their guilt and anxieties in being drawn to their transgendered
behavior, and that very intimate personal part of them becomes enmeshed into
the coarser fabric of their lives. If only they could look at their
transgendered spirit as something to be comfortable with-even grateful for.
The Transgenderd Spirit is something unique. I've written and stated so
often-to be transgendered is a gift. To want to dress even if it be in
private is so special. It should not be associated with any form of stress.
It should always be combined with the joy and pleasure of being a special
person. There should be increasing acceptance and confidence with each
experience. So you're caught in the closet-so you can't share it just
now---so you must be secretive with all the pressures and planning it takes to
be fulfilled by dressing at special times. Yes, it may even mean that you
have to fib to someone about what your are doing. That's hard to do and it
goes against our nature, certainly, to do so. I don't condone that approach,
but I also understand the need to be prudent and self-preserving.
Take those moments in the contragender role and enjoy them as special. Put
away the guilt. Throw away the stress and use the experiences as a positive
expression of your soul. Should you consider professional help to show you
the path of a self acceptance and comfort? Perhaps! If you don't have
capacity to do these things for yourself, then sharing with a psychologist or
social worker experience with the transgendered can be very rewarding. Give
it a thought.
You are transgendered-how blessed you are-how not stressed about it you should
be. And for the hidden transsexual, for the one who must delay-your stress
can be very deep. Look to find answers again with counseling if necessary.
Plan and establish goals, work toward the day when your plans can be
implemented and your goals can be put into view. The Transsexual already on
their pathway has the joy of knowing it is all in motion. Hardship,
frustration, obstruction-the three demons in all of our lives can be overcome
with that joy and the clear thinking and search for information that will
result.
You are Transgendered! How blessed you are! Throw the stress away!
Sheila Kirk, MD recently has made Trans-history by forming the first
Transgender Surgical & Medical Center (TSMC Center) developed and directed by
a Trans surgeon. In addition, Dr Kirk is the first Trans-surgeon performing
MTF GRS and related surgeries as well FTM top surgeries, hysterectomies, etc.
for her community. You can receive more information about the TSMC Center or
ask Dr. Kirk questions on your treatment and care, by contacting her at
TSMC@aol.com, by phone (412) 781-1092, fax (412) 781-1096 or snail mail:
TSMC P.O. Box 38366, Blawnox, PA 15238.
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