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Jami Ward



What's The Problem?

By Jami Ward

An elderly woman went to see her doctor who asked her, "What seems to be the problem?"

She replied, "Well, I'm not sure there really is a problem, but I seem to be having a lot of flatulence lately. However, they don't make any noise and they don't stink, so that's why I'm not sure there's a problem. For instance, you don't know it, but just since I've been in here with you, I've passed gas a half dozen times."

The doctor gave her a brief examination and then wrote out a prescription and handed it to her. "Take these pills twice a day and come back to see me in 10 days when they are gone." In the specified time, the woman was back in the doctor's office.

"Doctor," she said, "I took all those pills like you said, but they not only didn't help, they made things worse. The gas is still just as prevalent and it still doesn't make any noise, but now it has really started to stink."

The doctor smiled and said, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinus problem, let's work on your hearing."

OK, that's a joke my brother told me, but it's application to our community struck me immediately. No, I don't think we stink, but I do think we all have a very real tendency to accept our perspective of the world as the same perspective that others have. Yes, that's a human trait, but I think transgendered folks indulge in that form of self-delusion more than others. If we don't see it or hear it, it must not exist. We all have been lost in that "pink fog" at one time or another.

We need to ask ourselves some specific questions. Ones like: Is the PVC mini-skirt with crop top and the fishnet stockings really the outfit to wear to the mall on Saturday afternoon? Am I truly "passing" or am I just in a crowd of people too polite to stare? Is the self- administered hormone regimen from Mexico really the best thing for my health? And we also need to ask ourselves some questions that dwell on larger perspectives. Is alienating my family for the sake of my transgendered nature going to make my life better? Is the pain worth it?

Unfortunately, accurate answers to those questions are usually unobtainable, either because we can't know until after the fact what the answer is, or because we don't or won't listen to the right answer, or because we only give ourselves the answer we want to hear. Until we can be honest with ourselves, I don't think we can be honest with others.

So, what do we do about this problem? First, find out if it IS a problem. Each person is different, and we all have a different grounding in reality, but I think that deep down, we all know how deep into the fog we each are. Second, if there is indeed a problem in your life, admit it and ask for help. No, I'm not espousing any 12 step program, but you should at least ask for opinions. Get someone you trust to operate the lighthouse to guide you out of the fog and keep you off the rocks. Listen to them and their answers, really listen, and then give their advice serious consideration in your decison-making process.

On a completely different topic, a friend today asked me why the mass of humanity doesn't like people who are different, even to the point of feeling that it is OK to attack them simply because of their difference. My answer to her was that sheep tend to view anything that's not a member of the flock as a wolf, regardless of it's true identity. My warning to you is to be careful out there - when you don't run with the pack or the flock, you have to watch out for the wolves AND the sheep.



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