H ey, what are friends for? I can honestly say that up to just a few
short months ago, I really didn't know. You see, I don't think I ever had
any real friends. My coming out fully and joyfully as Stephanie a year
ago changed all that. Maybe you've experienced the same thing!?! As far
back as I can remember the BIG SECRET existed, the big secret that I, a
male, loved to wear dresses and panties and other things feminine. Now,
THAT is a secret that I really never thought I could share with anyone at
ANY TIME!!
I could never share this with the guys (or girls) at the schoolyard!
I could never picture myself in the dugout at the ball field with the guys
on my team, saying, "Hey, Vito, did you see that great dress that Irene
was wearing yesterday? Boy, I sure wish I could strut around in that. I
bet it would feel so great with a sexy pair of pink nylon panties
underneath. Yessireee!!" Not an effective way to make friends in an
ethnic neighborhood on the south side of Chicago in the 50's!!
I could never share this with the guys in my high school biology
class or in the newspaper office. (De La Salle "Meteor"-Chicago,
Illinois.) I was Features Editor. Like, sure, I could see myself
discussing the latest fashions the girls were wearing in Chicago that
fall by running a few pictures of me modeling the frilly blouses and tight
skirts!! A few chuckles maybe, but then a one-way ticket out on the
lonesome express!
College?? No way! I was finally just letting myself date girls
without wishing that I could try on what they were wearing. Small
Catholic colleges in the upper midwest didn't have any support groups for
CDs (other than the confessional!).
And it only got worse. I met a wonderful, fun-loving woman and
married right out of college. But the, BIG SECRET was SOOO BIG that I
couldn't even tell my wife, who so loved seeing me naked, but I could
never get naked in my mind for her. And, for damn sure, I could never
tell any other men, especially after I married! So, all of my friendships
(and even my marriage) were pretty shallow and superficial. No wonder I
was so emotionally constipated!!??!! Scared. Ashamed. Really in need of
a good friend!
Well, this began to change about four years ago when I finally told
my wife that I had this very unusual interest. She cried long and hard,
not so much because of the content of the BIG SECRET, but because of the
SECRET KEEPING, itself. It's impossible to keep the BIG SECRET and be
honest, too, RIGHT? Raise your hands if you agree!! This was the start
of my first real friendship. I felt different. I felt good. I finally
started to feel what I had been missing for 46 years.
Then, the next big breakthrough came last year when I, myself, met
Stephanie. I met Stephanie and loved her immediately. I went to my first
support group meeting as Stephanie and no one ran screaming from the room!
The BIG SECRET wasn't big anymore. In fact, it wasn't a secret anymore!
I could tell other men all about me, all of my thoughts, feelings, wishes,
and desires and have fun doing it. I could finally be "one of the guys."
FINALLY, something that I wanted all my life but could never let myself
have. It's fun to finally have some men friends who like to do the same
things I do! I can just go out with the "guys" and do "guy" things (like
lingerie parties, and shopping for new spring dresses *grin*. And the
burping, farting and scratching will be kept to a bare minimum, right,
girls?). Do you know what I mean??!! I've never, ever been in that
situation before in my life and I am savoring it!! And I don't want it to
go away either, EVER!!
So, some of you have come to love Stephanie as much as I love all of
you. I am grateful. And I am, and always will be, proud and happy to
call all of you my friends. Thank you so much!!
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