Shopping 101
"By The Book"
By Jessica Brandon, B.S. (Bachelorette of Spending)
Hello, darlings! Seasons Greetings, one and all! My, my, my! Where has 1998 gone? It seems like only yesterday I was breaking my air conditioner out of mothballs and watching the world go by from my front porch during those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer! Now I'm out shopping for long underwear and making sure I have plenty of rock salt on hand for when the snow arrives! Time sure does fly when you're having fun!
In this month's column, I'm gonna revisit a familiar theme of mine and "go by the book" as I let you in on some of the neat stuff I've recently found in mail order catalogs that make their way to my palatial manor. We start with the latest offering from Sears (1-800-944-3671). As you know, Sears stopped publishing the really big catalogs quite a few years ago and now does much smaller specialty books.
This catalog has lots of sharp looking clothes at very reasonable prices. Second only to Penney's, Sears has a considerable collection of tall sized clothing, a must for folks like me who are over six feet, jeans, pants, blazers, shirts, sweaters and a veritable boatload of suits, including 3-piece wardrobers with both pants and a skirt. Sears has really come to the forefront with terrific looking clothes.
Oh, if you like to wear leather, Sears can satisfy your needs with a good selection of leather pants, jackets, blazers and skirts in both long and short lengths at prices that will leave you pleasantly surprised. The only drawback is that the pants don't come in tall lengths, but that's okay with me since I rarely wear pants when I'm out anyway. To cover up my million dollar legs would be a crime!
Chadwick's of Boston (1-800-525-6650) is also a favorite of mine as they too have nice clothes at good prices. Their fall and winter edition contains lots of stylish fashions including plenty of fancy dresses and gowns for all those holiday parties you're itching to attend. And, just recently, Chadwick's began carrying pants and trousers in tall sizes, something I find to be more than welcome.
Fellow Renaissance member Jennie Barnes submitted these next two catalogs for me to rap about. The first is from Coward (1-800-362-8400), a mail order outlet from Arizona that deals in large size shoes. Picking up on the theme from last month, you're not going to find any skyscraper stilettos here, I'm talking about pumps, boots, loads of stylish flats and athletic shoes in a wide range of sizes that any of us can wear.
The second is from Old Pueblo Traders (same number as above), also from Arizona, this company carries clothing, lingerie, outwear and shoes at decent prices anyone can afford. Some of the shoes from Coward's are here as well. No fetish wear here either, although the style of clothes here is similar to what you might find in Lane Bryant, which concentrates on functionality, not flash.
The last catalog I'm mentioning will represent something of a departure as I want to discuss the holiday edition from Frederick's of Hollywood (1-800-323-9525). Now, for those of you who are regular readers of my column, you know I have little love for Frederick's offerings which are either too small or too sluttish for the average Jane Q. Crossdresser to wear, but I saw something in here that caught my eye.
On page three of the catalog, Frederick's is touting their latest lingerie creation, the H20 bra. This thing has---get this---water filled pockets that claim to create the most natural addition to one's bustline and that one's boobs float on a cushiony underwired shelf that warms to the wearer's body temperature and adds over a full cup size. When I saw this thing, I laughed out loud.
I mean, what would happen if, God forbid, you accidentally puncture one of the pockets? Still, something like that would come in handy when you get thirsty while out and about on a hot summer day! At $36 bucks, it's a bit pricey for a bra, especially since you can buy a Wonderbra at close to ten bucks less. Also, the size range of the H20 is limited to 32-36 in A, B and C cup sizes. All things being equal, you can do better than this.
The rest of what you'll find in a Frederick's catalog is the standard flashy, skin tight clothing sized only for teenage girls along with ridiculous sky high heels and more lingerie than you can shake a bra at. However, there was one other item that also got a chuckle out of me: a maribou phone, that's right, ladies, I said PHONE! But even this has no practical use as it's a rotary which went out with the 8-track!
Before I close shop for 1998, let me wish you and yours a safe and happy holiday season. And don't forget to treat yourself to something nice from the stores.
As always, my electronic mailbox is open for your comments, tips and opinions at
treetop@voicenet.com.
Until next month, shop not just with your heart,
but with your head!
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