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It Never Hurts To Ask

By Donna


Some of TGF's prettiest readers have agreed to share with us their favorite style, beauty and "how-to" tips. This week features ideas from Donna, a gorgeous lady from Tennesse. Subscribers can see more of her by clicking on her picture



I've heard it said that "wisdom comes with age".

I know for certain that I have aquired more than enough of the latter and I hope, a little bit of the former. What I mean is that if you do something long enough your bound to learn a little about it even if all you do ivolves only trial and error.

When I started cross dressing I thought (as many of us did) that I was the only boy in the world who wanted to wear a dress. My dressing was coupled with the lure of the thrill of it all interspersed with a large dose of fear. The fear lingered for years and still is at work today, but happily to a much smaller degree. That fear kept me from doing the one thing that would have made a vast difference in my feminine appearance. I was too scared to ask for help! If I could have managed to contact the right people, ones who had the knowledge I needed, I could have made monumental advances in Donna's personna.

In the last two or three years I reached a point where I either had to quit dressing or move outside the mental walls that had held me prisoner for so many years. So with a lot of trepidation I started looking for the right people to help me look, feel and act more feminine. To some, who made the decision to "come out" more easily than I or others like me, I envy you.

But better late than never. I feel certain that there are others like I was, wrestling with the need and the fear. And I write this for them. I learned more in a couple of months than I was able to teach myself in far too many years just by asking the right questions to the right person. If you are like me, you may not be able to learn how to do something just by reading about it.

Hair and makeup are my primary examples. I bought book after book that promised to teach me all the secrets of those arts. None of them lived up to their claims for me. Go and have a makeover! There is no better method of learning how to apply makeup than to have a professional that understands your needs teach you. And you can find one if you'll just try. At the very least they will be more than glad to sell you cosmetics. And believe me I have purchased my share of makeup that simply didn't work for my face. Partly because I didn't know how to apply them correctly and because they weren't the right color scheme.

Cosmetics can be a very daunting sbject. And you can spend literally thousands of dollars over the years in beauty aids that help no one except the vendor. After having just one professional make over I now have a very manageable group of make up esentials that "WORK". Everything I need to put on the best face I have ever been able to achieve, can be carried in a small zipper bag. I was amazed. I have drawers full of foundations, blushes, lipsticks, etc. that I could throw away (except that I'm a packrat and can't do that) and never miss. If I had been able to summon up the courage to have a professional make up application 10 or 15 years ago, I could have paid off my house instead of buying all those cosmetics. And asking for the makeover and having it done was a really fun experience, not the end of the world as we know it scenario that I had built up in my mind would occur if my secret got out.

It's time and money well spent when you find the right person. Most of the major cosmetic companies will be very accommodating. The one I chose and the lady that I contacted there opened her shop on Sunday just for me. She realized that we needed uninterupted privacy and that I would not be completely at ease if the makeover were done during normal business hours. It was super. We had nearly five hours to spend together. She taught and I learned. She choose the color schemes and the foundation (vitally important) that worked correctly for my skin tone. And I learned where and how to place all the correct powder and paint. I came away with more lasting knowledge and ability in those few hours than I had been able to glean on my own in dozens of years. Just by asking for help from the right person.

Bolstered by my success in the facial area, I advanced further into unknown territory.

My next request for assistance was to a stylist for wigs. Another sometimes bottomless pit for both money and wrong choices. I found a very nice lady at a wig shop in my home town that had been in business for 25 years. Are you surprised to know that I wasn't the only cross dresser she had helped in her career? Well she was just "aces" in the wig styling area. Since she had been in business for so many years (one of the reasons I placed her shop on my list of possibles) she had the experience and practical application to know just by looking at my face the exact styles and colors of hair that would look best on me. I had accumulated over the years some 25 (count 'em) wigs through various sources. Some of them made me look like I couldn't afford a hair cut and that was about it. Others made me wish I had never placed a mirror in my house.

This lady in a short period of time turned three of what I considered my least shinning examples of convincing femininity into what I had hoped they would be when I first got them. And she knew which ones to relagate to the round file also. So, another major hurdle crossed by just asking for help. A simple lesson. One that I had applied to other areas of my life everyday for decades. But had been unable to apply to Donna's life because of the fear. Most of that has vanished just because of these experiences. Another plus gained by asking for help from others.

Next came a seamstress to fix some problems with dresses and other outfits. I had lost some weight and needed some waist lines taken in. If you find the right one they are invaluable also. It can sometimes cost more than what you paid for the outfit originally, but if it looks good afterward and you really love the way it looks on you, it's worth it. There are other areas of your feminine life that can benefit from just asking also. There are consultants out there for just about everything and anything you can imagine. In recent years the transformation boutique has become very popular in our genre. There isn't one where I live, but I certainly wish there had been a long time ago.

But even if you live in an area where there is very little visible support for our lifestyle, if you do a little detective work you'll be surprised at what help is available close to your own backyard. And maybe a trip to a larger or more distant location where you may feel more comfortable isn't out of the question. With all the get togethers for us all over the country throughout the year and all the help that is available during them on just about any transgendered subject, it is certainly much easier now than it has ever been to take a few baby steps toward a better you. Remember," it never hurts to ask."

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