Note: Click the thumbnails to see the art in full size. Some files are up to 250K
This month, since I’m in a Xena frame of mind we’re going to take a look at a couple of crossdressers that Xena has run into in her comic books a brief encounter with a shapeshifter, and a hilarious performance by Samson himself.
Xena is certainly no stranger to crossdressers. In the television episode, "Here She Comes Miss Amphipolis", Xena, a native of Amphipolis, enters a beauty pageant in disguise in order to prevent the usual mayhem. One of the contestants, Miss Artiphys (artifice, get it?) is played by Karen Dior, AKA Geoff Gann, a crossdresser/drag queen from a variety of adult movies, and recently a guest star on Veronica’s Closet. In one scene Miss Artiphys even shows up in a Xena costume. Who wins the pageant and is the next Miss Known World? I won’t tell, but the highly entertaining episode is supposed to run again on the USA Network on December 17, 1998.
If It Isn’t One Xena, It’s Another
One of Xena’s first comic book appearances came in a crossover in the Hercules comic, #3-5 (August-October 1996). The story begins with Xena discovering a group of marauders destroying a village under the command of Hercules. Of course, it isn’t really him, but an alien-looking shapeshifter named Periclymenus. Over the course of the three issues, Hercules and Xena try to catch him before he succeeds in becoming all-powerful, but shapeshifters can be hard to spot. In issue #3, they ask an ugly old woman if she’s seen an army pass by, but she hasn’t. After they leave she turns back into Periclymenus.
The shapeshifter’s goal is to take a potion that will give him the abilities and powers of whoever he impersonates. Our heroes arrive just after he has taken the potion, and he actually turns into Xena and fights her as herself. It’s not a very long scene, and when Hercules quickly figures out which is the imposter, Periclymenus takes on Hercules as Hercules. The story ends with the heroes thinking he’s dead, but the reader realizes that he’s not. A minor episode, but rather fun.
Olympic-Torch Song Trilogy
Xena has not had an ongoing comic book. Instead her stories are told in one, two, or three issue miniseries. A recent, very entertaining three-part miniseries was entitled "Xena: Warrior Princess: and the Original Olympics", dated June-August 1998.
In the first issue Xena runs into some punks who are mugging a kid for his officially licensed Samson Sandals. She discovers that Samson is a long-haired, muscle-bound jerk who is only interested in fame, glory, and profits, and that he is running a factory/sweatshop to make his sandals. She cleans up the sweatshop by breaking a few heads, then finds Samson at the Olympic games trying to increase his prestige. His chief rival is Arthur, a really nice, honorable guy who has come with his friend, Lance, from Britanny. Arthur, who is incensed by Samson’s self-centered attitude, challenges that he will beat Samson in every event so no one will want his sandals.
Xena also takes up the challenge to defeat Samson, but is told that she won’t be able to because women can’t compete in the Olympics. Gabrielle seizes the opportunity and rallies the Amazons to do something that will put honor back into the Olympics.
The second issue, "Ladies First" opens with empty stands at the Men’s Olympics because everyone is going to see the scantily clad Amazons and even goddesses competing in their own contests. At the men’s competition, Samson wins the Men’s Dash, because someone sabotaged the hammer throw and Arthur dropped out of the race to save the day. The men then decide to tell the women that they are tarnishing the image of the Olympics and the women should quit. Not only do the women refuse, but Xena points out that her time in the Dash was better than Samson’s. Gabrielle then challenges the men to see who does better, the men or the women.
The competition continues. Disasters continue to happen at the men’s events, instigated by Samson and his saboteur/partner/agent, Delilah. Each time Arthur drops out of the contests to help, allowing Samson to win. However, Xena continues to beat Samson’s best times and distances. Finally, Delilah has food brought to the Amazons that will make them sick for days. But first Xena, then all the others, refuse to give up, compete in spite of their illness, and triumph yet again. Since no one is paying any attention to the Men’s Olympics, how is Samson going to promote his sandals and other merchandise?
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em
The final page of the second issue introduces… Samantha of Palestine… a gargantuan, yet familiar-looking woman wearing number XXL. The third issue "Just One of the Girls" opens with Samantha winning against our heroine when Xena drops out of the race to stop a rampaging minotaur. Meanwhile, the male spectators are falling all over the new female who attributes her success to her Samson Sandals.
Samantha describes her past with "Well, golly, there isn’t much to say. I played with dolls when I was a little girl, then I got breasts, and now I’m just a single gal looking for Mister Right!" Gabrielle asks Xena if she thinks Samantha looks familiar. She says that it’s Samson, and Gabby is surprised that she knows. Xena responds, "The way he groped me during the wrestling competition? No question." Meanwhile, Samson’s success as Samantha has gone to his head. It occurs to him that he really doesn’t need Delilah as his partner and agent, because without her he would be getting all of the profits. So he fires her. Not a smart move. Especially since her specialty is sabotage. And if you remember the biblical Delilah, you know what’s coming.
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Samson wakes up the next morning, looks in the mirror and discovers that his long lovely locks are gone. We’re talking billiard ball. He frantically tries to recover, "If I just put on enough makeup and the right outfit, they’ll just think this is some new, cutting-edge style!" but before he can get his act together, Delilah shows up and pushes him out of the tent to race in the marathon. Samantha makes her entrance to her adoring fans with no hair, significant beard stubble, and her breast forms askew and obvious. He’s immediately recognized as Samson in drag, and all his former fans respond to his fraud by trying to hit him with their Samson brand Sandals. Over the next few panels he is buried in a pile of the sandals.
Xena, with Arthur’s help, then goes to clean out the sandal factory/sweatshop again, which started up again after she left. Samson then shows up at the sandal factory as well, demanding money, but Delilah points out to him that since he is now a disgrace, there is no money. Out of anger, he storms into the factory/sweatshop and shoves out the pillars, causing the building to collapse. However, since Samson has just put all of the people out of work, Arthur tells him he will have to rebuild it. Samson protests until Gabby threatens to start distributing her latest scroll "Samson, the Drag Racer". Then, in order to save her own skin, Delilah agrees to take over the factory when it’s rebuilt and run it fairly.
The story ends with Salmoneus, the merchant, asking if Samson would be interested in a new merchandising deal. But Salmoneus has to run for his life when Samson hears his suggestions of "Samantha Sportswear", "Lady Samson", "Samson for Her" and "Samson’s Little Secret".
All in all, a very cute romp, with a fun twist on the Samson story. A thought: Wouldn’t it be nice if people would find us attractive, desirable, and perfectly passable women even with broad shoulders and a muscular masculine physique like Samantha’s? Oh, well, that’s comics for you.
Next time, I’ll have some comic book suggestions for your Christmas wish list! Until then, remember, all copyrights belong to the original publishers, but any comments or requests, please send to me at BrittTV@aol.com.
|