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Dear Rachael,


Got something on your mind? Would you like to talk it over with Rachael?
Drop a line to Rachael and she'll help you as much as she can.

Dear Rachael:

I am a 47-year-old mail who has been cross-dresser since around 5 years old. I have never been out in public and have kept this activity to myself. I am not gay and not interested in SRS.My wife of 13 years has always known about my lifelong cross dressing, but has not been enthusiastic and preferred to ignore it (I could never go en femme around her).

A few months ago she and I began to see a counselor to help to me regarding acute depression that I was going through. Early on I disclosed to the counselor that was a cross-dresser, although it was in private and never out in public. The counselor sees the cross-dressing as an 'impulsive' behavior, much the same as my drinking was (I have quit drinking and am very glad that I have).

Now that I am feeling better about myself I realize that a great deal of my depression was caused by the guilt and pain of trying to suppress my cross-gender activities. As a result I am now taking actions to "come out", or at least stop being ashamed of myself. It is not my intent to make a public proclamation or anything of that nature, but I do wish to find and socialize with like-minded individuals.

I had hoped that my wife would be accepting, if not supportive. Instead it has put her into a tailspin, with the counselor and her taking the stance that this is a passing fancy and would only lead to self-destructive behavior akin to the drinking days. In essence, they are ganging up on me and working to convince me that I have "a problem". I do not believe that the counselor is qualified in these sorts of disorders and is coming at them from a stereotypical viewpoint.

My question is how do I obtain an objective opinion regarding what is happening to those and me around me? Naturally, I do not wish to hurt those who are near and dear to me, but I also feel that the self-denial was a major cause of what has led me to where I am today. This is a major crossroad in my life and I am very much afraid that if I do not take a stand for what I personally believe in it will lead me back to the days of self-criticism and repression. Clair.

Dear Clair:

I do not want to make you feel that your situation is not worthy of a great deal of attention for I feel that it is! You have made it very easy for me to answer your question though. How do you obtain and objective opinion regarding your situation? The answer is to find another counselor (fast . . . run, don't walk). This time find a counselor that in knowledgeable in gender issues. Your present one sounds like a klutz! Remember, half of all counselors graduate in the bottom half of their class - smile. A good counselor will help you come to those objective conclusions. A good counselor will not lay "guilt trips" on you!


Dear Rachael:

I have donated femme stuff to Salvation Army for many years. I have tried to cut down on shopping. I just started to re-organize my closet yesterday. I discovered that I have purchased nearly 40 skirts over the past couple of years. I won't count the dresses, panties, etc. I think I may have a real problem of being a shopaholic. I don't dress full time because of my work. I have always wanted to have a sex change, but cannot afford it because of marriage, kids, and my job. My question is why do I keep buying these cute things. Every thing I buy is on clearance at really good prices. For some reason I love to go shopping and find clearance bargains. What can I do to stop this habit. Tam

Dear Tam:

I don't know (biting nails)! I have the same problem. One might call it another obsessive-compulsive disorder! Smile! I would prefer to think of it as just being a woman. It makes me feel very secure though; I know that I could, at any time, step from living as a man to that as a woman, with a complete wardrobe. I guess that the real question is, "can you afford it?" If you can, then enjoy. After all, some guys go out and spend thousands of dollars on camera, sporting equipment, etc. If the answer is no, then maybe you should take the steps necessary to stop going to extremes. I really don't think you are in need of counseling for that reason. What does you wife and family think?


Dear Readers:

Often I have been asked about the Klinefelter syndrome. A chromosome anomaly that occurs at birth in males that can lead to the development of female characteristics in later life. Many readers have pondered, "Is this why I am the way I am?" I am including a piece of an article here and I think that for those, whom may have thought that, this will put those thoughts to rest:

Written by: Robert Bock
Office of Research Reporting, NICHD
NIH Pub. No. 93-3202

WHAT IS KLINEFELTER SYNDROME?

In 1942, Dr. Harry Klinefelter and his coworkers at the Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston published a report about nine men who had enlarged breasts, sparse facial and body hair, small testes, and an inability to produce sperm. By the late 1950s, researchers discovered that men with Klinefelter syndrome, as this group of symptoms came to be called, had an extra sex chromosome, XXY instead of the usual male arrangement, XY. (For a more complete explanation of the role this extra chromosome plays, see the accompanying section, "Chromosomes and Klinefelter syndrome.") In the early 1970s, researchers around the world sought to identify males having the extra chromosome by screening large numbers of newborn babies. One of the largest of these studies, sponsored by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD), checked the chromosomes of more than 40,000 infants. Based on these studies, the XXY chromosome arrangement appears to be one of the most common genetic abnormalities known, occurring as frequently as 1 in 500 to 1 in 1,000 male births. Although the syndrome's cause, an extra sex chromosome, is widespread, the syndrome itself-the set of symptoms and characteristics that may result from having the extra chromosome-is uncommon. Many men live out their lives without ever even suspecting that they have an additional chromosome.

"I never refer to newborn babies as having Klinefelter's, because they don't have a syndrome," said Arthur Robinson, M.D., a pediatrician at the University of Colorado Medical School in Denver and the director of the NICHD-sponsored study of XXY males. "Presumably, some of them will grow up to develop the syndrome Dr. Klinefelter described, but a lot of them won't." For this reason, the term "Klinefelter syndrome" has fallen out of favor with medical researchers. Most prefer to describe men and boys having the extra chromosome as "XXY males." In addition to occasional breast enlargement, lack of facial and body hair, and a rounded body type, XXY males are more likely than other males to be overweight, and tend to be taller than their fathers and brothers. For the most part, these symptoms are treatable. Surgery, when necessary, can reduce breast size. Regular injections of the male hormone testosterone, beginning at puberty, can promote strength and facial hair growth-as well as bring about a more muscular body type.

A far more serious symptom, however, is one that is not always readily apparent. Although they are not mentally retarded, most XXY males have some degree of language impairment. As children, they often learn to speak much later than do other children and may have difficulty learning to read and write. And while they eventually do learn to speak and converse normally, the majority tend to have some degree of difficulty with language throughout their lives. If untreated, this language impairment can lead to school failure and its attendant loss of self esteem. Fortunately, however, this language disability usually can be compensated for. Chances for success are greatest if begun in early childhood.

The article continues on with treatment options.


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