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Sally Matthews

Seeing Europe - "T" Style

by Sally Matthews

As an American T person living in Europe, I am often asked by folks back home what it’s like to be out and about en femme. My transgendered sisters are especially keen to know if Europe is more accepting of T people than the USA. Others are interested in going out while traveling, but are a bit daunted by the big unknowns of foreign lands. Since I started going out about 5 years ago, I’ve been out and about as Sally from Scandinavia to the Med. I hope my mini T travel guide will be of some help and encouragement to those of you contemplating seeing Europe in style (well, in a different style).

Preparing For Your Trip

One of the first things you all will probably ask is "Are Portugese jailers friendly to T people"? Er, well, to be honest, I do not know the answer to the "Is it Legal?" question for most European countries. In some, I have found that it is at least said to be illegal to present oneself contrary to his or her legal gender, but TG activity flourishes and no one seems to know of any special harrassment or enforcing of such statutes in many years. Of course, laws and customs will vary from country to country, and I think it will be a while before the European Union settles on a standard for Transgender conduct.

Some advance planning will go a long way toward making your transgender experiences safer and more enjoyable. Available guides, such as the famous Tranny Guide, and resources on the internet are good places to start. Accepting clubs, hotels, shops, and restaurants can be good tips depending on how comfortable you are out amongst the locals. I’ve found that making contacts in the country you plan to visit is an excellent way to get a feel for what to do, get insider tips, and perhaps even be a start for making new friends in new countries. The Net is the way to go here. Find a directory with group or personal listings such as Transgender Forum or Above and Beyond. Fire off an email and you’ll likely find sisters eager to help.

When choosing a hotel, your TG needs will warrant some special consideration. Is anonymity important to you? How about safety of women alone in the neighborhood? When I first started going out, I sought out hotels known to be T friendly. With experience, I found that often times large hotels work out better. Because of the size of the hotel, it is fairly easy to be anonymous. And not being restricted to a few particular hotels, you will have a wide selection from which to choose the best location.

Business Traveler’s Tip: If you have colleagues in town, pick a hotel with no colleagues in it.

Then comes packing time. For those of us travelling in drabs, it means packing for two. If you plan to be a T tourist, it’s time to get practical. Although European women tend to dress up more than Americans, casual is in, especially with tourists. While smart attire works well for upscale shopping areas and theater, you need to pack casual wear with sensible shoes for pounding the streets….if you hope to blend in. If you want to visit some sights like churches, you’ll also find a dress code enforced…a certain degree of modesty is what they seem to be looking for. I was relieved to pass muster at the Cathedral at Seville when the woman in front of me was refused admission. This is not a time one would want to get read. European styles tend toward darker, more muted colors, and temperatures can vary widely in many regions, even in summer. One particular problem I encountered was dealing with wind. I found my wig was not up to the task, with strong gusts pouring through subway (underground) tunnels or around buildings and exposing my real hair. A dead giveaway. Make sure your attire can stand the test. Of course if your travels take you to clubs where you may want to strut your stuff, bring your flashiest frocks. Just remember, you’ve got to lug those bags to and fro.

So, you spent a half day packing for two, and suddenly the thought comes…"I’ve got to go through customs with this!" Not to worry. Your chances of being inspected are slim. And if you are, here are a few handy excuses you can use: 1) My wife is coming on a different flight 2) It’s a present for my very tall mother. 3) I am a fashion consultant 4) There are no farm products in these fake boobs.

A final travel tip… If you fly en femme, be careful with how much metal is in your garments. My friend Janet had to parade many times through the metal detector, shedding something else each time because her corset was setting it off. Finally before things got indecent, the guard gave up and let her go. So unless you want to step behind the curtain and let the lady with the wand do her thing on you, leave the metallic corset in the bag.

Out The Door, Into The World

OK, you’ve packed, flown, smuggled your contraband into the country, found the right hotel, checked in, figured out what time it is, and you are ready to hit the town. Yes, you took Melatonin to fight off the jet lag. Now what? Is it going to be really different out as a woman? What can I do? Well, it will be different in some ways, and not very different in other. For example, here is a picture of the Eiffel tower taken while wearing a knee length skirt and 2" pumps.


Here’s another picture of the Eiffel tower taken while in drabs.

On the other hand, if you are successful in blending in you can enjoy being treated as woman, which means incredibly long toilet lines, and a higher threat of being mugged. But you’re decked out, and out for the day. Where to?

  • Museums – I think museums are excellent places to go en femme. They are usually top items on a tour list anyhow, but they also offer a place where lone women commonly visit. I find that people in museums are not looking at people, and are interested in the objects on display. And, as a bonus, if you’d like to wear something nice out, it isn’t unusual to see a smartly attired woman at a museum. If you are uncomfortable with talking while out dressed, you don’t have to. And since you are walking about, you can easily escape if you think someone is being a bit too interested in you.

  • Restaurants – Dining is always a great way to experience other cultures, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t enjoy it as a woman. Here you will have to use your voice to a limited extent. If you dine alone in the evening, you may feel a bit uncomfortable, as it is not common. The best solution is to have a friend with you, but failing that I’ve found that hotels and areas catering to the business crowd work best. You will seem to be a lone businesswoman passing the evening. That is not as uncommon.

  • Tourist Attractions – can be fun things to do en femme. But as you choose something to do, consider your comfort level. Some attractions break people into small groups which, depending on the size of the group and length of the tour, may get just a bit chummy. I found this especially at a Sherry Bodega in Spain. I think maybe the Sherry makes you even more chummy. Are you ready to engage in tourist banter? You can always feign language ignorance. . . Other Tourist: "So, weren’t the crown jewels magnificent?" You: "I am veddy fine, tank you veddy veddy much!"

  • Cinema – Always a favourite for T’s. It’s dark, you can go alone, and you don’t have to talk to anyone. Just make sure the soundtrack is in a language you can understand. Some countries tend to put subtitles in and leave the soundtrack original (Belgium, Netherlands, Scandinavia, for example). Others (Germany, France) tend to do voice dubs. As you look at listings, you’ll often find an abbreviation for the language. For example, in French speaking countries, VO stands for original version, and VF is the French version.

  • Theater – An excellent way to spend an evening en femme. And you can dress up a little bit if you like (no, not the sequined gown and cigarette holder) and fit in. Be prepared for the queues at the ladies room at intermission and before the show.

  • Shopping – Ah, so much has been written about this from a T perspective. I find the shopping experience to be similar to the US, except the prices tend to be higher in Europe. Beware of communal changing rooms in some stores. Some places are especially accomodating, namely Oxford Street in London. A friend of mine went to Selfridges dressed and inquired at a cosmetics counter about a foundation. Without losing a beat, the saleswoman said "Just a moment, we have someone knowledgeable in your problems." It’s also the only place I’ve been and spotted more than one other T person out shopping.

  • Clubs and T Venues - If you’ve done your research, you may be interested in going to a T club. Some cities have clubs oriented to the T crowd, or at least gay clubs with a T event or clientele. Some of the flashier events will let you dress to impress, others to your fantasies’ limits.

  • Exhibitions and Trade Fairs – While possibly a bit off the normal tourist agenda, these can be excellent things to do. In fact, I’ve been able to attend professional trade fairs as Sally and get in some research and femme time all at once! Like museums, people are looking at exhibits more than other people, and lone women are not out of place.

    Out and About

  • Transportation – Traffic congestion and lack of parking make cars one of the least desirable ways of navigating around European cities. Public transport is excellent and taxis tend to be plentiful in some places. Public transport, though, offers a special challenge to a T going out. I wouldn’t recommend it for novices. Taxis provide a much safer cocoon. But if you do take public transport, don’t travel too late alone. My best tip for riding public transport? Take a magazine. It’s a great way to keep yourself occupied and allow you to shut out the outside world. But don’t make it Popular Mechanic, ok?

  • Safety – while being out as a woman may not make the Eiffel tower look any different, it will make you think about safety a bit differently. I learned this the hard way. One night when out in Amsterdam with my spouse and Patricia and Karin (a married couple, Pat is also TG), we weren’t sure which street to take to reach our destination. So in very guy-like fashion, I whip out my map, walk under a streetlight , and try to sort it out. Not 10 seconds pass before a dozen drunk footballer types stumble up and see me. "Hey, pretty lady, you don’t need that map. We show you where to have fun." We moved on. They followed. They asked again. We said "No thank you." Finally, the instigator’s chums reigned him in. I was VERY glad we weren’t read that night. And I learned my lesson. Even with a group of women, never act lost or confused when out at night. But, on the positive side, it is these sorts of experiences that let you get a real glimpse of what it is like to be a woman.

  • Escort anyone? - Of course, if you can arrange it, the luxury of an escort adds a lot to passing and safety. My friend Gillian and I will often trade escort roles when we go out together. That is, one of us goes as male. During the day, we blend in much better. And at night we feel much safer. This sort of arrangement can offer you other pictures into the experiences of women. This past July, Gillian and I decided to hire a boat for a few hours and motor down the Thames. Gillian went in drabs. When the marina attendant came to brief us about the boat’s operation, he completely ignored me. A first for me, but I doubt any woman would be surprised.

  • The Toilet Question - The toilet issue is much the same as in the US, with a couple of possible twists. Some are fairly communal with, for example, urinals in the area where women walk by to get to a stall. And in many places there will be an attendant expecting to get some change on your departure. Be ready. I find that people don’t look much at others when in the ladies’ room. I have had someone speak to me only once when in the ladies’ toilet, and that was because she wanted to fix my collar on the back of my dress. But, the frequent long queues at some venues might make you a bit hesitant, as people have time to size you up. If so, consider doing your biz in the hotel, and then don’t drink a lot.

  • Men – I thought when I started going out in public that the last thing I’d have to worry about was advances from men. Wrong. Although not a frequent occurrence, it is yet another thing to be prepared for, and you’ll find the habits and approaches of men to be different in various countries. Very different. In fact, there’s a coastal town in Italy where they can arrest you for not being properly covered if you wear beach wear into the town…but that is only if they think you are an eyesore. If you don’t cut what the police would view as "Bella Figura", you better cover up or it might be the slammer for you! When travelling in Spain, I could feel the eyes following me down the street. At 6’1"+, I’m quite a sight for short Andalusians. But once I got into the touristed areas, the stares stopped. I think there are enough Scandinavian and Dutch women at these areas to make a tall foreigner not stand out so much. While visiting the Rijksmusem in Amsterdam, I had a friendly guard offer to give me a personal tour. I wasn’t sure how to get rid of this guy, but my wife came to the rescue. Later, while wandering back through the rooms, he spied me again and gave me a big smile and wave. OK, I know I said museums were good places to go! Well, I don’t think many of the guards flirt. Another time in London when walking out of my hotel, a guy in the lobby sized me up, followed me out on the street, mumbling with a Spanish accent…. "Are you on holiday, do you like London?" I ignored him. He stumbled along beside me all the way to the taxi stand …"Hello, you like nice dinner?". I guess ignoring them works. Do guys think this sort of thing pays off? He seemed like a moron to me. If you have any feminist inclinations at all, you’ll find that chauvinism lives on in the old world, but perhaps still a bit of Chivalry as well. Be ready, maybe you can fend off the chauvinism and enjoy some chivalry!

  • Dealing with Difficulties – It’s always good to have a contingency plan in case of difficulties. Perhaps an extra hotel key (ask at reception if they issue the plastic card keys), a stash of clothes, a possible contact, etc. Once while in Paris, my wife and I were about to part for home while Pat (a TG) and Karin (Pat’s wife) intended to stay on a few more days. They came to the parking garage to see us off, only to find that the car would not start. I thought this too much for Sally, so I rushed back to Pat’s room to go drab. On returning we found a friendly Parisian with a few moments to spare and jumper cables. As we assessed the situation I quietly consulted Pat, the car expert of the bunch. Our helpful Parisian assumed Pat was my wife since we were in such serious discussion. This made the whole trip worth the cost in Pat’s mind, as she’d won the assumption of being my woman over two GG’s, one of which really IS my wife. Pat, you flirt! I love it when you talk carburetors! Could I have dealt with this problem had I not had a place to change back? A good question to ask yourself when you are out.

    Tips and Observations

    Sally at the Tiller

    How much contact do you want? – To me, the main progression in going out in public has been ever increasing contact with people. Initially it was a stroll at night with no interaction with people other than to avoid running into them. Of course the other end of the spectrum is interacting with people everyday as a woman in your work and social life. But for those in-between, you have to gauge your comfort level and plan your activities accordingly. When I was starting to go out on my own, a next step for me was to attend church services as Sally. It took a lot of courage, but I was up to it. I figured I would not have to converse with anyone, and it would be a good next step. Things went quite well, I was enjoying the service and practicing my alto voice during the hymns. But then the worship leader announced a time of getting to know your neighbor….not just a ‘hello’, but to talk for a couple of minutes about where you were from and what brought you to the church. So, my initiation to conversation as a woman came quite by surprise. I would have much preferred to plan it. The older lady I sat next to was quite keen to know about me, and I feared the H word would come up…….’husband’. Fortunately, the service started again, and during the service she was happy to point out my fellow countrymen that were in the church. I began to fear a social engagement I wasn’t ready for was in the works, so I prepared to bolt at the end. Sure enough, at the end of the service, she turned to me and asked "So what kind of work do you do." My response? "Computers…..Bye!", and off I shot into the night. Not the graceful exit, but I was stretching my limits at the time.

    Borders and Customs – Although I know a number of TG’s who successfully travel through customs, I have been reluctant to try it. Within the European Union, many borders are now open, but it varies from country to country. You can travel from Belgium through the Netherlands to Germany and never see a border guard. But in the UK, for example, Customs take a close look. I found a way to obliquely deal with the inconvenience recently when visiting the UK. Gillian, in drabs, was going to collect me at Heathrow Airport and take me to an Indian restaurant… and I wanted to start my Sally time right away. I came through customs, and realized I had 15 minutes before his planned arrival. So I found an open Handicap Toilet in the arrival area and proceeded with the quick change. Visions of anti-IRA-terrorist cameras and poor stranded handicapped people filled my mind, but I made it out in the allotted time, thankful that no one had needed the facility. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this procedure, but I did enjoy an evening en femme and it makes a good story.

    Frequent traveler tip – For those of you who travel a lot but can’t store your stuff at home, my friend Helen has worked it out. She’s got a stash in several cities. In London, a TV dressing service keeps her things. In Houston, a friend has an extra suitcase in her attic. Helen flies in, makes a rendevous with her stash, and presto!…ready to hit the town!

    Are you Ready?

    So ladies, next time you come to Europe, consider taking out a couple of those flannel shirts and throwing in your skirt and pumps. If you plan ahead and gauge your activities to your comfort level, you will find your trip to be all the more pleasurable and interesting. As the French say….."Viva la Difference!" Why not experience it firsthand? Visit Sally's Web Pages for more information.

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