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The Vampire's Lair




Soda Pop and Candy Canes

Real-life Barbie doll Cindy Jackson was in the news recently talking about the over $100K she spent to help "change her life." She now works as a "plastic surgery image consultant"and notes that there are plenty of women who strive to look more like her each time they go under the knife! If you ask me, she looks like she wasted her money. She's okay-looking, but not gorgeous. Like Barbie? She doesn't look anything like Barbie!

D-cup cutie One Hanes Place has a really cool Web site where you can order fabulous lingerie and pantyhose at greatly reduced prices. The catch? The merchandise is slightly imperfect, but you'll have to look real close to see any flaws in these otherwise outstanding values. What's even cooler is if you get printed catalogs in the mail with special order codes (giving you even better discounts than the ones on the site), you can enter these codes into the on-line order form to enable you to buy the items at the prices you see in the catalog!

Allure recently published a funny three-page article with pictures about big plastic surgery boobs, how fake they look (like grapefruit halves),and how it's a shame that so many women have forgotten what real breasts look like. These days, plastic surgeons are getting the call from patients wanting D or double-D cup breasts. By contrast, B and C cup breasts were considered large in the 80's. Some of the biggest breast offenders include Dolly Parton, Pamela Andersen, and Anna Nicole Smith. How do they sleep with those things? In the same issue, Halle Berry is asked, "What beauty process hurts the most?" to which she replies, "Taping my boobs for a low-cut dress and, in particular, taking the tape off."

This month's cool lip and nail colors revolve around deep, dark colors. Plum is still very popular for the third year in a row: Almay Luscious, Galaxy, BeneFit Dossier, Chanel Sorceress, Maybelline Plushed Plum, Revlon Brazen Berry. Also try Almay One Coat Mascara in shades of blue, green, hazel, or brown.

To all the girls in Renaissance, here's something for you: L'Oreal has introduced a line of gorgeous colors called Renaissance. Deep colors such as Blue Mood, Gilded Brown, Plumage, and Garneta mixed with a shimmery silver called Excalibur provide exciting color possibilities for the fall months.

Speaking of colors, a local news station featured a story about wearing colored contacts. Are they safe? Another point worth mentioning is do they look good? One girl who had olive skin and dark brown hair looked ghastly with her lime green eyes. Please, PLEASE get a second or third opinion before you decide to go for a new eye color.

Now for a mini-tribute to the great Candis Cayne, a fabulous New York City drag queen who defines the very essence of glamour drag. We start off with a review of her recent film called Mob Queen, shown at this year's Philadelphia Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

Cayne in Mob Queen Movie Review: Mob Queen
(1998, 87 min, 35mm, US, Jon Carnoy)

Mob Queen is a lighthearted look at what you get when you mix goofy mobsters, a stereotypical mob boss, and the sultry and sexy Candis Cayne. Cayne plays­ You guessed it! A mob boss' girlfriend. Two scheming mobsters, George and Dip, are looking to move up in the mobster corporate ladder when they come up with the novel idea of setting up their boss, Joey Aorta, with a glamorous young prostitute named Glorice (played by Cayne). The two men soon discover that the young "lady" is really a genetic male who is out to milk their boss for all he's worth (figuratively and literally). Joey takes a liking to Glorice (not initially, but soon after when he learns of her fabulous oral powers) and proposes marriage, which she accepts. George is promoted to Joey's right-hand man and tries to do everything in his power to break up the marriage, including hiring a hit man and getting the draft police involved.

Cayne plays a believable woman, although you can't help but notice her voice gets scratchy and strained at times. She is also incredibly tall for a woman, but she carries herself well. Her hair is all-natural and looks great. Cayne has a superb body, thin all over with wide motherly hips. Her breast image leaves a lot to be desired, though, and one wonders how Joey could've missed the fact that he was getting a handful of stuffed socks during one of their passionate kissing and groping sessions. Aside from these minor details, I liked Cayne's acting performance in this film. Her look reminds me of actress/comedienne Christine Baranski who plays alongside Cybil Sheperd on the Cybilshow. The other performances were also quite good for a low-budget film and I found myself laughing hysterically at some of the more humorous moments. A solid three out of five stars.

Linda
Simpson Linda Simpson asks the pivotal question, "Are you a modern queen?"in her 15-question survey. According to her page, "Many have tried,but only a select few manage to become stars of the drag scene. How about you? Have you got what it takes to be a hip New York Queen? Or, are you already tops in your fields? Quiz yourself and find out."

Question number two states:

At the club you see Girlina, Lady Bunny and Candis Cayne together. Whom do you acknowledge first?

a. Bunny, because she's older
b. Girlina, because she owes you money
c. Candis, because you want a blow job

Since Linda is so gorgeous, I included her picture here.

The Paper is a great New York City club and fashion magazine. Here's a club that Candis can be seen in:

BAR D'O 29 Bedford St., New York, NY 10014; (212) 627-1580

This comfortably chic little nook is an opium den-style spot for a relaxing drink on most weekday evenings, but on Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays, gay glamour pusses climb out of the woodwork to thrill to the cabaret stylings of drag giants Joey Arias (channeling Billie Holiday), Raven-O and lesbian chanteuse Edwige. The trio's globetrotting schedule allows for a dazzling parade of guest stars like the Lady Bunny, Candis Cayne and Jimmy James. $4 cover.

RuPaul has news about her newest hit single on the Rhino Records Website.

"A Little Bit Of Love" is the followup to last fall and winter's hit CD maxi-single "Snapshot" (which reached #4 on the Billboard Club Play chart, peaked at #28 on the Maxi-Single sales list, and hit the Hot 100 singles chart!) and the "Snapshot" video (which hit #1 on the CVC Clubland chart, and was red-hot on BET, The Box, and VH1, among others).

"A Little Bit Of Love," the second single and video from his new Rhino album Foxy Lady (his first new album in two years), has hit the radio, charts, and TV! Right now, the single's #33 on the Billboard Clubchart and #19 on Billboard's "Bubbling Under The Hot 100 Singles"list, while the video is in rotation on VH1, BET, and The Box.

Ru's new video is a drop-dead scream. It features him as Queen of the Universe, fronting a glamorous intergalactic all-girl group also including Candis Cayne (from L.A.) and Jazzmun (from NYC). Together, this trio's like Charlie's Angels from outta space.

Gay Guide's Club Guide lists the Candis Cayne Show, Barracuda, 275 West 22nd Street( 8th Avenue), 212-645-8613. Starting at 10pm. Candis hosts a tribute to a different diva each week.

Want to see another film starring the goddess herself?

Take a look at Always Something Better. A film about choices, Always Something Better tells the story of a young woman who refuses to settle for the abusive, small town existence she finds so uninspiring and sets out on a quest for a more fulfilling, enriching, independent life. 85 mins.

Director/Writer: Steve Kinsella. Executive Producers: Mark Montgomery and John Kinsella. Producers: Mark Montgomery, Steve Kinsella, Andrew Schefter.Director of Photography: Jorge Diaz Amador. Editor: Kristin M. Frascione.

Cast: Nicole Freeman, Chris Sery, Candis Cayne, Girlina, Steve Kinsella, David Asili, Tony Pompile, Angel Boris, Christina Rumore, Patrica Cook, David Anthony Pizzuto, Carolyn SeRine, Sheila Korsi, Roland King, Greg Pittman, Chad Ayers, Brian Davis, Jason Varge, Christian Bodegaard, Daphne Parker, Christian Olave, Erin Carmack, Judith Lauro, Mario Ingoglia, Jason Adams.


Anyone see that raven-haired vixen named Rockell? She has a CD out called What Are You Lookin' At? I'll tell you what I'm lookin'at. Not her, but her funky shoes! I want them!


Like this column? Want to find out more about Kalina the Sexy Vampire? Then click here to checkout my fabulous Web site! E-mail me if you think I'm sexy.

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