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I Was a Terrible Towering Transvestite

(or: The View From Atop My High Heels Was Breathtaking!)

by Jessica “The Skyscraper” Brandon

When I was growing up, I was semi-decent at playing basketball and dreamed of one day being a star in the NBA like my heroes, Walt Frazier, Julius Erving and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. As I grew taller and learned how to shoot the rock, I figured I'd make a great point guard.

Now, at the same time, I had developed another hobby, one that would last with me far longer than my dream of playing pro basketball, which eventually fizzled out by the time I reached high school. That, of course, was crossdressing. During the early years of my private, primitive forays into femininity, I never thought about how my height would effect me, but in time, that aspect would make itself known, much to my eternal consternation.

The first and most noticeable difference was in clothes. Living at home, with very little money at my disposal, I had to utilize my mother's wardrobe to satisfy my cravings. But I quickly discovered that her clothes weren't quite long enough on me and I saw right away how everything was so short, especially in regard to sleeves that stopped only three quarters down my forearm. It looked silly and made me feel silly. Still, I wore her things because I loved to.

Next came shoes, and that was a real bitch. At one time, believe it or not, I was a mere size ten like most human beings (now I’m a thirteen wide! UGH!) and had no trouble fitting into my mom’s shoes, but when those dreaded teenage growth spurts kicked in, suddenly, those shoes were way too small for me. Where at one time I used to be proud of being tall, I came to hate it because it meant having big feet, a problem that occasionally plagues me to this very day when I shop for footwear.

But the disadvantages of being tall, the horrors of height really wouldn't manifest themselves until many years later when I finally decided to come out of the closet and join the transgendered community, a journey which meant outings in public to attend meetings and other functions. Early on, I had become acutely aware of how being six foot two would effect how I would be perceived by the outside world when dressed since I stood out like the proverbial sore thumb.

Clothes were no longer a hassle, thanks to J.C. Penney's which carries tall sizes, I was at least able to look right during my ventures, and that was extremely important to me. Paula Jordan Sinclair, a former member of Renaissance put it best when she said in an article: "I don't care if people realize I'm a male that's crossdressed, but I want them to say, 'doesn't he dress well'?". That quote became part of my personal philosophy.

My biggest problem is vanity regarding shoes. Call me silly or immature, but I live for high heels (what self respecting crossdresser doesn't?) while I wouldn't be caught dead in flats because they make me look dowdy. But, even in the lowest heels I own, those being two and a half inchers, when I combine them with my natural height, plus two or three inches of hair on top of that, I'm easily six foot six, even taller when wearing my “big hair” and that can be quite an attention getter when out in public. As I undertake more and more outings which helps me build confidence in myself, even if it's just the monthly meetings of Renaissance, I've come to realize I will never be able to blend in, even if I wore flats. So now I say: to hell with it! Since I can't shrink, I'll make the most of my height, instead of being one of the crowd, I'll stand head and shoulders above everyone else.

Case in point: back in October of 1995 during a social workers convention in Philadelphia where I was part of the Transgendered Community booth, I left the hotel for lunch. I was dressed tastefully for daytime in downtown Philly: a maroon colored suit and black patent pumps with medium heels. On my way back, I passed two guys who clearly did a double take, and I heard one of them mumble, "Damn! That babe was tall!" Instead of being read, I was complimented! Talk about an ego boost!

So, to all my sisters who are blessed with height as I am, I say to you, with genuine conviction, stand tall (no pun intended), be proud of yourself, and if you're going to draw stares, which you undoubtedly will, be sure to act like a lady. As for the great unwashed masses who might stare at you when you're out and about, ignore them. Better yet, give them a smile because they have look UP to you! Believe me, girls, that can be a rush!

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