My Best & Worst Outing
By
Elizabeth
Parker
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I have never had the
experiences that some of you have had. I'm not very
adventurous, I have a non-aware family, and as you
might suspect from my monthly column, I prefer my
excitement in the form of fiction. But I do
get out, and I thought you might enjoy reading
about one experience I had where I had both the
best validation of myself as a woman possible given
my circumstances, and the worst goof I ever pulled,
all in the same day.
Since I have limited opportunities to dress, I
do like many of you, use business travel as an
opportunity. Several years ago on a two week trip,
I had a weekend to myself. It was the perfect
chance to go out during the day. I've been aware
for a long time that going out at night is risky.
I'm usually in places which are fairly
conservative, and any night activity stands out.
Even though I prefer the cover of darkness, I
realize that to properly blend in, I have to suck
it up and go during the daytime if possible. So
that's what I did.
In order to not stand out, I used a dark brown
pageboy wig, conservative, day-time makeup, and
black pantyhose with flats. It was a coolish fall
Saturday, so I should have worn jeans and a top.
But I just had to wear my latest acquisition, a red
and black tailored sheath dress with long sleeves.
It was cut above the knee however, so it looked
somewhat informal. I checked my makeup in the
mirror again. It was as perfect as I could make it.
Admittedly not as awesome as some, but pretty good
for me.
I checked my purse. Real driver's license, car
keys, credit cards, and hotel key. I have always
been paranoid about forgetting one set of keys or
the other and having to deal with getting a new set
in-femme. And... a replacement tampon. Yes, it was
that time of the month!
I peeked through the keyhole. Nobody coming. I
cautiously opened the door and stepped out, my
flats made a clicking sound on the outdoor concrete
balcony. I checked both ways; still nobody. I
clicked toward the elevators, trying to remember
the right walk. I don't go out often enough for all
of the behavior to be automatic. Hell, I'm not even
sure I'm getting it right while thinking about it.
I still think it was pretty brave of me to go
out while staying in a hotel with elevators. Get
trapped in an elevator with someone who has minutes
to scrutinize you, and who knows what embarrassing
things could happen. Worse yet, this was a resort
community, which means lots of teenaged girls! By
that time I had gotten to where I could go out
relatively undetected, but all my reads had been by
our envied foes the girls.
This hotel had stairs paralleling the elevators,
but it was the middle of the day, no one in sight,
so I thought I'd take a chance on the elevator.
Might as well go for broke. I pushed the button and
waited an eternity for its arrival. I just knew a
family of eight would decide to go swimming right
then. My heart was pounding, yet I was still
enjoying the sound of my shoes on the tiles, and
the light breeze blowing up my skirt as I waited. I
also faced an untypical problem. I had worked on
the walk, but what about the wait? How do I stand
still and look feminine?
The elevator arrived with no one aboard. My
heart quieting slightly, I stepped on. These
elevators were glassed on the outside so I could
view my surroundings as I descended. As the doors
shut and the elevator started to move, I observed
several cars entering the parking lot. Now instead
of my heart pounding, it stopped altogether. Sure
enough, as the elevator neared the ground. I saw
the first car park, and a young businessman get
out. Of course he had to be fast. Fortunately I had
read many of your accounts by that time and knew
what I had to do; act confident. So that's what I
did. As I exited the elevator I encountered the
man. I gave him my best smile and kept right on
walking, hoping I'd gotten the mannerisms right.
Then the high point of my day ocurred; he smiled
back! Ok, he was in a hurry, he was a guy, but he
smiled at me, a woman! In that part of the country,
I don't think he would have done that had he
suspected anything.
With that experience under my belt, I strode
confidently to the car. I am woman, see me shop! I
climbed into the car, careful to sit first and
demurely swing my legs in after. I had this down!
I started the car and drove to the nearest mall.
For some reason I actually worry more in the car.
Even though it provides a natural barrier, and
people can't see inside it very well, I worry about
getting stopped. But with my new experience I drove
confidently, though still not speeding! Highly
untypical behavior for a Type-A personality.
I arrived at the mall, and parked. Being a fall
Saturday, the lot was full with holiday shoppers
and I had to park at the back of the lot. Then as I
emerged, I hit my head on the roof of the car.
Being my head, no damage was done, but it dislodged
my wig. Not much, but my confidence was shaken.
Yes, I should have fastened it, but I hadn't.
There were many passersby so I tried to
surreptiously adjust the wig back in place. After
getting it the way I wanted I closed the car door
and started toward the mall, tucking my car keys
into my purse. Again I enjoyed the feel of the
breeze blowing against my nylon-covered legs and
the dress brushing my thighs as I moved. It would
have been hard not to walk like a woman!
Then as I neared the mall, the wind picked up.
Of course, since my wig's grip on my head was
already loosened, it threatened to come off. I
panicked. I reached up and tried to tug it into
place. That kept it from coming off but it didn't
feel right so I turned around and headed back
toward the car praying it would stay on. Suddenly
the sensations which were so exciting before were
frightening; the dress, the hose and the loose wig
gave me a naked, open feeling. I finally made it to
the car, confidence completely vanished, and
fumbled with the keys, noting in my peripheral
vision a family getting in their van in front of
me.
I finally got the car door open and sat in the
car, half in and half out, and tried to subtly
adjust my wig in the rear-view mirror. I continued
to feel uncomfortable and then realized that the
family in the van across from me were staring at me
open-mouthed! I'd never been read that openly
before! Then I realized why. I was sitting in the
car leaning toward the middle to look in the
mirror. My right leg was curled under the front
seat to support my weight. My left foot was propped
up on the door sill thus placing my left knee high
in the air! It wasn't high enough to give the
family a beaver shot, but it was close to it! In my
hurry and confusion I had just entered the car in a
very masculine way, totally ignoring my dress, and
totally puzzling that family, I'm sure. They didn't
have outrage on their face or anger. Just literally
open mouths and the most puzzled looks on their
faces I've ever seen.
To this day I'm still not sure if they saw a man
dressed as a woman, or a woman behaving very
untypically. But at the time I was in panic mode,
so I quickly got my legs in the car, shut and
locked the door and started the car. The family
started up their van and backed out. Now I was
worried they would try to drive around and confront
me, so I backed out in such a way as to exit the
lot at the opposite end from the van.
My shopping plans totally out of mind, I slunk
(if you can do that in a car), back to the hotel,
snuck up the stairs, and into my room. That was the
end of my outings for that trip. Since then I've
been out many times, but it took me quite awhile to
shake that experience. Now however, I have to laugh
whenever I think about it; the looks on those
people's faces and my unthinking reaction. And I
still treasure the smile I received from that
businessman!
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