Transgender

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Thoughts, hints, opinions, ideas, etc., on being transgendered
Jane's Journey: Becoming to One's Self
Have A Tall One
By Jane Fleming

"Women come in all shapes and sizes." 

Well, my experience has been more along the lines of "It ain't necessarily so." A turning point in my life came at age 22, lying alone in a squalid little hotel room in Lahore, Pakistan, when I came up against the wall of: "Who wants to be a six foot tall woman?" And decided that the only practical way to continue living was to suppress the female instincts that had pursued me since early childhood.

Of course, there are 6 foot tall women. All my life I've eyed tall women—in malls, shops, restaurants, business situations—as role models. (And usually sneaked a glance down to their heels to see how much is nature, and how much is shoe.) But I didn't look like them. My shoulders were broader, chest more of a barrel, body as shaggy as a bear. And I had a male voice with which I made my living in radio for several years.

Some of these are factors that may affect us all, but I think they are exacerbated by height. A tall woman entering a room tends to draw people's eyes. It's not that most people will question her gender. But when there is one physical characteristic that pushes the limits of the norm, there may be more need for other characteristics to be less at the limits. When you stand out for any reason, there is inherently more scrutiny. How you dress and do your makeup may directly depend upon how much scrutiny you feel able to bear.

When my first wife reached puberty, her doctor (with some embarrassment) told her that when girls start to grow 'out' they tend to stop growing up. For girls who continue growing taller, I think the opposite is true. Very few really tall women seem to have D-cups, a reality that may wisely displace fantasies in some of our minds. (I've resigned myself to a B.) Tall women have proportionately longer legs than do men of similar height. And no matter how heavy they may be—very, very few tall women look like all-pro fullbacks.

These are all factors that can be worked with.

In the 1980s I went through a period of depression, as I was unable to see how I could deal with my gender issues. My weight reached a peak of 222 pounds. And I did look like a fullback. A fullback in a man's business suit. A fullback in a dress. I finally convinced myself that even if I couldn't figure any other avenues of resolution, I could at least try to do something about the weight. It took four years, one plateau at a time. But now at 156 I have a waist and hips, which makes a huge difference as to how clothes fit. Unfortunately, at age 50 my skin doesn't have its onetime resilience, and that much weight loss has left face and neck crying out for a lift. But I can now wear clothes that emphasize some aspects of my body, rather than trying to hide it.

That's an area where it's good to be brutally honest. (This can be difficult. And I've seen genetic women pay tremendous amounts of money to buy clothes that make them look like buffoons.) Play up your assets, play down your lesser qualities. There are parts of my body that I feel look authentically female. My forearms never developed normal male musculature, so short sleeves work. My waist's narrower than the hips, so I look for clothes that emphasize that—especially wide waistbands that flare to the hip. My shoulders are broad and rather muscular, though, so I try to be careful in choosing tops. I don't have hard rules that I can express for the shoulders—it's often a matter of trying something on and taking a critical look. But I avoid puff shoulders, for example, and tend to look for tops where the sleeves flow out of the shoulder, rather than having a sharp demarcation. And avoid shoulder pads! The scissors come out immediately and the pads find themselves trashed. (The few exceptions where I find shoulder pads work are with well tailored suit jackets). And be careful with elastic waistbands. They can be comfortable on skirts or slacks, but the clothes are still made with a certain shape in mind. It can be tempting, particularly if you see something at a second-hand shop, to buy a skirt made for someone smaller than you and just to let the elastic stretch to accommodate. Don't. It won't look right. With some extremes of that situation I've found myself looking like a beetle.

Broad shoulders tend to make my unadorned head look too small. It's like seeing a football player wearing his padding sans helmet. Keep that in mind when choosing a wig or hair style. I find that a bit of width in the hair not only softens the facial features, but tends to balance shoulder width. So, for me it's best to stay away from a tight ponytail, for example.

Aside from trying to observe tall women in real life, catalogs can give some good clues. I look through every issue of J.C. Penney's catalog for tall women. One thing that jumps out is that tall women have a different proportion of legs to torso than women of similar size. Women's legs are longer, their waists higher. So if you're tall, it's a good idea to look for slacks that emphasize that look. There's nothing wrong with wearing the waist of slacks or skirt above the navel. And again, look for wide waistbands that flare a bit outward toward the hips.

Buying pants as a woman sure lacks compared with the offerings for men. You are usually presented with three lengths—petite, misses, and women's. And sometimes a fourth—talls. Contrast that with men's slacks, where you have virtually any combination of waist and inseam measurement to choose from. I've been lucky to find that Penney's tall slacks with 32" inseam are generally a good fit for me, but many other sources don't work as well.

So even if you're not much for sewing, you may want to learn enough to hem pants by hand. Use pins first to make sure the length is right. Check in the mirror. Make sure the legs are even. If you can't stand the thought of sewing, you can buy double-sided press-on tape at a sewing shop. I've used that successfully even on heavy denim jeans. Finally, remember that many dry cleaners will do alterations. It's not unusual for me to buy an item of clothing and take it directly to the gal who does my alterations before even wearing it once. I have her hem skirts, especially linens. And I've had her bring in the waist on jackets to give a more tailored look. She charges $8 to hem an unlined article, more for more complicated work. If you're not comfortable having someone mark hems while you're wearing the clothes, you can bring them in already pinned. But I think you'll get a better job if you have a professional mark them while you're wearing them.

Slacks are not just an issue for tall women. I complained some time ago to a genetic woman friend about the paucity of sizes, and she said she doesn't know any woman who wears slacks right off the rack without having to adjust something—whether hem,darts, or whatever.

If you live in a major metropolitan area, you may have access to shops that specialize in clothing for tall women. I don't. I've often done well with the J.C. Penney catalog. I've found the best deal is to have the items shipped to their nearest catalog store. The catalog store has a dressing room. I can try on what I've ordered and give back to the clerk anything that I don't like, thereby saving the costs and hassles of return shipping. And that's a good thing, as it can be disheartening to see how a dress that looked exquisite on the model in the photograph makes me look like a Benedictine monk, or worse. (As I keep reminding myself to stay away from empire waists...)

An unbroken line often seems longer than an equivalent one that's divided up. For that reason, dresses in general can be problematical for tall transgender women. I rarely wear a dress, and then usually with a jacket. Breaking up the lines that way seems to de-emphasize the height a bit. I'm generally more comfortable with slacks or skirt and top for daily wear.

As for second-hand stores, they can be a great economical source for clothes. But such shopping requires patience and discrimination. I have bought brand new sports jackets that have never been worn or laundered—some with store price tags still attached—for as little as 95 cents apiece. Skirts and short sleeved tops are the easiest fits to find, as are jackets with three-quarter length cuffed sleeves. It's rare that I come across a long sleeved blouse that has long enough sleeves. Shopping the rows of slacks, I turn my eyes toward the floor and scan just the bottom of the pant legs, stopping to look only when a pair of legs descends below the majority.

A great place to buy nylons and underwear is One Hanes Place (800) 300-2600 or http://www.ohpcatalog.com. They sell Hanes, L'eggs, WonderBra, Playtex, Bali, etc. at substantial discounts. Most of the merchandise is factory seconds, but I've only once had a problem. And they are good about returns for whatever reason.

I mentioned losing weight. Substantial loss is a medical matter and should be done in consultation with a physician. Remember that a pound of fat consists of approximately 3,600 Calories. But a pound of body weight lost may often consist of part fat and part water or muscle. A hint my life partner gave me on appetite control—wear a girdle while you eat. Your mileage may vary.

The final bit of advice I'd like to offer tall women is: Stand tall. If you've got it, flaunt it. Good posture makes a lot of difference in how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself to others. And yes, I do occasionally feel someone's eyes steal down to check out how much is me and how much is heels. But hey—fair is fair !

©1998 by Jane Fleming. All rights reserved.

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