Internalized Homophobia #24
By Gianna E. Israel
©1998 Gianna E. Israel
GENDERARTICLES This syndicated column by Gianna E. Israel is
regularly featured on the 3rd Monday of each month in TG-Forum, the
Internet's respected weekly transgender magazine. (http://www.tgforum.com/)
Several weeks later each column is forwarded to Usenet transgender groups,
readership (Transformatie). GenderArticleAOL's Transgender Community Forum (Keyword "TCF"),
and translated for Dutchs may be reprinted insofar as each
column, introduction and author contact information remains unaltered.
In my last article (#23) I discussed responses to homophobia. For example, I
described incidents where I had been victimized by gays and lesbians as a
result of their transphobia, and how I deal with the anger by discussing
those feelings with others. Notably, I had reached a point where I was
tired of the anger. Rather than being angry at the person for what they
are, I focused my anger on the persons behavior.
The most important thing a person can do if they are in the process of
being victimized is to stand up for themselves in a manner which does not
incite further victimization. If a persons behavior is hurtful, sometimes
the very best thing you can do is state so simply and clearly. In my own
circumstances I found this strategy to be useful. Rather than harassing
gays or lesbians for being different, I made a practice of telling them
and others to take their transphobia down the street. Get it away from
me.
Internalized homophobia, in contrast to external homophobia, comes from
within and is targeted toward oneself. In other words it is a different
monster we as transgender persons must contend with. Notably, regardless
of sexual orientation, we transgender people face immense amounts of
social pressure forcing us to identify as gay or lesbian even if we are
not. Moreover, because sexual orientation issues are different than
gender identity issues, that degree of differentness between us and them
can be daunting. It's something we clearly recognize and feel,
particularly when we must constantly reassure ourselves that societys
characterization of us is wrong.
One of the ways people reassure themselves that they are not like others
is to dislike qualities of differentness. How they reach that process is
pretty easy to recognize. First there is an observation of someone's
differentness. Then, there is an internalized statement of 'I could never
be or act the way they do.' Finally, the person concludes that the other
persons differentness has a degree of dislikability and wrongness.
Somewhere, the dislike for other peoples differentness has got to stop,
this includes qualities in ourselves that we do not like because we see it
in others. Otherwise, if the process continues, the person not only
begins disliking differentness in others, sooner or later he or she
will begin hating different qualities in himself or herself. That is how
internalized homophobia starts. All persons have some natural
diversity when it comes to sexual orientation. This is so just as people
have very diverse expressions of gender identity. When we become
dishonest about the differences in ourselves, as well as others, we become
out of touch with who we are as humans.
Occasionally, I have clients who feel concerned about having internalized
feelings of homophobia. They hate these feelings, but they don't know how
to get rid of them. I find myself telling them the same messages I tell
myself. Getting rid of homophobic feelings is as much as a process as
acquiring a sense of homophobia was in the first place. The first step is
admitting and recognizing such feelings exist. The next step would be to
figure out what brings these feelings up.
A variety of things can bring up internalized homophobic feelings. Ask
yourself a question. Does a particular behavior or mannerism in yourself
bother you? Does looking in the mirror and seeing a man in a dress bother
you? Is there a particular tone of voice which makes you sound, er um,
different? If so, and you are associating these behaviors, ideas or
feelings with gays or lesbians...you may be having some internalized
homophobia which needs resolution.
One thing which may be helpful in resolving internalized homophobia, is to
take a step back from yourself mentally and consider how your appearance,
ideas and behaviors compare to others in your new or self-determined
gender identity. How do you differ? How are you similar? Then compare
your appearances, ideas and behavior with those of gays and lesbians. Ask
other transgender persons about their experience sorting through these
issues. Ask non-transgendered people how they feel about the subject.
After having a chance to compare yourself with others then take a another
look in the mirror. Ask yourself more questions. How can I love that
person in the mirror? What healing is needed to help build my confidence?
How can I feel good about myself even if someone mistakes me for a gay or
lesbian? Surprising, these basic human questions are the same ones that
gays and lesbians must ask themselves when feeling with internalized
homophobia. This is true for those transgender men and women who also
identify as gay or lesbian. Somehow none of us escapes the process of
looking into the mirror, comparing ourselves with others, and continually
defining our gender identity and sexual orientation.
Gianna E. Israel provides nationwide telephone consultation, individual
and relationship counseling, evaluations and referrals. She is principal author
of the Recommended Guidelines for Transgender Care, writes Transgender Tapestry's
"Ask Gianna" column; is an AEGIS board member and HBIGDA member.
She can be contacted at (415) 558-8058, at P.O. Box 424447 San Francisco,
CA 94142, via e-mail at gianna@counselsuite.com or
visit her Web Site
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