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My Story: Samantha and Me

By Chris

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It all began about 9 years ago when I met this girl, Samantha, we were going out with each other (I think you might call it dating) for about two months and were getting on great. We were almost inseparable and were together all the time. Anyway, one evening in a busy bar in the centre of London she said she had something to tell me. I remember it perfectly, even now. She said that she had not wanted to go this long, but she liked me and was scared to tell me as she did not want us to split up.

Immediately a lot of things went through my mind: she was already married; she had children; she was moving away; etc. I asked her what it was and said not to worry as I could cope with it. She then asked me that although we had slept together did I not wonder why we had not made love? I was a bit surprised but told her we had agreed we were waiting for the time to be right and that we did not want to rush into anything we might regret later.

She stopped me and said that she did not let it happen because she was a pre-op transsexual. I sat there and thought for a minute and asked her what that was. I was a lot younger than I am now and did not have a clue what she meant. She then asked me if I knew what a sex change was. The penny dropped and I remember my words so well, "Do you mean that you want to become a boy?"

She laughed and said "No, I used to be a boy and still have something between my legs which boys do." I sat there for a minute and just said, "You have a prick?" She nodded trying not to look at me and not knowing what to say next while holding my hand. I just did not know what to do,

I got up and walked out of the bar and stood outside in what can only be described as a daze for a few minutes and then I walked off and caught the tube (subway to you yanks) home. After I got in I tried to work out what had happened. I had a million questions in my head none of which I could answer. I remember crying myself to sleep.

As the next day was a Sunday and I was not working, I did a lot more thinking and decided I must be gay (among other things). The next couple of days went by with me looking at guys, trying to see what I fancied about them. I realised there was nothing, so I was even more at a loss to know what to think. On the Tuesday I had a message from Samantha on my answerphone wanting to know if I was ok and asking me to call her.

I called on Thursday. She starting crying on the phone and asked if we could meet again. I still was not sure but agreed to meet in a bar in town again on Friday. She was there before I was and when I joined her all I could do was look at her to try and see a boy in her, which I could not. I asked her why she had done this to me? All she could say was that she was sorry. I asked some other silly questions, like, "Are you gay?" and did she enjoy doing this to which she suddenly started crying and ran out of the bar.

I ran after and stopped her in the street. She then buried her face in my shoulder saying "Sorry" and sobbing as well. The next thing I knew I was actually cuddling her and saying, "It's okay". I suddenly realised I loved her. We then went and sat and had another conversation where she told me so much in so little time, like how her family, apart from one sister had rejected her. Like how she had been treated differently as a child by the other children as she had stayed on her own most of the time, not wanting to join in with other boys, but not wanting to be seen with girls all the time. Like how she left home at 16, moved away and started to wear girls clothes and then got a job as a girl. She then told me that in 6 months she was going to have the operation and how she would be able to forget her previous life and be a full 100% woman.

Anyway we ended up staying together that night and the following night was the first time we had sex, I was amazed that it could happen, I was even more amazed when I actually saw her penis (until that moment I was still unable to believe her). We stayed together, me realising that I was not gay, also falling more and more in love. I remember how pleased she was when it was time for her operation, I visited her in the hospital every day, and when she was discharged I looked after her while she recuperated.

I remember the first time we had sex afterwards; it was about 6 to 8 weeks after her operation. It was strange, but enjoyable. A couple of weeks went by and she started quizzing me about the difference between her and other girls. I told her there was none, which was true. But she did not seem to believe me.

She then started going out weekends on her own, I soon found out that she was sleeping around. I confronted her and she said that as I knew she was once a boy, she wanted to prove to herself that she was now "all girl." I was devastated and finished with her.

A few months went by and she phoned me asking if we could meet up as friends for a drink. I said, "Sure, why not?" so we did. She told me she wanted to get back with me as all the other men had treated her like a piece of meat. I was not positive about doing it, but we got back together again and lasted about two weeks before the comments of me knowing her as a boy started again, which I never had. A

After a few more weeks we started to drift apart, and finally I could stand it no more and we broke up. About six months later I had a phone call from her sister's husband to say that Samantha had died of a drug overdose. Apparently she had started to take drugs and was getting more and more depressed. I went to her funeral. Her sister and brother-in-law were the only family members there. All told there was about 20 people attending. Afterwards we all went to a local bar for a couple of drinks. At the bar her sister told me that we were the only two people there who knew of Samantha's 'history', or so we thought.

One of the mourners was a girl named Caroline who said she had worked with Samantha about 5 years previously. We decided to meet up for a night out. We got on well and started seeing each other. One day Caroline told me that she, too, was a transsexual. This time I just burst out laughing and said "so what." She was post-op, but kept in touch with other transsexuals she had known over the years. Eventually she moved away, and now we have lost contact with each other.

Since then I have been out with both GG's and other TS's, but I still do not think of myself as gay as I have never been able to fancy a guy, or a TV.

Chris has a Personal Ad here at TGForum where you can contact him.

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