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The Woman Within
by Vanessa Kaye
Many of my dear friends within the transgender community speak of
creating the illusion of femininity.
They share tricks to project a more convincing image of being a woman
and of concealing our maleness. There are numerous
books, videos and magazine articles detailing such techniques. There are
also transformation services where, for a fee, they will
transform your appearance into that of a remarkably convincing woman.
Learning how to dress, and the techniques for
applying makeup are important to our outward appearance, and there is a
need for these. However, is that what this is all
about?
Are we seeking an illusion? Is our goal to project some image? What
really is the idea behind crossdressing and to what end
do we journey? Are you satisfied with projecting an image of womaness?
If you were hungry, would you be satisfied to
merely look at an image of a banquet? Wouldn't actually consuming the
food do more to satisfy your hunger? It is much the
same with crossdressing.
I have read stories from spouses of crossdressers which describe their
mate getting all dolled up and then sitting down with a
beer to watch a football game on television. There are also those who
simply appear as a man in a dress. Their mannerisms,
behavior and thoughts are the same as before their change of clothes.
Admittedly, they are crossdressed, yet where is the
woman within? Where is the kindness and gentleness that we so often
associate with women? Where is the transformation
that we speak of?
When one seeks to experience life, even temporarily, as a woman, it
should not be simply an outward appearance. As I think
about those sisters who seem most convincing to me in their femme
persona, I find some common traits. These sisters, who
actually appear to me as women, have a difference about them. First of
all, they are extremely comfortable in both their homme
and femme roles. Secondly, their inner selves are transformed long
before their outward appearance changes.
To crossdress, by definition, is simply an outward activity. It alters
only what one's eyes see. Is a woman only an external
projection or is she something much deeper? How can one transform both
their inner and outer selves to reach this level of
experiencing femininity? The answer, may seem somewhat paradoxical, yet,
it is a secret as old as time itself. This secret
applies not only to discovering the woman within, but also to
discovering the man within.
When a crossdresser focuses on the outside, there is no time or energy
left to change the inner self. The real key, or trick, to
fully experiencing one's woman within, is to simply let her emerge. All
of us, as crossdressers believe that there exist a
woman within us. If she is there, let her out.
If one tries to force someone to be something they are not, eventually,
there is great disappointment and disaster. So it is with
the woman within. If she does exist within you, she has a personality.
Try to discover what it is she likes. Let her become who
she is. Don't try to force upon her an image that you see in some
magazine or on the silver screen. Don't force her into some
imitation of someone else.
The true secret of discovering your woman within is to let her be. All
of us wish to be free to express our femme selves, this is
one of our primary goals. Yet, we often defeat ourselves. Whenever we
try to become something which we are not, we lose
what freedom we have. The moment we try to become our femme self, we
cease to be her. The inner transformation, which is
so vital, should be effortless, it should be as water emerging from a
spring deep within the ground.
In understanding the woman within us, a spontaneous transformation
begins. When we try to be what we think we should be,
there is no change at all, only a continuation of the same person in
different clothing. When one transforms their outward
appearance convincingly, yet gives no effort to transforming their inner
self, they become like a beautiful flower with no smell.
In letting our woman within emerge and become who she is, the outward
transformation will follow. Only when we are
transformed from the inside to the out will we be able to experience
this mysterious woman within us.
I often quote a saying from the great teacher, Krishnamurti, it has
helped me to understand my woman within as well as my
male self. I hope that it will be of some value to you.
The beauty of a rose is that it is,
what it is, without being something else.
Hugs,
Vanessa Kaye
Linda and Vanessa Kaye both write for Transgender
Forum on a regular basis. They also run the Couples Network , a safe place for couples to connect and learn more about living in a relationship with a transgender person. They have their own web site you may enjoy.
Linda and Vanessa have also written a book together:
"Life With Vanessa"
Straight talk about integrating transgenderism into a loving, caring and positive relationship.
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