
by Andee W
How many of us have wished that on Halloween we could abandon all our
fears and just be how we feel. This year I had the chance and decided
that life is indeed too short to let another "free pass" go by
without experiencing as much as possible. As a little background, our
office has celebrated the 'holiday' with afternoon costume parties
and refreshments for the past six years. Over that time I'd seen a
wide variety of folks dressed in the most outrageous outfits, with
more than a few CD'd. This year I decided that there was no good
reason that I couldn't be one of them.
Over the past two weeks I carefully shopped for a dress and
figured what else I could use from my existing wardrobe to create a
prize winning outfit. As the day approached I was anxious... this
would really be the first time that the folks in my new office would
see anything other than the conservative, staid accountant they were
used to. More than once I seriously thought of abandoning my plan. In
the end I was glad I didn't because I had one of the most interesting
times I've ever experienced.
The party was planned for a 2:00 p.m. start, but some people
arrived for work already costumed. This being "casual Friday" I was
dressed in my usual casual uniform, a button-down collar shirt and
khakis. I had work I needed to get done before the festivities
started, and met with a group early in the day who would later be
drop jawed in surprise at my transformation.
I was able to do a quick shave at lunch time and came back to the
office with about an hour to get ready. Oh the joys of a private
office! I had brought all my stuff to work earlier that day and had
just undressed and began to do my makeup when who but my boss knocks
on the door and wants to come in. I had placed a chair in front of
the door, and my heart about stopped when I heard the door begin to
open and hit the chair. Through the open gap I could see my boss's
face. Luckily the door quickly closed and I heard the comment that
"Oh, you're getting dressed. This can wait. I'll talk to you later."
I leisurely finished getting made up and dressed and anticipated what
I might expect when I opened the door.
Office lights are not the best for seeing what you're doing when
you put makeup on. I put on my bra and breast forms, hose and waist
cincher, and dress and heels. Without a full length mirror I just
checked everything again in what was available and cautiously opened
the door. The overhead fluorescent lights were now dimmed
night setting I suppose it's called and the desk lamps
reflecting around the room provided most of the illumination, kind of
like a dimly lit restaurant. I walked up the hallway toward a small
group of my co-workers and one started to speak: "Welcome to our
party. The food's up this way and the drinks are over there." It was
clear that she did not recognize me at first, and then her reaction
was priceless, and one that would be repeated many times that day: a
wide eyed stare; a dropped jaw; and the exclamation "ohhh mmmyyyy
Godddd!!!!" She and the others could not believe the new Andee. The
reaction and remarks from one of my male coworkers were memorable
too. He said "I saw this babe walking up and thought 'wow, she's hot'
and then Marsha said your name and I couldn't believe it... there's a
lot worse looking women than you."
As I started to mingle I have to say I fell into a comfortable
mode, much like when I'm out with my TG friends. I was careful with
my walk and mannerisms and spoke more softly, maybe to draw the
unsuspecting into my snare. I attracted a group of about six women
who after being surprised settled into a small talk conversation I
had never had with them before. One of them noticed and remarked
"...well it's as if you're one of the girls now," at which the others
laughed and agreed. As time progressed and more folks arrived I was
drafted to be the unofficial welcomer at the door, which only
provided more opportunities for double takes. One co-worker from
another office remarked "honey, you got a lot of jealous women here
who wouldn't look as good in that dress as you do." This was another
comment I heard more than once - that my proportions and appearance
made me look better than the typical 40s-ish woman. One of our young
secretaries said "you look so much younger like this."
As I was walking from group to group I would get unsolicited
pointers from the ladies on how I should walk with more swing in my
hips. I was having a blast. The costume contest was set to begin and
all those who had dressed up were called to the front of the room. An
"impartial" group of judges had been preselected, and they announced
their results, starting with the third prize winner and gradually
working up to the grand prize. I was milking this to the extreme with
one of the other contestants, a secretary. We reacted like
beauty-pageant contestants together as each award was announced and
had the crowd in stitches. My name had not been called and the
thought raced through my mind that maybe this wasn't a good idea...
the judges wouldn't pick a CDer as the winner... and then I heard my
name called as the grand prize winner and the remark, "...the best
we've seen." No tiara, but applause and some horror videos were the
rewards for all my preparation. I started to mingle again and had one
of my male co-workers remark that I "looked too good" to only do this
once a year. I kiddingly said to him "the only time I crossdress is
when I come to work in my suit and tie." I did get a lot of questions
on how "a man" could do his own makeup I had previously acted
and learning to do your own makeup was part of the job and on
what undergarments were used to create the female illusion. To this I
responded by gesturing to my chest "what do you mean? This is all me,
the WonderBra really works!"
Later in the day I overheard someone authoritatively repeating
this "urban legend;" "I heard there isn't any padding up there, it's
all real." The other big questions concerned shoes; how did I get
them? How did I walk in them? Where did I get them? How much did they
cost? How about my dress? I was walking up the hall with one of my
co-workers and she told me how much she liked my dress and how well
it fit. She then floored me when she asked if I'd be willing to lend
it to her for a special date. I said a noncommittal "we'll see," and
imagined her explaining to her husband who she borrowed the new dress
from.
One of the other offices in the building also had a big party
going on, with music and everything, and a group of costumed revelers
from our party headed out that way. There were many people there from
my old office who had seen Andee earlier at previous Halloween
parties, and so there were not as many surprised gape-jawed looks,
but still, a few. Here I got drafted into another contest, won
another prize, and was pulled into doing a lip-synch to a Dianna Ross
song with two of the secretaries as my backup. To have an audience
following your every move and then having a round of applause was
well worth feeling more than a little embarrassed.
One of my peers began to engage me in a conversation about a work
related topic when she said, "Whoa, stop. I'm not having this
conversation.. I can not connect the answers with the body speaking
them.. We need to talk when things are back to normal." We both
laughed, and as the party started to wind down one of the guys agreed
to escort me out (to a round of applause) and I headed back to my
office.
I had one more adventure ahead of me that was even more
challenging than climbing four flights of stairs in heels. When I
entered our office my boss grabbed my arm and said "we just have to
show you to the CEO." Then we were off around the corner to "mahogany
row." I have known this man for 13 years, and have worked for him for
the last 5, and to say I was more than a little anxious was not an
exaggeration. As we talked with his secretary I'm imagining "well
there goes the ol' career," and then we were buzzed in. He rose and
came toward me extending his hand with a look I'd seen many times as
he had previously welcomed a lady into his office. As my boss began
to talk about the costume contest the recognition factor, connected
with our functional area, made him realize he had met this person
before, and then it dawned on him. "Andy? Is that you?" He laughed
harder than I've heard him laugh in a while, and said that seeing me
was "just what he needed to cheer him up" after a bad day.
We left, hopefully with my career not in shambles, and headed back
to the office where things were winding down and folks starting to
clean up. I went to my office, closed the door, and started to take
my makeup off when another of my co-workers knocked and asked if
Andee couldn't come out just once more. At this point there was no
way to get repaired, so I said no, and gradually transformed back
into the staid accountant. As I opened the door and came out of the
office the reaction on people's faces was that things were back
"right in the world" again. The young secretary who remarked
favorably on how I looked earlier said kiddingly "I like you better
as a girl."
As I drove home I thought, had I in a larger sense
made any openings into acceptance and tolerance for the transgendered
in this small slice of corporate America. I hoped I had been a good
representative of who we are. If nothing else, I knew I had one of my
best times with only confidence and a positive attitude as my
companions on what was truly a dreamlike experience.
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