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Susan Cinclair

From An Irish Sister

My Christmas Adventure

By Susan Sinclair

A couple of months ago I came across a new fashion boutique in Dublin whose owner, Terri, was apparently happy to cater for TVs. You can make an appointment and visit her in private, which I arranged to do. Having changed and put on my make-up in the darkness of the car-park to the rear of her premises (a practice I would not, incidentally, recommend if you are looking for perfect eyeliner application!) I arrived dressed to the front of her shop and rang the door-bell. My slight nervousness was exacerbated when Terri, on answering the door to me, seemed to become flustered and hesitant about letting me in! With some relief on my part (and quite a "kick"!), it quickly emerged that she was wondering how she was going to get rid of what she took to be a real girl, as she realised that "Susan" would be arriving at any moment for her appointment. She was genuinely taken aback by how convincing I looked. I loved her immediately!

Anyway, we have since become very good friends and she invited me to go for a drink with her and a friend the week before Christmas. This was to be in a regular bar near her shop so I decided to make a special effort to make myself presentable. I hired a beautiful new wig specially for the occasion, and dressed in a shortish velvet skirt, a silk wrap blouse over which I wore my stylish three-quarter length navy woollen coat. I took a lot of care with my make-up and accessories, at the end of which I was really pleased, and excited, with the result in my mirror.

Terri lives on the other side of town from me so I faced a six-mile drive for our rendezvous. About half way there, traffic slowed to a virtual halt. As I inched along, stuck behind a double-decker bus, I wondered what was causing the delay. It became clear all too quickly. Being pre-Christmas week, the Gardai (Police) had set up a drunk-driving check point! While my confidence had really been boosted by my 'deception' of Terri, my heart sank in the knowledge that I could not possibly pass a police scrutiny, not to mention any conversation. There was nothing I could do. I was clearly visible from the checkpoint, and to do a U-turn would have had a squad car chasing after me immediately. As I moved forward, I desperately tried to decide what I should do, but arrived at the checkpoint still mesmerized with indecision and near panic.

I came to a halt and lowered my windscreen as a Garda (policeman) sauntered over towards me. My last hope of a cheery wave-on after a glance at my tax and insurance discs evaporated! What happened next still seems like a dream.

I gave him a beaming smile as he squatted down, eyeball to eyeball, two feet away from me. I can't honestly remember the initial conversation, but I remained so composed I could hardly believe it. I half spoke, half whispered in as soft a tone as I could manage (which is something I must really practice more) in what, was without doubt, a distinctly flirty conversation! I couldn't help but notice that his eyes were drawn to my knees and the exposed part of my thighs, thankfully shaven and clad in 5 denier black stockings, as he spoke. Having dispensed with festive greetings and warnings about the dangers of driving with drunken (other) drivers about, he suggested that I move my handbag from the passenger seat, in case it should be snatched when I stopped at lights or whatever. "After all, we don't want you to get a fright, do we Miss?'', he said. If only he knew what a fright I'd had already. He waved me on with a big smile, wishing me a safe journey and a Happy Christmas. I drove calmly on to Terri's, only starting to shake when I was safely inside her door as the post-traumatic shock finally caught up with me !

On reflection, the episode has been a real boost to my confidence in passing as a woman - and a rather attractive woman at that! If I'd thought about it earlier, my biggest fear would have been being "read" in a situation in which it could have got me into trouble - such as with being discovered by the police. But not any more!

Susan Sinclair
"Clothes maketh the woman...
but a good wig helps!"
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