 |
One to
One
With Cindy Martin
Transgender Forum Publisher
© Transgender Forum
Got a news tip? Seen a story with a TG angle to it?
Don't assume we know about it already.
Email Cindy and she'll spread the news! |
June 29, 1998
 ho is really transsexual?
One of the more interesting fallouts of the horrible shooting of a therapist by her TG client in San Diego this month has been a renewal of a question often whispered, and sometimes shouted, in the community: Exactly who is an "authentic" transsexual?
From some of the mail I've received since the original report on the case, I've gathered that there is a school of thought among some TSs that Julia Kate Morgan, the TG who shot and killed therapist Rita Powers, wasn't really a transsexual. It was widely reported that she was a TS, both in Transgender Forum and in other media. Morgan was called a transsexual because that was what she said she was, according to people who knew her. But some have argued that the stories were unfair to transsexuals because Morgan wasn't really TS.
This argument seems to be based on information that Morgan wasn't living full-time as a woman, but was working as a male at the time of the shooting. To recap: Morgan shot Powers because Powers refused to give her the necessary paperwork needed to see the surgeons. Morgan was on hormones but some have contended that the failure to live full-time was in itself proof that wasn't really TS. Instead, it has been claimed, she was just a deeply disturbed person who had deluded herself into thinking she was transsexual.
I'll concede that Morgan was nuts. And whether or not she was or was not full-time is revealing, but what nags me much more about this whole case is who decides whether or not a person is TS: the doctor or the patient?
Making Us Look Bad
Shortly after this ugly story broke, friends of Morgan were interviewed on local television and in print. Not surprisingly they got a fair amount of hate mail for this. What may surprise you is that the hate mail didn't come from Joe Sixpack rednecks, but from other transsexuals.
This kind of reaction would be out of line any time, but more so in this case. I'm sure for some of the hate-mailers it was just a knee-jerk reaction out of the concern that commenting on the story only made it only bigger. But it doesn't really work that way in the media.
Whether Morgan's friends said something would not have much effect on the play of this story, which wasn't that big outside of San Diego. Even there it was only a bit more than a news brief because it was so unusual. But let's not overworry this incident. The public's perception of transsexuals isn't changed by one bizarre, isolated, crime like this. It is changed by personal interaction with people they meet or know. If they hated TSs before, they hate them still. If they had no opinion or were favorable towards TSs they haven't changed their view, certainly not because of this.
But I think there was another reason for the hate mail.
It's pretty obvious that some people resented the whole story because they feel they are being tarred because of the actions of someone who wasn't really one of them.
Morgan, like many others, self-diagnosed as a transsexual. She thought she was TS, so she started doing TS things: getting into a TS-only support group, seeing Powers, taking hormones, setting a surgery date. This is pretty normal. Unfortunately for her, Powers didn't think she was a good candidate, didn't think she fit the profile. I can understand why this would anger Morgan, it would anger anyone. Most people would simply go to another, friendlier therapist. But Morgan was obsessed and became a ticking bomb.
Deja Vu All Over Again
What positively flattened me about this whole story was how many people I know, and have known, who were just like Morgan. The obsession with being transsexual and having surgery, the frustrations with the whole process, the single-minded determination to get it all done fast, was so depressingly familiar. Actually, as I think about it, maybe it was because the story felt so familiar that it upset so many people. I know that among my own friends and colleagues the reaction was pretty universal: "heard that one before." The big difference of course, was the violence. TSs are not violent people.
Once upon a time I used to try and talk people out of hormones, SRS and the like. With one exception, a very close friend, I no longer do that.
I've come to the view that if a person tells me they are transsexual then they are. I'm simply not in a position to say that this person is authentic and this one is not. I don't really care if you are 6-foot-4, 240 lbs. and couldn't pass with a face transplant. If you say you are transsexual, then you are. Now, I may tell you that taking hormones illegally is dumb and I won't put directions to illegal hormone websites on TG Forum, but beyond that you are on your own. We're all adults here and have to take responsibility for our own lives, don't we?
Not so long ago I used to think that those who espoused on-demand TS services were dangerous radicals. These folks contend that people have a right to do whatever they want with their bodies and that gatekeepers like therapists and surgeons should give them drugs and surgery on demand.
I don't think they are so radical any more.
 indy's Tip of the Month: Vitamin E. A couple of months ago we carried a story here that researchers had discovered that Vitamin E, applied directly to the skin, will reduce the onset of wrinkles and can even diminish the appearance of existing ones. A lot of people, including my mother-in-law, have known this about Vitamin E for many years. In fact, at her prodding I was once quite religious about using it. People used to always pay me compliments about my skin. Then I got lazy.
Now, I'm back on the VE bandwagon and I have to tell you: this stuff is great for acne too. Yes, it's very thick and heavy, but try it overnight for a few nights and see if you aren't convinced. My routine now is to bite off the end of a gel cap, smear a bit on areas I want to improve and swallow the rest. It's a great anti-oxidant, which is important if you're concerned about skin damage (and who isn't?)
One other skin related tip: having nice skin is a great reason to stop smoking. 'Nuff said.
 hop Notes: If you're a chat room regular you know that we've opened our chat rooms up to everyone, including nonmembers. So far, with a few isolated complaints, it seems to be working out fine. I was concerned that we'd have a lot of lurkers and trolls coming into our free area, but it turns out not to be that way. Besides, it is extremely easy to "disappear" an annoying person in our system.
What has instead happened is a lot of folks have discovered TGForum and, more important, TGFs incredible chat regulars. They have got to be the most welcoming, wonderful people I've ever had the privilege to know. Well-done ladies and gents...
I am looking for a member who would like to volunteer to coordinate our topics leaders and guest speakers. If you think you would enjoy being the den mother for our chat areas drop me a line and we'll see if something can work out.
May 25, 1998
 will admit it: I love going to transgender conventions.
The recent California Dreamin' in San Francisco was a deliciously fun event for me and very well-done, particularly compared to the two prior Cal Dreamin's. It was first class all the way.
Now I should explain something about conventions and me. While I used to go to them to actually attend seminars, particularly when I was doing a lot of volunteer work with ETVC in San Francisco, for the last few years I've basically gone to show the TGF flag, meet old and new friends, gossip and generally socialize.
LOTS of TGF people were there, far too many to mention here, but to each and everyone I want to say how much I enjoyed seeing you.
A few interesting vignettes from the convention:
Drag Queen Rude
Some people are just so incredibly full of themselves...Prior to the Saturday night show I was chatting with Beverly Williams, whose pictorial ran here just last week, and Kalani, a lovely member who was a top competitor in the ETVC Cotillion this year. Both are gorgeous and extremely bright.
I was discussing Kalani's future as a police officer and in mid-sentence a TG I'd never met or seen before tapped me on the shoulder and demanded, not asked, that I take her picture. OK, no big deal, she was probably just a little excited. So, I excused myself, took the camera and was about to take her picture when she wordlessly waved me off, quite dismissively, took the camera and said, "I'll ask you again when I'm ready."
Yeah.
So back I went to my two friends. And sure enough, she came back and said "Take my picture now". I said, OK. And, while I admit I was greatly tempted to add a little motion blur to the photo, I didn't. Instead, I took the picture. And gave her the camera back. Not a word. No thank you, nothing. Only thing was, I forgot to mention to her that all the film was used up. But she probably is used to shooting a lot of blanks.
Elevator Fun
As anyone who has been to one of these things can tell you, travelling in the elevators is part of the fun. Even in San Francisco, it's possible to get a double-take, especially if you're wearing thigh high vinyl boots, a black leather mini, long curly blonde wig and have to bend down to avoid hitting the door.
Now honestly, anyone, including me, is going to be a little suprised to see someone dressed like this in a major hotel. But to their credit the Australian tourists who were with me when this vision entered the car were very cool while she was there. Not a word, though you could cut the tension with a knife because no one wanted to hurt anyone's feelings. When the hooker-wannabe finally left the wife turned to her husband and said with a sly look: "they must still be celebrating Carnival here." Which got us all chucking. I know that Sydney has a big Carnival in the late winter and so I asked them if that's where they were from. Sure enough, they were.
"We've seen it before," the wife said. "She's a little taller than most but at least the skirt was covering most of her up." To which her husband cracked: "You weren't paying attention."
Ricki and Me
Gorgeous Ricki Weaver and I went for a nice afternoon walk, which can be a little bit of a challenge in SF with its hills, and on this day, its wind. This was really a highlight for me, because conventions, like parties, are difficult places to have substantial conversations.
During one of our interesting chats this really whacked out looking guy came walking past and cheery as can be said "Hi Ricki!" to my walking mate. I sort of was wondering about Ricki's interesting choice in friends when she realized something all should remember when at a convention in San Francisco : wearing your name tag isn't required on Polk Street...Believe me, they'll get familiar with you without it.
Argument Clinic
Veronica Smith is one smart person. We've roomed together at a convention and she is a lot of fun to engage in discussion because she is so intellignet and well-read. Me, I'm a dummy, so I like hanging with smarties.
Veronica mentioned to me that she had seen a television talk show (uh-oh) in which the husband declared to a hostile audience that he wanted to take hormones. Next to him, Veronica recalled, sat his incredibly overweight wife who was playing the victim perfectly, telling the audience and host that she hadn't agreed to marry a woman, etc. etc. You've heard it before.
The audience ripped this poor man. Mercilessly, according to Miss V.
Then Veronica said something that was hugely interesting: she said that no one seemed to be wondering whether the guy had ever bargained to marry a woman who was 200 pounds overweight. She had changed her body, probably without his permission, so why weren't people asking her about her right to do that?
Now I should say that it wasn't clear to me that this woman had been skinny when they'd married and then added all the weight, but presuming that happened, I told Veronica I thought the argument was nonsensical. You can always lose weight, you can't easily undo hormones, I said.
Not true, she said. Stop taking hormones and most of the effects will go away, but that wasn't the point, she argued. The point was that it was socially more acceptable for the wife to change her body dramatically then for the male to change his body dramatically. Yes and no, I said, being extremely overweight in this culture is to risk severe social marginalization. Then too, taking hormones ISN'T just about appearance, or shouldn't be. It is about gender identity and I think that goes a bit deeper. Marriage too should be built on something a bit more substantial than body type.
Still her point was, is, a strong one. Particularly in the context in which she raised it: the man being berated for wanting to change his body while the wife, who had apparently already changed hers, was never called to account. I'm still thinking about this one...
Diahanna and Melissa
These two wonderful friends were both in boy mode at the convention. Diahanna, who hasn't been feeling well of late, looked better. Melissa, who always seems to be wearing a smile, gently stood by as we chatted on a bench. Diahanna, one of the founders of ETVC, and Melissa are best known to you as the creators of TGStars, that fabulous photo collection of modern drag stars that runs here in TGF every third Monday.
When dressed, these two are very, very dangerous. Among the best looking babes in the whole community. But even in guy mode they are just a joy to be around. Both have worked tremendously hard for this community and neither has ever gotten the recognition they deserve. It was lovely seeing both.
Worst Speech
Nancy Nangeroni, who is great on her Gender Talk Radio show, gave what had to be one of the worst speeches I've ever heard at a TG convention, or for that matter, anywhere else. At an event notable for terrible stemwinders, this was the mother of the them all. It was a very long, wandering thing that had people muttering for hooks and worse to get her off the stage. Finally, Jamie Faye Fenton gave Nancy the universal sign for cutting the thing off and mercifully, she did.
The speech I've forgotten, but after it was really obvious that she'd puked it, Nancy took all the criticism with marvelous grace and charm. That I like.
Giving a speech is no picnic. It is a very, very different form of communication and Nancy, who is terrific with people one on one, just doesn't have those chops. That's ok. She's young, thin, pretty, smart and energetic. That's a damn sight more than most of us!
 ay 29, 1998, Fox Network: Jerry Springer, "Secret Transsexuals Confess." So, do you think he'll be his usual sensitive self?
I knew Springer way back when he was in politics in Cincinnati, Ohio, way before he gained talkshow fame as a confrontational jerkweed. As they say in the cartoons: "What a maroon!"
|