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Outted Bigtime on the Job

By Jayne Nichole

"John, do you have a Web site? Well, there are some pictures being passed around of you in that green dress. My husband had Bill show him one, but he didn't believe it was you. I just wanted you to know what is going on."

What a way to start your day when one of your confidants at work lets you know you've been outted - bigtime to everyone. What would you do if someone you barely knew started printing up pictures of you and passing them out?

Well, this is what happened to me. Someone broke into my server space by using the tilde (-) before my email address, which works to show the directory of the account. The person involved is a member of a very right wing military group that has made some national headlines at times. This made things a little stickier than normal, if you can call having your pictures sent around work as normal.

A little background is in order to visualize the magnitude of my outting. I work for a major manufacturer of automobiles, currently in the capacity of an engineer. I did work, however, as a supervisor. I also worked almost all the departments in the facility and on all shifts. Most of the people, several thousand, know me or have worked for me directly. I was popular when I was in supervision and had many people who wanted to work for me, especially on overtime, who wouldn't work overtime for anyone else.

The good news is that personnel already knew about Jayne and my being TS. I volunteered my services as an outreach coordinator for my support group to them for any employees that may need help in this area. Personnel was glad to have me as a resource as they and other locations in the region didn't have anyone to contact on Transgender issues. They came to me the next day and asked if I was aware of what was going on and showed me one of the pictures. Aside from that, they also asked if I wanted to transition, as it would be a "good" time to. Even though I would love to transition, I'm just not ready, physically (mentally, yes!), to effect a good transition (need more electrolysis *groan* among other things). Also I've kids in High School and want to wait for them to finish.

Personnel and I met several times over the next couple days and had planned to have an awareness meeting for my work group and maybe some others. My wife (yes, I'm married) had offered to come to work with me as a show of her support and dispel some of the more flagrant rumors. We were planning to do the meeting in two parts, one without me present to discuss Transgender awareness to allow open, unhindered discussion. The other part would be with my wife and I present to answer any questions that were asked of myself. I was also to stay over for those who wanted to ask about things, but weren't comfortable in front of the group. The meetings were set aside when the information came in about the right wing group as too risky for my own and my family's safety. We didn't want it to adversely affect our kids, (yes, they know) who go to the local school, by way of their classmates (kids can be cruel). Currently I don't go several places at work where I used to go alone unless I'm escorted. This was another recommendation. Curiously, this is what the women at our place do anyway, and I was one who escorted them *grin*.

Getting back to the attitude of the people I work with, over half of those here have worked for me or with me, and the rest definitely know me. That amounts to several thousand people that now know about Jayne, or at least have seen her pictures. I could have run and hid from my co-workers, let them think whatever they desired of me, and given credibility to the rumors that were floating around. Instead I made up a packet of recent family and personal photos, a copy of the Web site, and my "carry letter". I keep this folder with me wherever I go at work. Anyone who asks is shown the packet and has his or her questions answered as honestly and fully as I can. I present photos of my family first to set the tone, proceed with the web site, and then the carry letter. The personal photographs of myself are shown last. I do have a group of people who knew about me already and they helped to dispel any myths. I asked them to help with this or, if they weren't that comfortable, just to tell the person to ask me directly.

I've had numerous people come up to me, mostly women, and offer their support. I've been invited to go on the next out of town casino excursion with one group of women and to a "girls night out" with some others. I've even had a few offer some clothing they don't need anymore, including one friend who is dieting and is offering her old wardrobe to me. I've not had a bad response yet from any of the women at work. Men are a different thing however. Again, I've had support from some male friends and no really negative responses, but all of these were done privately and without any other men around. That macho thing is in place when there are other males present for most of them. They just don't acknowledge in public their support and just keep it to themselves when the issue comes up with other guys.

Anyway, I go about my job just as before. This is not what the "outter" thought would happen and probably has him puzzled. People wave hello at me and talk just as they did before the outting. The only difference is that I can tell them, if I want or it comes up in general conversation, about my weekend without worrying about gender issues. If I was at a convention, a club, or whatever, I can tell them about it. It's really nice not to have to worry about slipping up. I don't have to hide anymore.

No, I still don't wear skirts to work, but, looking at the bright side, a couple more nearby shopping malls have opened up to me! One final thought however. If you have a Web page of yourself, try and keep any photos updated! I just wish mine was as the photos were all about a year old and not my current best *smile*. That red wig just isn't me anymore (especially now that I don't wear wigs anymore)!

You can email Jayne Nichole. She invites your comments and questions.



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