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By Julie Freeman


Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box 272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885 .

Difficult Times

Many times I have told significant others that crossdressing really pales in importance when you have health or financial problems, etc. Wives and partners would nod and agree but still feel disgruntled that crossdressing had become a part of their lives. It mattered not that they were not victims of spousal harassment or drug abuse; they still were not willing to open their minds to gender issues.

Well, just recently I realized how very true my statement was. I would hope that others would not have to have similar experiences before they too realize that crossdressing issues are mild in comparison.

Our family has been hit with illness, medical complications, and most recently, the death of close friends. It seems that this has been a particularly difficult time. It has made us realize how fragile life is. At any time, accidents can happen and illness can rear its ugly head.

But for so much of our lives, we take health and good fortune for granted. We come to expect it and find any disruption to this condition to be intolerable. But in reality disruptions to our normal routine are common and can range from being simply annoying at least to most devastating at worst. Just read any newspaper or listen to any news broadcast and you know that difficult times are common and frequent.

So where does finding out about crossdressing fall? It would depend on the person, of course, and his/her previous experience with disruption to normal routine, particularly difficult times.

For those wives who have suffered through job loss with their spouses or illness of children probably find crossdressing issues mild in comparison. Those wives who have led fairly secure and peaceful lives probably find crossdressing issues frightening and bewildering. Those wives who have faced horrendous medical issues or loss of family members or close friends probably find crossdressing issues of little significance.

Although most of us are aware on an intellectual level that life is a series of ups and downs (emotionally, financially, etc.), it is still very difficult when our lives are interrupted, particularly when we have no control over the disruptions.

Hopefully over time we learn to distinguish between minor annoyances and major traumas.

(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)



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