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External Homophobia #23
By Gianna E. Israel
©1998 Gianna E. Israel
GENDERARTICLES This syndicated column by Gianna E. Israel is
regularly featured on the 3rd Monday of each month in TG-Forum, the
Internet's respected weekly transgender magazine. (http://www.tgforum.com/)
Several weeks later each column is forwarded to Usenet transgender groups,
AOL's Transgender Community Forum (Keyword "TCF"), and translated for Dutch
readership (Transformatie). GenderArticles may be reprinted insofar as each
column, introduction and author contact information remains unaltered.
Are men and women with gender issues required to deal with those issues
effecting gays and lesbians? Yes, absolutely. There are many issues
existing that effect both transgender persons and gays and lesbians. The
most insidious and divisive of which is homophobia. Homophobia is an
irrational fear or dislike of gays and lesbians. Moreover, it is an
intense misunderstanding of who gays and lesbians are, based on
stereotypes, misinformation and ignorance.
At times homophobia is acted out in open discrimination, harassment and
violence. Homophobia is however, more commonly acted out in a less direct
fashion, in such a matter that does not actually victimize another person,
but leaves the person acting it out not feeling very healthy or balanced.
Subtle, indirect and passive-aggressive types of homophobia is something
that comes from within a person. It may not always be directly expressed,
but it is felt.
Anger and fear is the most obvious root of homophobia, this would also
include transgender persons. Are transgendered individuals so emotionally
brittle that they would act on a homophobic impulse? You bet! Many
transgender person are madder than hell that society has stomped on them,
and they fully intend to make others pay. The most common way one
victimized party supposedly makes itself feel more validated is to put
others down. Others dont act it out, but they definitely feel it.
The more subtle, underlying dynamic which makes both direct and indirect
homophobia possible are differences between people. Transgender
individuals are vastly different from gays and lesbians. We primarily
deal with gender identity issues. Gays and lesbians, on the other hand,
deal primarily with sexual orientation issues. Is there really that wide
a canyon between gender identity and sexual orientation issues?
Certainly. Read further for some thoughts to consider.
With the exception of gay or lesbian-identified transgender persons, most
transgender persons typically spend a great deal of time impressing upon
others that they are not gay or lesbian. To wit, cross-dressers
frequently make a concerted effort to impress upon their spouses they are
not interested in same-sex encounters. As well, transsexuals frequently
must spend a great deal of time answering non-transgendered assumptions.
Youre gay, right? No, Im a transgender woman. Continuously responding to
those types of questions can get very tiring for people who wish to keep
personal lives private.
Direct incidents of transphobia (hatred and misunderstanding of
transgender persons) can also feed homophobia. For example, although I
have gay and lesbian friends and colleagues, I occasionally have found
myself dealing with the preceding dynamic. I reside in progressive San
Francisco, yet I've also personally encountered transphobia blatant enough
to turn the warmest heart stone cold.
During the early 1980s when having a transgender identity was less
accepted by gays and lesbians, there were a variety of occasions I was
verbally harassed or physically attacked by these persons. How dare you
make us gays look bad by living as a woman. You have to leave, this may
be the Castro, but we don't serve your type of person in this business.
Words hurt, but so did the spit, rocks and bottles I had thrown at me by
hostile gay men. Such attacks these days would not be considered
politically correct, although I still hear of those situations occurring
from time to time.
Naturally at the time I discussed the transphobia I experienced with those
gays and lesbians I considered supportive. They assured me that not all
gays and lesbians hated transgender people. Despite those consoling words
a deep anger remained inside of me. I found that this anger came out
at the most inconvenient times. When I encountered
petty acts of transphobia from gays or lesbians, I would throw a
big fit! Can you image a full grown therapist throwing temper tantrums in
public? These feelings arose most frequently when I was minding my own
business, and I encountered a gay couple who was not content to leave me
alone.
Loudly and dramatically, one of them would make an derogatory
statement. Hey you over there...Miss Thang you ain't fooling no one.
These persons obviously had become accustomed to San Francisco's freedoms
for gays and lesbians, and believed that included harassing other minority
groups. As a result of this I grew to resent seeing two gay men holding
hands, or seeing a gay man who was putting on an appearance of straightness at
work in order to reap the riches of mingling unnoticed in a heterosexual
environment. Seeing these people angered me, particularly while
transgender persons were still struggling with basic human rights.
Over time I got really tired of feeling anger over these issues. I also
recognized that others from our community often dealt with the same issue,
just in different ways. I found myself asking a question. How would I
advise a client dealing with a similar issue? My answer was pretty easy
to understand. It is possible to hate a person's behavior and still
care that the person who victimizes others is also human. They are a
human who is hurting, just like all of us do at times. They, in fact,
may be hurting so bad they cannot see they are hurting others.
I have thought about this issue over the years. It doesn't take a lot of
energy for a complete stranger to harass another stranger. We are
biologically predestined to immediately notice differences in others.
Noticing differences warns of us impeding danger and potential hostility.
During less sophisticated epochs, basic survival meant either running from
or attacking anything that looked different. Regrettably, our civilized
culture has not advanced that much, when one person will initiate a verbal
attack in order to avoid being spotted as different him or herself.
For myself, I knew that disliking someone's behavior was appropriate. I
also knew that disliking a person because they are different was a natural
reaction. However, it didn't mean I needed to react without
sophistication. I could go about my business, and when I saw different
types of people I could wish them well as long as they left me alone.
And, when harassed, rather than pointing out someone's differentness, I
could point out that their behavior was hurtful and wrong when they
disrespected my space.
If after numerous years I am still examining such issues, I can imagine
some of my readers are also. The best advice I have if someone harasses
you, is to tell them to take that chaos down the street. Be assertive,
don't argue. Do not disrespect that persons differences no matter how much
you dislike their behavior.
Gianna E. Israel provides nationwide telephone consultation, individual
and relationship counseling, evaluations and referrals. She is principal author
of the Recommended Guidelines for Transgender Care, writes Transgender Tapestry's
"Ask Gianna" column; is an AEGIS board member and HBIGDA member.
She can be contacted at (415) 558-8058, at P.O. Box 424447 San Francisco,
CA 94142, via e-mail at gianna@counselsuite.com or
visit her Web Site
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