To Feel Like A Woman
By Linda Kaye
Ever wonder what it is that makes a woman FEEL like a woman? I got to
thinking about this and decided to sit down and make a list of things I
find make me feel feminine:
1) Watching myself in a mirror as I apply make-up and fix my hair. Long
an aficianado of eyeliner, I go without it just long enough to take off
the old and put on the new. Make-up transforms the coccoon into the
butterfly and in my mind, a gift from the Creator!
2) A new dress or outfit. I relish the feel of putting on something new -
there's much pleasure in showing off your new clothes - and even more
pleasure when you receive a compliment!
3) Stockings and heels - in my current job, it simply isn't functional or
even safe to wear even short heels. Most of my co-workers dress for the
weather and for a manufacturing environment, even those in clerical
positions. However, I enjoy wearing stockings (pantyhose) and continue to
do so, as well as wear feminine-looking clothing. I inadvertantly bought
some control top pantyhose last week, to my dismay. I generally hate the
feel of control tops, but for some reason, this time, I didn't feel bound
and claustophobic in them and they actually feel good. I can't explain
it, I am simply enjoying it!
4) Sexy lingerie - panties and bras - oooooh - I love it! Lingerie has
long had a soft spot in my heart. I adore sexy underwear - it really
gives me a sense of femininity when I know my bra is low-cut and lacy, and
that I'm wearing a flimsy pair of panties - wow, I think Frederick's of
Hollywood is a God!
5) Sexy nightshirts. I am addicted to satiny nightshirts. I recently
bought one with real lace at the neck and hem and I feel feminine,
desireable, sexy when I wear it.
6) A bath after work. I bathe at least twice a day. Recently, with my
partner away for three days, I skipped the after-work bath for two nights.
I was amazed at how much I missed the warmth of the soft, scented water
(scented bath beads are wonderful!), and the soft, clean feeling of my
skin as I dry off. An evening bath, in scented, soft and warm water is a
relaxation of both the body and the soul. Add a glass of white wine and
some soft music in the bathroom, and you are in heaven.
7) Painting my
toenails. I love to look at nicely painted toes - really makes me feel
womanly.
8) Making love with clothes on! For years, I was under the impression
that lovemaking was always done naked or not at all. Lingerie, if at all
worn, came off within minutes and was thrown uncerimoniously on the floor.
Fortunately, my partner has taught me about the delights of satin and
lace, and even plain cotton while making love. There is a thrill at
slowly finding your way through layers, discovering a stockinged leg or a
satin panty, to feel a breast through the lace of the bra. Indeed, I've
discovered that making love with clothes on is far more erotic than
stripping butt nekid. Lovemaking is far more in the mind and senses than
in the skin and what a delight to discover a better way to do it!
9) Wine and candlelight. There is a lot to be said for the romanticism of
candlelight and a glass of good wine. Not only are they relaxing and
gentle the mood, they are also a great aphrodisiac!
10) Enjoying time with myself. This is a very important part of being
feminine. It is simply liking who I am, doing good things for myself,
feeling at ease with just me. It is knowing that happiness, in my life,
comes from within me - my happiness is my responsibility.
Well, I could go on and on about what makes me feel feminine, womanly,
happy. Being a woman and encompassing femininity is far more involved
than what I have listed, and it is as individualized as many times as
there are women in the world. However, an interesting side-line to all of
this is that my transgendered partner, a male to female crossdresser,
enjoys all of what I have listed, and more. In other words, femininity is
not limited to birth-gender; rather, it is an expression of emotions that
can easily come from the opposite gender.
This concept is often frightening to spouses and partners. For some
reason, it often threatens their personal femininity and womanhood. I
have to ask that if this jealousy occurs, is it because the woman does
not have a true sense of who she is, and that there is a possible lack of
self-esteem? I know that in the years that I have worked with wives and
partners of transgendered men, I have seen countless women who are
frightened that they are not womanly enough, that in some way, they lack
the femininity needed to please their man. This is extraordinarily sad,
and even sadder, is far more commonplace than one would assume.
I am in no way threatened by my husband's expressions of his feminine
side. The most surprising part of my story is that it is my husband who
has taught me how to really enjoy my own femininity. By observing my
husband's expression of his feminine side, I have come to appreciate those
seemingly insignificant joys that I had previously taken for granted.
If my husband has a feminine persona, then I would consider myself very
petty to condemn this expression, simply because I thought it might, in
some way, compromise or compete with, my own feminine nature. The
expression of femininity is a individual, highly personal thing, something
that should never be compromised by jealousy or abuse. Just as I believe
that my inner spirit must be allowed freedom to grow and flourish, so too
do I believe that my husband's feminine side must also have such freedom.
It is fortunate that our relationship is based on honesty and appreciation
for each other's needs, and we are lucky in that we each feel strong
enough in this relationship to want the other to be free to explore
themselves. I am fully aware that this is not always the case in many
relationships. The fabric a couple weaves in the course of their marriage
should be strong enough to hold them together, even in the hardest of
times; yet, the fabric should have a weave that is loose enough to allow
expansion and personal fulfillment.
Linda and Vanessa Kaye both write for Transgender
Forum on a regular basis. They also run the Couples Network , a safe place for couples to connect and learn more about living in a relationship with a transgender person. They have their own web site you may enjoy.
Linda and Vanessa have also written a book together:
"Life With Vanessa"
Straight talk about integrating transgenderism into a loving, caring and positive relationship.
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