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Outted Bigtime on the Job
By Jayne Nichole
"John, do you have a Web site? Well, there are some pictures being passed
around of you in that green dress. My husband had Bill show him one, but
he didn't believe it was you. I just wanted you to know what is going on."
What a way to start your day when one of your confidants at work lets you
know you've been outted - bigtime to everyone. What would you do if someone
you barely knew started printing up pictures of you and passing them out?
Well, this is what happened to me. Someone broke into my server space by
using the tilde (-) before my email address, which works to show the
directory of the account. The person involved is a member of a very right
wing military group that has made some national headlines at times. This
made things a little stickier than normal, if you can call having your
pictures sent around work as normal.
A little background is in order to visualize the magnitude of my outting. I
work for a major manufacturer of automobiles, currently in the capacity of
an engineer. I did work, however, as a supervisor. I also worked almost
all the departments in the facility and on all shifts. Most of the people,
several thousand, know me or have worked for me directly. I was popular
when I was in supervision and had many people who wanted to work for me,
especially on overtime, who wouldn't work overtime for anyone else.
The good news is that personnel already knew about Jayne and my being TS.
I volunteered my services as an outreach coordinator for my support group
to them for any employees that may need help in this area. Personnel was
glad to have me as a resource as they and other locations in the region
didn't have anyone to contact on Transgender issues. They came to me the
next day and asked if I was aware of what was going on and showed me one of
the pictures. Aside from that, they also asked if I wanted to transition,
as it would be a "good" time to. Even though I would love to transition,
I'm just not ready, physically (mentally, yes!), to effect a good
transition (need more electrolysis *groan* among other things). Also I've
kids in High School and want to wait for them to finish.
Personnel and I met several times over the next couple days and had
planned to have an awareness meeting for my work group and maybe some
others. My wife (yes, I'm married) had offered to come to work with me as
a show of her support and dispel some of the more flagrant rumors. We were
planning to do the meeting in two parts, one without me present to discuss
Transgender awareness to allow open, unhindered discussion. The other part
would be with my wife and I present to answer any questions that were asked
of myself. I was also to stay over for those who wanted to ask about
things, but weren't comfortable in front of the group. The meetings were
set aside when the information came in about the right wing group as too
risky for my own and my family's safety. We didn't want it to adversely
affect our kids, (yes, they know) who go to the local school, by way of
their classmates (kids can be cruel). Currently I don't go several places
at work where I used to go alone unless I'm escorted. This was another
recommendation. Curiously, this is what the women at our place do anyway,
and I was one who escorted them *grin*.
Getting back to the attitude of the people I work with, over half of those
here have worked for me or with me, and the rest definitely know me. That
amounts to several thousand people that now know about Jayne, or at least
have seen her pictures. I could have run and hid from my co-workers, let
them think whatever they desired of me, and given credibility to the rumors
that were floating around. Instead I made up a packet of recent family and
personal photos, a copy of the Web site, and my "carry letter". I keep
this folder with me wherever I go at work. Anyone who asks is shown the
packet and has his or her questions answered as honestly and fully as I
can. I present photos of my family first to set the tone, proceed with the
web site, and then the carry letter. The personal photographs of myself
are shown last. I do have a group of people who knew about me already and
they helped to dispel any myths. I asked them to help with this or, if
they weren't that comfortable, just to tell the person to ask me directly.
I've had numerous people come up to me, mostly women, and offer their
support. I've been invited to go on the next out of town casino excursion
with one group of women and to a "girls night out" with some others. I've
even had a few offer some clothing they don't need anymore, including one
friend who is dieting and is offering her old wardrobe to me. I've not had
a bad response yet from any of the women at work. Men are a different
thing however. Again, I've had support from some male friends and no
really negative responses, but all of these were done privately and without
any other men around. That macho thing is in place when there are other
males present for most of them. They just don't acknowledge in public
their support and just keep it to themselves when the issue comes up with
other guys.
Anyway, I go about my job just as before. This is not what the "outter"
thought would happen and probably has him puzzled. People wave hello at me
and talk just as they did before the outting. The only difference is that I
can tell them, if I want or it comes up in general conversation, about my
weekend without worrying about gender issues. If I was at a convention, a
club, or whatever, I can tell them about it. It's really nice not to have
to worry about slipping up. I don't have to hide anymore.
No, I still don't wear skirts to work, but, looking at the bright side, a
couple more nearby shopping malls have opened up to me!
One final thought however. If you have a Web page of yourself, try and
keep any photos updated! I just wish mine was as the photos were all about
a year old and not my current best *smile*. That red wig just isn't me
anymore (especially now that I don't wear wigs anymore)!
You can email Jayne Nichole. She invites your comments and questions.
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