Autumn Colors
by Vanessa Kaye
This is our first Fall of living along the North Shore of Lake Superior. The autumn
colors are magnificent! During the Summer months, the roads in and around Duluth
were filled with out-of-towners eager to go boating in the lake or enjoy the sights
and sounds of the Canal Park area. Now, we have hundreds, if not thousands, of visitors descending
upon our small town in pursuit of nature's spectacular Fall painting.
Having been raised in the Midwest, as well as being an October child, the Fall has
always held a special meaning for me. Yet, it is only now, in my middle-years, that
I see a great parallel between the colors of autumn, and the world of transgenderism.
It is, as many themes are, something of which I've written before. However, as I spend
more and more time talking with others, like myself, who are of more than one gender,
that I feel it even more important to discuss.
This annual phenomenon of "Leaf Viewing," is a wonder to me. I often hear people talking
of how they so love it when the leaves turn colors ranging from light yellow to vibrant
crimson. Here, along the Northshore of Lake Superior, and all the way to Canada, the autumn display is truly spectacular. However, there exists a common misconception.
The leaves themselves are not "changing colors:" rather, it is that now Nature is
allowing us to see the hidden colors. The colors that most people refer to as the
"Fall colors" are always present; it is simply that you can't see them during the Spring
and Summer. What changes is that the green of the chlorophyll goes away.
This misconception causes people to eagerly anticipate the arrival of Fall, and overlook
nature's display through the Spring and Summer. They often wish for the quick ending
of Summer and begin planning their leaf viewing trips for the upcoming Fall. It is as if certain colors of the leaves are more precious or beautiful than others. What
a terrible waste this seems to me.
So it is with many of those who are transgendered. Not a day goes by that I don't
hear a transgendered person say, "Oh, I just can't wait to be me." It is as if they
are not themselves at the present time. Perhaps, they are "impostors?" I do not think
so. They are much like the "Leaf Viewers," who look only for the vibrant colors of the
Fall, and ignore the colors of Summer and Spring. These transgendered people, be
they crossdressers, transsexuals, or any part of the wide spectrum of the TG rainbow,
are focusing far too narrowly on some distant goal, and ignoring the journey and varied
colors of their lives.
Just as it is true that the leaves are of many colors, hidden under layer upon layer,
so is the journey of our lives. Each day that passes is an opportunity to discover
something new about ourselves. As the colors of each season hold a special and unique
value, so, too, does every day of our lives. While it is true that the colors of Fall
are, indeed, magnificent, I am equally enthralled with the buds of Spring and the
myriad of greens throughout the Summer.
Many transgendered persons that I talk with, look forward to that one day a week or
month, during which they are able to fully express their alternate gender. They do
this so intently, that they miss the entire period in-between. They do not see the
joy and the glory of the green. They view their only happy time as that when they can crossdress
or in some other way, express their "gender self." This is a sad state, and one that
is unintentionally re-enforced by many in the community. If one is transgendered, then they are so all of the time. It is a part of us, and never goes away. Just
as the yellow and crimson of the leaves is always present beneath the hues of green,
so is our "dual" gender. Simply because we do not see the colors of Fall, does not
mean they don't exist. They are there all of the time.
While it saddens me that many people ignore the rest of Nature's color collection,
giving preference only to the hues of Autumn, it saddens me far more that people
ignore the precious value and joy of each and every day. They live only for some
time in the future, and do not enjoy the rare gift of life today. They are missing the point
of our journey here in this life.
Much the same as nature has a way of revealing the natural color of the leaves, so
to it has a way of forcing a persons individuality and uniqueness to the light of
day. If you are a transgendered person, you know well what I am talking about. Trying
to suppress or deny your inner gender-self would be a violation against nature. It is equally
unnatural to force this change.
Each day is a new chapter in our lives. We shouldn't put more emphasis upon one particular
passage or page. Everything we do or say, becomes a part of who we are. Please don't
put more value on tomorrow than you do on today. Take pleasure in the tasks of each and everyday, no matter how small or seemingly unimportant. Take joy in all of
your "colors" and "hues," enjoy all the seasons of your life.
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