Thoughts, hints, opinions, ideas, etc., on being transgendered
Jane's Journey: Becoming to One's Self
Have A Tall One
By Jane Fleming
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"Women come in all shapes and sizes."

Well, my experience has been more along the
lines of "It ain't necessarily so." A turning point in my life came at age 22, lying
alone in a squalid little hotel room in Lahore, Pakistan, when I came up against
the wall of: "Who wants to be a six foot tall woman?" And decided that the only practical
way to continue living was to suppress the female instincts that had pursued me since
early childhood.
Of course, there are 6 foot tall women. All my life I've eyed tall womenin malls, shops, restaurants,
business situationsas role models. (And usually sneaked a glance down to their
heels to see how much is nature, and how much is shoe.) But I didn't look like them. My shoulders were broader, chest more of a barrel, body
as shaggy as a bear. And I had a male voice with which I made my living in radio
for several years.
Some of these are factors that may affect us all, but I think they are exacerbated
by height. A tall woman entering a room tends to draw people's eyes. It's not that
most people will question her gender. But when there is one physical characteristic
that pushes the limits of the norm, there may be more need for other characteristics to
be less at the limits. When you stand out for any reason, there is inherently more
scrutiny. How you dress and do your makeup may directly depend upon how much scrutiny
you feel able to bear.
When my first wife reached puberty, her doctor (with some embarrassment) told her
that when girls start to grow 'out' they tend to stop growing up. For girls who continue
growing taller, I think the opposite is true. Very few really tall women seem to
have D-cups, a reality that may wisely displace fantasies in some of our minds. (I've
resigned myself to a B.) Tall women have proportionately longer legs than do men
of similar height. And no matter how heavy they may bevery, very few tall women
look like all-pro fullbacks.
These are all factors that can be worked with.
In the 1980s I went through a period of depression, as I was unable to see how I
could deal with my gender issues. My weight reached a peak of 222 pounds. And I did
look like a fullback. A fullback in a man's business suit. A fullback in a dress. I
finally convinced myself that even if I couldn't figure any other avenues of resolution,
I could at least try to do something about the weight. It took four years, one plateau
at a time. But now at 156 I have a waist and hips, which makes a huge difference
as to how clothes fit. Unfortunately, at age 50 my skin doesn't have its onetime resilience,
and that much weight loss has left face and neck crying out for a lift. But I can
now wear clothes that emphasize some aspects of my body, rather than trying to hide
it.
That's an area where it's good to be brutally honest. (This can be difficult. And
I've seen genetic women pay tremendous amounts of money to buy clothes that make
them look like buffoons.) Play up your assets, play down your lesser qualities. There
are parts of my body that I feel look authentically female. My forearms never developed
normal male musculature, so short sleeves work. My waist's narrower than the hips,
so I look for clothes that emphasize thatespecially wide waistbands that flare
to the hip. My shoulders are broad and rather muscular, though, so I try to be careful in
choosing tops. I don't have hard rules that I can express for the shouldersit's
often a matter of trying something on and taking a critical look. But I avoid puff
shoulders, for example, and tend to look for tops where the sleeves flow out of the shoulder,
rather than having a sharp demarcation. And avoid shoulder pads! The scissors come
out immediately and the pads find themselves trashed. (The few exceptions where
I find shoulder pads work are with well tailored suit jackets). And be careful with
elastic waistbands. They can be comfortable on skirts or slacks, but the clothes
are still made with a certain shape in mind. It can be tempting, particularly if
you see something at a second-hand shop, to buy a skirt made for someone smaller than you and
just to let the elastic stretch to accommodate. Don't. It won't look right. With
some extremes of that situation I've found myself looking like a beetle.
Broad shoulders tend to make my unadorned head look too small. It's like seeing a
football player wearing his padding sans helmet. Keep that in mind when choosing
a wig or hair style. I find that a bit of width in the hair not only softens the
facial features, but tends to balance shoulder width. So, for me it's best to stay away from a
tight ponytail, for example.
Aside from trying to observe tall women in real life, catalogs can give some good
clues. I look through every issue of J.C. Penney's catalog for tall women. One thing
that jumps out is that tall women have a different proportion of legs to torso than
women of similar size. Women's legs are longer, their waists higher. So if you're tall,
it's a good idea to look for slacks that emphasize that look. There's nothing wrong
with wearing the waist of slacks or skirt above the navel. And again, look for wide
waistbands that flare a bit outward toward the hips.
Buying pants as a woman sure lacks compared with the offerings for men. You are usually
presented with three lengthspetite, misses, and women's. And sometimes a fourthtalls. Contrast
that with men's slacks, where you have virtually any combination of waist and inseam measurement to choose from. I've been lucky to find that Penney's
tall slacks with 32" inseam are generally a good fit for me, but many other sources
don't work as well.
So even if you're not much for sewing, you may want to learn enough to hem pants by
hand. Use pins first to make sure the length is right. Check in the mirror. Make
sure the legs are even. If you can't stand the thought of sewing, you can buy double-sided
press-on tape at a sewing shop. I've used that successfully even on heavy denim jeans.
Finally, remember that many dry cleaners will do alterations. It's not unusual for
me to buy an item of clothing and take it directly to the gal who does my alterations
before even wearing it once. I have her hem skirts, especially linens. And I've had
her bring in the waist on jackets to give a more tailored look. She charges $8 to
hem an unlined article, more for more complicated work. If you're not comfortable
having someone mark hems while you're wearing the clothes, you can bring them in already pinned. But
I think you'll get a better job if you have a professional mark them while you're
wearing them.
Slacks are not just an issue for tall women. I complained some time ago to a genetic
woman friend about the paucity of sizes, and she said she doesn't know any woman
who wears slacks right off the rack without having to adjust somethingwhether
hem,darts, or whatever.
If you live in a major metropolitan area, you may have access to shops that specialize
in clothing for tall women. I don't. I've often done well with the J.C. Penney catalog. I've
found the best deal is to have the items shipped to their nearest catalog store. The catalog store has a dressing room. I can try on what I've ordered and give
back to the clerk anything that I don't like, thereby saving the costs and hassles
of return shipping. And that's a good thing, as it can be disheartening to see how
a dress that looked exquisite on the model in the photograph makes me look like a Benedictine
monk, or worse. (As I keep reminding myself to stay away from empire waists...)
An unbroken line often seems longer than an equivalent one that's divided up. For
that reason, dresses in general can be problematical for tall transgender women.
I rarely wear a dress, and then usually with a jacket. Breaking up the lines that
way seems to de-emphasize the height a bit. I'm generally more comfortable with slacks or skirt
and top for daily wear.
As for second-hand stores, they can be a great economical source for clothes. But
such shopping requires patience and discrimination. I have bought brand new sports
jackets that have never been worn or launderedsome with store price tags still
attachedfor as little as 95 cents apiece. Skirts and short sleeved tops are the easiest
fits to find, as are jackets with three-quarter length cuffed sleeves. It's rare
that I come across a long sleeved blouse that has long enough sleeves. Shopping the
rows of slacks, I turn my eyes toward the floor and scan just the bottom of the pant
legs, stopping to look only when a pair of legs descends below the majority.
A great place to buy nylons and underwear is One Hanes Place (800) 300-2600 or http://www.ohpcatalog.com. They sell Hanes, L'eggs, WonderBra, Playtex, Bali, etc. at substantial discounts.
Most of the merchandise is factory seconds, but I've only once had a problem. And
they are good about returns for whatever reason.
I mentioned losing weight. Substantial loss is a medical matter and should be done
in consultation with a physician. Remember that a pound of fat consists of approximately
3,600 Calories. But a pound of body weight lost may often consist of part fat and
part water or muscle. A hint my life partner gave me on appetite controlwear
a girdle while you eat. Your mileage may vary.
The final bit of advice I'd like to offer tall women is: Stand tall. If you've got
it, flaunt it. Good posture makes a lot of difference in how you feel about yourself
and how you present yourself to others. And yes, I do occasionally feel someone's
eyes steal down to check out how much is me and how much is heels. But heyfair is
fair !
©1998 by Jane Fleming. All rights reserved.
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