ME AND BOBBI
©
by George Wilkerson
Theoretically Speaking
Ed. Note: Bobbi/George is sharing an internal conversation with us, and in effect, outing herself to the world. We think you'll find her (and his) point of view interesting. Earlier articles in the series can be found at
The Central Texas Transgender Society's Web Site. You can also
write to the author
"A former life."
"Excuse me?"
"I said I was a woman in a former life...and you know, we retain those memories. You remember Bridie Murphey, don't you?"
There are about a dozen of us sitting at the bar. Bobbi is listening intently, smiling and nodding as one of the "sisters" explains her theory.
"That explains why I have this need to let out my feminine side; it's that woman I was, whoever she is; she's just trying to express herself."
Bobbi nods. "I like that," she says softly.
"You agree, then," the sister replies. "You have that feeling too?"
Bobbi shakes her head. "No...not really. But I like it. Have you run it by Shirley MacLaine?"
A smirk forms on the sister's brightly painted lips. "Is that supposed to be funny?"
I lean back. Bobbi's in one of her moods tonight and for once I'm sort of enjoying it. "Go, girl," I whisper.
"
I
thought it was funny," another of the gyrls says. "And I don't feel that way at all."
The sister raises her eyebrows. "And how do YOU explain it?"
"Well," the gyrl begins, "I think it's quite simple. You see, we've all got masculine and feminine hormones. Some of us just have more of the feminine 'mones. That's all."
"I see," the sister says. "And have you ever been tested?"
"I don't need to be," she replies. "I can feel it. That's what that feeling is that you're talking about. It's the female hormones."
Bobbi shakes her head. "I don't think there's ever been any serious research on that. I mean, it would just be a simple matter of testing and comparing. Right?"
The gyrlfriend shakes her head too. "Well," she says, "there's hasn't much of any kind of research on us. Not that I ever heard."
"Too hard to get a sample," Bobbi says, grinning. "We're all too shy."
One of the Queens becomes animated and turns to our group . "Girl...I have VOLunTEERED to give them a sample so many times...they jus' laugh me outta the office. You know?"
"Wrong kind of sample," Bobbi says, laughing.
"Yeah, well, let me tell you all what's goin' on, 'cause I think both of you got it wrong."
Bobbi smiles. She and I like the Queen, although a lot of the other gyrls think she's too much. "Tell us," Bobbi pleads with a smirk. "Please."
The Queen throws her head back, raises her eyebrows, and grins an all-knowing grin. "Some...body done messed with our minds when we was little," she says. "Even if you don't remember it happenin', it happen. Maybe it was your grandma, or your momma, or your sister. Or maybe it was even your uncle. But some...body got your wires crossed. And once they're crossed, there's no gettin' 'em straight." She winks. "If you know what I mean."
"Humph," the sister says, shrugging. "If something that significant happened,
I'd
remember it."
I interrupt. "I've got a theory."
"Pardon me?" Bobbi asks.
"What?" the sister asks Bobbi.
"It's George," Bobbi explains. "He's got a theory."
The Queen shakes her head. "Yeah," she says. "You schizophrenic.
That's
the theory."
"Listen," I say. "There was an article about a year ago..."
Bobbi repeats my comments aloud. "He says 'There was an article about a year ago... which said that a lot more twins are conceived than we used to think," We continue. "And it said that the majority of them merge before they get fully developed. So what if one twin is a girl and the other is a boy? And what if the one that's born is declared to be a male, but there are still the remnants of that feminine twin? Or vice versa.?"
We wait, but there's no response. Everyone in the group is shaking their heads.
"Bobbi?" I ask. "Don't you agree?"
The Queen raises her glass and toasts Bobbi. "That one takes the prize, girl."
"Thank you," she replies. "But it wasn't mine. George came up with that."
The second gyrl laughs. "Well, George doesn't count."
Bobbi raises HER glass. "Not tonight," she says. "So now I'll tell you what
I
think."
The sister smiles too sweetly. "Do tell," she says.
"I think that what we're all doing right now is the male thing."
The Queen looks at herself and then at the others. "Not in these outfits," she says.
"I mean," Bobbi continues, "that regardless of what we've become, most of us were raised as males. We were taught that we're supposed to solve problems. So we think we have to have an explanation for this, because if we can explain it, we can solve it. That's the male approach to things."
The group leans closer. "But women don't do that," Bobbi continues. "They accept their feelings. They don't need a reason for feeling this way, or for any feelings. They just feel them and go on with their lives."
The sister nods.
"So why can't we just say it
IS
and quit trying to figure out WHY? Because it just
IS
, like the ocean
is
and the sun
is
."
"And WE is," the Queen chimes in.
"Exactly," Bobbi replies. "We're as natural a phenomena as the sun and the stars and everything else nature produces. We've been here throughout all of recorded history. And we will always be here. Because it's natural for us to be."
Bobbi turns and puts her empty glass on the bar, then looks across at herself (and me) in the mirror.
I shrug and grin.
"You," she says, pointing straight at herself and so at me. "
You
are the one with the problem."
I try to smile, but it comes out more like a grimace. "Oh well," I whisper. "I yam what I yam."
Bobbi nods. "We are what we are," she says. "And that's all we is. That's ALL we is."
|