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Stress Diluted With Joy


By Sheila Kirk, M.D.



Stress is a part of our lives. Small amounts or gigantic pieces come to trouble us all in our lifetimes. Our doctors tell us of the danger and the harm that stress can bring to our health, both physical and psychologic. Existing heart conditions and blood pressure elevations can be made worse by stress. Stress can prompt depression and extend it to the depths, requiring intensive therapy, medication and even hospitalization. It can lead to substance abuse. Stress can find it's way into our lives in a gradual or abrupt manner. It can be a way of life for some in their jobs, their marriages, and relationships. It can be overwhelming. The houses we live in, the salary we earn or don't earn, a difficult relative. Plans that go awry-every phase of our existence can be effected by it. It's how we cope with it, adjust to it, make ourselves impervious to it that is certainly the key to our comfort level in everyday living. How we find or create ways to soften its impact or even make it go away can be very important.

So often we hear our transgendered friends start, that just to exhibit our transgender spirit for an hour or an evening can be a way of lessening the duress, the heavy push, and demand, made of them earlier in the day. They feel comforted by coming back to their transgender spirit simply by that behavior. That open, positive expression of self by being in the contragender role through appearance and ornamentation is enough to get past the misery of stress for some.

But think of those in our community who are weighted down so heavily by a particular kind of stress and who see no relief in sight. Let's look at those who have no easy way of dealing with their transgendered spirit.

Address the frustration and pain of the Transsexual. Often, their lives are filled with very real hardship and stress. I'm thoughtful, as well, of the anguish, of the closeted crossdresser, the person who can tell no one, who can share with no one, who will admit to no one this very deep secret and wants very much to do so but doesn't dare. Then too, there is the crossdresser who carries the great burden of the guilt of crossdressing and who struggles with the why of crossdressing. That person may want separation from this "compulsion" and wrestle with the "temptation" periodically. Not finding ways to stop the guilt and the self-recrimination intensifies the stress of it, and it becomes oppressive. That individual can develop not only emotional illness-personality disorders of varying kinds, but depression on a serious level. Depression stems from our abilities to function comfortably and efficiently in our work, in our social exchanges, and in our own home with family, both native and acquired. The unhappiness increases and life may not worth living. Self-destruction can result for a few.

If a tendency for physical illness is already in place or has potential to begin, the stress of wanting to resolve one's transgendered feelings can bring that illness to a peak. Hypertension can be worsened. Gastrointestinal ailments can be crippling. Heart symptoms can be overwhelming. It can impact our libido and sexual performance. It's certain that some transgendered individuals may have other cause for stress in their lives and gender concerns are only apart of their stressful picture.

Where perhaps they could find relief and comfort in their transgendered hearts, they find only despair and dead ends. Their stress levels are added to by their guilt and anxieties in being drawn to their transgendered behavior, and that very intimate personal part of them becomes enmeshed into the coarser fabric of their lives. If only they could look at their transgendered spirit as something to be comfortable with-even grateful for.

The Transgenderd Spirit is something unique. I've written and stated so often-to be transgendered is a gift. To want to dress even if it be in private is so special. It should not be associated with any form of stress. It should always be combined with the joy and pleasure of being a special person. There should be increasing acceptance and confidence with each experience. So you're caught in the closet-so you can't share it just now---so you must be secretive with all the pressures and planning it takes to be fulfilled by dressing at special times. Yes, it may even mean that you have to fib to someone about what your are doing. That's hard to do and it goes against our nature, certainly, to do so. I don't condone that approach, but I also understand the need to be prudent and self-preserving.

Take those moments in the contragender role and enjoy them as special. Put away the guilt. Throw away the stress and use the experiences as a positive expression of your soul. Should you consider professional help to show you the path of a self acceptance and comfort? Perhaps! If you don't have capacity to do these things for yourself, then sharing with a psychologist or social worker experience with the transgendered can be very rewarding. Give it a thought.

You are transgendered-how blessed you are-how not stressed about it you should be. And for the hidden transsexual, for the one who must delay-your stress can be very deep. Look to find answers again with counseling if necessary. Plan and establish goals, work toward the day when your plans can be implemented and your goals can be put into view. The Transsexual already on their pathway has the joy of knowing it is all in motion. Hardship, frustration, obstruction-the three demons in all of our lives can be overcome with that joy and the clear thinking and search for information that will result.

You are Transgendered! How blessed you are! Throw the stress away!


Sheila Kirk, MD recently has made Trans-history by forming the first Transgender Surgical & Medical Center (TSMC Center) developed and directed by a Trans surgeon. In addition, Dr Kirk is the first Trans-surgeon performing MTF GRS and related surgeries as well FTM top surgeries, hysterectomies, etc. for her community. You can receive more information about the TSMC Center or ask Dr. Kirk questions on your treatment and care, by contacting her at TSMC@aol.com, by phone (412) 781-1092, fax (412) 781-1096 or snail mail: TSMC P.O. Box 38366, Blawnox, PA 15238.
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