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By Angela Gardner
Alas my little kittens, love has struck The Diva, and
unfortunately it must remain unrequited. I don't know if they've been
conducting the same ad campaign where you live, but all over the
Philadelphia area R.J. Reynolds has put up bus stop billboards to
promote Camel cigarettes. These billboards are on almost every other
corner and they feature one hot babe. She's got dark hair, a little
black dress and a suntan, dramatic makeup, sexy arms and legs, and a
Martini. Oh yeah, she's smoking a Camel. I've tried in vain to find
her picture on the Web, or in a magazine, so I could scan her and
share, but I have had no luck. She must be strictly an outdoor
campaign feature. Pity, cause she'll catch a chill in that little
black dress.
For years the cartoon camel occupied advertising space in
my world and he never made much of an impression on me since, being a
healthy Diva, I don't smoke. Then his health problems (bad emphysema
I hear) caused him to retire. Reynolds ad men thought up a new
approach that didn't blatantly court kids with another cartoon, and
they fell back on plain old sex appeal. The new girl in town has been
promoting R.J. Reynolds' smokes for several weeks and she's got me
wondering if I can buy a poster of her from somewhere. I'll bet she's
making more teenage boys (and teenage lesbians) pay attention to
Camel ads than Joe Camel ever did.
I long to call the ad agency and ask who this vixen is, but I know
they'd never tell. I wonder what part of the country she's from.
Maybe she's a hot foreign babe. Ah, the answers will no doubt never
be known. If she happens to be a reader of TG Forum maybe
she'll read of my lust... I mean love, and get in touch. Hey, if
she's a reader... that might be even more exciting.
Only one thing could be better than finding out she was one of us.
If I found out she didn't really smoke. Now that would be great. I
love it when things aren't what they seem, and besides, I run a no
smoking domicile. I can't have her smelling up my designer dresses
with cigarette smoke. Potpourri can only do so much. I don't care how
sexy she is, ya gotta draw the line somewhere. Aww, who am I kidding.
She'll never stop in for a Martini (shaken not stirred) at my little
mountain hideaway. And if she does she can smoke all she wants.
But no, I will never find out who this beauty is, or if she really
has a hacking cough. The only thing a love struck Diva can do... is
dress like the Camel Chick. If you're out in the Philadelphia/New
York area and you see a dark haired vixen with bedroom eyes, a little
black dress and Martini -- say hello. It'll be this heart broken Diva
just making do. (I might be holding a cigarette, but like another
famous person I won't mention, I won't inhale. It's just for that
glamma effect.)
But enough of this sadness my little flowers. Let's turn our
thoughts to...
Pictures, You Oughta See These Pictures
Transgender issues are hot in the media right now. Details
magazine's February issue has an article ("Sexuality 101") about FtM
issues. Transgendered characters are everywhere in TV and movies.
Some, like Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire, or
Nathan Lane in The Birdcage, where big box office hits.
Others, like the transvestite denizens of the Sin Sin Hotel, or the
transgendered heroine of Weapons of Mass Distractions, have
only been seen by a few of us in the world outside the art film
houses of New York and L.A..
The Sin Sin Hotel is the setting for a film from Singapore called
Bugis Street. The cast are a group of lovelorn transvestite
prostitutes. They're all dressed in fab outfits and they do their
best to stay romantic in a pretty unromantic profession. This one
never made the multi screen houses and barely got shown in the art
houses. Check the more eclectic video stores for this one.
The heroine of another little seen flick, Weapons of Mass
Distraction, is a high society wife with a secret. She started
out in life as a Russian peasant boy. Molestation by her father lead
to a life of male prostitution, TV prostitution and finally the good
life as a female in the upper strata of society. If only it always
went that way. You won't see this flick nominated for any Academy
Awards.
A column or two back I mentioned Mick Jagger's
time off from the Stones last tour. Jagger took a short hiatus to
film a role in another little seen film called Bent. The
picture is about what Nazi Germany did to homosexuals. Mick's big
scene in the film has him dressed in drag as Greta, the TV
proprietor of a gay nightclub. Greta sings "The Streets of Berlin"
while dangling on a trapeze above the audience. In an interview Mick
said that he wouldn't want to run into his character in a dark alley,
but as you can see from the pic, he doesn't look that bad. Actually
he looks younger as a babe. But then, makeup has a tendency to take a
decade or so off anyone's age. Nice gams, Mick.
Faced with an all to certain future courtesy of Der Furher, Greta
decides that now would be a good time to purge. She burns all her
dresses, gets a haircut and changes her name back to George. She gets
away through this desperate act, but the other characters get to go
to camp. Not the kind of camp where you sing songs around the
campfire and roast marshmallows. Nowhere close to that. It's not a
pretty film, but if you want to see what horror has existed in the
world, and Mick on a trapeze in drag, look for it on video. MGM
distributed it here, so keep checking that eclectic video store.
Maybe someday the folks who produce this films will figure out
that they oughta get the TG community informed way ahead of time that
another film with a guy in a dress is on the way. They'd make more
money if we all flocked to the theater to see the films instead of
renting them later when they hit Eclectic Video.
Scattered Impressions At The End of the Column
I just heard we're marching on Washington in spring of 2000.
Honey, I'm gonna be too old by then for any Million Tran
March. At least not in pumps. And you know what happens when you
have to start wearing sensible shoes. Next thing ya know it's flannel
nighties and hot water bottles. I hope they let me dress at the home.
But seriously, Phyllis Frye just announced that HRC and MCC
are the main sponsors (just what we need, more groups with initials
for a name), and it's also been endorsed by the National Black
Lesbian and Gay Leadership Forum, NGLTF (the Task Force), the
National Latino/a Lesbian and Gay Organization, the National Youth
Advocacy Coalition, PFLAG, NGLTF, GLAD, ICTLEP and many more. Other
initials are hopping on board every minute. The hot news here is that
gays and lesbians have finally welcomed participation the of the TG
community. Stay turned for further details and start taking power
walks to get in shape. See you on the mall... and I don't mean
Potomac Mills.
My Aussie correspondent has sent along an item about a TS running
for office in New Zealand. The country already has one TS mayor (Ms.
Georgina Beyer of Carterton), now Jacquie Grant, a wildlife park
curator and published author has decided to toss her picture hat into
the ring. Ms. Grant is a well known character in her tiny community on
the West Coast, and from the newspaper report, seems to be a pillar
of the community. She has a sense of humor, too, since she just got
the First MP of of her whole country P.O.ed at her when she named a
monkey after him. All The Diva can say is go on girl. It's good to
see transgendered people running for things office instead of running
from mobs or the law.
If you're on the run and happen to hide out in Pittsburgh, PA, USA
on a Friday night, check out The Andy Warhol Museum's Happy Hour.
Every Friday from 5 to 7 pm they're mixing Martinis (maybe I'll find
her there???) and they sometimes have celebrity guest hosts. Andy
hated Pittsburgh but he's probably fine with the happy hour idea. If
you want to mingle with those who have earned their 15 minutes of
fame, or just chat with someone who's only had a minute or two, give
the Museum a call, 412-237-8300. They're located at 117 Sandusky
Street (I thought that was in Ohio) on the North Side. Have a
cocktail for The Diva.
In the Philly area on a Friday? Check out Shampoo. It's the
closest thing Philly has to a New York club. Things get hopping
around 11. I always get there early for the open bar from 9 to 11.
Then I'm ready when the rest of the crowd arrives. They have special
promotions and imported drag queens, as well as a few local girls
gone wrong. Call them for info, 215-922-7500.
Did someone mention NYC? Yes, it's still possible to party in the
Big Apple. A name from the past is hot again, Tunnel brings you
Kurfew Saturdays with "friendly drag hostesses" (I thought this was
NYC? Friendly?) Aqua, Holly Graham and Asia. Check their
website for more info. Mona Foot
holds her Star Search every Thursday at Barracuda. There's "start
galore." Eva Gabor? Call Barracuda at 212-645-8613. They're located
at 275 West 22nd Street. Jayne County spins the tunes at a new club
called Life. It happens every Wednesday at 158 Bleeker. Call
212-420-1999 for info. Your hostess? Mistress Formika.
And that's it for this month my little puppies. As always, be
careful out there. Big kiss!
The Diva can't do it all. She only has so many eyes. If you see
something that girls like us need to know send it along
ASAP.
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