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By Angela Gardner

Boy, I tell ya, I'm spent. Perhaps you noticed The Diva wasn't tucked into her normal URL last month? Was she off on a world wide shopping spree? Touring the hot clubs of South Beach, or spending some quality time at a special little spa that only she knows? Sure, but that wasn't what was so taxing. Blame the taxing on the TAX MAN!

April 15th is always a trying time for The Diva. This April the whole experience had me so upset, I only this week started to get over it. And oh, they are vicious. You've gotta have every little deduction accounted for. It's such a bother. I couldn't pay anywhere near the proper amount of attention to my shopping spree. Fortunately my lovely and intelligent Editrix could see the awful cracks in my glamourous exterior, caused by the strain of the 1040 Form, and she went ahead and gave me the month off.

So kittens, I'm back this month, refreshed, revitalized... and ready to write. Now the only thing I need to decide, is what to wear for this audit thingee? Basic black? Sequins? I can deduct the sequins, right?

Now— More Fantasy

We're living in a transgender wonderland. Yes girls, all of the fantasies of our formative years are now reality. When you can tune in to a youth oriented show on a major television network and see, not just a drag queen, but a famous drag queen, do a makeover on the star's hair — you know we've taken over the world.Ru & Ru

OK, maybe not, but it was still way cool to see RuPaul on Sabrina The Teenage Witch on May eleventh. (OK, now you know what I do on Friday nights.) Miss Charles appeared as an emergency hairdresser called in to fix Sabrina's coiffure after she made herself magically semi-bald trying to get her aunts back together. Too much plot detail? Perhaps.

The real twist of the show was Ru's initial appearance in a drab role. I had a feeling I'd seen that tall, bald, black man somewhere before, but I really had no clue. Her Ru-ness portrayed a judge in the Witch's Court. The height should have given her away, but they put thick, black rimmed glasses on her. You know how effective that was for Clark Kent. Is it any wonder I was taken in? She talked really butch, too. Who knew?

Keep your eyeballs peeled for more of Ru as a fella coming Wednesday, June 24th in "Unexpected Life" starring Stockard Channing and featuring Mister RuPaul Charles on USA Networks. A billboard in NYC for the chi chi Saks Department store has RuPaul beside herself. Yeah, that's her on the right, too. Those brows are a bit thin, aren't they? Maybe that's why the witch judge had to wear those thick framed glasses.

Melissa Joan HartMelissa as a boy

Sabrina (portrayed by Melissa Joan Hart) has toyed with TG themes before. In one episode Sabrina transforms herself into a boy so she can hang with the guys and find out what her special fella thinks about her. She's not a bad looking young woman, or boy, as you can see. Just goes to show what you can do without a little makeup and hair.

It's Not All Positive Kids

Ru's appearance on Sabrina was a good example of how a talented performer who is known for drag can be featured in a comedic role without demeaning themselves, or the art of female impersonation. Unfortunately not all producers and directors are as nice to us.

Most of the time drag is used for shock value, and humor derived from the juxtaposition of a character —normally known for masculine values —with feminine attire, or behavior. The Bud Light beauties are perfect examples. Or Robert Goulet in drag for Mercedes. Or perhaps he really is dreaming the impossible dream?

Even Sabrina has let me down from time to time. Another recent show had a plot line that involved having Sabrina's Quizmaster (Alimi Ballard) magically forced to wear a skirt he finds "embarrassing." The same show had her boy friend exhibiting all the symptoms of pregnancy... including the craving for pickles.

As transgendered people we have to make a decision when we see drag or TG plot elements used in a way we find offensive. We can either let it go, or we can write the producer a letter. If the bad portrayal is major, such as the tragic TV prostitute on Ally McBeal, then the letter to the producer is a great idea. It let's them know they're presenting a stereotype that doesn't represent us all. If it's something more minor then I recommend we think twice about heating up the word processor. The small stuff, like the Quizmaster getting embarrassed by having to appear in a skirt, is a function of the way our society looks at the whole subject of crossdressing, and that's a really tough problem that will take a lot more than a letter or two (or a scathing Internet column by a crossdressing writer) to solve.

In the mind of most folks crossdressing is looked at as an outgrowth of homosexuality, and homosexuality is, of course, the work of the devil. How's the guy in a dress supposed to get any respect from people who believe crap like that?

Of course, those folks are the ones that most of the world would classify as extremists. You can find extremists in every segment of society. (Even in the TG community, kittens.) Just last week Jewish extremists blasted the lovely and talented Dana International (featured before in this column ) since she recently won the Eurovision Song Contest. Devout rabbis have used words like "decadent" and "degenerate" to describe Ms. International. If the words "compassion," and "understanding" are part of those rabbi's vocabularies, they aren't using those words on the subject of transsexuality.

So upset are the Israelis that Ms. International had the chutzpah and talent to win the contest, officials in Tel Aviv have sworn that no way will the next Eurovision Song Contest be held in their fair city. They made some comments about decadent gentiles, too, but that would just be religious intolerance and not genderism... no need to go into that here.

Congratulations Dana! From what I hear she was the hottest woman in the contest in a Gaultier design featuring feathers. Let's hope the religious leaders of her country wake up, smell the gender revolution, and decide to support beauty and talent.. whatever its origin.

If You Want The Correct Info... Ask A Woman

Aside from telling Donald Trump he could "kiss my ass" on national television, the most interesting part of Late Night With David Letterman on April 20th was the spot in the monologue where Dave talked about O.J. Simpson flying to London to appear on the Ruby Wax Show. On that show O.J. demonstrated his slashing and stabbing prowess with a banana, and the world was shocked. Dave was telling the audience about this stunt and said something about the host, Ruby Wax, when Paul said, "Oh, the transvestite." (Ruby's not a TV... as far as I know. But then who can tell these days.) That lead to a debate between Dave and Paul that ended with the horn section (on Paul's side, of course) swearing that she was a TV. This lead to speculation about how the horn section would know. Believe me kids, if any members of a band would know it would be the horns.

It took first guest Gwenyth Paltrow to set Dave straight. She firmly assured him that Ruby Wax was not a TV. She went on to let him know that the host Dave was thinking of is Dame Edna. Here we have another example of a discussion on national television that I don't think we'd have ever seen just a few years ago, and even if Dave didn't know what he was talking about, we heard the word "transvestite" several times during the discussion. That can't be bad because it makes the viewing public more and more used to hearing that word. If we keep working at it maybe someday soon we'll hear people using the term "transgender" when referring to the gender variant in our world. Hey, there's another term it wouldn't hurt to hear from the media more often.

Things We Could Do Without Hearing

Fortunately the news media haven't made too much of the report that Ted Kaczynski once sought counseling about his TG desires. They say there's no such thing as bad press, but press like that the TG community can do without. Yes kids, the Unabomber, that wacky, bomb making, anti-technology (if he's that anti-technology how come he didn't just kill his victims with large rocks?) American murderer, may have started down his twisted road because he may be a frustrated TS. It seems Teddy once sought counseling at his college but left the office because he was embarrassed to talk about it. Seems he had a lot in common with Sabrina's Quizmaster.

Ford trucks have got the guy who played the DJ on Northern Exposure doing television spots for them. One of the spots features him telling us a folksy story about a couple of guys named Ray and Charlie who love to make bets. In this scenario Ray bets that he can pull a full size ship with his Ford pickup. Charlie bets he can't. At the end of the spot Charlie is seen walking into their favorite diner in a hideous floral print dress and a bad wig. Well, at least he acted like he wasn't embarrassed. In that outfit he had every right to be. What's next? The beer lizards in body stockings?

Did ya catch transsexual actress (former TS showgirl, but now she's acting too) Jahna Steel on Entertainment Tonight? Girlfriend was fabulous! Very lovely, and talented. Condemned by rabbis everywhere. Just kidding. The rabbis don't care... she's a shicksa. Not a nice Jewish girl like Dana. Anyhow, seeing her is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because she told about how she had to change her life to be true to her inner need, and she's very beautiful, and natural. It's bad because not everyone who has SRS is going to come out as good. She had her SRS at 19. That's really not a lot of time to develop manly characteristics that need to be corrected and camouflaged. Don't send me hate mail. I know that the inner voice needs to speak out, and those who look like linebackers have the same need as the petite, small boned beauty. I just caution against using Ms. Steel as the fantasy role model for how you might look after SRS.

That's it for this month my lovelies. It's time for my evening beauty regimen. I'm sure there's something I've forgotten to tell you all about, but with all the creams and potions I have to rub on my skin to maintain the (fading) blush of youth, I won't be asleep till about 3:30 a.m. Ta ta sweet readers. See ya next month, after that audit thingee.


The Diva can't do it all on her own. She only has so many eyes and ears. If you see or hear something dishy, don't delay, relay it to The Diva today.

 

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