Transgender

Forum











Linda & Vanessa Kaye

Confessions of a Male Lesbian!

by Vanessa Kaye

This crossdresser walks into a nightclub and sees two beautiful women. One at each end of the bar. Having a difficult time deciding which one to talk to, he flips a coin. If it’s heads, he’ll go to the one on the right. If it’s tails, he’ll go the one on the left. He flips the coin and it’s heads. So, he walks up to the lovely woman at the right end of the bar and says, "Good evening, may I buy you a drink?"

"No, thank you." she replies, "I’m a lesbian."

"Oh, that’s okay. I’d still like to buy you a drink."

"I don’t think you understand." says the woman. "I said that I’m a lesbian."

The crossdresser answers with, "I don’t mind at all. I just would like to buy you a drink."

"Listen," says the woman. "You see that beautiful brunette at the other end of the bar?"

"Yes," says the CD. "I saw her when I came in."

"Well," says the woman. "Right now I’m thinking about how wonderful it would be to take her home with me, seduce her, rip off all of her clothes and make mad, passionate love to her."

The man starts quivering and his eyes start rolling around.

Seeing his reaction, the woman says, "What’s wrong?"

"Oh my God," says the crossdresser. "I think I’m a lesbian, too!"

Over the summer I've spent a good part of my time in various "TG Chat" rooms on the Internet. There is no predicting who you will meet, what their story is, or what makes them "tick." However, there is one topic that always seems to stir things up. This is the topic of "labels."

While there are exceptions, the vast majority of those responding in the chat areas have a great animosity towards labels such as "gay," "hetero," "bi-sexual" or "lesbian." This is despite the fact that often they log in with such acronyms as CD or TS attached to their names.

So what's wrong with using labels? Remember when we were young and we told our mothers that someone was calling us names? She told us, "Now, don't worry. Words can't hurt you."

Mom was partly correct, for, in and of themselves, "words" are not going to hurt us. Unfortunately, words don't just appear from outer space on their own. Words are written or spoken by other people. These people use words, including labels, to communicate an idea or an image. It isn't the words that are harmful, it is the image they portray. What makes the whole situation even more complicated, is that the same word may portray as many varied images as the people that employ them.

Our battle, or opposition to labels, should not be focused on the words, but rather the images they represent. Labels, such as they are called, are a serious problem only when they incite violence or block communication. In either of these cases, prejudice is the root of the problem. Many people have a preconceived idea of what the words, "gay, lesbian, or bisexual" represent. There is no angry mob against the use of these words; they are against the ideas and images that they do not understand or accept.

Similar prejudices against the images portrayed by the words "crossdresser, transsexual and transvestites" abound. Upon the disclosure to my family that I was a "transvestite", I was immediately asked if I had a "sexual problem." "No problem at all." I responded, "I like it."

Many people have paved the way for us to lessen the prejudices associated with many of the labels we use every day. In addition to those within the Gay/Lesbian community, there have been a great number of brave souls within the TG community who have fought a valiant fight to correct the image that many have of crossdressers and transsexuals. Despite my not belonging to any national TG organization, I do applaud the great strides they have made.

Due to the efforts of the various TG organizations, being a crossdresser need not make one feel as shady as a pair of cheap sunglasses. Shame shouldn't be a part of our lives, simply because of what we wear. Further, there should not be shame associated with our choice of sexual partner.

When people fight against the use of words, or labels, they are tilting at windmills. Our language is filled with such terms. It would be far more effective to focus on correcting the image that these words portray. If people come to understand that not all crossdressers are male prostitutes, seeking a living having sex with men, then the image may change.

Over the period that I have been "out" as a crossdresser, I've been referred to as a "transvestite," "crossdresser," and "gender-enhanced-male." It seems that each progression was an attempt to separate what it is that I do, from the images associated with the words. I have long since passed the need to be described by what some see as a less-threatening term.

Perhaps, the negative images associated with the terms, or labels, that some object to, come not from without, but rather from within. In other words, we may be condemning ourselves for our behavior because we have yet to comes to terms with who and what we are. The greatest step that one can take towards freedom from prejudice is to accept themselves and respect others for who they are. More than once I've heard someone say that they wanted to be accepted for their crossdressing and not be associated with those homosexuals. A little near-sighted I'd say.

While in a chat area recently, someone who had just been bragging about taking hormones and sleeping with male partners, responded by stating the only label she wished to be known by was "a compassionate, caring, human being." Oh! Quick! Give me an insulin shot! How sugary sweet can you get?

To me, the common labels of "gay" and "lesbian" seem to be very fuzzy when one attempts to apply them with the TG community. If someone transforms into their femme appearance, and believes themselves to be a "woman," why isn't she referred to as heterosexual if she has sex with a man? Works for me.

If someone asks you what color your car is, and you say, "It's green," the picture or image is incomplete. "What color of green?" they may ask. "Is it lime green, blue-green, pea-green, or army green?" See the varieties of a single color? The words used to describe our community are much the same. We could either stop using colors to describe things, or be more specific.

Despite the wishes of my sister, JoAnn Roberts, I tend to believe that we may be in need of some new terms to describe those within our community. Personally, I'm a male-lesbian, and I like it!

TGF's Home Page