Transgender

Forum











By Julie Freeman


Julie Freeman is a significant other who has been active in the gender community for over nine years, particularly with significant others and couples groups. Julie is a regular colunnist for the DVG newsletter and has also contributed to the ETVC newsletter, Tapestry and the Femme Mirror. Julie was ETVC Member of the Year for 1995. Her e-mail address is julie39@ibm.net. She may also be reached through the DVG hotline at 510-937-8432 or by snail mail to DVG, PO Box 272885, Concord, CA 94527-2885 .

Not A Clue

While I was gone from my classroom attending a meeting concerning one of my students who is hearing impaired, fight broke out between two of my students. Both are adults; one is the mother of a teen-aged girl who was also involved in the fight. Did I have any idea this was going to happen? Not a clue. Apparently there was jealousy and hostility between these two and neither wanted the staff to be involved.

In many ways this situation reminds me of parents who have no idea of what may be going on among their children. We all probably remember situations in our own childhood that we kept from our parents for a variety of reasons, believing either they would not understand or we did not want to hurt them. When the parents are questioned later about these situations, their response? Not a clue.

How many times are significant others asked if they were aware of their husbands' crossdressing or that their husbands may be taking hormones, etc. Their response? Not a clue.

Recently I wrote an article about a wife who had felt abandoned by her husband, a transsexual. Had she been aware of his needs, his distress? Probably for quite a while, she had not a clue. I am happy to report, however, that their relationship has improved with counseling, that both are trying to understand this particularly difficult situation.

So how do we become more aware? As teachers and supervisors, we must be alert to tensions among our students and employees. We must try to defuse strained situations before they get out of hand. As parents, we must be sensitive to our children; we must keep the lines of communication open and listen to them with open hearts even if we do not like hearing what they are saying.

As members of the gender community, we must listen to each other. Significant others are particularly vulnerable and their issues must be considered and addressed. Crossdressers, whether they are considering sexual reassignment surgery or just want to come out of the clothes closet, also have issues that must be considered. We need to provide ways for decisions regarding these issues to be made in a thoughtful manner.

None of us want to be faced with a situation where we have to respond - not a clue!

(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.)

TGF's Home Page