
By Angela Gardner
Boy, I tell ya, I'm spent. Perhaps you noticed The
Diva wasn't tucked into her normal URL last month? Was she off on a
world wide shopping spree? Touring the hot clubs of South Beach, or
spending some quality time at a special little spa that only she
knows? Sure, but that wasn't what was so taxing. Blame the taxing on
the TAX MAN!
April 15th is always a trying time for The Diva.
This April the whole experience had me so upset, I only this week
started to get over it. And oh, they are vicious. You've gotta have
every little deduction accounted for. It's such a bother. I couldn't
pay anywhere near the proper amount of attention to my shopping
spree. Fortunately my lovely and intelligent Editrix could see the
awful cracks in my glamourous exterior, caused by the strain
of the 1040 Form, and she went ahead and gave
me the month off.
So kittens, I'm back this month, refreshed,
revitalized... and ready to write. Now the only thing I need to
decide, is what to wear for this audit thingee? Basic black? Sequins?
I can deduct the sequins, right?
Now More Fantasy
We're living in a transgender wonderland. Yes girls, all of the
fantasies of our formative years are now reality. When you can tune
in to a youth oriented show on a major television network and see,
not just a drag queen, but a famous drag queen, do a makeover on the
star's hair you know we've taken over the world.
OK, maybe not, but it was still way cool to see RuPaul on
Sabrina The Teenage
Witch on May eleventh. (OK, now you know what I do on Friday
nights.) Miss Charles appeared as an emergency hairdresser called in
to fix Sabrina's coiffure after she made herself magically semi-bald
trying to get her aunts back together. Too much plot detail? Perhaps.
The real twist of the show was Ru's initial appearance in a drab
role. I had a feeling I'd seen that tall, bald, black man somewhere
before, but I really had no clue. Her Ru-ness portrayed a judge in
the Witch's Court. The height should have given her away, but they
put thick, black rimmed glasses on her. You know how effective
that was for Clark Kent. Is it any wonder I was taken in? She
talked really butch, too. Who knew?
Keep your eyeballs peeled for more of Ru as a fella coming
Wednesday, June 24th in "Unexpected Life" starring Stockard
Channing and featuring Mister RuPaul Charles on USA Networks. A
billboard in NYC for the chi chi Saks Department store has RuPaul
beside herself. Yeah, that's her on the right, too. Those brows are a
bit thin, aren't they? Maybe that's why the witch judge had to wear
those thick framed glasses.
 
Sabrina (portrayed by Melissa Joan Hart) has toyed with TG
themes before. In one episode Sabrina transforms herself into a boy
so she can hang with the guys and find out what her special fella
thinks about her. She's not a bad looking young woman, or boy, as you
can see. Just goes to show what you can do without a little makeup
and hair.
It's Not All Positive Kids
Ru's appearance on Sabrina was a good example of how a
talented performer who is known for drag can be featured in a comedic
role without demeaning themselves, or the art of female
impersonation. Unfortunately not all producers and directors are as
nice to us.
Most of the time drag is used for shock value, and humor derived
from the juxtaposition of a character normally known for
masculine values with feminine attire, or behavior. The Bud
Light beauties are perfect examples. Or Robert Goulet in
drag for Mercedes. Or perhaps he really is dreaming the
impossible dream?
Even Sabrina has let me down from time to time. Another
recent show had a plot line that involved having Sabrina's Quizmaster
(Alimi Ballard) magically forced to wear a skirt he finds
"embarrassing." The same show had her boy friend exhibiting all the
symptoms of pregnancy... including the craving for pickles.
As transgendered people we have to make a decision when we see
drag or TG plot elements used in a way we find offensive. We can
either let it go, or we can write the producer a letter. If the bad
portrayal is major, such as the tragic TV prostitute on Ally
McBeal, then the letter to the producer is a great idea. It let's
them know they're presenting a stereotype that doesn't represent us
all. If it's something more minor then I recommend we think twice
about heating up the word processor. The small stuff, like the
Quizmaster getting embarrassed by having to appear in a skirt, is a
function of the way our society looks at the whole subject of
crossdressing, and that's a really tough problem that will take a lot
more than a letter or two (or a scathing Internet column by a
crossdressing writer) to solve.
In the mind of most folks crossdressing is looked at as an
outgrowth of homosexuality, and homosexuality is, of course, the work
of the devil. How's the guy in a dress supposed to get any respect
from people who believe crap like that?
Of course, those folks are the ones that most of the world would
classify as extremists. You can find extremists in every segment of
society. (Even in the TG community, kittens.) Just last week Jewish
extremists blasted the lovely and talented Dana International
(featured before in this column ) since she recently won the
Eurovision Song Contest. Devout rabbis have used words like
"decadent" and "degenerate" to describe Ms. International. If the
words "compassion," and "understanding" are part of those rabbi's
vocabularies, they aren't using those words on the subject of
transsexuality.
So upset are the Israelis that Ms. International had the chutzpah
and talent to win the contest, officials in Tel Aviv have sworn that
no way will the next Eurovision Song Contest be held in their fair
city. They made some comments about decadent gentiles, too, but that
would just be religious intolerance and not genderism... no need to
go into that here.
Congratulations Dana! From what I hear she was the hottest woman
in the contest in a Gaultier design featuring feathers. Let's
hope the religious leaders of her country wake up, smell the gender
revolution, and decide to support beauty and talent.. whatever its
origin.
If You Want The Correct Info... Ask A Woman
Aside from telling Donald Trump he could "kiss my ass" on
national television, the most interesting part of Late Night With
David Letterman on April 20th was the spot in the monologue where
Dave talked about O.J. Simpson flying to London to appear on
the Ruby Wax Show. On that show O.J. demonstrated his
slashing and stabbing prowess with a banana, and the world was
shocked. Dave was telling the audience about this stunt and said
something about the host, Ruby Wax, when Paul said, "Oh, the
transvestite." (Ruby's not a TV... as far as I know. But then
who can tell these days.) That lead to a debate between Dave and Paul
that ended with the horn section (on Paul's side, of course) swearing
that she was a TV. This lead to speculation about how the horn
section would know. Believe me kids, if any members of a band would
know it would be the horns.
It took first guest Gwenyth Paltrow to set Dave straight.
She firmly assured him that Ruby Wax was not a TV. She went on to let
him know that the host Dave was thinking of is Dame Edna. Here
we have another example of a discussion on national television that I
don't think we'd have ever seen just a few years ago, and even if
Dave didn't know what he was talking about, we heard the word
"transvestite" several times during the discussion. That can't be bad
because it makes the viewing public more and more used to hearing
that word. If we keep working at it maybe someday soon we'll hear
people using the term "transgender" when referring to the gender
variant in our world. Hey, there's another term it wouldn't hurt to
hear from the media more often.
Things We Could Do Without Hearing
Fortunately the news media haven't made too much of the report
that Ted Kaczynski once sought counseling about his TG desires.
They say there's no such thing as bad press, but press like that the
TG community can do without. Yes kids, the Unabomber, that wacky,
bomb making, anti-technology (if he's that anti-technology how come
he didn't just kill his victims with large rocks?) American murderer,
may have started down his twisted road because he may be a frustrated
TS. It seems Teddy once sought counseling at his college but left the
office because he was embarrassed to talk about it. Seems he had a
lot in common with Sabrina's Quizmaster.
Ford trucks have got the guy who played the DJ on Northern
Exposure doing television spots for them. One of the spots
features him telling us a folksy story about a couple of guys named
Ray and Charlie who love to make bets. In this scenario Ray bets that
he can pull a full size ship with his Ford pickup. Charlie bets he
can't. At the end of the spot Charlie is seen walking into their
favorite diner in a hideous floral print dress and a bad wig. Well,
at least he acted like he wasn't embarrassed. In that outfit he had
every right to be. What's next? The beer lizards in body stockings?
Did ya catch transsexual actress (former TS showgirl, but now
she's acting too) Jahna Steel on Entertainment Tonight?
Girlfriend was fabulous! Very lovely, and talented. Condemned by
rabbis everywhere. Just kidding. The rabbis don't care... she's a
shicksa. Not a nice Jewish girl like Dana. Anyhow, seeing her is both
a good thing and a bad thing. Good because she told about how she had
to change her life to be true to her inner need, and she's very
beautiful, and natural. It's bad because not everyone who has SRS is
going to come out as good. She had her SRS at 19. That's really not a
lot of time to develop manly characteristics that need to be
corrected and camouflaged. Don't send me hate mail. I know that the
inner voice needs to speak out, and those who look like linebackers
have the same need as the petite, small boned beauty. I just caution
against using Ms. Steel as the fantasy role model for how you might
look after SRS.
That's it for this month my lovelies. It's time for my evening
beauty regimen. I'm sure there's something I've forgotten to tell you
all about, but with all the creams and potions I have to rub on my
skin to maintain the (fading) blush of youth, I won't be asleep till
about 3:30 a.m. Ta ta sweet readers. See ya next month, after that
audit thingee.
The Diva can't do it all on her own. She only has so many eyes and
ears. If you see or hear something dishy, don't delay, relay it to
The Diva today.
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