Last month's article dealt with the dimensions of sexual orientation and gender identity. While theoretically, I stand by my belief that these aspects of human beings are independent of one another, this article will examine examples in which the process of transition does impinge upon and affect the expression of sexual orientation. Perhaps this illustrates the old saw that "it's the exception that proves the rule."
Ronald is a biological male who sought supportive counseling as he began his transition toward a female identity. He had been married several times and was currently divorced. I raised with him the subject of whom he would engage in a relationship with after his/her transition was complete. As Rose, she seemed surprised at the question and said she would of course, be attracted to women and therefore, live as a lesbian. I suggested that this expectation might present difficulties with some lesbians but she was very unwilling to entertain such a possibility. Her transition proceeded uneventfully through SRS and she continued to meet with me for a brief period of post-op. counseling. One year later Rose returned to see me telling me of the disdain she encountered in the lesbian community she attempted to enter. She felt rejected by women who had a political agenda that welcomed "born womyn" only. She began to question whether she was in fact, a lesbian as she had no such belief at all. She had tried to engage with men, both gay and straight, but was unable to muster any interest in them. She remained in treatment for several months and was willing to explore the variety of communities that identify as lesbian, ultimately finding a partner who appreciated her feminine identity without rejecting her male past.
Mark, a female-to-male, was a 50 year old who had lived as a heterosexual woman until she began hormones a year ago. She was planning a double mastectomy in the near future and had ceased any romantic relationships until after surgery. She had always been drawn to masculine, straight men who reciprocated her interest. As Mark masculinized, although still interested in men, he was fantasizing more about gay men. He was now wondering if his past interest was more identification than attraction. We both agreed this might have been so. Additionally I suggested that his unconscious had become "aware" that as a man attracted to men he would be living a gay lifestyle and would be much more successful with homosexual than straight men. This interpretation had great appeal to Mark and freed him to begin exploring relationships with gay men.
Jacob was a male-to female who had lived as a straight man, attracted to very conventional women. He came to me for help in "learning to love men" in preparation for his transition to a feminine lifestyle. I questioned why he felt he needed to do this and he explained very patiently that he was heterosexual. Therefore, to remain straight he would need to give up his interest in women and "learn" to be attracted to men. After several months of therapy dealing with Jacob's deep seated homophobia, he was able to accept that he was in fact a woman attracted to women. I did encourage him to explore any interest he had in men as well, as many people have bi-sexual interests that go unexpressed and even unperceived until encouraged.
Dr. Anderson is located at 1537 Franklin St, Suite 104, San Francisco, CA 94109, 415-776-0139.