
By Angela Gardner
Girls! I gotta tell ya, it's only January and I got my treat for
the year. Norm MacDonald, the unfunny anchor of Weekend
Update, AKA "The Fake News," on that NBC chestnut Saturday
Night Live has been relieved of that position. Say hallelujah!
They say that the "suits" (slang for network executives) don't have a
clue when it comes to talent, but it seems that one of them, NBC
honcho Don Ohlmeyer, knows bad comedy when he see's it. On a Late
Show appearance recently Mr. MacDonald told a supportive Dave
Letterman (and I thought Dave, at least, knew comedy) that Ohlmeyer
fired him from the anchor spot cause he thought Norm "wasn't funny."
It's a miracle! A network exec with a brain. Right on Ohlmeyer. Not
funny? MacDonald exceeded the requirements for being not funny. He
was actually offensive... at least to the transgender community.
Over the past year or so old MacDonald made several bad jokes
about transgendered people, the most offensive of which was a comment
that everyone involved in the story about an FtM man who was
murdered, including the murdered man, should be shot. That's right
Norm, if it's too hard for your pea brain to figure out... just shoot
'em. This type of sensitivity on Norm's part won NBC plenty of
attention from community activists. You'd think after putting up with
an attack from wild eyed TG activists that Normie would play nice.
You would be thinking wrong.
This idiot went on to make a couple more (at least) disparaging
remarks about various members of the transgender spectrum. And, like
Ohlmeyer said, all of this was unfunny. I mean, you could watch the
Weekend Update segment all the way through and not get a
chuckle. I've gotten more entertainment from watching squirrels. The
squirrel is a noble rodent with at least 50 more intelligence points
than the erstwhile anchor. Norm, on the other hand, seems to be a
complete moron. On the Late Show appearance Dave told Norm
that he was no quisling. They made a big deal of how Norm didn't know
what that was. (Hey, look it up. I'm a busy Diva with paragraphs to
write.) The point is, I don't think Mr. MacDonald did have a
clue about the meaning of quisling.
Unfortunately, he's still on Saturday Night Live. At least
when he appears in skits he doesn't have any chance to throw in any
stupid adlibs. He's gotta stick to the script and do stuff like his
Bob Dole impression, which isn't that bad, but we probably won't see
much of it this season. If you'd like to see less of Norm, or you
just want to congratulate NBC on doing the right thing, hop over to
the NBC website and drop
them a note. And don't worry about Norm. Even if they kick him
completely off the show he'll still be able to make a living. The
world's full of morons just like him who seem to find his unfunny
humor entertaining. But then again, there's always somebody who
enjoys anything.
All Greek To Me
Loyal reader Peter, who proves that The Diva is truly global by
following this column from such places as England and now Australia,
sent me an item by snail mail concerning a Greek TS and a deputy
district attorney. Now that sounds like a sitcom idea to me. Giorgos
Sakellaropoulos is the DA in question and it was his political
misfortune to fall in love with Jenny Hiloudaki, a former prostitute,
and transsexual. When they found out about Jenny the Greek High Court
disbarred Mr. S. (Who's got time to keep typing the whole thing.
Giorgo, shorten that name, babe.) Now I ask you, what's wrong with
having a TS mistress? How's that gonna affect your work?
The real irony here is the fact that Ms. Hiloudaki is his
mistress. It seems Greeks don't get upset about extramarital affairs.
They don't even mind extra marital affairs with other men. (It's
where they came up with the term "Greek Love.") No, what's got the
High Court's wigs in a twist is the nature of the lover. Jenny had
SRS in 1990 and has been a fixture in the Greek media speaking about
transsexuality and prostitution. That was just a bit too much for the
Court. They thought it showed he had a deficient "social character."
I wonder what the judges do in chambers, if ya know what I mean.
I'd love to know how these Giorgos and Jenny first met When they
did, hubba hubba. I have searched the Net for a pic of the lovely
Jenny (there is a B&W shot in the clipping Peter sent) but I
haven't come up with anything. Give your search engine a try cause
she's worth looking at, and you'll know what Mr. S. saw in her.
The Greek public is a bit more forgiving that the Court. In a
phone poll conducted by a televison station in Athens 82% of the
20,000 respondents said it was wrong to fire Sakellaropoulos. Maybe
the fellas on the bench are jealous? In any event, Jenny, stop
fooling around with married men. I bet he told her he'd divorce his
wife. And Mr. S., what are ya gonna do now? Out of work with a
pregnant wife (yeah, it get's worse) and a mistress to support. Not a
good place to be. Mr. S. says he's thinking about taking the case to
the European Court of Human Rights. Well, in the meantime there's
probably a lot of work available defending the rights of the TS
prostitutes in Athens. That should pay the bills for a while. Good
luck young lovers. And Mrs. S., one word d-i-v-o-r-c-e.
Foxy Lady
(To the tune of A Place For Us) There's a show for us, a
lovely show for us... OK, enough of that. It's embarrassing when a
Diva goes wrong. Ask
Harriet is a new sitcom on the Fox Network that features a
man who regularly wears women's clothing to make a living. And guess
what, he's not a Greek prostitute.
The plot
is as follows: Macho sportswriter loses job. He can't get work cause
all the editors in town hate him. His best friend from the paper
suggests that he write the advice column since the last woman who did
it passed away. He likes the idea and submits a sample column
thinking that if he gets the job he'll write at home and fax it in.
The woman editor loves the column, wants to see the writer in person.
Our hero is a former love of the editor's and he's talked into giving
it a shot in order to get the big salary (which he needs) and to
"show her." One thing leads to another, as comedy often does, and he
starts spending a lot of time in heels.
Anthony Tyler Quinn plays the sports writer, Jack Cody. He
used to star in "Boy Meets World." Now it's man meets dress. And I
gotta tell ya, he doesn't look that bad. Jack's femme character is
called Sylvia Coco. Who's Harriet? That's the name every writer who
has done the advice column has used. In order to become Harriet Jack
has to be Sylvia. Sylvia's taste in ladies' apparel runs to the
overtly sexy. (See photo.) She keeps her skirts short and her bust
large.
The jokes are pretty much what you might expect, and the writers
have done their best to make sure that as a man, Jack Cody is muy
macho. We get to see the macho, just short of creep, guy have to go
against his natural inclinations and act like a woman. It's even
funnier if Sylvia forgets herself and let's some of Jack slip out.
One good example of that was Sylvia speaking to a crowd of
professional women and reverting to Jack mode to flirt with a woman
in the audience. The punch line-- the woman flirts back.
Of course, in order to enjoy the crossdressing hijinks some
suspension of disbelief is necessary. Just like watching professional
wrestling, where it helps if you really believe it's possible for a
280 pound man to jump onto another man from the top of the ropes
without causing him severe medical problems, it helps if you forget
all the lessons about crossdressing that you have learned over the
years as you enjoy Ask Harriet. I believe it's possible for a
fella to call his best friend, ask him to bring an outfit to the
janitor's closet at their office building, rush to the office,
change, and get to the sports complex for a date with the publisher.
Sure. And how come nobody has the slightest clue that Sylvia is Jack?
Actually that's not true. There's a homeless guy who panhandles
outside the office building who let's Sylvia know that he know's
what's up.
And then, Sylvia seems to know a lot more about female
impersonation, including how to produce a fairly femme voice, than a
macho sportswriter should. Who's doing this girl's makeup and hair?
Could Jack Cody have a little secret? Guess we'll have to see more
episodes before we get the answer to that.
Jack's co-conspirator in all this is his buddy the restaurant
critic. (I'll bet he doesn't look bad in a dress. If I know writers
like I think I do I bet he shows up in drag before the season's out.)
He convinces Jack to try the drag job bit and he seems to do most of
the shopping. When Jack needs to become Sylvia he calls his pal, who
shows up with a new outfit. One of the jokes is he can't get cash
back for returns so Jack has an increasing credit at the dress shop.
So kids, aside from these little totally unbelievable details,
Ask Harriet is a fun show that might actually do some
exploration of the territory between the genders. Let's keep our
fingers crossed. Catch it on Fox Thursday nights at 8:30 Eastern. And
Sylvia, darling, two things honey. One, never let 'em shoot you in
profile. The jaw hon, it's not a feminine sight. Two, watch the calf
muscles, doll. Try to keep 'em relaxed. They're not bad legs but ya
don't want to have em' looking like lady bike racer's.
That's it for this month my little protoplasmic bio forms. Stay
warm and don't take any plastic shoes. Big kiss!
The Diva can't do it all on her own. She only has so many eyes and
ears. If you see or hear something dishy, don't delay, relay it to
The Diva today.
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